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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/1/2008 12:09:23 PM

rubberpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Are common kinks enough? No, but they are a hell of a good start. A great sex life is the glue that gets D/s couples through life's usual struggles. Dommes in other threads have said kink incompatibility is probably the main reason they don't go on a second date with a sub - not his looks or personality (?!!!).

I agree with this statement because I'm the same way. Why on earth would I want to be with a domme that has a huge interest in crossdressing and spankings, but no interest in my rubber fetish? Instant incompatibility right there. I have no interest in crossdressing or being spanked. I need a domme that not only has an interest in the rubber fetish, but also wants to dress in rubber as much as she wants to encase me in it. I'm so blessed to have found a domme that is that exact way.

< Message edited by rubberpet -- 3/1/2008 12:13:39 PM >

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/1/2008 1:34:00 PM

LadyPact

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I was almost starting to think I was completely missing the point. Let's suppose, for the sake of the discussion, that you really are just looking for someone who might enjoy activities x, y, and z to spend a couple of play filled hours with. In that instance, a play partner's affiliation with a, b, and c really don't matter all of that much. Remember, I'm not talking about looking for a potential match. I'm really looking to satisfy My craving for x,y,z. That play interest is, in fact, a common interest.

From there, you sit down and negotiate. Usually during this process, I've always been able to determine if there is a connecting energy between Myself and whoever is sitting across the table from Me. In a sense, I have to disagree with shewalksinbeauty here. How on earth would anybody know of your likes, dislikes, kinks, etc. if you don't talk with potentials about them. I wouldn't especially want 'word of mouth' to be the way I convey My likes and dislikes. I'd rather people get their information directly from the source.

No, this isn't especially the best way to search for a life partner, but someone with a common interest can be fun for a couple of hours.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/1/2008 4:00:53 PM

PanthersMom

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in all honesty, if you expect to have something more than a beater/beatee relation with a person, common interests are a must, or at least a common interest in discussing differences. what good is meeting for a few hours play if there's no conversation in between acts? go home and build yourself a machine to whack yourself silly or find an old rug and beat the dust out of it if you're not going to do a damn thing but play whack-a-mole. wouldn't conversation and comaraderie be more fulfilling than just the physical acts? if that's not the way you think, skip my profile.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/1/2008 4:59:38 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Absolutely agreed. Kink compatibility is a necessary - but not sufficient- condition for a successful D/s relationship.

But isn't it really essential to discover those other common interests face to face? And actually develop new ones together over time?

Often when I meet someone at a BDSM event, all I know about him is what he looks like and that he is kinky (or very, very lost!). How are most profiles here any different, except you get told what kind of kinky they are?

A well written non-kinky profile does not avoid the need to get to know the person in person, does it?

Having said that I agree with Miss Magnolia completely that someone who send an email only telling you his kink is a compete idiot who should be blocked. I should be able to read his profile if want to know his kinks.

Contradictory? Yeah, probably!!

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 3/1/2008 5:01:27 PM >

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/20/2008 9:18:07 PM

petpete

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Well, i am one of those who believe that the person counts more then there kinks do. We can find the kinks anywhere i suppose even if we pay for them but i don't think the personality can ever be bought for no amount of money. i believe even if the seeking partners don't find there sexual connection they can still have a good friendship.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/21/2008 7:12:56 AM

thetammyjo

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Common kinks can be enough to have a good SM scene and in some cases decent other types of scenes where you play with standard activities and words and role-playing.

Remember not everyone on Collarme is interested in anything beyond that nor should they be. As long as one is honest about what one is looking for, then I don't see a problem with it. Consider the lack of other information to be your signal not to contact that particular person and move on to other profiles. Or better yet, get involved in a local or nearby community where you can get more than words on the computer.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/21/2008 7:20:04 AM

Shawn1066

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I have my tastes, but I'm not very kink-centric when it comes to my relationship with my Owner. I'm much more interested in our intellectual/romantic/emotional bond than with our kink compatibility.

When I first became hers, beyond a broad, general ideas, we didn't even have any idea what kind of things I enjoyed. It's been a journey, and it's an ongoing one. I've learned about a lot of her tastes, and I've tried my best to become as compatable as possible to her in those areas.

At the end of the day, however, I'd much rather be able to discuss philosophy with her than discuss bondage. Both is nice, though. :-)

DV's Fox.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/21/2008 8:48:47 AM

Madame4a

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a profile is not enough.. my profile, as lengthy as it is.. would never tell you much about me... I'm a lot more dimensional than my profile...

talk to people... see how it goes...

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/21/2008 11:57:17 AM

Boondoggle

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I find that what matters most in developing a good relationship isn't kinky interests or even 'nilla interests, it's personality. Personality is something damn hard to put on a profile. When I look at profiles, the things I'm most interested in are trying to get some feel for the person's personality, and what they're looking for. However, I also look at their listed interests to make sure I think we would be at least somewhat compatible. If she's really into things with which I want nothing to do, or vice-versa, I know that nothing more than a casual friendship is likely to develop. If there are then common 'nilla interests and I find her personality still intriguing, I may still write, though with a very different initial intention. If I don't think there's a relationship potential but still feel inspired to make contact, it will be about whatever inspired me to make contact. If I do think there is a relationship potential, I'll probably want to discuss other things in order to confirm that their is or isn't that potential. Foremost among these, obviously, is her opinion about a relationship.

Back on topic, I think that determining kinky compatibility is important; if I didn't, I wouldn't be here. However, by no means is it the most important consideration.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/21/2008 1:41:55 PM

xxblushesxx

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I don't have my bdsm interests on my checklist. I don't talk about what I like in my profile or journal (as far as kink is concerned) In fact the only mention at all regarding kink that I have is that HoneyMaster would like to find a nice Domme to pony train me.
This is not MY kink. *lol*

But I do agree that when looking for partners or friends (except the play variety, and possibly even then because it helps to have a connection) that the first things we talk about are not going to be bdsm related. There are many people here who think the same way you do. When you read their profiles, you notice a distinct difference between those and the 'wanker' ones.
Ya gotta wade through a lot of wankers to find a prize!
*lol*

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RE: The kinks that bind - 3/22/2008 8:56:26 AM

LadyJeelys

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Its not enough for me. In fact, I think having disparate kinks will still work if there is compatibilty in other areas; but common kinks won't be enough to work if I don't fundamentally like the guy.

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RE: The kinks that bind - 4/1/2008 3:18:38 AM

ForHerToUse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ferns

Are common kinks enough?

We are all unique, and to me "kinks" can be part, and i hope are, of vanilla relationships just as much as they are in D/s.
Are they common enough? For what..one night, a lifetime, a workshop? I think the original question address a lifetime, and if that's the case then for me they cant be enough.

To make the test of time, 2 people have to like one another, they have to love one aother. This can start off with common kinks, and develop into something much more worthwhile, as any relationship should. A kink can be had in different people, and you can draw different energy from the same kink in different peole, for some this may be a big part of "kinks being enough", and for others the kindness, the loyalty, the look and feeling just being with another, can mean much much more than "any" kink could ever.

Its that chemistry, if we havent all felt it yet, and only felt the kink, then i dont think you ae in the "right" reltionship. The kink can be transferred to the next "victim" but love never has a victim.

Kinks "satisfy" our needs to address our own need to re-enforce our own submission/dominance parts of our character (in bdsm terms usually refers to sexual character) and they can serve our hunger for physical and mental satisfaction. If you believe thats enough for a relationship to work, forever, than kinks i suppose could be enough. The question is, is that enough for you?

(if ive ranted excuse me, its my 1st posting, will contribute more as time goes along)

< Message edited by ForHerToUse -- 4/1/2008 3:24:54 AM >

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