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Feelings - 2/26/2008 2:50:22 PM

thelastfirstborn

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying

Post #: 1

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 2:53:06 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Remember something many seem to forget:

When you are in My control, you do not have the right to refuse My command--but you always have the right to choose to be under My control.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 2

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 2:58:27 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying

she is your FORMER Domme...so you can say all you want.
When you serve her as slave..then it is a different.

If you can be pushed away by soemone else..then she wasn't really caring for you I guess.. Sorry it sounds so harsh

Never make some one a priority when you are just an option

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 3

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:01:47 PM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Yes and no, only you can decide what kind of relationship you want to be in and with who and what goes on in that relationship. In a relationship that is D/S you generaly agree that the Dom is the leader of the relationship and sets the whats, who's and whys. This does not mean that you have to do anything you dont want to do.... However, just as you have the those rights so does the Dom. Usually by definition a Dom has a very set way of doing things and either you become a part of those ways or get kicked to the curb. It may seem cruel but why have someone in your life that does not meet your needs.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 4

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:06:47 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying

Slaves have as much say as Dominants in the type of relationship. Both say what they want. Both choose what they will accept. Both get to decide if there is a relationship or not.

_____________________________

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 5

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:07:24 PM

MrDom

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/8/2004
From: Tampa Bay, FL
Status: offline

A slave is property of a Dom/Domme and doesn't have any say. Unless you and your Domme signed a slave contract stating the conditions of your servitude to Her. If said contract allowed you to have a say, then yes, you had a say. If no such contract or stipulation existed than it was up to your Domme to decide if you had a say in it.

Just my $0.02 and opinions. Since we live in a free society, please feel free to differ.

I am sad to hear the relationship did not work out. But as said, She may not have been caring enough about the gift you gave Her. Somewherr out there is a Domme that will be so don't let this sour you.

_____________________________

Dominic (http://www.geocities.com/masterdom01)
Domination is more than a black shirt, a crop and having read a Gor novel.

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 6

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:20:11 PM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Your a slave so don't throw a hissy fit. Your Domme owns you not the other way around. If you felt treated as third class so what. What did you expect as being a slave. Or were you just looking for someone to mother you.

(in reply to MrDom)

Post #: 7

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:23:29 PM

thelastfirstborn

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Your a slave so don't throw a hissy fit. Your Domme owns you not the other way around. If you felt treated as third class so what. What did you expect as being a slave. Or were you just looking for someone to mother you.

the thing was i was always welcome to speak out on any decision She made. this whole thing spiraled out of control the second this other person came in the picture. i'm still in pain right now from how it ended...i loved Her and i thought She loved me enough...for christsakes w/We were going to get MARRIED in 2 months! and it has to end like this. i didn't even see it coming. She made it worse by saying She's in love with this other guy now too.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 8

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:25:04 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

the thing was i was always welcome to speak out on any decision She made. this whole thing spiraled out of control the second this other person came in the picture. i'm still in pain right now from how it ended...i loved Her and i thought She loved me enough...for christsakes w/We were going to get MARRIED in 2 months! and it has to end like this. i didn't even see it coming. She made it worse by saying She's in love with this other guy now too.

that just sucks balls with out limits. Cruel as hell to do such. That must feel like a kick in the face :(
I am sorry to hear

But that makes it not longer just a Domme/slave issue. So speak out loud....what is there to loose.
But don't try to get her back..she walked away. ..if you put all energy in it..you will get hurt more...disappointed

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/26/2008 3:27:22 PM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 9

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:34:57 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

its better it happened now rather than later,I wouldnt try to understand anything but look for the positive in the situation and move on as best as you can

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 10

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:41:49 PM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Pay close attention to what justme said. Move on and write it off as a bad experience. o

(in reply to Rushemery)

Post #: 11

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 3:43:33 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Pay close attention to what justme said. Move on and write it off as a bad experience. o

propably isn't as easy as it sounds..at least I didn't want to make it look like that.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 12

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 4:18:56 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Regardless of whether you had an oral or written "contract" - I assume you had negotiated or at least discussed certain rules of the relationship. It doesn't matter how formal it was, at some point you agreed to be her slave and made a commitment, whatever shape or form you mutually agreed upon. I don't know what kind of "out clause" you discussed. Obviously, the dynamics of the relationship have changed (you say because of her new Dom). I won't bore everyone with how it should be a mutual respect and appreciation, etc. etc. That all assumes it is a good solid relationship and it does not seem that this was. Is she happy? If so, you really should be happy for her. Are you allowed to have feelings? Just because you consider yourself a "slave" does not mean you are devoid of emotion. It does mean however, that if she is happy, you should be happy to know that. We don't know specifics of the relationship, or the fight...we just know it ended and ended badly. Can you mourn the loss of a relationship? Certainly. As a slave have you simply become so accustomed to asking permission for your own actions, that you think you must ask this forum if you are allowed to feel?

In general however, and this pertains to ANY person, regardless of vanilla, D/s, Dom, sub...I feel everything happens for a reason, even the worst things. In fact, the worst things I have gone through (and a person who wronged me terribly) led me to find the happiness I now have. I believe in Positive Energy! What you put out is what you get back. I know it is easier said than done, but just try to let it go, and think that she had some good in her for you to want her in your life, and you hope she uses that good to make good decisions, not hurt others, and finds happiness. Not only as a "slave" thinking that - but as a Domme, I have had to do it too many times to count when I cut someone out of my life. Once you can really do it, a huge weight is lifted. Eventually, if you can live this way, it is much easier to get through life's obsticles, and that physical pain you probably feel in your heart goes away much quicker than it used to.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to MrDom)

Post #: 13

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 4:24:55 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

the thing was i was always welcome to speak out on any decision She made. this whole thing spiraled out of control the second this other person came in the picture. I'm still in pain right now from how it ended...i loved Her and i thought She loved me enough...for christsakes w/We were going to get MARRIED in 2 months! and it has to end like this. i didn't even see it coming. She made it worse by saying She's in love with this other guy now too.

My 2 cents:

No matter the relationship, each party will probably have some limits, or lines that are not to be crossed. If this person really cared, as a Domme or a fiancé, then this post probably wouldn't exist. Were you allowed to have a say in this other person coming in? Was this a possibility that you discussed when you first started your relationship? Were there signs, even before this other person entered the pic, that all was not as seemed? Big changes like that don't happen over night, most people show some signs.

Well, no matter what, I am sorry for your heartache.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 14

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 4:31:28 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

The reality is your not in a relationship. You can do as you please. I'd be very glad that I found out sooner rather than later how this person operates. I do wish you well.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 15

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 5:24:35 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

"I didn't see it coming" is an issue to revisit once you've moped for a while about this situation. People don't suddenly -- one day to the next -- become a brand-new person. Your relationship with this Domme was weak, and probably had been for a while. She already had tendencies you might have chosen not to notice because of rose-colored glasses. And the most important question -- how can you be a better relationship-partner next time?

I am not saying any of this was your fault. On the other hand, I'm not saying it wasn't. I am saying this: have a good cry, or punch some walls, or both... and then figure out the cues and signs that were there (maybe all along) so you can forge better relationships in the future.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 16

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 5:46:01 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

Just because you are a slave, submissive, whatever you wish to identify as... does not mean that you are not human as well.

Humans have feelings. Humans tend to cry and generally feel like crap when somebody that they trusted and loved very much, and presumably reciprocated, completely betrays them and leaves them sitting there wondering what the Hell just happened.

Personally I have never been able to find a consistent definition of "slave." Some people define it as one who takes a subservient role and completely surrenders all rights to their Dom/me, but others simply use it interchangeably with "submissive." Perhaps that's why I'm having such difficulty justifying any response different from my own to a situation like yours, but then again, I've been through something similar so I have something of a soft spot for people going through such horrible things.

Grieve. Allow yourself to grieve for the relationship, however long it takes. Cry until you feel that you can cry no longer, then pick yourself up as best as you can and re-evaluate the relationship. Were there any 'red flags,' so to speak, that you didn't notice before because you were blinded by love and devotion? Any parts that made you feel uneasy or insecure? Make a note of them. In your next relationships, keep a wary eye out for them, and if they come up again in another place and time, get out of there before you set yourself up for another broken heart.

But don't give up. Don't become unable to trust anyone ever again, or refuse to give your heart away because of one bad experience. She gave you up, and with that, her control over you... so don't give her that satisfaction of lingering any longer than she should.

Luck and love xoxoxo
Pyrrsefanie

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 17

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 5:48:40 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying

Well, she allowed it. Thus is the heartbeak of being owned by a switch. Just learn from it.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)

Post #: 18

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 6:01:14 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

It always sucks when a relationship goes bad. D/s or Vanilla. Everyone has feelings and they have a right to feel them. As mentioned before, it's better to have the woman cut you loose BEFORE the wedding instead of after. Trust me. I've been there, done that from both sides of the coin. Obviously, you wanted more than she could give. The only thing you can do is acknowledge and move on. There will be another one. There always is.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 19

RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 6:25:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Anyone can do anything they want- as long as everyone is ok with it.

Seems like the issues were more about being responsible rather than a particular argument.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 20

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