RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (Full Version)

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Justme696 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 1:38:48 PM)

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 1:45:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



lol - analogies always fall apart, don't they?

So, let's take the actual process of TFTB. If the s-type is using manipulation in whatever form (and they are legion), and the d-type shuts it down, the s-type is at fault. But if the d-type allows it to continue, and it becomes habitual, then the d-type is at fault.



Justme696 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 1:48:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



lol - analogies always fall apart, don't they?

So, let's take the actual process of TFTB. If the s-type is using manipulation in whatever form (and they are legion), and the d-type shuts it down, the s-type is at fault. But if the d-type allows it to continue, and it becomes habitual, then the d-type is at fault.


yessies..in my opinion



RCdc -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 1:55:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P


[sm=flowers.gif][:D]
the.dark.



Justme696 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 2:35:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P


[sm=flowers.gif][:D]
the.dark.


awwwww
thank you
-x-



beargonewild -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 2:43:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

What is it with people thinking Dom and top are the same word?



Please fully clarify the exact differences between the two please. Because in my world, a top is dominant, the bottom is submissive and this also refers to the roles each take sexually.




YourhandMyAss -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 3:01:18 PM)

to me the dom is who I have chosen to be in a relationship with and we have a dynamic, a top is someone I agreed to submit to in one scene and when it's over, that's it we're done i don't owe him anything he don't owe me anything and we can play again or not as we wish theirs no bdsm relationship going on. Just friendship.

Same with the term bottom. I bottom to strangers or friends or any one I want to and it's for that scene and ONLY that scene. there's no commitment or more or no on going bdsm relationship just friendship.
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

What is it with people thinking Dom and top are the same word?



Please fully clarify the exact differences between the two please. Because in my world, a top is dominant, the bottom is submissive and this also refers to the roles each take sexually.





SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 3:07:31 PM)

Hmmm. I thought Dom/mes and Masters/Misstresses were by definition tops. and ub/slaves were bottoms. Silly me. I'm not BDSMically correct.



beargonewild -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 3:21:50 PM)

~FR~
This is for YourhandMyAss and to SubbieOnWHeels.  Allow me to clarify further my question to BoiJen. The reason why I asked for an exact definition is being a gay male, on the gay community, top and dom mean the same thing and the same is true of submissive and bottom. I know that the BDSM definition there is a difference. It is this conflict between the two interpretations from 2 distinct segments of society which also adds to the confusion.

Yourhand: Please do not assume I was speaking because I thought I am qualified! Like I said in the above paragraph, in the gay community to which I am a part of, top=dom, sub=bottom. That is to which my question is geared to.



BoiJen -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 3:50:39 PM)

Top is a term for someone on the inflicting of a scene and bottom is a term for someone the inflicted upon end of a scene.

D-type refers to position within a power dynamic as does s-type.

I do a presentation with MsK about the Dominant bottom and the service top.

Just because someone bottoms doesn't mean they are submissive nore does it mean when someone tops they are Dominant. In fact often I hear, "No, no, no hit Me here here and here then pull My hair a little and bite Me hard there."...I'm so not in charge of the scene...however I am the one on the inflicting end of the scene.

I hope this clarifies where I'm coming from.



beargonewild -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 3:57:11 PM)

Thank you BoiJen. That is all that I was looking for.    [sm=flowers.gif]



Justme696 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 4:02:53 PM)

I find all those different words confusing....because even if we agree on calling it Dom or Top.....people wil still have a million ideas and thoughts about it. (looks like a trend)
I just like to see it as relations with A leader and a follower...lifed as both agree on. When in those relations..you don't care how your position is called. You don't call eachother Top/bottom anyway.

People hate to be put in boxes...and still they want to be in one
(boxes as in labels...not meaning  dead people :P )


in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions



TracyTaken -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 4:28:28 PM)

quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies! [:D]  (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."



Lumus -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 5:36:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies! [:D]  (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."



Self-identity takes many forms.  I would tend to think that any mechanism which helps you better know yourself would be a good thing. [:)]



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 5:38:22 PM)

Perhaps also the same theory applies to TFTB (to drag the thread back on-topic). If the D-type in a relationship is comfortable with the way things are going, then what the s-type does or says is fine with them, and TFTB is not going on. If the D-type is not comfortable, it is up to them to do something about it. Either way, it's none of anyone else's business.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 5:57:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken
I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.

Remember (#1) that a lot of people learned the "fundamentals" of BDSM from sources rooted in fantasy-centric BS; and (#2) that for many of us, when taking our first steps in the non-vanilla world, people taught us that the correct thing to do was to label yourself in order to find a suitable partner.

Posters often say that getting to munches is a great idea.  My personal experience is: "Munches -- yuck," because of all the competitive twueness, and people telling me things like, "You're really a  ____."  (Or overusing phrases like "topping from the bottom.")

I see a clear difference between terms like "service top" and a word like "slave."  The first describes a particular type of BDSM player, and someone can be a service top in one context, and something else in another context.  "Slave" cannot be defined outside the context of a relationship with a Master (in a consensual situation, anyway).

I'm very interested in attending presentations by people like BoiJen, Master Archer or Master Fire, because they have knowledge integrated with practical experience.  And I have zero interest in perusing or recovering the CastleRealm archives, because of their emphasis on defining their terms correctly and abstractly -- without grounding them in real relationships or real life.



Leatherist -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 6:04:00 PM)

Which basically made the castle realm site a fount of misinformation and general confusion.

Which is why so many people who do this for real despise the place, and are glad it's gone.



adoracat -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 8:28:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


*nods*  i have a VERY hard time with saying "i want/need this".  Daddy knows this, i've always been honest about it.

his solution to the problem was to tease and torment me till i begged for release, then he wouldnt till i told him what i wanted, exactly what i wanted. 

kitten, laughing



Now that's just wicked lol


so is Daddy.  i dont call him evil bastard because he's cute, which he is.  *giggling*

kitten



KnightofMists -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/28/2008 9:05:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
I honestly believe it exists, but is so much rarer than it's portrayed to be.

That's my view of this.


I think it is rather common in general



Justme696 -> RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? (2/29/2008 2:28:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies! [:D]  (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."



Self-identity takes many forms.  I would tend to think that any mechanism which helps you better know yourself would be a good thing. [:)]



Agree..but a name is just a word...It doesn't explain anything....It has only use when it has a clear specification.
Aslong there is such a discussion..the vallue when used  can only be seen as personal opinion.
On the other side....if people are happy with it...use it.



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