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Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/17/2005 4:55:43 PM

MzMona

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Joined: 7/10/2005
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Can anyone please give me some advise on how to be a better Miztress? I have been in and out of this lifestyle for about 3 yrs now.I know now that I am ready to move on beyond that. I do have some experience and I have had many offers from subs that have been in the lifestyle for many years to help me along. My problems is, with the 'little' experience that I have, how do I improve on my skills? I feel like a virgin compared to some of the offers that I have had from some subs/slaves. Many very kind and understanding. I do not consider myself a submissive because in my vanilla life and private life, I am very dominate and aggressive. I also consider myself a sensual and erotic Mistress, if there is such a thing? I chat with many subs both online and off but cannot find anyone who is as serious as I am? I STRESS to them when talking that I am true to the woman/Mistress that I am and that I WILL NOT tolerate any lack of dishonesty when we are speaking. They are more interested in what I will do to them than trying to find out about the real person that I am? That turns me off and I will not speak to them if that is all they want to know? In all do honesty? I think about this lifestyle all the time and at some point in my life would like to find a sub who feels the same for a possible 24/7 LTR. But where? I'm in Central FL. I am open to any suggestions that anyone may have? PLEASE HELP ME.

Thank you.
MzMona

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/17/2005 9:16:21 PM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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I've had the same issues online with both Dom's & subs. Too many wanna b's floating around that are more interested in what can you do for my kink fix & how soon. I would rather strongly suggest removing yourself from searching online & get more active in your local club. Sure that others that will answer on this thread can provide links for your area.

Needless to say this is a hands on lifestyle. The only way to LEARN how to properly swing a flogger is to physically DO IT. This post is bringing to mind a joke someone posted about a sub that kept safe wording out of caning when they claimed extensive experience...when asked why Dom was told that previous experience was cyber caning LOL If your real goal is a 24/7 sub you literally need to get in a group where you can learn hands on. You're more likely to find a real live kneeling breathing sub there than you are online.

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/17/2005 10:05:18 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
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staying offline is ONE way yes..........

and of course there ARE yahoo groups FOR new Dommes AND new Doms

and the everlasting
castlerealm.com

wolfie

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/18/2005 5:41:23 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMona

They are more interested in what I will do to them than trying to find out about the real person that I am? That turns me off and I will not speak to them if that is all they want to know? In all do honesty? I think about this lifestyle all the time and at some point in my life would like to find a sub who feels the same for a possible 24/7 LTR. But where?

MzMona, I'm sorry that you too are experiencing what many of us, that are seeking a relationship, have felt.

You'll find the majority of online chat contacts to be with those that usually "only" want to "talk" about it. In fact, I have found many of them to be either married, or too scared to move onto real life contact. It does help to make your profiles completely clear about your interests though, as being specific about wanting a "relationship." This, in my profile, has cut down the traffic considerably for me.

I do agree with the other posters that suggest getting out and meeting folks in real life situations. While you'll still meet those Do-me types, there are some that still seek to have a relationship and desire to know the person, and not just the player.

You will still find the married man, in real life contact, but they tend to be more honest about it, as I've seen.

Relationships, whether friendship or more, do seem to be more up front, in real life. There's no computer screen to hide behind, and you'll also have the advantage of asking others for references, or get some insight into the person before pursuing personal contact, away from the group.

As for how to be a better Mztress...unfortunately, there's no standard answer. When I started to venture out, on the road of discovery, I read books and utilized online resources. I subscribed to message boards, like this one, and watched, and later asked my own questions. I chatted online quite a bit, and moved onto real life contact with "friends." Within six months of getting a computer, I was meeting people, and it took about a year for me to feel comfortable enough to enjoy being a Top. I only wish that I took the opportunity to actually team up, or mentor with a few people, as I feel it wouldn't have taken me as long to feel comfortable with my abilities when first starting out.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 9/18/2005 5:49:43 AM >

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/18/2005 7:17:59 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

Can anyone please give me some advise on how to be a better Miztress?

Follow your instincts.
Communicate with your partners.
Always play safe and never in anger.

I think that covers the basis. You can read a ton of technique books on how do to this and that but there is no perfect guide on how to be Domme. All Dommes are women, we are all motivated by different things and have different needs. I would suggest that reading about self-actualisation and truly understanding yourself and your needs would be much more beneficial in the long run then Domination 101 type books. It would also enable you to be more well-rounded.

As for meeting people, I'm going to disagree that you "should" go out and meet people. I think if this is something that appeals to you, then go for it. It doesn't appeal to me to go to munches. In fact, I refuse to go. I have gone to play parties but mostly private ones. I can count on one hand how many public ones I've gone to. That said, I have absolutely no problem finding playpartners. I've met a few here on collarme as well as on alt & bondage. My experience is that yes there are the "do-me" boys but they are easily spotted. There are also quite a few quality boys on here. I've also enjoyed teaching some eager boys that were unaware of WIITWD about the virtues of being my toy.

So figure out what it is that you want and don't settle for anything less. Your dream boy might not show up tomorrow, but believe me, he will.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/18/2005 7:21:06 AM

MzMona

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Joined: 7/10/2005
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Thank you everyone for the kind and up front advice. You are all right. I NEED to meet potential subs in person and refrain from trying to meet online unless they are a good canadiate? I'm thinking that's one of my problems. Rest assured? I am confident about who I am and what I want. I just need to make sure that future subs are aware of what I expect from them? I should change my profile to reflect my TRUE desires. Also, attending my area munchies more often would help in meeitng people in person.

MZMona

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RE: Tips on being a better Mistress. - 9/18/2005 10:42:25 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMona

Thank you everyone for the kind and up front advice. You are all right. I NEED to meet potential subs in person and refrain from trying to meet online unless they are a good canadiate? I'm thinking that's one of my problems. Rest assured? I am confident about who I am and what I want. I just need to make sure that future subs are aware of what I expect from them? I should change my profile to reflect my TRUE desires. Also, attending my area munchies more often would help in meeitng people in person.

MZMona

Are you enjoying yourself?
Does it turn you on?
Are you doing it to please something inside of you, or are you doing it only to please the man?
What does your most primal femdom lust for?
What do you hope to get out of dominance?
How does dominating affect your moods, especially afterwards or the next day?

These are some of the things you need to figure out. Do some soul searching. "Acts" don't make a femdom exceptional; any yahoo can learn how to give a caning or practice safe cock and ball torture. What makes some femdoms stand apart from others is their sincere lust for what they do -- they enjoy it, clearly, and that means they not only initiate, take control, and perform with an aura of confidence and pleasure, they absolutely thirst for it.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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