RE: Submissive Saviours

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RE: Submissive Saviours - 2/28/2008 8:23:58 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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Luckily, the few times this has presented itself, I was tipped off early, and able to avoid situations that would have taxed me beyond my ability. I yearn to serve a Dominant who is truly one, not a pretend one who can purchase and (sort of) use a whip, but one who can lead and command.

I did serve a woman who was terribly messy (what a challenge). I enjoyed serving her, but I did feel at times I was just unpaid help.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

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Post #: 21

RE: Submissive Saviours - 2/28/2008 8:47:12 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I'm no ones saviour, nor do I want or need anyone to save me
But I have heard this complaint from a lot from women over the years
He wants a mother
or someone to cook or clean or take responsibility
Like domination allows for a delayed adolescence.
Hey wake up, smell the cat food
Domination means taking on a slew of responsibility
not shouldering yours off on some poor unsuspecting sap who didn't see it coming.

And it goes in reverse too.
There are a whole lot of folks out there who want to submit so they don't have to take responsibility in their lives.
They want someone to do for them what they could be doing for themselves.

Neither is good, neither is healthy.

I have learned to look real close for this in subs, do they want to serve or do they just want to hide behind a stronger person.
Its an interesting conundrum because much of BDSM can walk the fine line between commanding and enabling depending on the dynamics involved.

I tend to not get involved with people who have more problems than I do.
I look for the things that show a healthy life, education, long term relationships in their lives, strong ties with family, the ability to hold down a job and advance, fiscal responsibility. Things like that. They can be good indicators.
And yeah, I once didn't get together with a submissive because I walked into her place and it was a wreck.
My first thought was if this is how her house looks, whats the rest of her life look like?
Sorry, it sounds shitty but its true.
And you know what, the rest of her life was a wreck too.
Her physical surroundings were indicitive of her mental state.
Just my 2 cents worth.

(in reply to trueshadow)

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Post #: 22

RE: Submissive Saviours - 2/29/2008 8:23:39 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Yes it's happened. However, it's happened in vanilla life as well. I'm not sure this has to much to do with roles or the lifestyle as much as someone entering into a relationship before they are ready for it. You truly cannot save another human being. However, the fact that someone has problems doesn't deter me from entering into a relationship with them nor do I believe it should deter them from me. We are all human and we all have problems. When one is honest and open about it and knows that it is their responsibility to deal with the problems and doesn't expect another person to "fix" them and has a realistic viewpoint on the relationship not being the focus of that problem, well that's a different story. Additionally we all have things at times that we have a hard time dealing with, being supportive isn't "taking control".

On the flip side, I have encountered many that believe that someone can "fix" them and need someone to tell them not to drink or to get up and go to work or find a job and believe that's somehow appropriate for a relationship. I don't. I'm not a therapist and I have no desire to play one in my relationships.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Submissive Saviours - 2/29/2008 11:58:38 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
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Nope, he has never been "needy" in the way you have described. I like feeling needed though, it is a warm feeling. I do feel he needs me, and I do feel I give him things no one else could... but that does not translate into the same sort of neediness that you describe. I feel needed for me, not for everything I do, but for who I am

(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Submissive Saviours - 3/1/2008 3:16:31 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It is pretty amazing how many arrogant clueless doms are so incapable and ineffective in their lives. Actually it can be a way for them to escape from that- in the kink world they can be "highly respected dominants" and all in control, so they don't have to think about how absolutely inept they are in the real world.

Eventually, it all comes out in the open.

Amen to that!
You can only fool some of the people some of the time.
Eventually, you can't even fool yourself.

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Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 25