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Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:04:44 AM

Drummerpunk7

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/20/2008
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I'm quite new to the D/s lifestyle, and have done alot of reading up on 24/7 dynamics and how owning a slave works. My question is: Am I expecting too much?

I want someone who needs me completely, in every facet of life. I want someone who needs for me to provide everything for them, from clothing to food. I want someone who's only desire is to see me happy, and yet someone whom I can make happy by being all that she needs. I want to pick out what she wears, tell her when to do what, and how to speak. I want total control, while still being aware of her feelings, as I don't want an unhappy slave. I suppose a good slave would just be happy that I am pleased in all she does, and I shouldn't have to worry about her comfort.

I still have some vanilla conventions to loose myself of. Are all slaves so dedicated to their tasks that they will do ANYTHING required of them. I don't want a princess who obeys when she feels like it. I want someone who trusts me to make every decision for her and that I will decide what is in her best interest. I understand it takes a while to build up such trust.

I would appreciate any help in giving myself greater direction in what it is I truly desire, and how I go about acquiring my dream.

Post #: 1

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:09:00 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
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In a Word...."YES"

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 2

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:09:11 AM

puella

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Yes.

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Post #: 3

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:09:46 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

My question is: Am I expecting too much?

To start off with? Yes, you are expecting too much.

Why not start a bit smaller; like....finding someone who you are compatible with, comfortable with, and want to spend time with. Then...move on to the small things that you both want from the relationship.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 4

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:11:29 AM

Tannie

Posts: 134
Joined: 2/19/2007
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I wouldn't say you are expecting too much, as there certainly are some women who would find this setup rather attractive. It's just going to take some extra time to find one of them.

< Message edited by Tannie -- 2/23/2008 8:24:43 AM >

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:12:15 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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I do not believe that what you seek is impossible, I do believe it will take time--I would hope that you have well thought about the amount of work that is involved--I am not saying what you seek is wrong, what I am saying is make sure you are grounded and well prepared for micro management--as that can get tedious after a month---it will also take some serious screening to avoid the "user" and uncover one who's heart is set on the course of joint happiness--note I said joint--for each that enters into this does so for MUTUAL happiness, getting and giving--people forget that both sides are a two way street---It may mean too that you have to start at point A and grow to point B.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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Post #: 6

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:14:23 AM

Drummerpunk7

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

I figured as much. Sadly I can't seem to find anyone else in my area who is part of the bdsm lifestyle to talk with and learn from.

Unfortunately finding someone is quite difficult for me, as I'm not the most socially adept person. I'm really quite shy in public, and it takes alot for me to confront someone that I'm interested in.

I will have to tone down what I am looking for at the moment then. Thank you for the honesty. I don't want to get off on the wrong foot straight out of the gate.

EDIT My biggest desire is to be needed. At this point in my life I don't have that feeling in any way. That is my biggest thing with wanting a slave. I want to be needed in every way shape and form. A silly kink I suppose, but mine nonetheless.

< Message edited by Drummerpunk7 -- 2/23/2008 8:17:11 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:16:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drummerpunk7
I want someone who needs me completely, in every facet of life. I want someone who needs for me to provide everything for them, from clothing to food.

I don't think you mean this literally- I don't think you want someone you will need to put and pull off the toilet every single time they need to go potty.

I don't think you mean needs everything provided- I mean, are you the one who is going to be doing all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and PROVIGING for every single thing for them? Do you literally want them to be unable to provide in ANY way for themselves and thus absolutely needs you?

I think you really mean "You want someone who wants to be a slave to you and whatever they do have, and whatever they do is allowed through your authority alone"

quote:

I want someone who's only desire is to see me happy

So no one who has any family, religion, education, hobbies, or favorite foods?

Because those all might be things she also DESIRES to see happy/enjoy for herself.

Will you want her to be upset on a day when you just aren't happy? Do you want her to feel she's failed if you aren't happy?

Perhaps you mean "someone who's ultimate primary desire is to see me fulfilled."

quote:

, and yet someone whom I can make happy by being all that she needs.

Do you honestly want "happiness" to be the word choice here?

quote:

I want to pick out what she wears, tell her when to do what, and how to speak. I want total control, while still being aware of her feelings, as I don't want an unhappy slave. I suppose a good slave would just be happy that I am pleased in all she does, and I shouldn't have to worry about her comfort.

Comfort perhaps...but first you say you want to be the sole provider for EVERYTHING- and yet you don't want to have to worry about providing for her?

Agains ee above re: gaining NO happiness from ANYTHING else in her life

quote:

I still have some vanilla conventions to loose myself of.

Why?

quote:

Are all slaves so dedicated to their tasks that they will do ANYTHING required of them.

It tends to be more "are slaves in relationships that fulfill everyone such that nothing required of them will be against themselves or the bonds of their relationship?"

quote:

I don't want a princess who obeys when she feels like it. I want someone who trusts me to make every decision for her and that I will decide what is in her best interest. I understand it takes a while to build up such trust.

Understand what "every" decision means.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Drummerpunk7)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:19:00 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

I figured as much. Sadly I can't seem to find anyone else in my area who is part of the bdsm lifestyle to talk with and learn from.

Unfortunately finding someone is quite difficult for me, as I'm not the most socially adept person. I'm really quite shy in public, and it takes alot for me to confront someone that I'm interested in.

I will have to tone down what I am looking for at the moment then. Thank you for the honesty. I don't want to get off on the wrong foot straight out of the gate.

Good illustration of your confidence as well as your dominance there; compromising your expectations right out of the gate. You'll do well at least on being 'accepted', submitting to other people's stereotypes of what you can and can not do, who you can and can not meet.

Make sure after you do find someone you come back and get confirmation that your limits and safe-word are acceptable too.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 2/23/2008 8:21:32 AM >

(in reply to Drummerpunk7)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:19:46 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

No, you're not expecting too much.....

Of course, your ideal slave is a poodle, but once you housebreak it it should all be good, right?

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Post #: 10

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:20:54 AM

Drummerpunk7

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

point well taken LA. This is the sort of input I like. Thank you for helping me to clarify and define what I truly want, and making me rethink my words and desires. Hopefully this community will help me to polish my vision into something practical and healthy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 8:23:01 AM

Drummerpunk7

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

Mercnbeth, point well taken. I suppose my desires are my own and I should not change them based on anyone else's opinions of me.

(in reply to Drummerpunk7)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:25:43 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If your expectations are making you unhappy you need to look within and determine whether or not they are unreasonable, or if you believe them to be unreasonable. I have a hard time telling anyone that what they desire and want is unreasonable. I can say that when I have expectations of others that go unmet it leads to unhappiness. It is best, in my opinion, to expect nothing from others, but to be clear on what I want in this world. By taking this approach I am more satisfied and rarely disappointed.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Drummerpunk7)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:29:10 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

My question is: Am I expecting too much?

To start off with? Yes, you are expecting too much.

Why not start a bit smaller; like....finding someone who you are compatible with, comfortable with, and want to spend time with. Then...move on to the small things that you both want from the relationship.

brilliant!

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:39:58 AM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
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You want a slave that if there is a fire she has to call you and say Master may i leave? U want somebody that can't think for themselves or am i missing something here.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:50:40 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Are you sure you aren't looking for someone to rule because you feel powerless in your own world?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drummerpunk7

Unfortunately finding someone is quite difficult for me, as I'm not the most socially adept person. I'm really quite shy in public, and it takes alot for me to confront someone that I'm interested in.
.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 16

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:56:28 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drummerpunk7

point well taken LA. This is the sort of input I like. Thank you for helping me to clarify and define what I truly want, and making me rethink my words and desires. Hopefully this community will help me to polish my vision into something practical and healthy.

I'm sure you'll form a good idea from paying attention here, but don't let that be your only experience. Note that bdsm and vanilla aren't *that* different when it comes to relationships, and you do need a similar effort in both to make them successful.

Besides, you're 23, and you're just beginning your journey. Have patience, keep an open mind, and I'm sure you'll find happiness. The ability to take advice is a very good indicator.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

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Post #: 17

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 9:59:49 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

expecting and to much are connect.
why do you expect?
if an expectation...leads to disappointments....wasn't.. no matter what you expected..always to much?

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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Post #: 18

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 10:01:28 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Drummerpunk7

Mercnbeth, point well taken. I suppose my desires are my own and I should not change them based on anyone else's opinions of me.

i dont really think your desires are bad. i think perhaps you need to think them through to the logical conclusions, though.

the only people i can think of that are totally dependant on others are infants. and you dont want that, i presume.

i know in my relationship to Daddy, i definitely do want to make him happy, and make his life better. but part of what he wants is someone that he can have an intelligent conversation with, someone who shares many of his interests, someone who is not a puppet but her own person, someone who gives him pride in ownership. he says he's found that in me.

i may not be what every dominant wishes for, but that's ok. i'm what makes MY dominant very pleased. and that pleases me in return.

in my mind, a successful relationship of any sort starts out with people whose wants/needs/wishes compliment and balance one another's. the BDSM aspects of it are trial and error and see what works.

good luck in your search.

kitten, whose Daddy says she is his most precious treasure

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Post #: 19

RE: Am I expecting too much? - 2/23/2008 1:39:40 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Close your eyes, wrap your hand around your cock and DREAM...

Even a fucking DOG has moods and needs and you think you are going to find a human to live like this?

Not only that, be careful what you wish for as you might get it. I would go insane with someone for whom I had to do everything and who needed me to help them at every turn.

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 20

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