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RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 7:37:02 PM   
NJDiscipline


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If you have been released, what obligation to obey do you have...NONE! The time has come to move on and seek another's collar...
 
MR. MILLER

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 9:18:36 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying



Well, I have a bit of a different perspective on this subject.

I'm one of those odd ducks that think..."this is America, we can do whatever the fuck we want here"  (said of course, in the most submissive of ways, natch).

Last time I checked, being a WIIWD lifestyler, doesn't change your rights....so, with that said....if he ain't giving consideration to your feelings....I'd take the FUCK away his "ownership".

(But that's just me).

Ya know?

And then I'd say (with a lot of love :) :) )

"By the way....see that horse?....I believe that's the one you rode in on".
 
"Saddle up".

< Message edited by Griswold -- 2/26/2008 9:47:45 PM >

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Feelings - 2/26/2008 10:56:05 PM   
masterfixer


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		Never make some one a priority when you are just an option
my last sub rote this on her fridge with a sharpie. this is the anwser to your question.
I broke it off to respect my sub after reading this. like "just me said it's harsh but true that she didn't really care for you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 2:29:09 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face
Albert Morris.. Very romantic and heartbreaking song.. Sounds like you will need it if you want to emphasize your pain and loss.. i know cause i felt and still feeling the effects myself.. There is no explanations why relationships don't work. One can blame anything and anyone even "on the boogie" as MJ sang in his "hey" days as a young and up and coming talent. But the truth is if it ain't meant to be : "IT AIN'T MEANT TO BECOME" On the other hand if one takes the passions and really works on the "do" and "don't do" then they may get somewhere without leaving everything on "Lady Luck"

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 3:19:27 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		In reply to Griswald : well listen up boy and make your country proud by showing some manners... By shouting abuse to a public forum that does not belong to any country but civilians from all over the world as we all participate in it does not give you any sense of pride to do so as an "American". Exercising restraint should be a submissives goal at all times... unfortunately you show anything but that.....

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 3:25:54 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Oh!! And if you think that you are free in your country you better ask Chevy chase to give you the next role of the "Griswold's" if there is a remake of  "holiday lampoons"

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 4:40:38 AM   
MissLily


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hi,

BDSM involves human beings, therefore, you should have a right to speak. For Me, communication is essential in S&M. If communication is not there, I feel like it's plain abuse. Never mind the dynamic, there's a time to play, and there's a time to talk.

Now, if you can't agree on something and that that something is a deal breaker and can't seem to overcome it, then the relationship might very well end.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to the two of you... I'm sure you're going to hear from Dommes who are going to tell you that you're just property and have no say, but remember, it's all about negociation. If communication is a need for you, then in order to practise in a safe-sane way, you need a Domme you will be able to talk to.

I hope you get well. Take care,
Miss Lily

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 6:57:38 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

"I didn't see it coming" is an issue to revisit once you've moped for a while about this situation.  People don't suddenly -- one day to the next -- become a brand-new person.  Your relationship with this Domme was weak, and probably had been for a while.  She already had tendencies you might have chosen not to notice because of rose-colored glasses.  And the most important question -- how can you be a better relationship-partner next time?

I am not saying any of this was your fault.  On the other hand, I'm not saying it wasn't.  I am saying this: have a good cry, or punch some walls, or both... and then figure out the cues and signs that were there (maybe all along) so you can forge better relationships in the future.



I think this is good advice.

These are relationships and regardless of the power dynamic the two people have to be compatible on many levels. Who knows in the power dynamic if the agreed upon commitment and effort was not there between one or both.

In the end all relationships that end, including power exchange ones, is because one or both are no longer wanting to be in it. That one or both needs and strong desires are not being met, where these things happen in your relationship whether in the M/s dynamic or the many other things is something to think about once the emotional pain subsides.

Looking for and leaning on technicalities as the reason a relationship fails or think a change can repair it is a complete waste of time.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 8:41:00 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thelastfirstborn

hi everyone...well where do i start? i...just got into a bad argument with my now former Domme and well...are "slaves" allowed to have any say at all in that type of relationship (it was further then that too until this Dom who took over Her came in the picture and pushed me out) or much less allowed to have any feelings?

- depressed and feeling like crying



Cry and mourn your loss, that is normal human emotion there.

As far as what "slaves" are allowed or not allowed to do, that is within the realm of the individual relationship dynamic.  Not everyone does slave or sub or Master or Dom or switch (or top/bottom...etc) the same way.

If she has decided to end things with you and be with this Dom as a love interest, there isn't much you CAN say about it.  It isn't your choice who she loves.

At this point, it is your CHOICE to grieve or not; to move on or not; to be miserable or not.  So you do have choices, just maybe not the choices you wanted. 

Think to yourself, a Dom and a slave are two different kinds of people.  If she would rather be in the submissive role, a slave isn't going to be of any use to her, and she isn't much use to a slave.

One other consideration:
Is this a poly situation and a case of NRE or is your relationship truly over?

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 8:54:44 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		"NRE" ????

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 9:32:13 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

"NRE" ????


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy

I guess  not sure


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 9:36:51 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, NRE is new relationship energy.  It is mainly used to describe the "fuzzy bunny/rainbows/unicorns/He/She can do no wrong" kind of stage.  You know that stage, where everything is new and you haven't found the warts yet.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 9:38:56 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you both.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 10:09:47 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

Yes, NRE is new relationship energy.  It is mainly used to describe the "fuzzy bunny/rainbows/unicorns/He/She can do no wrong" kind of stage.  You know that stage, where everything is new and you haven't found the warts yet.

Lady Jag


I know the feeling..but didn't know there was a word for it.

thank you for bringing it up


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Feelings - 2/27/2008 4:36:26 PM   
womyn


Posts: 216
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		I would think that all relationships, BDSM included, starts with open and honest communication. Actually sit down as two people (not Master/Mistress/Slave or Dom/Domme/Sub) and ask each other what type of relationship you want. Maybe it's naivete on my part, but that's the way I would conduct it.

Btw, thelastfirstborn, I'm sorry about your predicament. Breakups in any relationships hurt!!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Feelings - 2/28/2008 6:04:50 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		You're very welcome.  It's bandied around a bit in the poly circles.


_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Feelings - 2/28/2008 6:14:55 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		 Yes! You are a person, every person is entitled to their own opinions, ability to talk, and having a personal frame of mine with personal opinions. One of the first things that attracted me to pet was that he has a voice, God knows when he gets upset about somthing he voices it. Its also the reason why I chose to make him my own, I like that we can have intelligent conversations and that he can tell me when somthing is bothering him. To me its better to be heard than to be silent and have all those feels, thoughts, and ideas pent up. Just because your a slave does not mean you have no rights at all, trust me hold on to your voice its somthing no one can ever take.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Feelings - 2/28/2008 7:44:10 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		...Nothing more than feelings.....

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Feelings - 2/28/2008 8:03:46 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Well since you got into an argument with a former Domme, you can express yourself all you want.  After all, you are no longer hers.  

If the relationship was a TPE (total power exchange) and it was agreed that you would have no say (input) into matters and you attempted to assert your input.

This is why use TPE to define a M/s relationship and call the others D/s relationships without Full TPE.   Shure people can wear and toss about the titles of Dom/me or sub or slave.   What matters is the level of power that was agreed upon for Exchange.

There are a number of so called "slaves" that are allowed and do have input or a voice in matters that directly effect the relationship.  There are those that are not allowed.   All depends upon what was agreeded upon and understood.

If basically, your Domme pushed you out the door for the sake of being with a Dom.   It's time for you to realize, she just ended the relationship with you.  So, sure go ahead and express yourself all you want cause you just got released.   Sure she might listen to what you have to say, don't expect her to change her mind just because you expressed yourself. 

It's a little difficult to give you clear specific advice on this one.  You are a human being and she's a human being.   Us human beings tend to pick and choose who we want or don't want to be with.   D/s or M/s relationships are by consent, and is a type of relationship that is agreeded upon by both parties involved.   D/s M/s relationship can fail for the same reasons any other relationship can fail. 

It's clear that the D/s relationship you had with her, had problems.  Look on the positive side, you are free to find another Domme that is a better match for you.  Even more so considering she allowed a Dom to push you out the door.

All us humans have emotions, it's not a question if we are allowed to or not.  So to answer your questions, how can you help but not have any emotions?  Did you some how think being a slave turned you into a vulcan from star trek or something?  LOL..
 

(in reply to thelastfirstborn)
Profile   Post #: 39
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