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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 6:22:01 PM

SodomizHer

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Perhaps some local meet up groups such as the Ron Paul folks. Causal, no pressure meetings at a diner, informal cafe or other public places where like minded folks could safely meet in person.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 9:42:28 PM

dcfirmhand

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

Though I haven't found "the one," I've met a handful of great women and had some great fun. But when I say "handful" I mean it -- I could count on one hand the number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person over the last five or so years, when I first started to try this out.

I don't feel like I'm having success -- at least the kind of success I'd like -- in getting from the first email exchange to meeting in person. That's what I'm looking for advice on.

Dude! That's meeting one girl a year. Those odds suck. Seriously you need to get out more! When I was footloose. I'd take a different girl out I'd say on average twice a month. Were they all submissive prolly not. But I was at least seeing what models were available.

BadOne

Perhaps I wasn't clear -- the "number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person" in my earlier post is referring only to women I've met & corresponded with online specifically about D/s. I date "vanilla" quite frequently . . . although I have never successfully turned a relationship that began vanilla into one with the level of kink I desire.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 9:53:32 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

Perhaps I wasn't clear -- the "number of women I've gone from email to meeting in person" in my earlier post is referring only to women I've met & corresponded with online specifically about D/s. I date "vanilla" quite frequently . . . although I have never successfully turned a relationship that began vanilla into one with the level of kink I desire.

Im glad to hear that your putting yourself out there. All of my relationships started out as friends and progressed from there.

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:14:40 PM

MaamJay

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OP ... for quite a while I was worried about being "out there" too ... I am involved in education, a field where exposure could be fatal to My career. However, I finally found out about a discussion group that met in a meeting room in a pub, and also about munches, held in various pubs and restaurants. Contacting the organisers, I was told of all they do to keep their members secure ... they insist on ordinary dress, black being a common choice which blends in with just about everyone these days!, people can use a screen name or nickname or their own first names as they choose, you are advised against sharing other personal info such as where you live or work in all but the most general terms at first, and conversation is to be discreet at all times, so no one will be shouting "hey have you got marks on your ass from that caning last night!" or waving floggers around. And once I plumped up the courage to attend ... well, it was obvious we were collectively little different from any group of people out for conversation and a good time! In fact it was quite funny that on some nights, we were one of the more normal-looking groups LOL! And the night 3 different tables had black balloons was quite interesting ... the back up plan then was to ask for "the internet group" which is pretty nondescript. We could have been any group of mixed ages ... colleagues from work, an extended family, members of a sports club etc. No one could "tell" from looking at us wiitwd. Ultimately, attendance at such events and the necessary vetting to be assured of your genuine desire to be part of this lifestyle, resulted in invitations to attend play parties at private houses with basically the same group of people. I chose never to attend an event which was open to the general public, too potentially revealing. In over 3 years of regular attendance I only once met someone I "knew" from outside ... we had met at a mutual friend's wedding ... and we both agreed that had we known about each other then, the conversation could have been much more interesting! By that time there is a degree of mutual vulnerability and it really wasn't an issue.

It's still no guarantee you are going to meet the sub of your dreams ... I'm still looking for My 24/7 ... but in the process, I did meet a lot of great folks, learned a LOT of techniques, played with some great subs who were only ever going to be play partners for a period of time but were wonderful experiences ... in short, it has helped to prepare Me for when I do find My ideal boy or girl. Get up your courage ... find a secure group ... and enjoy!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:22:52 PM

dcfirmhand

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To all those who are suggesting I "out" myself more: unfortunately, I do not plan to post a photo of my face to my Collarme profile. Likewise, it is highly unlikely I would attend munches, BDSM clubs, or other public BDSM events. As someone else mentioned, Collarme profiles, unlike those on some other services, are available to the world. Someone in my field stumbling across my profile or bumping into me at a munch could be a career-limiting event for me, and I'm not willing to risk that. Yes, I could always counter someone who found out with "well, what are you doing here?" . . . but not everybody has the same things to lose by being public about their kinks.

Really, though, that should be beside the point. Even if I weren't concerned about a potential conflict between my sexual predilections and my career, valuing privacy regarding sexual matters isn't that surprising, is it? And I don't have expectations of keeping everything hidden -- as I mentioned in the OP, I do share photos with a potential partner privately once I've corresponded with them. I'm just not going to share that in a fashion available to the world. :-)

I do understand that not posting photos or attending BDSM events creates additional constraints on my exploration of the D/s lifestyle. However, those are limits on which I'm not willing to compromise. You're certainly welcome to disagree with those decisions, but they're my decisions and I happily own them. :-) Suggestions that I jettison those decisions (or, as I'm sure someone is ready to suggest, that I jettison my career so I can be free to attend munches LOL) aren't very useful to me. However, if you have some advice on how I can maximize my participation in the community and my success in making connections within those constraints that I've imposed upon myself . . . well, such advice would be appreciated. :-)

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:25:51 PM

dcfirmhand

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Thanks, MaamJay. That's some of the most useful advice so far. I'll take it into consideration.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:31:38 PM

Kana

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You are in DC
try black rose
its huge
go to the crucible
if you want to drive come to baltimore and try BESS
plus there is some sort of group in bethesda
(Its late and I am brainfarting)
just a thought.
The one comment I hear more often from single submissive women isn't that there are not a bunch of dominant men out there
its that the good ones get grabbed quickly.
If you are what you say you are, then you shouldn't last long

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:32:18 PM

RedMagic1

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Who are you? What are your hopes, dreams and aspirations? Why should someone spend time with you outside the bedroom? What qualifications do you have for someone to seriously consider becoming your 24/7 subordinate?

Your response to CelticLord was not impressive. I have never met a woman who found a man's ability to generate lots of one night stands and still be single, to be an attractive trait for relationship potential. So you can get laid. Every single woman you're writing can get laid more easily than you. What makes you dominant and sexy? What military expedition have you commanded, what company have you run, what church committee do you chair, what sets you apart?

You write as though you are trying to impress a bunch of guys. You need to change your tone and your criteria if you want to impress a bunch of women.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:33:20 PM

MaamJay

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Yw. Being in Oz I obviously don't know what the groups in your area are like, but you could use what I have said as the basis for asking questions to assure yourself that they do have discretion and security in hand. I can understand how you don't want to jettison your career or even risk it ... I don't either. I've spent 30 years building it up and I have a few more to go! In one position, I knew My pic was in every educational institution in the state, that's pretty high profile ... yeah, you can bet I was cautious! I've never posted a face pic here and I can't think I ever will. But the pic I have posted gives a good idea of what I am like and as I only wear the corset to bdsm events ... it's pretty safe! If someone was really keen, they could probably go through all My posts on the boards and build up a good "profile" on Me ... but I doubt someone is really going to think I'm that worth it. I do recognise that I am probably more at risk here though than out at a munch.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:38:53 PM

cc79257

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It helps being hung like a rhinosaurus. Take some enzyte you will be fine.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:42:15 PM

dcfirmhand

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Your response to CelticLord was not impressive. I have never met a woman who found a man's ability to generate lots of one night stands and still be single, to be an attractive trait for relationship potential. So you can get laid. Every single woman you're writing can get laid more easily than you.

Wow, what response did you read? Who said anything about one-night stands?!?

For the record, I don't do one-night stands and that's definitely not what I'm looking for.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/24/2008 10:55:27 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

For the record, I don't do one-night stands and that's definitely not what I'm looking for.

Sigh. And I get to cross another one off my list.

Cali

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 2:37:28 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

For the record, I don't do one-night stands and that's definitely not what I'm looking for.

Sigh. And I get to cross another one off my list.

Cali

lol. Maybe he should. It would relieve a lot of the built up pressure.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 6:18:03 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

Yes, that's a valid suggestion, but (strutting my own stuff per kallisto's suggestion), I'm pretty certain that's not the issue. ;-)

Maybe I'm not a smart & sexy & dominant enough in writing -- that could be. However, like I said in the original post, the issue I have isn't capturing the woman's interest once we meet -- it's getting from the first email to the point where we meet in person. Once we meet in person my rate of success in "closing the deal" is certainly satisfactory by my standards. :-) Though I haven't found "the one," I've met a handful of great women and had some great fun.

If this is not someone bragging about his ability to score, then it is someone who has a hard time explaining what really happens when he meets women. Whether you were being defensive or just communicating poorly, the fact remains that you did not answer my question. What makes you dominant and sexy?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 6:26:07 AM

Lordandmaster

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Try posting regularly in the forums (and also reading what other people say). Lots of Collarme people have met that way. In fact, some have gotten married.

And I'd rule out Bondage.com because free users can't contact each other over there. So that means, in the online world at least, Collarme is your best bet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

Perhaps part of the problem is that I value discretion. I would not be comfortable posting my own photos to a service like Collarme or Bondage.com (although I will share photos with a woman after I've corresponded with them).

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 6:29:35 AM

RedMagic1

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I also had crappy experience with Bondage.com. However, I met more women through Alt than CollarMe, including the person I'm seeing now. I have certainly gotten more email from women since I started posting regularly on this message board, though.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 6:56:44 AM

sensiia

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In your case all you can hope for is to have patience. Some people meet their Dom/subs rather quickly others it takes time. It took me just over 3 years to meet Sir and a total of 5 years to start dating him, we met online.

As far as pictures I refuse to post mine also as I have had some local men perv me and seek me out in my neighborhood. It can be quite unsettling.

Your best bet would be to attend local BDSM groups such as BR or BESS as Kana suggests. You aren't the only one who has a job, family or life to protect from being outed. I worried about the same thing, my biggest fear was risking losing my Um if I was outed, 5 years later and still safe.

I wish you luck finding your one, it is possible online but the chances are slimmer then being out in the general public. Maybe you can join an SCA if you dig that kind of stuff.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 7:11:17 AM

peppermint

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Limiting yourself to online resources to locate a submissive means that it will most likely take you a long time to find that special person. However, it is possible and does happen. First you have to be prepared for the reality of internet matches. The reality is that a great number of people you meet on the internet are not who they say they are. So, you will have to weed these ones out first. Then there are the ones who aren't interested in those things that interest you.

A great way to get yourself known around here is to post in the forums. By that i mean posting about more than the trouble you are having with finding a submissive. Write well thought out replies to topics you see posted here. That might get you noticed by someone special. It's happened with others.

Search the profiles of the submissives who live in your area. Write to those who seem to be a fit. Make sure you write a note that shows you read their profile. Generic notes that can be copy and pasted to the greatest number of people are not appreciated. You don't need to write a book, but tell a bit about yourself and why you wrote to her.

Don't limit yourself to just Collarme. There are other sites. The more places you are a member, the better your chances of finding your special person.

I met the first Dom i ever knew in real life here on Collarme. I mentioned gardening in my profile and discussing his and my gardens started our friendship. After several years we're still great friends. And for your information, no, he was not the Dom i was seeking, but through him i made contacts that eventually led to meeting the very special Dom who is the center of my life.

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Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/25/2008 8:07:01 AM

BlackPhx

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I have never seen a picture of me that I liked, for some reason I always look insipid to me, all the life, vivacity and humor that I exhibit in life just doesn't come through in pictures. I still put it out there. Master and I don't really expect to find a submissive here, that is going to take a lot of luck, but you never know. Mostly we are finding friends, exchanging ideas and opinions and learning, if something grows from that, serendipity.

I do have to wonder though if you went on a site like Match.com or eHarmony and plugged in all the normal answers regarding yourself and what you are looking for (without the sexual aspects of BDSM), if they would be able to match you up with a submissive looking for all your qualities. Hmmm