quote:

ORIGINAL: angelique510


Dmon makes a good point. I have gotten a sense of fulfillment because my subs were so pleased with me and that I gave them something they needed. (Would that be "bottoming from the top"? LOL) But I also enjoy them looking up to me, and having the power to give them pain or pleasure at my discretion.

I don't understand why so many find switches hard to understand. As social creatures, we are instinctively aware of hierarchy, whether consciously or not. I just naturally fall into my status, either above or below the other person, based on their merits. If they show themselves as being of a higher rank, it is my instinct to be submissive. If they show they are of a lower rank than me, I naturally take my place as dominant.

To my observation, this occurs in all areas of life, not just relationships. And one's position may change depending on the situation. I may rank well above someone when it comes to cooking, for example, but rank below that same person when it comes to auto repair. We are all both teachers and students, leaders or followers. It is just a question of what we are doing and with whom we are doing it.

Why should BDSM be any different?

~A

(Yeah!! No more ice cream cone next to my name.)

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ORIGINAL: need2bused6

How do those switches who do it well manage such a radical change? 

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ORIGINAL: need2bused6

I am a sub who has been told by several Dom's I should become a Dom or a Switch. When I am subbing I never do anything out of my role unless ordered by my/a Dom. In that case if I use another sub or order them around I am still a sub carrying out my duties as instructed. I have switched and gotten good reviews as the Dom in scenes. However I feel like I am "pretending" when I am Dominant. I never feel that way as a sub. This post is partially answered in several others but not complete. Yes a question is coming. How do those switches who do it well manage such a radical change? Another post here asked why some ads state no switches apply. In my experience and that of my friends we have had little to no success with them. In my case as a sub I see the sub traits come out and I loose inwardly the respect I give a Dom. I still show the outward respect but it ruins the experience for me to the point I have spoken with my Dom about it and he allowed me not to switch which caused him some problems when his friends wanted me to switch from time to time,. My thoughts are switches have too much empathy for their charges and cannot totally let go of their primary trait.

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ORIGINAL: TaintedEyes

quote:

ORIGINAL: need2bused6

I am a sub who has been told by several Dom's I should become a Dom or a Switch. When I am subbing I never do anything out of my role unless ordered by my/a Dom. In that case if I use another sub or order them around I am still a sub carrying out my duties as instructed. I have switched and gotten good reviews as the Dom in scenes. However I feel like I am "pretending" when I am Dominant. I never feel that way as a sub. This post is partially answered in several others but not complete. Yes a question is coming. How do those switches who do it well manage such a radical change? Another post here asked why some ads state no switches apply. In my experience and that of my friends we have had little to no success with them. In my case as a sub I see the sub traits come out and I loose inwardly the respect I give a Dom. I still show the outward respect but it ruins the experience for me to the point I have spoken with my Dom about it and he allowed me not to switch which caused him some problems when his friends wanted me to switch from time to time,. My thoughts are switches have too much empathy for their charges and cannot totally let go of their primary trait.

I see it that there are multiple levels of switching and of submission. I consider myself an alpha switch. I generally dominate save for a proper dominant I find worth submitting to. In my case, it is the opposite of yours. You ask how such a radical change is handled, it is more of a baser instinct than anything.

You feel as if you are pretending because you are. You claim yourself as a sub, and only act out when requested. If you wanted to branch out into more switch/dom roles, it would have to be something you felt was necessary as a part of your life. You can't be something you're not, at least not for long.

If submissive traits in a dom are something that upsets you, perhaps it is necessary to find yourself a mentor who takes a stance against such things, who commands full submission and no exceptions.

When you say a switches primary trait, there is none. That is why they switch. They may lean one way or another, and eventually change, but a true switch honestly does exactly that. They love it, live it, strive for more of it, and each interaction is different. You must simply figure out where your passion lies and go there. Other people may give advice, but only you can choose what is it you need.

Hiya need,

To me, you sound like a submissive who's good at dominating, but doesn't care to do it.  It's not unlike someone who loves eating a great meal, is a good cook, but doesn't care to cook.  It doesn't hurt to do something you don't particularly enjoy from time to time, so long as the end result is something that you're satisfied with, ultimately.  We do things we don't enjoy all the time, for one reason or another.  What's more important, is if you're satisfied at the end of the day (week, weekend, etc) with how you've spent your time and energy.  My slave is...well, clearly a slave.  She's never had a chance to switch before, and a couple weeks ago I instructed her to give her first spanking to another slave.  I'm not interested in making her into a switch or female dominant, but I do want her to explore that aspect of herself so that she knows (instead of just thinking) that it's something she doesn't enjoy.

Hi Tainted Eyes,

I think your assessment of need is good, but I disagree that she shouldn't branch out if told to.  As I illustrated, part of someone's service might be to perform activities that they don't necessarily enjoy.  It's not all about what the submissive wants.  I agree, there's risks in encouraging a submissive to act 'outside of their role' but I don't think that's the same as saying 'never.'  Switches can often have a primary trait, there's nothing true about it either way.  I think someone who enjoys dominating 80% of the time and submitting 20% of the time would 'primarily' be a dominant (not too uncommon for female dominants I've known.)  I'd consider such a person to be a switch, even though they'd usually identify as a dominant.  Fortunately, there's no World Organization of United Dominants around to revoke their membership

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to TaintedEyes)

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"Those that mind, don't matter. Those that matter, don't mind."