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How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 7:25:35 PM   
inncentbaby


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline 		hi i have a question im so confused i have just left a relationship with my Master. He loved me & i loved him but he ended it in one night moved out of my life . how can a Master do that to a subbie when I have gave him everything I had to offer him? Please help me understand what i did wrong?
inncentbaby
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 7:51:04 PM   
masteravon


Posts: 7
Status: offline 		That is very little to go on little one to answer you honestly...what was going on your both your lifes at the time...??????

_____________________________

Your Lord,
Master Avon

(in reply to inncentbaby)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:02:31 PM   
petwolf22


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		One thing i've noticed is that being a Master or Dom doesn't make it any less likely that a man will do something to hurt a woman, submissive or otherwise (this is not gender-biased, i've known women to do it to and im not excused either).

Without knowing the rest of the story, its hard to know if there are underlying reasons, but sometimes people do things without thinking of how they will affect the other person. it doesn't make it right, but it does seem to be a common human trait.

stay strong

petwolf

(in reply to masteravon)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:04:53 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dominants are just like everyone else.

(in reply to inncentbaby)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:05:45 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		inncentbaby

Don't put the emphasis on the lifestyle, because what you are experiencing is breakup.
It happens in marriagaes, teenagers going steady, vanilla world or the darker side.
The bottom line is this. How can we know? It happens.
Pick up the pieces and move on, or, talk to your Dom and resolve it.
I'm sorry for you, as I know it hurts, but this too will pass!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to masteravon)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:31:19 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Just phrase the question backwards and you'll understand.

After all he did for you, how could you suddenly drive him away like that?

(in reply to inncentbaby)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:34:13 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		geez that wasn't nice

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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:34:19 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Your Lord,
Master Avon


I beg your pardon?

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to masteravon)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:38:21 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		There are a few possable reasons.
My best guess tho is that he was getting to close and to attached to you.
many people in bdsm have been "hurt" in one fashion or another by someone.
many many submissive/slaves hve been in my terms "damaged" by unconsiderate "Doms".
Some have been marked with a tattoo with their "Doms" name. or trained to not feel emotions, or just abused and beaten.
The same can happen to a "Dom" He allowed someone in his past to get way close to his heart and then they ripped it out. He may have been getting too attached to you and that fear came back so he "ran".

Its also possable that "he" found that he was not such a person that he thought he was and instead of facing his fears or concerns he ran. Such a person will run all their lives and that also is sad.

The concern however is not "why" it happend but how best for YOU to pick up the pieces of your life, Grow from this and look forward to another sunrise. Some have withdrawn into themselves, Some have gone to the "darkside" and become painsluts ever wanting to be punnished for something they did not do. Some try to go vanilla for a bit.

The best thing you can do is to gather around your friends and support structure and ask for help and support in your healing.

It occured as it was ment to and unfortunately we are just too foolish to know the reason why

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to inncentbaby)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 8:46:04 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

Your Lord,
Master Avon


I beg your pardon?

Lily

quote:

beg your pardon?


as well you should...Tee Hee Hee!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
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RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/20/2005 9:33:22 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Just phrase the question backwards and you'll understand.

After all he did for you, how could you suddenly drive him away like that?



you know...as harsh as this sounds...im not sure its wrong...i notice subs posting about how Doms have just left them, after giving everything a sub has...they are always so surprised that their Dom has just suddenly left their lives, i wonder though if they really look back, couldnt there be signs, hints that a break up was going to happen? I also dont understand how we place blame on the Dom, they give to us too, we subs often make it sould that we are the only ones giving, when we most certianlly are not, even though the Dom is 'taking our submission' they have to give their dominance in order for us to submit, its a two way thing, just as a lot of break ups are...

..to the OP, i am sorry for your loss however, i do feel for you and i wish we could tell you why he left, i am sure you did give to him, and i a sure this is extreamly hurtfull to you, i would be destroyed if the one i am with left me, i really wish we could make it better for you, i wish you well, try to get more sleep if you can and eat right and do a few things just for you

best wishes
my'lee

(edited cause i shouldnt post after taking a sleepin pill* giggles*)

< Message edited by Mylee -- 9/20/2005 9:34:40 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 7:31:01 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Inncentbaby,
You know that being a Dom (or a Master) doesn't guarentee that a man will be any better at handling relationships than any guy in the Vanilla world. Masters can be great guys or jerks just like other guys.
They also have feelings and emotions just like other guys. Is this something that has been building for some time and you just didn't see it (or refused to see it)? You mentioned you gave him everything you had to give; did you COMMUNICATE with him and see what it was HE wanted?
Of course there is also the possibility that the two of you just grew apart and he needed to move on. I know that it hurts, but you really can't blame any of this on the lifestyle. What happened to you seems to be of a more personal nature and doesn't have anything to do with your Dom/Subbie relationship.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to inncentbaby)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 10:07:12 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masteravon

Your Lord,
Master Avon



Your signature requires some editing I believe..... I can certainly inform you young man. there is no one on this earth who can claim that title.. I am no ones vassel! I'm betting you will be getting others making similar comments too. Not an auspicious start is it?



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to masteravon)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 10:12:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inncentbaby

hi i have a question im so confused i have just left a relationship with my Master. He loved me & i loved him but he ended it in one night moved out of my life . how can a Master do that to a subbie when I have gave him everything I had to offer him? Please help me understand what i did wrong?
inncentbaby


Its going to hurt like hell for a while lass, but believe me it will pass and maybe you will be a wiser person from all this. Unless you know his reasons for leaving, you will never know why. It really is a basic relationship break up which happens every day. Even vanilla people are left with this huge hole in their lives and a gaping wound in their hearts. being a sub only means that you were more open than some who are not in the lifestyle.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to inncentbaby)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 10:15:32 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
being a sub only means that you were more open than some who are not in the lifestyle.

I'd disagree with that. If my sister's husband died tomorrow, how could I tell her that at least she wasn't hurting as bad as a submissive would be?

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 10:22:59 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
being a sub only means that you were more open than some who are not in the lifestyle.

I'd disagree with that. If my sister's husband died tomorrow, how could I tell her that at least she wasn't hurting as bad as a submissive would be?


Fair comment and if I was talking to a close friend or family member my responce MAY be slightly different. Even with my clients it just may be slightly different, provided they were lifestyle and submissives. However I think you may have over looked my comment
open than some who . The point is that being a sub and in a D/s relationship, probably has left her more open to hurt than if it had been a vanilla relationship. However without knowing all the facts and other case related material i simply used a generalization which is quite acceptable. I can see where you are comming from ES lass and I dont disagree with you it really is a matter of perspectives.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 12:35:40 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
The point is that being a sub and in a D/s relationship, probably has left her more open to hurt than if it had been a vanilla relationship. However without knowing all the facts and other case related material i simply used a generalization which is quite acceptable. I can see where you are comming from ES lass and I dont disagree with you it really is a matter of perspectives.



The problem being you can't really quantify it. Would I feel more loss if my boyfriend died versus my Boston partner versus the Owner versus my mother versus my nephews?

Each have incredibly different connections, but I don't see how I, or anyone external to me, could say that I'd mourn or hurt MORE from any one loss or another just because I happen to be vanilla in some and not vanilla in others.

And I think it's false to say that "submissives" feel things differently than anyone else, it's arrogant and false, even in the modified "versus a vanilla relationship."

I can understand how a specific submissive feels a specific connection with a specific person, and thus feels greater depth of loss in that sense. But again, it's nothing to do with being submissive, simply due to having that specific connection.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 2:13:23 PM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		this might sound harsh, and if it does i appologize. But, you have to look at your role in the relationship. Were you too needy? demanding at all? There are always two sides to a story. And you didn't give too much here for any of us to go on. People are people..it didn't work out. The best thing you can do is accept it and move on with your life. Don't try to over analyze it. It happened. For whatever reason he wasn't happy. It could be he was a jerk, it could be simply you were not what he was looking for. Not given the specifics of the relationship, its hard to make anykind of a judgement. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not fall into that victim "whoa is me" mentality. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and learn from your mistakes. Good luck.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 2:16:06 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		My condolences to the OP. It is a sad thing to see any relationship end, especially one which ends abruptly.

Since I do not know the exact circumstances, it would be pure speculation and conjecture to try and assertain the reasons for His departure. I can, however, try and offer some advice.

Any relationship (and in My opinion, even D/s) requires an open and free conduit of communication between the parties involved. If there is something going on that grates your nerves about the other person, it needs to be discussed, and the sooner, the better. If there is something lacking, physically or emotionally, it needs to be discussed openly and honestly. To allow some problem to hide inside one's soul, in one's head is inviting it to become a cancerous resentment destined to wreck any bond that was once there. Often it occurs to Me when I am dealing with people at work, that sometimes you just cannot reach someone with communication. It is just as frustrating as beating your head into a brick wall. If this be the case, and talking is not doing any good, you cannot be blamed. Communication is a two-way action, and when you've done your best, that is all you can do.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to inncentbaby)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How can a Master do it? - 9/21/2005 2:44:09 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I just wated to say..that you always give such great responses..never belittling ..thankyou
quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

My condolences to the OP. It is a sad thing to see any relationship end, especially one which ends abruptly.

Since I do not know the exact circumstances, it would be pure speculation and conjecture to try and assertain the reasons for His departure. I can, however, try and offer some advice.

Any relationship (and in My opinion, even D/s) requires an open and free conduit of communication between the parties involved. If there is something going on that grates your nerves about the other person, it needs to be discussed, and the sooner, the better. If there is something lacking, physically or emotionally, it needs to be discussed openly and honestly. To allow some problem to hide inside one's soul, in one's head is inviting it to become a cancerous resentment destined to wreck any bond that was once there. Often it occurs to Me when I am dealing with people at work, that sometimes you just cannot reach someone with communication. It is just as frustrating as beating your head into a brick wall. If this be the case, and talking is not doing any good, you cannot be blamed. Communication is a two-way action, and when you've done your best, that is all you can do.

Best of luck to you.


(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 20
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