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Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:49:24 PM   
drewnyc


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/23/2008
Status: offline 		    Hello,     I am a Dominant male. In my limited  incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos:   Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom.  Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom.  Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist  nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty. D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality.  Please explain. Thank you.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:51:41 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

    Hello,     I am a Dominant male. In my limited  incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos:   Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom.  Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom.  Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist  nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty. D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality.  Please explain. Thank you.


Those are not prevailing ethos. They are personal, subjective opinions and if you don't desire to hold them as truths for yourself, you are not obligated to do so.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:57:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not know where you get the idea that this is the prevailing ethos for D/s couples. I have not experienced random punishment, disrespect, nor lack of affection as a submissive....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:57:43 PM   
Celect


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline 		If that is the prevailing ethos that you find in any given community,
and you do not share these values,
then my advice would be to seek company elsewhere. 
Or, perhaps, to seek the company of those who also
find themselves marginalised by the prevailing ethos.

Perhaps if you outline your own philosophy in your profile here at CM
you would find that there are others who share your values.

Just out of interest...do you feel that it is other male dominants
who seem to disagree with your own values,
or is the disaproval from subs themselves?

Whatever the 'prevailing ethos' wherever...
there are always people around who find themselves at odds with these. 
Good luck with your search to find those who share your own beliefs.



< Message edited by Celect -- 2/23/2008 1:59:44 PM >

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:59:32 PM   
DominantEngineer


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom. 


BS this make you a true Dom.

quote:

Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom. 


Punishment and discipline should never be random. If a sub breaks a rule she should knwo exactly what will come next. the last think you want is a sub who looses respect for you because you do not maintain structured discipline.

quote:

Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist  nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty.


Well if you think the above is true and find a partner who believes the same I doubt you will have a lasting or fullfilling relationship.

quote:

D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality. 


You got it.

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 1:59:39 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		I don't find that to be prevalent either.

You mention your exposure to this is limited -- I would say that you haven't been exposed to a large enough target audience.

Also, it doesn't matter if millions of others do hold to those beliefs when it comes to how you think and behave, does it?

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:03:55 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		you say your incursions are limited...keep encountering and learning and you won't see things as being as limited as you state.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to Celect)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:06:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

What they all said. I haven't this to be the common theme at all, if anything it's probably among the rarer ways of doing things.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:10:01 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		OK, so who's going to tell m'Lord he's not twue?



_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:40:36 PM   
tigerseye


Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

    Hello,     I am a Dominant male. In my limited  incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos:   Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom.

there is no such thing as a relationship, any type of relationship without honest communication.  i would never think i wasn't getting enough affection from my Master.  we both love each other very much and do not hesitate to show it

quote:

  Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom.

punishment shouldn't be random.  if i do something wrong, i get punished.  if i don't do anything wrong i get kisses.  that's the way it works for us

quote:

  Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare.

humanity, patience and gentleness, no matter what the circumstances are, are never a liability. 
and while in the lifestyle there are those who are not into the sexual aspect of it, there are just as many who are. 

it's all about who you are and what you want.  the only time you are wrong is when you have hurt yourself and someone you love.  look around this site, you will see a million people with a million different ways of thinking, and while i may not personally agree with some of them, that doesn't make them wrong and me right or vice versa.  everyone is different...that's why we are around *smiles*


_____________________________

~rose~


(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:52:36 PM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		Define what you are and what you seek, find someone who wants the same thing too---that's all the real and true you need.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 2:54:17 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

    Hello,     I am a Dominant male. In my limited  incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos:   Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom.  Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom.  Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist  nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty. D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality.  Please explain. Thank you.


Those are not prevailing ethos. They are personal, subjective opinions and if you don't desire to hold them as truths for yourself, you are not obligated to do so.

Celeste


Thank you!

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 5:18:49 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

    Hello,     I am a Dominant male. In my limited  incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos:   Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom.  Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom.  Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist  nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty. D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality.  Please explain. Thank you.


dragonsnot.

Daddy and i have been together almost a year now...and he's not ever "randomly punished" me, nor has he ever treated me with anything but love and respect.  has he treated me with love and respect while using a flogger on me?  absolutely.  the two things are not incompatable.

there is such a broad range of behaviors to WIIWD that if all you want to do is tie your submissive to the bed and inflict bad poetry on her, it falls within the bounds. 

kitten, whose Daddy loves her.

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 5:50:12 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewnyc

Hello, I am a Dominant male. In my limited incursions into the BDSM community I have encountered the following prevailing ethos: Any Dom who demonstrates genuine affection, respect and desire for honest communication with his sub is not a true Dom. Any Dom who is unwilling to inflict random punishment or discipline is not a true Dom. Humanity, patience and gentleness are liabilities. Actual sexuality is rare. I am not a sadist or misogynist nor do I enjoy pointless cruelty. D&S to me is an extension/embodiment of my sexuality. Please explain. Thank you.


Horseshit.

I love my slave. I tell her I love her. I show her I love her. I am no less her Master because of this.

_____________________________



(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 7:14:55 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe you need more incursions into the world of BDSM.

(in reply to drewnyc)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 7:16:24 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		 
OP....Have you been speaking to those annoying twue slaves again?

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 2/23/2008 7:17:58 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TracyTaken)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 7:26:29 PM   
missfrillypants


Posts: 124
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


there is such a broad range of behaviors to WIIWD that if all you want to do is tie your submissive to the bed and inflict bad poetry on her, it falls within the bounds. 



not bad poetry! *attempts to hide this thread* i hope i'm never so bad He decides to give me that punishment. i couldn't take it!

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 7:34:09 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missfrillypants

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


there is such a broad range of behaviors to WIIWD that if all you want to do is tie your submissive to the bed and inflict bad poetry on her, it falls within the bounds. 



not bad poetry! *attempts to hide this thread* i hope i'm never so bad He decides to give me that punishment. i couldn't take it!



I'd read to them from the gor books. In falsetto.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to missfrillypants)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 7:45:42 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:

That better not be true, because I'm looking for exactly what you describe as being "not quite the thing."

Are you sure you don't want to move to California?

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Diminished expectations - 2/23/2008 8:06:32 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		In a word.....bullshit!

Edited because this was meant for the OP, not tpam.

< Message edited by littlebitxxx -- 2/23/2008 8:07:33 PM >

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 20
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