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Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 6:06:55 AM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		i’m putting this in the “Ask a Master” section solely because i’d be very interested in hearing how Doms and Masters perceive being given a toy as a gift by their sub or slave.  Regardless of placing it here, i’m also interested in hearing the sub’s perspective from the “giving” side of the equation.
 

  • How would You feel about Your sub purchasing a toy for You?  Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?

 

  • Would You consider it “topping from the bottom” if Your sub purchased a toy and/or implement that could be used for either punishment or pleasure?  (And, if so, would i avoid this assumption by asking first what toy he would like but doesn’t currently own?) 

 

  • i’ve seen various posts on toys and have been reading through some of the older ones, as well.  Some of the links listed in these posts take me to toy stores that sell paddles for $40 or less.  Can a *quality* toy actually be purchased for so little a price?  What is the typical cost for *quality* implements such as floggers, paddles, canes, crops, etc?  Are there any good links to toys that can last a lifetime versus a of couple years?
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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 7:06:28 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		It has been my experience in real time and talking to dominants one of the things they wish their submissive would do more of is to try to initiate things more and I would include giving a gift like a toy to be such a thing.

The difference is just like giving any gift in any other situation what is the motivation. Is it truly for the dominant or is it all or a lot about what you are wanting. In other words you saw a flogger you really wanted to feel so you buy it as a gift but it really is about you would be no good.

I would think any gift giving with no strings attached and out of motivation just for the dominant’s benefit would be a good thing. It would only be topping from the bottom if the gift was about you or you trying to give him a hint or some other message with the gift.


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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 7:07:43 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I don't consider it topping from the botom if my boy(s) were to give a new toy.  They know enough about toys to not buy junk.  And really just because they give me agift of a toy does not mean that I will even use it on them.  I oldest (12 years old) Flogger just died, and if they were to replace it with a gift I would be happy about it.  Also it it was something "new" that we had not used before and they did want it used on them I would see it as a offer to expand there limits. 

Mike


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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 7:34:04 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with SirMike. I look on it as a way to expand their limits.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 7:47:02 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I love and appreciate gifts from people close to me..so I would never see it is something bad.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:01:51 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		FR

Please, keep the perspectives coming, I tend to listen all the time for "wishes" and file them for gift giving occasions and I know he's mentioned a couple of things he's intersted in and I'd love more thougths on if it would be presumptuous to buy them myself.  (and maybe I'll figure out a segue at some point to ask him directly without clueing him in).

Is there anyone who'd rather buy all their toys themselves?  Are there specific toys that you'd rather be more hands on with their purchases?

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:02:41 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I'll answer from a Domme's standpoint - it depends on the kind of gift.  Let me give you an example.

I had a sub that I was working with over the internet and considering meeting in person.  He was mostly interested in being spanked, and we had talked about various methods.  I told him that I am not sexual with my subs, and he was fine with that since what he really wanted was hand prints on his butt.

Then he sent me a photo of a fucking machine.  I questioned him, noticing that it was a very expensive model (over $1000).  He said he would never dream of using it on himself but had it set aside for me. 

I found this rude on several levels.  1)  I am certain it was not purchased with me in mind, 2) I had been very clear about stating that I would always be fully dressed in front of him, 3) I was even more clear that I was never to be touched sexually by him but reserve that for only one person.  Now, somehow it seemed to enter his mind that if he couldn't touch me sexually his machine could - WRONG.  In this case I felt very frustrated with him because I felt he was trying to force me into something that I had no intention of doing.  Now, if he would have bought me a ping pong paddle and said "I could picture this using this on me" I would have done it with glee.

I have had subs bring toys along for sessions and leave them with me for the pleasure of others.  I have found this a very nice way to grow my toybox and try some things that I might not have otherwise.  I did not necessarily use the toys on the same men that gave them to me, but I knew that they did not expect it.  As with most things, attitude is hugely important.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:16:58 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I would be most honored and appreciative of the gift.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:17:56 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Yes there are some things that I would rather purchase for myself.  I like to touch and feel before I buy. But if one or both of  of my boys purchased it, it would be accepted graciously.

Mike


(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:20:43 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I always bought things together with my girl. It is for our both in the end.
Lingery ..she is allowed to buy herself..although when in a close relation..they might ask advise...or not when they want to supprise you.
(and btw...lets be honest..how long do we have a girl wear lingery..always makes me want to pull it off anyway :P )

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:31:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		At Christmas I went to the dollar store and bought him a box of assorted stuff that looked like he might enjoy them. Some of them he has no intention of using, others he's thinking about, and some he took to immediately. Total cost under $15.

You don't have to go to a sex shop to buy things, just view stuff with an open eye. You can get a good crop for much less at a tack shop. Wooden spoons on inner thighs are exceedingly painful and can be bought at your grocery store. Beauty supply places will have big wooden hairbrushes, maybe even a bath brush both of which are paddles; as is a cutting board with a handle.

As far as whether or not he'll consider this topping from the bottom? Ask him. The Man never has taken to the big wooden hairbrush although he does occasionally grab my everyday one. I think he just doesn't like the way the handle feels. But he's never objected to me coming home and saying "see what I found? I was thinking it would make a good ..." Then he decides if he likes it or not.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:39:19 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
ul]

  • How would You feel about Your sub purchasing a toy for You? Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?

    • There is no "normally". If my slave is inspired to give me a present, I am inspired to accept it lovingly regardless of what it is.
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

    • Would You consider it “topping from the bottom” if Your sub purchased a toy and/or implement that could be used for either punishment or pleasure? (And, if so, would i avoid this assumption by asking first what toy he would like but doesn’t currently own?)


    Any toy or implement can be used for either punishment or pleasure.
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

    • i’ve seen various posts on toys and have been reading through some of the older ones, as well. Some of the links listed in these posts take me to toy stores that sell paddles for $40 or less. Can a *quality* toy actually be purchased for so little a price? What is the typical cost for *quality* implements such as floggers, paddles, canes, crops, etc? Are there any good links to toys that can last a lifetime versus a of couple years?


    Depends on the toy. An excellent paddle is your typical ping pong paddle that you can get at WalMart for $3. According to my slave, it stings like nobody's business. As long as I use it properly (i.e., use an appropriate amount of force), it will last a lifetime. Similarly, a decent belt costs less than $10 and will last a long time if cared for.

    You can acquire excellent implements for use in the bedroom and elsewhere for very little if you shop creatively. Besides, think of the perverse pleasure of asking the salesperson at Home Depot about the various manufactures of rope they have!


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    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 8:55:30 AM   
    AquaticSub


    Posts: 14867
    Joined: 12/27/2005
    Status: offline     		Valyraen doesn't care if I buy toys for us nor does he consider it topping from the bottom. It's something that we can use together that we will both enjoy, is it topping from the bottom when I buy him a DVD that I will also enjoy watching with him?

    As for toys, the price varies depending on what you want and the quality you want.

    _____________________________

    Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

    It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

    Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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    Profile   Post #: 13
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 9:00:09 AM   
    ownedgirlie


    Posts: 9184
    Joined: 2/5/2006
    Status: offline     		He enjoys when I purchase toys for him to use.  Sometimes he doesn't like what I buy and doesn't use them.  Often times he does, and I regret buying them because the way he uses them wasn't quite what I had in mind, lol.

    I've spent anywhere from $2 to $200 on things for him.

    (in reply to shellzbythesea)
    Profile   Post #: 14
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 9:06:25 AM   
    Missokyst


    Posts: 6041
    Joined: 9/9/2006
    Status: offline     		Limits? (maybe credit limits..)  
    LOL I would view it as a nice gift.  Gimme!



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    pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

    “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 10:22:10 AM   
    ProlificNeeds


    Posts: 1061
    Joined: 5/19/2007
    Status: offline     		Depends on the intent and choice of gift. If I'm buying him a toy that -I- want used on me, I'm actually thinking of myself. It's kinda like buying your mom a new electronic/appliance just so you can borrow it from her. I'm not comfortable with that form of 'gift giving'.

    If you're buying something your Dom -wants- then great! I'd totally do that. I may loathe (example) heavy floggers, but maybe he gets a great kick otu of swinging one around and reallly wants a nice one to accessorize his sadistic side with. I get him one, and pray for the best that he won't get too enthusiastic with it, but know he will enjoy it even if I don't.

    Buying something we would both enjoy is good too, though I often try not to use this method of decision. I get what I think he wants most of all, and if I happen to look forward to it being used too, then all the better.

    (in reply to Missokyst)
    Profile   Post #: 16
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 10:56:27 AM   
    xxblushesxx


    Posts: 9318
    Joined: 11/3/2005
    From: Kentucky
    Status: offline     		There seems to be a bit of disparity between the male doms and the dommes on this.
    The difference I see, is that the male doms don't mind us being 'do-me' subs, because they will be enjoying themselves just as much as we will. And also, perhaps because in a vanilla relationship, most girls won't buy 'toys' for the couple. (or if they do, they're kind of silly toys)
    While the dommes on the other hand, expect the gift to be about them and their wants. (as any self respecting girl would! *lol*)
    We both find and buy the toys. I've found some really unusual things and so has He.
    He definitely wouldn't mind me giving Him some new nipple clamps, or other personal type stuff that would obviously be used on me...for His pleasure...and mine...

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    ~Christina

    A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

    My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 2:31:28 PM   
    LuckyAlbatross


    Posts: 19224
    Joined: 10/25/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

    how would You feel about Your sub purchasing a toy for You?  Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?

    I'd generally love it, unless I told them specifically not to or they had some reason to know better.

    There's no "normal" to it. Whatever works for you.

    quote:

    Would You consider it “topping from the bottom” if Your sub purchased a toy and/or implement that could be used for either punishment or pleasure?  (And, if so, would i avoid this assumption by asking first what toy he would like but doesn’t currently own?) 

    Nope- boy people really LOOK for reasons to feel insecure, don't they?

    And yes, asking first generally avoids problems.

    quote:


    i’ve seen various posts on toys and have been reading through some of the older ones, as well.  Some of the links listed in these posts take me to toy stores that sell paddles for $40 or less.  Can a *quality* toy actually be purchased for so little a price?  What is the typical cost for *quality* implements such as floggers, paddles, canes, crops, etc?  Are there any good links to toys that can last a lifetime versus a of couple years?

    Depends on what kind of quality you want.

    _____________________________

    Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

    "Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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    Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 2:33:25 PM   
    LuckyAlbatross


    Posts: 19224
    Joined: 10/25/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
    There seems to be a bit of disparity between the male doms and the dommes on this.
    The difference I see, is that the male doms don't mind us being 'do-me' subs, because they will be enjoying themselves just as much as we will. And also, perhaps because in a vanilla relationship, most girls won't buy 'toys' for the couple. (or if they do, they're kind of silly toys)
    While the dommes on the other hand, expect the gift to be about them and their wants. (as any self respecting girl would! *lol*)
    We both find and buy the toys. I've found some really unusual things and so has He.
    He definitely wouldn't mind me giving Him some new nipple clamps, or other personal type stuff that would obviously be used on me...for His pleasure...and mine...

    LOL also might be because more male doms never get beyond the "kid in a candy store" feeling in regards to play and the sub never has to worry whether the dom will leap at the opportunity while a female dom is ALWAYS in the candy store.

    Blatant gender overgeneralizations there, but still truth :)

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    Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

    "Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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    Profile   Post #: 19
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 2:36:19 PM   
    xxblushesxx


    Posts: 9318
    Joined: 11/3/2005
    From: Kentucky
    Status: offline     		HoneyMaster thinks a 'good slave' should always be looking for toys and outfits to be used on them. (although they don't necessarily have to spend their own money if they don't have it).
    He also says most girls wouldn't know what kind of lawnmower  or power tool He would want....
    So, this is much more fun. He finds it very exciting.

    _____________________________

    ~Christina

    A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

    My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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    Profile   Post #: 20
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