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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 3:11:14 PM   
WontSpareTheRod


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

One thing I've noticed in here and in probably all sites is the "Married Men" problem.
These Jackasses write to 10 different women leading them on, promising to meet and then dissapearing.
You see it in a lot of women's profiles in here too, "NO MARRIED MEN!"
I don't know, they must get their jollies by leading women on or something.
Whatever, that certainly doesn't help matters to have those assholes in here.


Ha ha, i can appreciate that, ive often been talking to a sub and it has taken ages to get a glimps of them behind the wall allot built up because of basicaly the mass of fakers, liers and spam messengers.

Somone should start up the DAA - Doms Against Assholes
Though im pretty sure theyd want to think about a different name to call it lol

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 3:11:40 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		And some of us are 'locationally challenged' and live too far away.  *grins* i am SO glad my Master was not going to let distance be a barrier.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 3:17:11 PM   
WontSpareTheRod


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline 		edited to say, i have learnt not to click the Ok button to many times when i think the computer is runing slow, damn double messages sorry lol

< Message edited by WontSpareTheRod -- 2/23/2008 3:18:24 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:09:50 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Ya know it's fucking crazy.  I get quite a few email from local girls.  Most make a comment referenceing a post I made. I reply thanks blah blah blah.  My profile clearly states I am not looking.  So after a couple email exchanges I explain to them in a email that I am not looking.  And sometimes I get flamed after that for what I assume is my rejection of them  Someone is on my admire list and I never spoke with I have no clue who she is.  Such is life on the net.

BadOne


< Message edited by SailingBum -- 2/23/2008 4:13:44 PM >

_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:11:28 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Who has trouble meeting submissive women?
My trouble is sorting them out, and trying to decide if they're worthy.

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:53:00 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand
Hopefully someone in the forums here can offer me some advice for making the kind of connection I'm looking for with a smart, sexy, submissive woman?


Be a smart, sexy, dominant man.

No, I'm not being facetious.


Yes, that's a valid suggestion, but (strutting my own stuff per kallisto's suggestion), I'm pretty certain that's not the issue. ;-)

Maybe I'm not a smart & sexy & dominant enough in writing -- that could be. However, like I said in the original post, the issue I have isn't capturing the woman's interest once we meet -- it's getting from the first email to the point where we meet in person. Once we meet in person my rate of success in "closing the deal" is certainly satisfactory by my standards. :-) Though I haven't found "the one," I've met a handful of great women and had some great fun. But when I say "handful" I mean it -- I could count on one hand the number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person over the last five or so years, when I first started to try this out.

I don't feel like I'm having success -- at least the kind of success I'd like -- in getting from the first email exchange to meeting in person. That's what I'm looking for advice on.


(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:54:18 PM   
rubyrain


Posts: 13
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		I totally agree with Kyst regarding the pics and clients/working peers.  That is why I don't have a pic and won't have a pic.  But finding someone is far more complex than just having a pic.  Each of us is drawn to this site an others for many reasons and we all have varying degrees of needs and desires.  There are also other issues to consider such as location logistics and safety. So my recommendation is patience.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:55:11 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

sweetnurseBBW--

My profile is (currently) very plain because I just re-created it a little under an hour ago. Part of the reason it's plain is because I wanted to gather some advice here in the forums before I built out the profile and started contacting people again.

The last time I had an account on Collarme (~18 months ago), though, my profile was quite detailed. I did have photos attached to the account, but just not available to the public -- only shared them with women who were willing to correspond with me.


How long are you waiting to share pictures? Before I met m'Lord (who had his pictures up, I didn't until later) I was contacted by men who sent a picture with the initial communication and I responded, I understand not wanting someone to stumble on a picture on a profile, but I am leary of faceless e-mails, but then I'm cynical like that.


Not that long. Usually I'm willing to exchange photos if I've gotten at least one substantive email from someone. (Substantive = not just "Hi there! How are you? Send me some pics before we talk.") That whole "I won't talk to you unless you send me a pic" bit seems fairly common.

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 4:59:42 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I am one of those who does not post my pic online, yet I do meet in person (without a mask too!). Mostly it is a desire not to have non kinked folk peg me into a slot that has no relation to our connection. I wouldn't want my clients to wander by a site out of curiosity and see my face peering back at them. I work for my clients, I don't play with them.
Pics before meetings are fine. Pics on site make no sense to me.
Kyst


Couldn't have said it better myself, Missokyst. That's precisely my attitude.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:50:31 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

But when I say "handful" I mean it -- I could count on one hand the number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person over the last five or so years, when I first started to try this out.


Um.....where exactly is the problem?  Most of the women you email/chat with are not going to want to meet you. 

If you want more face to face meetings, you need to put your face where their faces are--munches, clubs, grocery stores, etc.


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 12:11:16 PM   
bustedinca


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		something i have noticed is the unwillingness of so many to post a picture of themself or any information. even after contact is made, no name or picture. this always makes me very leary about who would be on the other end and what they are hiding. are they wanted? a known sex offender? horribly deformed? married and cheating on a spouse? there are so many variables in safety, especially when meeting on the internet that a person has to be careful. if someone isn't willing to let me know what they look like or what their name is, then why should i agree to meet them or let them see me on cam?

if you want success, then put up a little and let people know who they are talking to.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 12:17:24 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I think your profile is fine as is OP.

It is short, sweet and to the point.

Hell, I'd write ya if I was lookin'.


(in reply to bustedinca)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 12:17:44 PM   
bustedinca


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		i agree. i have been communicating with one sub of a couple whom i would love to meet with. she says that they have trouble finding someone to join them, but He doesn't want to share His picture or even a first name or anything. what's up with that? does He exist? is He married and cheating? is He wanted? there is no way i would ever meet with anyone, even in public, without know who they are and what they look like first. i won't let them see me on cam or talk on the phone either unless they are willing to share a bit of information first. how do i know that mysterious person isn't someone who will harm or kill me?

safety first. i would rather miss meeting a hundred people than to meet the wrong one once.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 12:18:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Post for the purpose of meeting like minding people online. Allow submissive women to read your posts and get a sense of who you are.

Put up a picture under a tree with your face not clearly identifiable. It will still let people see if you are short or tall, skinny or heavy, dark haired or balding. Mug shots aren't needed, general body type shots are.

Read her profile fully and respond with a comment and question concerning something nonsexual. Sign it with your first name if it's not unique, or just your initials. Writing back to "Dear Mr FirmHand" is not going to garner a lot of responses. "Hey DC" will get more simply because it doesn't imply the sub has already accepted any power imbalance or play situation. We're sensitive to nuances.

I haven't read your profile but common mistakes are talking only about sex and punishment, talking about what you don't like, putting your ex down. You're attracted to bright, happy people, so are we.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 1:41:15 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

Hola folks --

I just re-created a Collarme account after having tried it out a year or so ago. I wasn't very successful in finding someone last time around, but I thought I'd give it another shot.

In general I'm finding it really hard to meet a submissive woman who is interested in a D/s relationship. My main venues for meeting submissive women have been online personals sites like this one. I've managed to meet a handful of women in person, but in general I haven't felt like online personals sites have been all that effective in helping me find a like-minded woman. When I *do* get to the point of meeting someone in person, we frequently hit it off. But getting to that point -- even just getting an online conversation with someone -- seems like a major hurdle.

Perhaps part of the problem is that I value discretion. I would not be comfortable posting my own photos to a service like Collarme or Bondage.com (although I will share photos with a woman after I've corresponded with them). Likewise, although I know there are several BDSM clubs/organizations in my area, I am not comfortable "going public" with my interests in BDSM. I'm sure these organizations value discretion as well, but it's just not something I'm willing to do.

Hopefully someone in the forums here can offer me some advice for making the kind of connection I'm looking for with a smart, sexy, submissive woman?



Finding someone (male or female) who wishes to seriously engage in this way of life can be tedious, to say the least. Those who seek literal D/s-based relationships are rare finds, so you see you are somewhat limited if your aim is serious.

"Discretion" taken to an extreme—online or offline—only limits you all the more. You will need to express yourself and take risks to some degree. A stealthy entreaty from the shadows is not the best way to earn respect; it often rouses suspicion and doubt about the validity of one's character. Having the boldness to be seen, to be open and active and known makes a person far more approachable and believable. Unless one is working for public office or has a high executive position in a reputable firm, I often don't understand the need to make a religion of secrecy. If the type of life you desire to pursue is at odds with your religion, community or marital arrangement, I would suggest resolving those conflicts prior.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 1:48:02 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		According to your profile, your in the DC area. Get off the computer and go find a munch, meet people in real life and you don't have to worry about the "meet in real life" hurdle. Your already there.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 4:25:59 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		I would suggest putting more of yourself on your profile, what is your dominating style?  I don't believe one can get a sense of another just through lists.  When you put yourself in writing people can get a better idea of who you are. 
Putting down who you are looking for is great, but who is the person doing the looking?

Just my two cents

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 5:59:02 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand



Yes, that's a valid suggestion, but (strutting my own stuff per kallisto's suggestion), I'm pretty certain that's not the issue. ;-)

Maybe I'm not a smart & sexy & dominant enough in writing -- that could be. However, like I said in the original post, the issue I have isn't capturing the woman's interest once we meet -- it's getting from the first email to the point where we meet in person. Once we meet in person my rate of success in "closing the deal" is certainly satisfactory by my standards. :-) Though I haven't found "the one," I've met a handful of great women and had some great fun. But when I say "handful" I mean it -- I could count on one hand the number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person over the last five or so years, when I first started to try this out.

I don't feel like I'm having success -- at least the kind of success I'd like -- in getting from the first email exchange to meeting in person. That's what I'm looking for advice on.



Dude!  That's meeting one girl a year.  Those odds suck.  Seriously you need to get out more!  When I was footloose.  I'd take a different girl out I'd say on average twice a month.  Were they all submissive prolly not.  But I was at least seeing what models were available.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 6:11:29 PM   
TheBanshee


Posts: 403
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline 		no comment really - I'm just watering my Chia Dom

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 6:16:30 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Agreeing with this poster...

getting out is your best bet -- there are so many options in the DC area, not to mention a newbie night at the Crucible each month... there are BR meetings every week and several play parties each month sponsored by various groups...

there is so much in this area...

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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