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Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:08:24 PM

sweetdoll

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone. :)

I would just like to pose a question about questions - what do you think are some good/important questions to ask a dominant when you are thinking about entering a Master/slave (or really general D/s) relationship? Some things that may ensure that things go more smoothly, or maybe just some things that would be interesting to know.

I apologize if this question seems vague, but I'm not sure how else to word it. Thank you in advance if you reply. :)

Post #: 1

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:21:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_232041/mpage_1/key_ask/tm.htm#232041
What questions should a dom/master ask of a sub/slave they might consider?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2197/mpage_1/key_ask/tm.htm#2197
What do you ask?

Reposted:
The same things any person would ask any other person if they wanted to form a relationship with them.

Even more importantly is taking the time to get to know them and see how they ACTUALLY operate in life and where they ACTUALLY see their life going.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 2

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:26:40 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Do you think a sub is a lessor person because they are submissive?
Would you give the same weight to a sub's point of view as to a Dom's?
Have you done this before?
What happened?
Are you still friends with your last sub and would he/she vouch for you?
Are you interested in poly or monogomy?
What are your expectations of a 'real' D/s relationship?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:30:32 PM

sweetdoll

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

Thanks LA, both for the links and the thought-provoking final sentence.

Thank you, blushes, as well. :) Good ideas.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 4

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:41:24 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Not a question you can ask, maybe, but one you need the answer to: Who is he when he isn't flirting? How does he treat other people who are subordinate to him? This indicates how he will treat you when the "honeymoon" is over.

"The person who is nice to you but not to the waiter is not a nice person." -- Dave Barry.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 5

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/25/2008 4:44:25 PM

sweetdoll

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

Definitely the sort of question I was asking for. Thank you RedMagic1.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 6

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 12:24:18 AM

justAlilboy

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline

To answer all these... ask whatever comes to min whether it is his/her fav color to what is fav "toy" How many subs have you had in the past it is ok to ask, if you can think of a question just ask it. It is fun to have a day of just asking questions back and forth even the most weirdest ones and is rather fun.
It take a stronger person to be submissive than to be Dominate.
ok i hope this helps...

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 7

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 1:19:38 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

What would you ask a potential date, lover, fiance or spouse? Who mows the grass and takes out the trash? Who has control of the finances? These things don't change just because of these relationships. Then ask about BDSM, personal relationship philosphies, poly and communication protocols that should already be in place (like conflict resolution).

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 8

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 4:40:52 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I have a question to ask. What type responces are you looking for. There are only certian answers that you are really going to pay attention to. Some women are shallow. They look at the outside to see if the guy is eye candy. What are you looking for and how much are you willing to compromise.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 4:51:20 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

"Do you understand that I have the right to protect myself, even from you?" I think a submissive should always look out for themselves as things can sometimes get crazy in life.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 10

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 4:55:23 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I think there are definitely some key questions for any relationship ( I have noted below)--the main thing is to asl open ended questions that forces explanation: tell me about xxx, how did you handle xxx, what are you feelings about xxx--that tends to get things opened up, and to me ifthat tactic elicits one word answers, it may ( I said it MAY) be a warning flag of not much depth.

Questions:

What are your thoughts on poly?
What are your thoughs about others?
Tell me about your safe sex practices
Tell me about your experiences as a Dominant, how did you get here, how did you decide, what is your idea of a day in the life of...
What things do you like to do as hobbies? outside interests

And don't be bound to laundry lists, or " I want total control"--ask ask ask, explore explore explore..

Remember you are no one's submissive until you agree to it--just because you have chosen this path does not a door mat of you make.

Stay safe and be well.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 11

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 6:03:30 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

"Remember you are no one's submissive until you agree to it--just because you have chosen this path does not a door mat of you make. "

Thank you LadyHathor.......some of the best advice.

"Do you understand that I have the right to protect myself, even from you?"

Lashra.....I love your postings. This is a great one to always remember.

All good suggestions. As someone new to this scene, I love to read all the good postings here....so much good information. I'm trying to approach any D/s relationship the same way I would a "normal" (what is normal?!?!) relationship. There needs to be common outside interests and open communication. If you can see yourself spending time with the person outside of the scene then that, to me, is a great start.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 12

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 6:48:09 AM

nineofone

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline

From my experiences as a subbie,it's all about honesty. i'm still a bit hurt by my last Queens dishonesty,or rather her inability to know herself,so i apologise ahead of time.One can ask all the right questions but unless 'answered honestly and completely they offer a measure of false security.For me-security is what i need the most.i.e. i was given up for adoption just days after my birth.Do i have issues surrounding female trust? of course.Once again i've given myself over as completely as possible to a female and got burned. my first Queen ended up being in it for the money-didnt give a shit about me or what i REALLY needed to grow as a person. my last Queen decided that through her newfound faith in God that we could no longer practice our sacred sexual rituals.
These things were adressed at the start of both relationships yet complete honesty wasnt forthcoming...I believe many D's are in it for purely selfish reason so we need to be on guard. What takes a long time to build through mutual trust can be toppled with one mindless,inconsiderate act.
Thanks for listening...

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 13

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 6:58:14 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Asking is good but watching and listening can be far more inightful.

And I agree that watching how he interacts with retail help and waiters can be telling to his core personality.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to nineofone)

Post #: 14

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 7:16:56 AM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetdoll

Hello everyone. :)

I would just like to pose a question about questions - what do you think are some good/important questions to ask a dominant when you are thinking about entering a Master/slave (or really general D/s) relationship? Some things that may ensure that things go more smoothly, or maybe just some things that would be interesting to know.

I apologize if this question seems vague, but I'm not sure how else to word it. Thank you in advance if you reply. :)

The advice I've given those whom I've helped with their searches is this:

Ask open-ended qustions where the "right answer" for you is not obvious.

For example: what do you think about X, where X is any activity/belief/position that is important to you.

The follow-up question for any answer he provides is "Why?"

Between "What do you think about X" and "why" you can learn a great deal about anyone.

Another useful piece of information I pass on is to look at the questions he asks. When he's asked enough of them a pattern can emerge showing you where he is focused.

For example, if his questions are about appearance and sexual activitity, his focus is less likely on who you are as a person and your hopes and aspirations.

This isn't a law of nature, but I have found I learn a great deal from the questions I am asked.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 15

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 8:42:40 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

"Come here often?"

"Is that a violet wand in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

"These skirts, hose and heels belong to your last submissive....right?"

"So, that rattle of chains is coming from the dungeon and not your neck?"

"That long hair of yours flows down your back, not from your back, right?"

"If I escape from the cage, and you hear a chainsaw, will you scream like
a little girl?"

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 16

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/26/2008 11:10:39 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

My questions would be much of what I would want to know about vanilla men. Here are some of the questions I would ask

How important is money to you?

Are you anal retentive about being clean/organized?

And many of the other questions other people posted

~Sinergy's strumpet~

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 17

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/27/2008 1:01:43 AM

sub4sub123

Posts: 51
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

In any relationship combatibility is key. Do you want kids? Does he want kids, if so what are eachother's takes on parenthood? How is his credit? Does he pay his bills on time? Take the time to talk to his friends and family see what they have to say about him. Take time to find out how honest he is. Find out what his drinking habbits are, what other issues may come up. Better yet take the time to find out what you want out of a relationship and then see if he is what you are looking for.

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 18

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/27/2008 2:50:45 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Ask exactly what you want the answer for. Meaning, don't mince words or coat them in all the niceties we've become accustomed to elsewhere. Someone I know asked a potential dominant "Are you involved with anyone else?" He said no. In his mind, he wasn't lying. What she didn't ask is "are you having sex with anyone else." His answer would have been yes. He wasn't "involved" with them. He was just having sex.

That's significant. She never asked. He never offered up the information. She didn't find that out till much much later. She accused him of lying. He said she never asked the question. They were both correct.

juliet

(in reply to sub4sub123)

Post #: 19

RE: Questions to Ask a Dom - 2/27/2008 11:32:54 AM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

how do you deal with conflict in a relationship? how will we deal with conflict in our relationship?

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to sweetdoll)

Post #: 20

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