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If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:23:30 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

For some unaccountable reason, none of my partners or even playmates have ever posted ~ or as far as I can tell ~ even read these boards or the boards in any other communities I post to. (Is this some additional fetish of mine? Do I go into sub-scription space when I post and read?).

As a result, I sometimes inadvertently or carelessly post some pretty personal things about me/them/us here. Things they don’t know about me, might not want known about them or might feel uncomfortable about having posted if anyone who reads these knows them. (Of course, I don’t reveal their identity, but someone here might know me and figure it out). Even the things that are relevant to our relationship and I do talk to them about, I’ll approach very differently in person ("Mistress, I was just wondering if You've ever..." vs. "How the heck can I get my #%$@% Mistress to harder/ softer/ longer/ deeper/ thicker/ 24/7/ once a month/ public/ knife/ piss/ leather /dildo /marks /puppy/etc?")

I’m not property or a slave so I don’t see any "doctrinal" problem with this. And yet I sometimes feel....guilty or uncomfortable with them not knowing. If I tell them I do, or ask them if they mind if I post an observation or question, they would probably wind up reading all 197 of my posts going back to other people and times, and perhaps things I wouldn’t want them to know, or at least learn in this way or context.

Yet, these boards have become a source of advice, information and support for me. I don’t want to lose the ability to speak candidly, graphically or even raunchily.

Does anyone else feel this way? Have any qualms about or solutions to the problem?

michael

Post #: 1

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:27:25 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I’m not property or a slave so I don’t see any "doctrinal" problem with this.

Just perhaps an ethical problem?
I know how I would feel about it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 2

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:28:39 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

MMMmm I noticed my girl reads my posts..because she likes my thoughts...(well..or she hides it pretty wel that she dislikes them).
I never use her name....but somehow I am not afraid about anything I tell here. I am kinda of an open book towards her.
She doesn't always like my talk about previous girls I owned...but the longer I know her...there is less of the past I mention. Now I talk mainly about us.

If you are close with your slave/sub....I would just hint them about a subject. Forcing them to read has hardly use, but at least you don't need to eb afraid they discover it secretly and get pissed or disappointed.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 3

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:32:30 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I read and post fairly often, however anytime I post something about my relationship with my boy - I send him a link. I think open communication is VITAL, as well as trust - which both could be violated in your posting without their knowledge. That said, there are a few occasions I have posted regarding someone elses behavior, never using their name, but not being in a relationship, or not worrying about that relationship moving forward, I did not feel the need to let them know, and don't know if they read the boards or ever knew I posted, or knew it was them, however - if they found out - I was trying to get answers to handle situations for ME and would not all be bothered by them reading the post.

If you know that if they read your 137 posts and may be upset, then I think you have answered your own question.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:33:32 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I would not post anything here that I would not say to anyone I know, I hold privacy very dear and expect the same, I don't even journal anymore to mantain My privacy and that of others.

So I would be pretty p'od if someone came here and posted private things about Me, named or not--I see it as a betrayal. There are ways of seeking advice and still leave the robe closed.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 5

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:37:12 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

If I'm thinking he may not like something I'm about to post, I delete it. He doesn't come here at all but that is my gauge, if it elicts guilt or worry I just don't post about it.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 6

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:40:30 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I don't play and tell.......if my partners do, that's fine. They seem to journal more than they post on here, though.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 7

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:45:38 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

when I was talking to m'Lord last night, it occured to me that we have different styles of socializing on line, he prefers to interact one on one through IMs or PMs, I prefer the forum of the message boards and the ability to interact with many at a time. In fact I tend to stay away from private communications unless I actually know the person.

He knows that I'm on the boards, alot, as we talk about various topics that come up, especially if it's something that I want his point of view on. So far as I know, he's never wandered over here to read, but it's always an option.

Anyway, to get on point, although I am a bit of an exobitionist and love to know that people read my comments and my blogs (yes, plural), I have very rarely outed someone in a negative way in any of the electronic mediums, come to think of it, I rarely even vent to the person I consider my closest friend. I just don't like casting a negative light on anyone that I care about for the most part.

From the other side, I wonder how I'd feel if I ever met someone or read an account of someone I knew and immediately thought-- I can put a face to that train wreck.

I guess if I ever had a profound, life-impacting question that I couldn't reach an answer to by myself or with people who I actually knew, I'm not entirely sure that I could use a message board as a support group.

Sorry for thinking outloud.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 8

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:49:24 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I would say it actually depends on what you wrote. Certainly if you were in a current relationship I would think it to be not very classy not to inform them but it sounds like you are not.

In the end you are an anonymous person and what you write has very little if any real affect on another person outside of what and how you reveal yourself through your writing if someone who knows you reads it. So to me the question of telling non relationship people you write on a message board on this subject is are you are OK with them reading your thoughts and versions and can accept if they would not be OK with it regardless if they are rational or irrational about it.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 9

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:03:57 AM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

Whatever the dynamics of a relationship, it is still a relationship, with all the obligations that entails. These include speaking respectfully of the other member of the relationship, even if they may never know what you said.

If you are having problems with the relationship, the first place to discuss them is with the other member. if that is not working, find a confidant and discuss it privately with that person. If you feel the need to ask the forum for advice, don't do it lightly.

Being a Bible-oriented person, I try to follow what I call the 'Matthew Code' - found in Matthew 18:15-17. It usually works, and I have seldom had to resort to the second step (bringing someone else into the conversation), and only once or twice to the third step (bringing in others with whatever authority is appropriate in the situation and then ending the relationship if that has no result).

If, however, you are asking a technical question, and any mention of your partner is positive or neutral, have no fear.I once was given a very good piece of advice: You can tell much more about a person by what they say about others than you can tell by what others say about them.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 10

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:10:38 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

My pet is on these boards too, he posts (albeit not lately) and he reads. I would not put anything in writing here that I would not be either already discussing with him or open to discussing if he had a question.
He is most welcome to read my posts, my journals, (even my lj) everything but my emails. And I think I keep my emails private more because that was how I was raised. It was considered rude to read another person's mail.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 11

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:11:15 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I'm a fairly private person. I wouldn't post something here that was personal to my relationships unless a) I really needed advice I wasn't finding in RT, b) I had talked the problem over with the party (ies) involved and done the best I could there, and c) they knew I was going to post about it on a public internet message board.

That said, I follow this rule -- Don't post anything on the internet you would not want on the front page of the New York Times... pretty simple.. for me anyway.

I tend to keep my personal life, personal.

It would be highly unusual for me to post a lot of personal information.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/27/2008 8:12:20 AM >

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 12

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:11:30 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

when I was talking to m'Lord last night, it occured to me that we have different styles of socializing on line, he prefers to interact one on one through IMs or PMs, I prefer the forum of the message boards and the ability to interact with many at a time. In fact I tend to stay away from private communications unless I actually know the person.

You know, not to hijack the thread but that is a fascinating observation--not that you can have different styles online, but where the dividing line lies. I gradually went from IMs, phone calls, and 'private' moments to forums online and group activities in RL, for a large number of reasons... but I never noticed a preference before you mentioned the possibility. Perhaps there really is a notable difference in psychology between primary-'group' and primary-'intimate' types of personalities that can be detected through online behavior.

Anyway, back to the previously scheduled moral dilemma. IMO, people ALWAYS talk about their relationship ups and downs; the only difference online is that you leave a record and can be held far more accountable... and that you're chatting with strangers about them, but that's not uncommon in real life either. (As many unfortunate bar and party conversations I can attest to... I've stopped being sympathetic to drunk people, it saves time.) Blessedly, on CM the traffic is so huge that trying to keep track of personal links more than 6 weeks old is an exercise in futility--but just in case your SO discovers the 21st century in time to scope your scribbles, dissect and didact with caution. As you would anyway.

D

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 13

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:11:55 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

I tend to be careful of other people's privacy. Is not my place to spill someone else's secrets if there is even the slightest chance someone could figure out whom I was referring to. My secrets, my choice. Someone else's secrets - for me, not appropriate to put out on a public message board.

I am also creative - if I have a burning question about something, I will find a way to ask it without encroaching on someone else's privacy.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 14

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:13:19 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't vent about the relationship at large. I ask specific questions. I also don't ask about how to get him to change. I make sure I talk about my issues. I keep the focus on me and my problem, not on him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 15

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:19:01 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm as out with you all about Tom and Fox as I would be at a convention or a munch.
And that's it.

I think you go by what you and your partner would be comfortable or accepting of at such events, then you have a good guide about what to share online.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 16

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:29:18 AM

tahlly

Posts: 57
Status: offline

My owner does not post on the boards; he does not even have an account here. He does on occassion though read the boards for entertainment.

Anything that I post; however, must first be approved by him.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 17

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:38:29 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I don't share anything about my Master that he wouldn't approve of; it would be disrespectful. Nor do I use the forums to ask questions I should be asking him directly.

He doesn't post here, but as my owner he can share whatever he wishes about me with whomever he wishes.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 18

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 8:58:54 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Everyone holds privacy to some degree that works for them. If this is a way for you to share or get advice from a variety of people , thats fine. But I think one rule to think of is dont post something that you wouldnt want to confront in person when brought up.
Or if you want to be raunchi-ER (is that a word) make up an anonymous profile to use for those types of questions so they arent linked back to you but you get good advice.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 19

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 9:01:38 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

Have any qualms about or solutions to the problem?

Easy solution: Don't post personal information about your partners. It's not a requirement of being active on the boards.

Valyraen doesn't read the forums much, but whenever I'm in doubt about if he would or wouldn't want something posted I simply ask him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 20

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