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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:20:19 PM   
Justme696


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quote:

What???? This statement contradicts your previous one. I'm confused.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

One would think that if you communicate you'd have more questions.


yes and answered


What???? This statement contradicts your previous one. I'm confused.




sorry didn't recoqnized your question within the quote


communications>  question and answer in a repeatable way
questions>answer>question>answer

that whas the thought I had about it


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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:31:18 PM   
MasterWilliam55


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Status: offline 		I know what wisdom means...gees......just wondered what wishdom meant. I thought justme was being facetious in some obscure fashion. I didn't see it as a spelling mistake. My mistake.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:36:11 PM   
Justme696


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I know what wisdom means...gees......just wondered what wishdom meant. I thought justme was being facetious in some obscure fashion. I didn't see it as a spelling mistake. My mistake.


sorry I am not English
(see it as a typing accent :P )


< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/28/2008 1:41:11 PM >

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:39:16 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


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Status: offline 		Communication is something that happens not just once or a few times. It is a continual, ongoing back-and-forth action.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:40:28 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

One would think that if you communicate you'd have more questions.

I think that communication requires clarification. I've been in 2 relationships where we could start and finish each other's sentences, where we may have in time even developed code speak but there was still a period of time where we had to learn this together.  Using the "flogger" term, When I was shown how to use a flogger I noticed the basics and while I got an enjoyment out of the basics I wanted to learn more and more and other variations on it.  Through that, I sought out someone to teach me that.  I believe in a relationship especially one with power exchange even if it's not romantic the more intense it gets the more we learn to communicate with each other.

Z-

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:40:30 PM   
Justme696


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quote:

communications> question and answer in a repeatable way
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Communication is something that happens not just once or a few times. It is a continual, ongoing back-and-forth action.


agree..when it is done correctly..if the  back and-forth is missing..it is no communication


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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:50:02 PM   
MasterWilliam55


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Status: offline 		My appologies justme. If its not clear to me, I'll ask you what you mean before I comment next time.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:52:05 PM   
BoiJen


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Status: offline 		Okay okay okay...what just happened over the last few posts? IS that communication? Does this type of thing play itself out in relationships? How do you work that out in the moment...when someone feels defensive and somebody else feels misunderstood?

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 1:59:55 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Okay okay okay...what just happened over the last few posts? IS that communication? Does this type of thing play itself out in relationships? How do you work that out in the moment...when someone feels defensive and somebody else feels misunderstood?


Someone in that situation needs to take the high road and back down, lower their hackles, and step back and take a breath. Then they need to take another stab at trying to re-establish understanding. Sometimes the best communication takes place when the talking stops.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:07:51 PM   
BoiJen


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Status: offline 		How do you get the talking to stop when someone in the situation doesn't want to? I mean as people we can only take so much verbal attacking before we have the need to fight back again. And how do you establish that method of breakdown?

PS I have a method in my relationship...just interested in seeing what other people do.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:10:11 PM   
Kirren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

How many times have we gone to a BDSM 101 andheard about how important communication and negotiation are? How often does anyone actually talk about HOW to do those things?

So lets do the actually talk...we all know it's important...but how do you actually communicate your needs and negotiate the understanding of your boundaires? Especially given that D/s relationships are about someone having more control than the other..

How do D-types balance their D-typedness with meeting and mainting the needs of the s-type? How do s-types maintian their own boundaries with out manipulationg the situation?

Let's really talk about HOW to communicate and what communication looks like



My girl is required to a journal enrty every time that we session, or the need arises to answer any questions that I may have. I give her the subject, or a list of questions and I have her to reply in the form of a journal entry.

For example, she just spent 5 days with Me for My birthday last weekend, we did one session the night OF My birthday, that included exhibitionism, humiliation, wax play, ice play, flogging, light bondage, paddling and some light knife play. Now, most of these things are average in our sessions, the bondage, flogging and paddling...I told her I knew there were other things that she wanted in session (which had been reflected in an earlier check list that I had her to work on and had read multiple times...) and I wanted to know what things she would most like to experience so that I could set that up.

I talk to her constantly in session, if there is a moment where My Inner De Sade gets carried away, I lean close to her, whisper in her ear and ask her...is she okay...does she need Me to stop...does she realize I do this because I love her...and the whole time I am stroking her red abbraded skin...its quite lovely....and it makes for not only good after care, but offers affection during the session...

I am all about multi tasking.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:11:14 PM   
MasterWilliam55


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Status: offline 		I think it was a reasonable fascimily of communications. Miscommunication often leads to misinterrpreting a remark and a lack of understanding as it was in this case.
When you discover it, you correct it and move on. It happens every day to most people and is often goes unrecognized. In relationships of any kind it happens. If it explodes into anger, it's time to take a step back and discuss what each side meant. Clear the air as-it-were. Then put it behind you and get on with having fun.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:11:25 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I explain that nothing is going nowhere and walk away.  Discussions are different - those are sharing opinions, but I an assuming you mean in a realtionship POV.  If its a relationship POV, for me, I either can submit or I can;t - there isn't a halfway point.  If communication isn't working, then it ends.  You move on and learn.
 
the.dark.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:14:11 PM   
Kirren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Communication is something that happens not just once or a few times. It is a continual, ongoing back-and-forth action.



It has to be that way....if you dont want to stagnate and get burned out.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:16:18 PM   
Kirren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

How do you get the talking to stop when someone in the situation doesn't want to? I mean as people we can only take so much verbal attacking before we have the need to fight back again. And how do you establish that method of breakdown?

PS I have a method in my relationship...just interested in seeing what other people do.



We slam doors...lol...Im kidding.

I find its best if we just sit and hammer it out.

Ive been lucky. My girl and I havent had any kind of real disagreement...we understand each other really well...and in the nilla world work well as friends...and have alot in common. she also understands that I am not so great in verbal communication and has vast patience with Me...so we do alot of emailing and things like that...as I do better in written media than vocal.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:16:41 PM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

How do you get the talking to stop when someone in the situation doesn't want to? I mean as people we can only take so much verbal attacking before we have the need to fight back again. And how do you establish that method of breakdown?

PS I have a method in my relationship...just interested in seeing what other people do.


IF it escalates in a relation, then for me it is time to stop. In BDSM...Ds  and it happens often..then my girl..better looks for an other Master.
She either wants to serve or not.
But yes..it is not as easy as it sounds mostly

( i find the door slamming solution nice too)


< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/28/2008 2:17:54 PM >

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:21:30 PM   
MasterWilliam55


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Status: offline 		You Dommes multitask so much better than us Doms. It's a gender thing. I'm just stuck with being linear and vertical.

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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:23:56 PM   
Kirren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

You Dommes multitask so much better than us Doms. It's a gender thing. I'm just stuck with being linear and vertical.



Im sure thats not true! Look at the bigger picture....I am sure you cover a great many things at once and dont even realize it.

Oh...I didnt add sensory dep...cos of the blind fold and Manson screaming at insane volumes..

Tee Hee...it was one hell of a birthday.

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:33:16 PM   
Justme696


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

My appologies justme. If its not clear to me, I'll ask you what you mean before I comment next time.

not needed

it happens...we are just people here


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RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who kno... - 2/28/2008 2:34:16 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

You Dommes multitask so much better than us Doms. It's a gender thing. I'm just stuck with being linear and vertical.


Science says the same. Men can not multitaks well
(unless it is screaming and cumming at the same time)


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