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Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/17/2005 8:29:32 PM

reticent

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline

Hello. I read the following anecdote - probably in a book, but possibly on a website. I'm hoping to find it again because I think my top would get a kick out of it. If you know where I read this story, please tell me...

So the story goes: a male top gets together with a female bottom that he met online. She had said that she loves to be caned. But every time he caned her in a moderate way, she safeworded out, so he asked what was up with that. It turned out that she had only ever been "cyber-caned" before that....

Thanks for your help.

Post #: 1

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/17/2005 8:33:50 PM

MissChicane

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

lol omg

(in reply to reticent)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/17/2005 8:44:00 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

That is ABSOLTUELY HYSTERICAL & as far as the source...it can be found in the chat room on any given day IRL

(in reply to reticent)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/17/2005 9:41:05 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticent

Hello. I read the following anecdote - probably in a book, but possibly on a website. I'm hoping to find it again because I think my top would get a kick out of it. If you know where I read this story, please tell me...

So the story goes: a male top gets together with a female bottom that he met online. She had said that she loves to be caned. But every time he caned her in a moderate way, she safeworded out, so he asked what was up with that. It turned out that she had only ever been "cyber-caned" before that....

Thanks for your help.

That's from the well-known author Jay Wiseman. It's a cautionary tale of one more question that has to be added to the standard set of questions asked before sceneing.

The actual text as Jay told it to Libby and me was "at the first stroke she leaped up and screamed 'it never hurt online'"

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to reticent)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 2:52:56 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticent

Hello. I read the following anecdote - probably in a book, but possibly on a website. I'm hoping to find it again because I think my top would get a kick out of it. If you know where I read this story, please tell me...

So the story goes: a male top gets together with a female bottom that he met online. She had said that she loves to be caned. But every time he caned her in a moderate way, she safeworded out, so he asked what was up with that. It turned out that she had only ever been "cyber-caned" before that....

Thanks for your help.

That's from the well-known author Jay Wiseman. It's a cautionary tale of one more question that has to be added to the standard set of questions asked before sceneing.

The actual text as Jay told it to Libby and me was "at the first stroke she leaped up and screamed 'it never hurt online'"

I remember reading that text the first time several years ago. I thought it was 'funny' at the time, but I hadn't searched online for a sub at that time and didn't truly appreciate it.

Now, I can really relate.

<RUNS from emails that containanything remotely resembling the following:

"...I've been wanting to explore some submissive tendencies I think I've always had and I've spent a little time online w/a cyberDomme, and was hoping you'd consider...."

*chortle!*

Texas Maam

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 6:17:41 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticent

So the story goes: a male top gets together with a female bottom that he met online. She had said that she loves to be caned. But every time he caned her in a moderate way, she safeworded out, so he asked what was up with that. It turned out that she had only ever been "cyber-caned" before that....

Can't help ya find the story, but can tell you that I lived it! When first starting out, my only interest was spanking fun. I met quite a few men that implied experience, and a few that stated they were new. After the first VERY light smack, they cried out that it hurt. Fantasy and reality ARE quite different, as they found out.

Let's just say I don't meet totally new folks anymore, for play.

I used to run a BDSM orientated Singles group in Detroit, and a man joined saying he had over twenty years of experience as a Dom. He began to speak with other women in the group, and it came back to me that this man was totally inexperience, and possibly a danger to others. As the group facilitator, I knew I had to act on this, and immediately approached the man with my concerns. He was open to the conversation (after his initial anger), and it turned out that his twenty years of experience, was that he had only "thought" about it for that long. Seriously. Fortunately, he was open to learning and agreed to join a few information/instructional groups in the area, as well as to get involved with a mentor. He worked to do this, but unfortunately passed away before realizing much of what he only enjoyed in his mind.

K

K

(in reply to reticent)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 8:56:53 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

I was told this story by someone very well known. She decided to work in a chat room for subs that had been abused and one of the first people that came in said; "My Master is abusing me me and I don't know how to handle it, he beats me and I safeword and he refuses to stop, he just continues." My friend was very concerned about this and went on to talk to her about how she shouldn't allow herself to be abused this way how Masters have a responsibility to thier subs. Then she asked asked if she had reported him to the police. The sub said no, she didn't know what to do. So my friend asked what do you do when he does this to you. She said "I normally have to walk away from the computer." My friend needless to say never went back to that chat room.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 10:03:28 AM

krazysubbiekat

Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmmmm...okay I don't think it is a secret that I am more than a little than a little star struck over Mr. Warren, but am I the only one who noticed that the two of the more recognized and public names in this lifestyle actually KNOW each other? I mean I for one would have given my right arm to be a fly on the wall when John and Libby and Jay Wiseman were sitting around chatting about this thing we do.

Just my .02
kat

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 10:09:36 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Can't help ya find the story, but can tell you that I lived it! When first starting out, my only interest was spanking fun. I met quite a few men that implied experience, and a few that stated they were new. After the first VERY light smack, they cried out that it hurt. Fantasy and reality ARE quite different, as they found out.

I once went to a great deal of effort to set up a situation that allowed My sub to be put on display, one of his fondest fantasies. We had discussed the consequences of real time humiliation as opposed to fantasy humiliation in depth, and I took every possible precaution to make certiain he truly wanted to experience this activity. While hogtied on the floor of a resort town B&B, in front of a very private, hand selected audience, the boy absolutely wimped out. He enjoyed the fantasy, the reality was too much.

Needless to say, I drastically cut the entire session short to protect him. Causing him permanent anguish was never My intent and while I'm happy to explore and even push limits, breaking them is never a good thing.

On the way back home, mind you, only two days later, he whined about not having had a more severe session or more activity in front of the audience.

Oy! Vey! boyz!

Texas Maam

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 12:38:03 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat

Hmmmmmm...okay I don't think it is a secret that I am more than a little than a little star struck over Mr. Warren, but am I the only one who noticed that the two of the more recognized and public names in this lifestyle actually KNOW each other? I mean I for one would have given my right arm to be a fly on the wall when John and Libby and Jay Wiseman were sitting around chatting about this thing we do.

Just my .02
kat

At the time Jay related this incident, he and I were in a car with Libby, Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton.

[ego moment] Think of the TERRIBLE consequences of an accident at that moment!

Actually, the world of BDSM publishing is quite small. Even before Molly Devon and Phillip Miller published Screw the Roses, we were friends and (sorta in a state sense) neighbors. Tristan Taomino (Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women) was the executive assistant of my first publisher and she and I often chatted before I got to yell at him.

Laura Antoniou and I got "detail searched" together at an airport a few months ago as Libby and Laura's wife, Karen, giggled together having gone through without a blink.

Jack Rinella (Becoming a Slave) will be staying with Libby and me later this winter while doing booksignings for local clubs here in Florida.

Deborah Addington (Hand in the Bush) and I have been wildly flirting for years but we still haven't figured out who does what to whom with what evil tool. Call it a LONG negotiation.

What's most amazing is I've never seen one gram of jealousy among the BDSM authors over each other's success. It's really a wonderful group of people and a far cry from other author groups that have more of a resemblance to a National Geographic special on sharks.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 2:45:15 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

cyber caning doesn't equal real time caning? Who knew? LOL

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 3:53:11 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

What's most amazing is I've never seen one gram of jealousy among the BDSM authors over each other's success. It's really a wonderful group of people and a far cry from other author groups that have more of a resemblance to a National Geographic special on sharks.

<fanboy mode /on>

I have to admit to my own bit of star-struckishness at having had the opportunity over the last few years to meet many of the notables that Mr Warren has mentioned, and some he has not. Janet Hardy and Jay Wiseman both made generous donations to a fund-raising raffle I organized to help Master Doug Harris and his family deal with medical expenses incured while his slave and partner, boy bob, fought the last stages of his terminal illness. (We raised over $1500!) And viola Johnson is spearheading "Welcome Home" - a project aimed at creating a retirement/assisted living community for leatherfolk, where our partners, slaves, submissives, Doms, Owners will be welcome in our later years. It's a project I've donated to and gladly promote when given the opportunity.

One thing I have noted in all of the notable leatherfolk I have met is a genuine passion for sharing the best of this lifestyle with others, including each other. These authors and teachers support one another at presentations, events, and with their pet projects be it NCSF, Welcome Home, the Leather Archives & Museum, AIDS research, Sue Kuhn's Camp for kids with AIDS, whatever.... I've never seen any back-biting or jealousy over someone else's success (though I know they don't always agree with one another! *grin*) Everything I know and emulate about this leather community I've learned from them, by example.

It's like this saying I so strongly believe:

Blood may be thicker than water, but Leather is thicker than blood.

And like viola Johnson said: "Each one, teach one."

Gawd, I sound like a kid with a crush.... funny thing is, other than being a lot older than a kid, it's true. I have heroes in this lifestyle, and I've been blessed with the opportunity to learn from many of them, and to have met a few (including Mr Warren {who would not remember me from Adam's tomcat from his "Mindfuck" presentation to CAPEX in Charlotte, NC a while back}...).

I've learned so much about myself through the words and ideas and feelings they've shared, and I have no way to repay that debt except to try to pass on that love of this community to those who come behind me.

<fanboy mode /off>

Dadgum it... I made myself blush. Better hush before I gush some more.

Folks, get out to your local education groups, get out to leather events. Avail yourself of the opportunities to learn about the real deal from real people. You can cyber-cane here all you want to but you'll never learn to throw a single tail like Bob Deegan or Robert Dante' or Boomer or whoever unless you get out there to the classes and learn! Meet your heroes f-2-f, they're out there!

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 4:05:59 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Oh dear, what a story, but yes, i must say some of the online BDSM pepole are crasy, i tell you absolutly insane they are. i mwan i like to do a bit of cybersex now and then, it is fun, esepcialy since i get to be a sexy selnder vampire whit long black hair and emerald green eyes, or a little, pretty mage whit red curls or a strong, sexy female werewolf or whatever, but pepole, cuber sex, is cybersex, it is for fun, nothing else, but many dont seam to get that.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 4:07:32 PM

TVMistressHelen

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/26/2005
From: London, UK
Status: offline

Cyber. Where's the fun in that?

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 4:10:54 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

The same fun as in reading and erotic story, just that cyber sex is interactive.

(in reply to TVMistressHelen)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 5:20:07 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

been blessed with the opportunity to learn from many of them, and to have met a few (including Mr Warren {who would not remember me from Adam's tomcat from his "Mindfuck" presentation to CAPEX in Charlotte, NC a while back}...).

I always have a great time at CAPEX, but it is a bit overwhelming. They are a wonderful and enthusiastic group.

[grin] Ah "Mindfuck"... pussies with knives in them and white hot pieces of metal... my favorite demo

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 6:13:11 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

PFFFTTTTT!!!!!!!!!! (That was me spraying coffee all over my computer monitor). I'd never heard that before, but I can see it happening. LOL

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 9/19/2005 2:15:06 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to reticent)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 6:41:19 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella
The same fun as in reading and erotic story, just that cyber sex is interactive.

And it is also the place that a lot of people start out. Some people need to wrap their head around certain things before they can actually go out and try it. Cyber-sex can present such a venue.

Of course, what is sad in this above story is not that the person had cyber-sex, but that they didn't relate that their experience was only cyber-sex. Then again, given the way many respond to cyber-sex, do you blame them for not mentioning it?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 7:00:18 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Yes some seam to belive cybersex is the real thing, it is rather rad realy, especialy in BDSM cyber many do, perhaps somone is so frusterated sexualy they just grasp and hold only every straw as if it were a lifeline.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you recognize this anecdote? - 9/18/2005 7:04:36 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Actually nella, the point of my post was not that cyber-sex was sad, but that the fact that some people might conceal that this is their only experience for fear of being judged is what is sad.

Cyber-sex is what it is. An outlet for some, a starting ground for others.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 20

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