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What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:08:43 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships, specifically how others end up in bad relationships, specifically abusive relationships.  What is it about some girls (or guys) that allow those fuckers in their lives?  Why do they take the shit?  Why don't they stand up and demand better?  Is it some pathological need (which it surely can't be, cos it needs to be a "fixable" answer)? Is it low self esteem?  Lack of confidence?  Because I know not every woman in the world is in an abusive relationship.  I also know there are tons of those fuckers out there - so its not that there is a lack of fuckers for women to fall prey too.  So if not every woman in the world is in one, and some have never been in one.. than they have something in them that prevents falling into an abusive relationship.  Is it confidence?  Confidence to expect better?  Expect more?  Confidence to know the difference?  To expect to be treated a certian way and when that way isn't there, they just ditch the fucker? 

I also know that those fuckers look, even if subconsciously for that type of girl.  The ones they know they can snag and ensare, that will take their shit, take their abuse, and not kick them to the curb.  What do they look for?  Stupidity?  Low self esteem? Some need that, needs to be fullfilled, and as long as that need is there and is being fullfilled, they'll take the shit?  Is it lack of confidence and need?

Basically..... what is it?  What allows this stuff to happen?

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:33:46 PM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe the person wants to be 'taken' instead of having to continue giving consent?
Maybe the person is looking for the fantasy, and doesn't have a 'good bdsm relationship' to compare to?

It's a blanket question to which there really can be no one specific answer without knowing the details about the incidents involved, ya? There's a lot of crap that goes on in the world and as long as there are good people, there will be bad people too. All sorts, good and bad. The best thing a person can do is choose his company, and oftentimes the people a person hangs out with is a reflection of himself.

The jerks and predators of the world have their issues too.. it just happens to be opposite to the problems of the prey. I can think of plenty of situations where "I'm owed something" can be a perfectly logical (though not necessarily healthy) reason for engaging in any kind of behavior. That doesn't really make it 'right,' but sometimes there's no guilt or 'self' involved. When a person's in pain, he becomes detached from himself after a time and he's different than someone who's in touch with himself. Does that make any sense?

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:35:36 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent

Maybe the person wants to be 'taken' instead of having to continue giving consent?
Maybe the person is looking for the fantasy, and doesn't have a 'good bdsm relationship' to compare to?

It's a blanket question to which there really can be no one specific answer without knowing the details about the incidents involved, ya? There's a lot of crap that goes on in the world and as long as there are good people, there will be bad people too. All sorts, good and bad. The best thing a person can do is choose his company, and oftentimes the people a person hangs out with is a reflection of himself.

The jerks and predators of the world have their issues too.. it just happens to be opposite to the problems of the prey. I can think of plenty of situations where "I'm owed something" can be a perfectly logical (though not necessarily healthy) reason for engaging in any kind of behavior. That doesn't really make it 'right,' but sometimes there's no guilt or 'self' involved. When a person's in pain, he becomes detached from himself after a time and he's different than someone who's in touch with himself. Does that make any sense?


And there are people who are perfectly in touch with themselves and thier nature.
 
 And that nature is evil, and they glory in it. It knows no role, anyone can be this.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:35:46 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		my simple answer.

STUPIDITY

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:37:26 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I also know there are tons of those fuckers out there - so its not that there is a lack of fuckers for women to fall prey too. So if not every woman in the world is in one, and some have never been in one.. than they have something in them that prevents falling into an abusive relationship. Is it confidence? Confidence to expect better? Expect more? Confidence to know the difference? To expect to be treated a certian way and when that way isn't there, they just ditch the fucker?


There are probably a lot of reasons.  Here's one:  Some people really hate being victims and are careful to avoid being put in that position.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:47:58 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		Well IMO - I think there is a basic and simplistic answer.  I'm just not sure what it is.  Stupidty does work though

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:52:59 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		While it is OVERTLY wrong, it is the only answer I can think of. For one to allow "abuse," I cannot imagine any other cause. I acknowledge there MUST be some other deep seeded phsycological thing going. Abuse is abuse. For me to define it as abuse it must be unwanted. If it is unwanted, what possible reason could there be?

Hence, your post. The search for answers continues... lol

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 8:54:01 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It is lack of self value and a feeling that this is what they deserve.  It is sad, actually.  I was there.  It took a lot of work to not be there anymore.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:02:54 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

Well IMO - I think there is a basic and simplistic answer.  I'm just not sure what it is.  Stupidty does work though


Ignorance is probably a better word to use than stupidity. Ignorance to any other way of living if that's the only life you've ever known.

Celeste

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:03:58 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		There are so many reasons. Stupitidy may be one of them, but it is far from the only one. I have had friends in abusive relationships. These were intelligent, self-confident, otherwise strong women. But they suffered the blows and harsh words of abusive men without a word until it was pointed out to them that they didn't "deserve" or "earn" this treatment. One friend stayed in the marriage until the day her husband backhanded her little girl.

In some cases, the man's father abused the mother, so he grew up not knowing any different. Or the same was true in the woman's home. Children repeat what they learn, and these children had not learned anything different.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:05:00 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

Well IMO - I think there is a basic and simplistic answer.  I'm just not sure what it is.  Stupidty does work though


So anyone who has been abused for more than a very brief time in adulthood is necessarily stupid?

That sounds stupid to me.

If you demand a single, simple answer for literally millions of unique questions, you'll probably find one. Hold in mind that more answers are wrong than right.



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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:10:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

Hold in mind that more answers are wrong than right.





Ain't that the truth.

Those who do not understand such a situation are more fortunate than they realize.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:15:04 PM   
RopesOverCuffs


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Some people are simply gullible in the fact that they usually believe " Well I love this person and they only hit me the one time it wont ever happen again" or " They didn't mean to cheat they really love me it was a mistake" and each time a incident occurs they tell themselves these things over and over again thinking it'll be the last time... Some even believe they "deserve" what they're getting like they're in the wrong somehow... it's really disturbing ... especially since when they do finally stand up for themselves such as leave the asshole a lot wind up badly beaten or even killed. So Fear, Stupidity and gullibility is the main cause of why they stay with them...to sum it up

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:17:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RopesOverCuffs
So Fear, Stupidity and gullibility is the main cause of why they stay with them...to sum it up


And you know this, how?

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:22:51 PM   
RopesOverCuffs


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:



And you know this, how?


Been in a cheating relationship, ( havent been beaten up by a girl yet promise lol) and ya even though "technically" I was the other guy since she was cheating on her boyfriend with me it was still cheating...specially cause I didn't know she had a bf at first I had to "snoop" you believe them at first when they lie specially when they say " I Love you" but eventually you become less gullible and tell them to fuck off  And I've known others who have been in abusive relationships ...Lets just say my dad was a ass but my mom had the balls to leave

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:23:02 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		What i think many fail to realize is that the abuser doesn't just one day bash the abusee over the head and hence the abuse starts. There is many month to many years of mental conditioning that usually goes on which is intended to break down the abused party.  By the time the abuse starts the woman feels so isolated and her self esteem is shaky that when it starts her mindset has done a complete180.   Abusers are smart, smarter then abusee's are stupid. To call anyone who is abused stupid, imo is stupid. 

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:27:08 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		its never the victims fault....just remember that..

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:39:29 PM   
G9o5d4


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

its never the victims fault....just remember that..


Hmmm, I have a hard time with that, abuse can go both ways in a relationship. The sad part is that sooner or later one or the other is going to get hurt in more ways than I wish to discuss. Adult abuse is very simple to negate, child abuse is not.

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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:51:11 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: G9o5d4

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

its never the victims fault....just remember that..


Hmmm, I have a hard time with that, abuse can go both ways in a relationship. The sad part is that sooner or later one or the other is going to get hurt in more ways than I wish to discuss. Adult abuse is very simple to negate, child abuse is not.


really? well in most cases you have a 6'0 male 200+ lbs and a 5'3 or less 110 lbs woman.  how can the woman stop this?  especially if there are children involved where she doesnt want to leave because she loves them and it would affect them. she also cant exactly run away with them either since the male usually finds them.  

it is likely that the male is doing the abusing or atleast they are more reported than the woman abuser.  all a woman can do is go to the cops..but the cops dont get involved until there is death threat or worse.  even after that the male can still get to the woman.

victim=never at fault...victim=the one being abused...victims that cant stop or do not want to stop the abuse...have reasons (and many other reasons) like i mentioned above to not able to stop.
it is still never their fault.


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Imperfect.
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RE: What is it? - 2/23/2008 9:56:21 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: G9o5d4

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

its never the victims fault....just remember that..


Hmmm, I have a hard time with that, abuse can go both ways in a relationship. The sad part is that sooner or later one or the other is going to get hurt in more ways than I wish to discuss. Adult abuse is very simple to negate, child abuse is not.


really? well in most cases you have a 6'0 male 200+ lbs and a 5'3 or less 110 lbs woman.  how can the woman stop this?  especially if there are children involved where she doesnt want to leave because she loves them and it would affect them. she also cant exactly run away with them either since the male usually finds them.  

it is likely that the male is doing the abusing or atleast they are more reported than the woman abuser.  all a woman can do is go to the cops..but the cops dont get involved until there is death threat or worse.  even after that the male can still get to the woman.

victim=never at fault...victim=the one being abused...victims that cant stop or do not want to stop the abuse...have reasons (and many other reasons) like i mentioned above to not able to stop.
it is still never their fault.


This is very simply the stupidest thing I have read here yet. I do not wish to make an attack or fued ovewr this, but The "victim" must accept their own portion of the responsibility in the relationship. The "victim"
A. took on said relationship
B. directed said relationship through non action
C. CAN fucking get the hell out!

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