RE: Why does it work? (Full Version)

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Paulsgirl -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 10:20:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1


But first they have to want to.
I doubt many men actually want to.


i smile at gender divisions.......



Paulsgirl -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 10:26:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

We know ourselves. The commitment we made to each other came after a period of establishing trust and determining the integrity we had as individuals that would be brought into the relationship. That knowledge is the foundation of the confidence we have in each other to stand by that commitment.

We remain totally naked to the other. We enjoy (daily) being complimentary to the other's needs and desires. We don't fear our evolution and relish the thought of where our passions may take us. We are confident in each other and know that, although someday we may come up with something that could 'shock' each other, we will never disgust each other. As much as we may disgust others we aren't concerned about living by anyone else's standards.

We laugh and have fun with each other constantly. There is gratuitous frequent groping. We are each other's BEST friend. 

Everything we do serves us. We are both 'slaves' to our relationship. Any decision made is based upon what is best for us. The bottom line - we are VERY selfish regarding us.

Oh yeah and one other thing - We LOVE each other very much. We each love the other more than we do ourselves. Together our love, our life, our passion, our fun, our joy, our laughter, exceeds any we knew as individuals. We 'work' because these things are true for us and they aren't 'work'. 

i love all of this and the way it is expressed and particularly loved the way you exprssed both being slaves to the relationship....
i love this song by Bryan Ferry...the melody and lyrics.....
what you said re-called it for me:

~Tell her i´ll be waiting
In the usual place
With the tired and weary
There´s no escape
To need a woman
You´ve got to know
How the strong get weak
And the rich get poor
You´re running with me
Don´t touch the ground
We´re restless hearted
Not the chained and bound
The sky is burning
A sea of flame
Though your world is changing
I will be the same
The storm is breaking
Or so it seems
We´re too young to reason
Too grown up to dream
Now spring is turning
Your face to mine
I can hear your laughter
I can see your smile
No I can´t escape
I´m a slave to love....

..



DesFIP -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 12:44:31 PM)

We have a lot of self awareness. And we are compatible personality wise. Some people are fine with loud arguments and make up sex. I'm not, neither is he.

Plus we aren't interested in blaming one another. We like to discover what went wrong and why, get over it and improve communication in the future.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 1:06:47 PM)

naked honesty and vulnerability.

communication skills.

a commitment to navigating uncharted territory's.

mutually understood obligations.

respecting and honoring eachother

compromise.

great, life affirming, death defying sex.



Redoubt -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 1:21:59 PM)

Nice positive post KoM, thanks for starting it.

I'm still in the fledgling stage of a relationship currently... but I believe the key should be: honesty with yourself and your partner, knowing your limitations, accepting your desires and communicating them clearly and openly.

Most often when I look back at the relationships that failed it was always because I wasn't being honest with myself with regards to my needs, expectations and wants. As I couldnt be honest with myself, I wasn't being honest with my partners. As such, the relationships prior were hobbled. Although I occasionally catch myself back sliding, I am aware of it, and as such, the relationship I'm currently pursuing are much more liberating and rewarding.

On a side note, I like the new pic KoM :) I liked the one of just you too... but I think the one with your girls is a much better representation.



celticlord2112 -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 1:30:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Maybe we can focus on something alittle more positive. Time and again we see threads of individuals seeking advice in their trouble situations or relationships.  They looking for help to fix it or make it better.
 
So instead, lets talk about good healthy strong relationships..... for all you individuals that are having a good relationship or have been in a such a relationship. ..... why do you think you have this good relationship?   What lead you to this good relationship in the first place?   What keeps the relationship good for you AND your partner(s).  Do you see some common themes in good healthy strong relationships?



The superficial answer is mutual gratification of desires.

The more complex answer is that we acknowledge each other's wants, dreams, and ambitions, and support them as best we can. 

Whether kink or vanilla, a "good relationship" is one where the participants intentionally and specifically build each other up.



BitaTruble -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 1:33:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

why do you think you have this good relationship? 
 
We are compatible and by each of us being true to ourselves, we're able to remain true to our relationship. 
 
quote:

What lead you to this good relationship in the first place?  
 
Hmm .. I suppose it's just a matter of living the life I needed to in order to be ready to recognize the potential when the opportunity arrived.
 
quote:

What keeps the relationship good for you AND your partner(s). 
 
We're very physical with one another. We touch (and smooch!) constantly. We smell each other, we listen to one another, we indulge in each other. We mingle our tears, our sweat, our laughter. We stay connected. We don't take anything for granted which really hit home after he almost lost his life to undiagnosed diabetis.
 
We help each other to grow and get rid of those things which would block our path together. When there is some wall one or the other of us needs to break down, we both realize it's often something we need to do on our own, but, Himself will hand me the sledge hammer then help me clear the debris after the wall is demolished and I'll make sure his jack hammer doesn't come unplugged while he breaks down his own barriers.
 
We count on each other. He can lean on me when he stubs his toe and knows I'll carry him if he breaks his leg. I can rely on him to hear my fears, sooth me, calm me and lift me. I am sure of him as he is sure of me.
 
We are loyal, appreciate one another and value our time. Time is so limited and such a precious commodity that we are quite selfish with it choosing to spend the time we have with each other, often at the expense of spending it with friends or family. We are happiest when we are together and alone. Sitting with him in a room devoid of light and heat sounds better than being in a 4 star hotel without him.
 
We are head-over-heels stupid in love with each other and we show that to each other every day, without fail, sometimes in the smallest of ways.
 
Sometimes I'll just stare at him thinking about how blessed I am .. and sometimes I catch him staring at me in the same way .. and we just smile at each other.. because we 'know.' We've become so tuned to each other, that we can almost read each others minds. No joke. That doesn't mean we've stopped communicating, just that we don't always need to verbalize the communication.
 
You know, I have no idea how much longer I'm going to be allowed (by the gods, nature, whatever) to have this man's presence and energy in my life, but for whatever amount of time that is, five minutes, 5 years or 5 decades, I'm unbelievably grateful for this moment and getting the chance to express how I feel about what we share. Thank you, KoM, for a great thread. ::sniffles::
 
Must be a cold coming on.
 
Celeste
 
::blinks at the font and tries to fix it in edit::



SailingBum -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 1:59:21 PM)

Letsee... where to begin she's smart, cute blah blah...a compentent sailor.  What tops my list is she makes me smile,  Plus she is a lot better slave the I. Yanno the things ppl look for in any friendship.   Oh and she's a nymphomaniac!  What  was the question again?

BadOne



AtlantaMistress -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 7:21:41 PM)

Chemistry - kisses that you feel in your toes
Trust - doesn't come overnight, but every day, the walls are coming down - and ACTIONS speak louder than words Communcation - talking about the good and the bad, feelings - knowing you can say anything
Mutal respect - just because I am Dominant and he is submissive doesn't mean it is a one way street
Appreciation - he is happy by pleasing me, and I am happy to show him how much I appreciate that
Shared interests, common goals - both D/s and vanilla
Laughter - the same silly sense of humor, cracking up, and getting each others jokes
Silence - to understand what the other is feeling sometimes without being said, and being comfortable just being together, without the need to talk.



joy2u -> RE: Why does it work? (2/24/2008 9:04:42 PM)

The 5 L's:
 
Listening to each other.
Learning from each other.
Looking out for each other.
Leaning on each other.
Loving each other.
 
Doing all of these, on a continuous basis, after having started from a point of mutual understanding of what each other was needing, wanting, and expecting from the other and allowing each other room to breath and grow.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
why do you think you have this good relationship?   What lead you to this good relationship in the first place?   What keeps the relationship good for you AND your partner(s). 



BlackPhx -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 9:10:06 AM)

We listen to each other. Even when Master stands on "I say so" he at least hears and acknowledges what I have to say and how I feel. Though a clean house and food on the table that he enjoys, clean laundry etc. is his right, he never fails to appreciate it and the effort that goes into it. While I can be a major SAM, I also know when to push it and when not to. I am there when he just needs to let go, and he is there when I need to.

We work, as a relationship, as Master and Slave, as Husband and Wife, because we work at it, not just take it for granted.

poenkitten



kittinSol -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 9:14:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

What lead you to this good relationship in the first place?   What keeps the relationship good for you AND your partner(s).  Do you see some common themes in good healthy strong relationships?



Lots of great fucking.



thetammyjo -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 9:36:48 AM)

I think for Fox and I it was several factors.

The first was that I had some experience not just in the scene and in figuring myself out, but also in having extended Ds relationship -- up into Fox I owned one boy for 11 months and another for 18 plus an entire handful of successful training contracts that lasted the 3-4 months they were designed to and I ended up as friends with those folks.

I knew what I wanted, how to go about discussing and training for that, and I knew what would fit with my marriage and the poly household.

I also knew my own limitations, strengths and weaknesses. I think those are very important to know but even more valuable was knowing that I was still changing and growing and I wanted that to be positive.

On Fox's side was a small amount of experience but a lot of reading, thinking, and some casual play as well as both positive and negative vanilla relationships. He came with a good idea of his limits, needs, and desires but he was still very open minded.

I made sure we went through my time-tested process of getting to know each other and for formal training. We both made sure we stayed as honest as we could at all times.

We also agreed that our foundation was to be the Ds dynamic, not friendship, not love, not sex though those three did develop over time. We created rituals and rules that help reinforce that fact but which do not negatively affect our abilities to be fully functional individuals. That was also important to us as it was in my marriage -- each person is an individual but each person also supports the family and the other individuals who are members of it.

It would be a lie to say it was perfect because it certainly wasn't. It would be a lie to say that it was always positive or that the Ds always flowed smoothly and with struggle.

But we are both people of our word and we work to maintain our foundation of Ds and individual.



lighthearted -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 9:44:41 AM)

in addition to many of the other things mentioned above...we try and always give each other the benefit of the doubt, that if something is done to upset the other, it was originally done with a good intention, and not to hurt, or it was a circumstance beyond control, etc.  that everything we do is done from a place of love and not bad intention.

edited:  lameness



Skully7000 -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 9:52:40 AM)

"we accept what Is and be happy with it"

while this may seem contradictory to a healthy realtionship its important in our case.

she is an owned slave to her master. other then him she is Dominant. I'm also a Dominant.

when we meet I was dating someone else(poly relationship)

so its important for each of us to remember the reality of our situation:  we are two Dominants who have other partners. I must default to her masters decisions. She must understand that I am my own master and will do what I want(and while I respect her input and preferences in the end I am still making the decision for myself)

we just celebrated our 1 year anneversary this past friday and we are quite happy together.

I bring something to her life that she doesn't get from her Daddy/master. And it makes her a better person (which makes her daddy happy)

So all in all we are doing quite well.
as with any relationship: Trust, Respect, and INTEGRITY are very important. aspects of it.

Cheers
Skully



Dnomyar -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 10:07:06 AM)

sob, sob I need another hankie. I used the box of tissue. Hey! Someone had to cry on this post. Im not in a relationship now and this post is a tear jerker.



LadyPact -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 11:36:45 AM)

KOM, thank you for bringing up this topic.  Also thanks to all of those who put in responses.  They were a pleasure to read.

Sitting here quietly on My own, I have to reflect a bit on one thing that really jumped out from the other post.  That one thing as being LUCK.  Just yesterday, My little family was packing up from an overnight stay in Atlanta.  I was heading out of the room (for what I can't remember just now) and turned in the doorway to say something to My husband and My sub, who were working together in packing things up.  The thought completely left My mind and I just watched them for a moment.  It was one of those moments of recognition of how lucky I am to have the happiness that I have.  It was almost a surreal moment of peace, knowing and recognizing what I have in My life.

The above statement probably doesn't make a damn bit of sense to anyone other than Me.  Actually, I'm ok with that.  I guess I wrote it as My way of explaining that one of the reasons that My little family works is because I appreciate it.  I know I'm fortunate to have it, and I hope that I recognize it.  I also tend to talk about it.  I talk about it with them.  I tell both of them what they mean to Me in My life, and how much fuller it is because of them.  When I have those little moments of happiness, it's important to know that they exist.  It's important for them to know they exist.  It may sound odd, but I think it brings the three of us closer together, in a way.

In My own case, I think another reason that this little family works is that we have all agreed that each of us will be willing to teach, but also willing to learn.  That covers a lot of different areas.  It's about ourselves, about each other, about the lifestyle, and about the community.  It's about the things that we need to make our family work.  Communication, trust, new experiences, and respect for the old.  It's about who we are as people, and how we fit together.  Again, probably another statement that makes no sense to anyone other than Me.

Maybe I should stop the rambling, and make it easier.


It's the love.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 11:56:38 AM)

We have good communication. I never feel there isn't something I can't bring up and talk about. We set it the beginning how things would be and follow that formula. In other words we have good communication and we are just compatible.

I think good healthy relationships have good communication and compatibility amongst everyone. The trust I have came over time as we developed a relationship.



Skully7000 -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 1:11:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

sob, sob I need another hankie. I used the box of tissue. Hey! Someone had to cry on this post. Im not in a relationship now and this post is a tear jerker.


if it makes you feel better just blame all us Poly folk. we're all greedy sluts hogging up all the wymans! wait we share..



LadyPact -> RE: Why does it work? (2/25/2008 1:14:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

sob, sob I need another hankie. I used the box of tissue. Hey! Someone had to cry on this post. Im not in a relationship now and this post is a tear jerker.


if it makes you feel better just blame all us Poly folk. we're all greedy sluts hogging up all the wymans! wait we share..


You noticed that, too.  Quite a few of us poly folks about.



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