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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 2:53:38 PM   
Viridana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

How would You feel about Your sub purchasing a toy for You?  Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?


We usually buy stuff together as a couple. But if I would buy something as a gift on my own, I know it would be welcomed just as I would welcome any toy as a gift from him as well (as long as it isn't a toy that I've specifically said that I would never try nor want to have)

quote:


Would You consider it “topping from the bottom” if Your sub purchased a toy and/or implement that could be used for either punishment or pleasure?  (And, if so, would i avoid this assumption by asking first what toy he would like but doesn’t currently own?)

my partner and I don't engage in d/s so I can't really answer this one. But I can't possibly see why somebody would consider that topping from the bottom.

quote:


i’ve seen various posts on toys and have been reading through some of the older ones, as well.  Some of the links listed in these posts take me to toy stores that sell paddles for $40 or less.  Can a *quality* toy actually be purchased for so little a price?  What is the typical cost for *quality* implements such as floggers, paddles, canes, crops, etc?  Are there any good links to toys that can last a lifetime versus a of couple years?

In my experience, more expensive doesn't necessarily mean more quality. We have in the past bought expensive toys that turned out to be shit, and quite interestingly the best quality toy we have is a handmade flogger that cost 22$ on ebay.

I also don't believe that toys designed for bdsm are necessarily the best bdsm toys. I love going to the supermarket, hardware stores, dollar stores and buy extremely cheap stuff that can really really hurt, like wooden spatulas, fly swatters and such. One of the meanest canes I've tried is actually a fake flower on a long stalk. After you use it.. it just goes into the living room shelve as a decoration :P

I would seriously check out ebay for some quality stuff. (of course some of it is crap, but of all the items we've purchased there, none has failed our expectations)


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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 3:02:21 PM   
topazten


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		I buy things I know he'll get a kick out of, and lucky for me, he is like me in enjoying what can be done with everyday things. What I hadn't bargained for was the kind of sting he could inflict with a wooden spoon, or that dreaded $1.99 flexible rubbery ruler from the big office supply place... Now I look for things that give me that delightful edge of fear, and he adores it. I have bought more expensive things I was curious about. Just what was I thnking when I bought the Wartenberg Wheel? lol

tt 

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 3:03:28 PM   
SailingBum


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Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I always bought things together with my girl. It is for our both in the end.
Lingery ..she is allowed to buy herself..although when in a close relation..they might ask advise...or not when they want to supprise you.
(and btw...lets be honest..how long do we have a girl wear lingery..always makes me want to pull it off anyway :P )


Leave in on and bang away

BadOne

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 3:10:29 PM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I always bought things together with my girl. It is for our both in the end.
Lingery ..she is allowed to buy herself..although when in a close relation..they might ask advise...or not when they want to supprise you.
(and btw...lets be honest..how long do we have a girl wear lingery..always makes me want to pull it off anyway :P )


Leave in on and bang away

BadOne


well if it is to sexy..yes...then we do all the BDSM stuff aftherwards


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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 4:38:56 PM   
verysweet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
 i’m also interested in hearing the sub’s perspective from the “giving” side of the equation. 

I've given him toys before,  but nothing I had to spend a ton of money on.

A friend makes sjamboks and was developing a new handle style which he sought my opinion on. When I gave it to my SO, it never once occurred to me that he'd view that as 'topping from the bottom' and if he had felt that way I'm certain I'd have heard about it.   I've picked up a few things for him here and there, just because I thought they were interesting and I could afford them.  Other things I have had for eons and never used, so I just added to the 'war chest', so to speak. 

I could give him a lone clothespin with a weak spring or a paddle with a sterling silver handle.  If he didn't want to use them, he wouldn't.



< Message edited by verysweet -- 2/27/2008 4:39:44 PM >

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 4:41:54 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I don't mind if she wants to purchase a toy for me. There are a few in the toybox that came from her. A sjambok, a long flogger... a whartenburg wheel. More or less traditional bdsm toys. She'd never in this lifetime or any other buy something that would make it onto my A list of torture devices. I've have bought almost all of the toys we use. That works out well for me since I can buy them and then taunt her about them for a week or two before I unveil them.



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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 5:53:53 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

It has been my experience in real time and talking to dominants one of the things they wish their submissive would do more of is to try to initiate things more and I would include giving a gift like a toy to be such a thing.

The difference is just like giving any gift in any other situation what is the motivation. Is it truly for the dominant or is it all or a lot about what you are wanting. In other words you saw a flogger you really wanted to feel so you buy it as a gift but it really is about you would be no good.

I would think any gift giving with no strings attached and out of motivation just for the dominant’s benefit would be a good thing. It would only be topping from the bottom if the gift was about you or you trying to give him a hint or some other message with the gift.



I agree with toservez. I appreciate a sub who can be seductive and surprise me. Whether that is by presenting me with a new toy, surprising me by modeling new lingerie when I arrive home, or whatever -- the attempt is appreciated. However, the sub should realize that, in the end, I am the one, not her, who will determine whether the toy gets used, whether the lingerie stays on, etc.

If she has surprised me and done well with the suprise, she should be rewarded. If the surprise is inadequate for some reason, I may try to gently explain the flaw while still communicating appreciation for the attempt. Over time, she should become more adept at understanding what gifts and surprises are valued most.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 7:51:32 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I'd rather she buy me a side of leather, and help me with making something no one else has.

Or can.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 9:03:43 PM   
Exquemelin


Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline 		I was actually very excited about my first christmas with my sub, cause I thought it would be great fun to see what my sub got me. She got several very nice presents which I have since used quite often.  I thought it would be very interesting to see what she thought i would enjoy and she would like to have used on her.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/27/2008 11:15:45 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		My girl wouldn't have the nerve to buy a toy, but if she did, it wouldn't bother me at all.  As stated elsewhere, it's not topping from the bottom to buy a toy [but perhaps in poor taste to buy a toy for a venue your owner has clearly stated they have no interest in].  As for quality toys...price isn't really the measuring stick.  It's what you do with it. 



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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/28/2008 7:43:46 AM   
mcduck


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

r sub purchasing a toy for You?  Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?


A few years ago a sub girl that I was just starting to see bought me a riding crop. she was so excited, I knew something was up but wasn't sure what. The look in her eyes as I unwrapped it...


I don't/didn't mind when a sub buys toys. Just like people here have said, it is all about the motivation of the sub.


< Message edited by mcduck -- 2/28/2008 7:49:21 AM >

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/28/2008 9:31:28 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		I purchased a very nice leather flogger for 20 dollars.  This was about 10 years ago, so it is quite possible it would cost considerably more now but I would expect it would still be under 40 dollars.  However I purchased it at a convention, not online and I wouldn't personally want to purchase a toy online unless it was something factory made, such as a standard vibrator, for a flogger or something similar with some craftsmanship to it I would want to be able to feel it and see it in person before deciding on buying it, even if it were quite inexpensive. 

As to the meat of the post, I think it would depend on the relationship, I know that i would not take amiss to a sub purchasing a toy that she wished tohave used on her, however if she didn't know that it was something I was interested in trying she might be dissapointed when it was, in fact, not used on her.   My wife actually ran into that exact situation not too long ago, she had been considering a man who bought a very high quality pony tail as a gift for her, she is not into pony play, and he had neglected to ask about this, but he would not take it back, as it was a gift, so we now have an approximately $200 pony tail that is never going to see any use.  It is pretty though.

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RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/29/2008 6:54:01 AM   
Kitte9


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Joined: 11/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
  • . Besides, think of the perverse pleasure of asking the salesperson at Home Depot about the various manufactures of rope they have!


  • There are two. I am the dept. head of hardware, by the way.

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    • Profile   Post #: 33
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/29/2008 6:57:57 AM   
    Kitte9


    Posts: 411
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    quote:

    ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

    He also says most girls wouldn't know what kind of lawnmower  or power tool He would want....


    Refer to last post.
    *snicker*

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    Profile   Post #: 34
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/29/2008 7:08:38 AM   
    Justme696


    Posts: 3236
    Joined: 1/7/2008
    From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
    Status: offline     		I like normal gifts too, don't need to be bdsm stuff
    (hint hint ;P )

    (random thought ..)

    < Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/29/2008 7:09:09 AM >

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    Profile   Post #: 35
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 2/29/2008 9:24:29 AM   
    LadyPact


    Posts: 32566
    Status: offline     		I'm going with the frame of mind that this would be from My sub, and not a casual play partner.  My answers would be different otherwise.

    If My sub bought Me a toy as a gift (which he has), I would see it as any other gift.  A gift any kind makes Me happy, since it means someone was thinking of Me in some way.  Yes, I have bought most (at least more than half) of the toys in the bag.  Still, there's quite a number of things in there that other people have bought for Me.  In the last week, I received a pair of medium floggers from My husband, a penis hook for My wand from a friend who is a fellow wand enthusiast, a new homemade branding iron from another friend here in town, and a set of dragon ears from Master Dave.  I say that not to brag for Myself, but to point out how generous people in this lifestyle can be.

    I don't consider My sub buying Me a toy topping from the bottom at all.  It's still My decision whether or not the toy will be used on him.  The toy bag is a bit extensive, but My sub is familiar with all of them.  When it's time to set out what I want to play with for the evening, I rattle off a list of what should be laid out.  Since we've often toy shopped together, and he knows My tastes, him knowing what I might want is almost a given.

    As for costs, there's a huge range in the things I have.  Some of it were dollar store ideas, up through the violet wand on the high end.  Achella is probably the best known name in My bag.  There are also things in there that I bought through National Leather Angel Fund, which is fantastic because I got the toys, and the money went to charity.  Ebay is great when looking for bargins.  There's good quality out there at the right price if you shop around a bit.


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    Profile   Post #: 36
    RE: Perspective on sub's gift to Dom... - 3/1/2008 5:59:30 PM   
    SirJohnMandevill


    Posts: 546
    Joined: 11/10/2005
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    quote:

    ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea


    How would You feel about Your sub purchasing a toy for You?  Is it normally the Dom who buys the toys?

    Would You consider it “topping from the bottom” if Your sub purchased a toy and/or implement that could be used for either punishment or pleasure?  (And, if so, would i avoid this assumption by asking first what toy he would like but doesn’t currently own?) 
     


    I wouldn't mind at all, nor consider it topping from the bottom. I'd take it as a sign of her interest and affection, and wanting to expand our horizons. I'm all for exploring new territory!
     
    Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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    Profile   Post #: 37
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