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Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my famil... - 2/29/2008 1:07:38 AM   
born4serving


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		I have to post this because these feelings are becoming more and more strong. To cut a long story short, I have many relatives who have done bad things to my family and for those reasons my family do not talk with them no longer. However, of all these relatives and friends, who are Woman, I have a very very strong desire to simply worship the ground them walk on. Let me give you some examples.

I have had so many experiences where I I have had arguments with Female friends who swear at me had have said nasty things about me, but the minute they tell me to do something for them, no matter how cruel they have been to me in the past, the slave that I am, I just crawl back to them and do whatever they ask.
I am ashamed to admit this even as I am writing this right now, but deep deep down as much as I would hate that person, I would love the thought of loving someone who has been so bad to me or my family. it’s a sort of a submissive trigger inside of me that takes over.
I think of crawling back to all the people that my family have arguments so much that I even dream of it. I’ve dreamt entering their house and sneaking into their room whilst no one else is there to bow before them; last time I dreamt this, in the dream I was on my kneels at the feet of one of these Female people that we do not speak to as she was sitting on the toilet seat before me.
Another dream was when I went round this one persons house where a girl called Sharon made me a sandwich to eat, who ofcourse my family does not chat to either because of the horrible things that she has done to my family. As I went into the kitchen, I dreamt that she trodded on each slice of cheese that she place in the sandwich, that she did not wash the lattice or cucumber slices but instead inserted them up her anus just before sitting them on the sandwich. As I watched this in my dream, she was not aware that I was watching. She finally coughed up a load of phlegm that she spat inside the sandwich. As she handed me the sandwich, I smiled with delight and thanked her and ate it all up and told her how great it tasted.
Another member is my uncle’s wife, as she is quite young is quite bitchy and we no longer talk to her.  Whenever I used to go round my aunt’s, it is so exciting as I always borrow her knickers to wear.  I think of it more like serving her.  I always look for her wash basket and dig out her dirty knickers.  I then take the dirty knickers home.  This is where the service begins, as I being to sniff them and suck out any urine soaked into the knickers.  I then wear them for a day or two, and yes this includes wearing them round my aunt’s house.  Whist chatting with her and her children; underneath little do they know who’s dirty knickers I am wearing.  
After wearing them for a day or two, I then pride in hand-washing them myself until their fully fresh, and that is when I return them in her closet nicely folded.  I have been doing this service for about 6 months now, and it is becoming second nature to me.  It is ironic though, as when I was a lot younger and I used to stay the night round my aunt’s, there were times when I had no change of clothes to sleep in.  My aunt kindly used to let me wear her leggings, but I felt too ashamed back then; its funny, as now, let alone wearing her leggings, I would not be able to keep myself out of her dirty knickers.  I just love wearing them, their so much prettier then wearing boxers.
The best thing is when I am at home around family and they mention her how horrible she is; I immediately go to my bedroom and kiss her knickers and wear them as I re-enter the room where my family are sitting whist wearing her lovely knickers underneath my clothes.


I cant help this submissive side to me – I just love it soo much. Can someone please tell me what they think of this? is this good thing or a bad thing?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 2:22:36 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Is it submission you feel...or fear for them?

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to born4serving)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 2:42:21 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

is this good thing or a bad thing?


born,

Bad !

CP

(in reply to born4serving)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 3:12:03 AM   
born4serving


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		this is the thing, i dont know why it is a bad thing. yes i know my family would not like it but being submissive at heart and kiss the feet of the Women who hate my family - i just cant imagine the thrill it will give me seeking the look on those Women's faces knowing i am under their feet.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 3:28:07 AM   
Zaide


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/4/2008
Status: offline 		I am concerned that the people involved don't know you are doing these things.  I believe that consent is really important in any dominate / submissive activity.  

(in reply to born4serving)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 3:31:43 AM   
born4serving


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		^^ thats the thing, there is no official dominant/salve relationship, as it is a real life humiliation that i wish to carry out. at the moment i am only having lots and lots of dream about being in situations as those ive mentioned, but if i was to see any of those Woman, and they wanted to spit - i would have no objection than to open my mouth out wide, stick my touge out and say please.

(in reply to Zaide)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 3:32:50 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong in being a submissive male as long as you protect yourself from harm. Harm can be mental as well as physical. There are many submissive men in the world they just fear ridicule from society and therefore many hide it. Hopefully this will change over time and society will learn to embrace people of all personality types.

As far as cross dressing goes, again there is nothing wrong in that. But perhaps you should buy your own female lingerie to wear rather than "borrowing" someone elses.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to born4serving)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 3:36:54 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		read the post, read the profile, wondering about a dose of reality.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Zaide)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 4:02:43 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i can understand the excitement from such a fantasy!! It really adds another dimension to the word domination!! What i worry about is what do you do when the excitement is over?? one still has to live a real life and your deals will be all lost if you cant face your relatives face to face. The part which i worry about is if there's incests involved?? do you have the same feelings with immediate blood related relatives??

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 4:18:08 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Keep dreaming and back off. I can see that your not ready to handle the family problems that will arise  when they find out about this. You know as well as I do that they will explode over it.

(in reply to petpete)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 1:41:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think you have your own issues with your family members but instead of speaking up and setting healthy boundaries, you wish to get back at them by taking up with women they no longer speak to.

Healthy families don't take up vendettas as hobbies. You need healthy boundaries, something I doubt you were taught at home.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 7:06:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I've actually met a fair number of males who simply innately have a desire to "please the woman" "keep the woman happy" "be approved of by the woman" to the point of repressing and denying who they honestly are/what they honestly want- and more than a few of these are male hetero doms.

The reality is that unless you can control your behavior to a certain extent, there is no way that this can become an asset for you in your life.  I need someone with a "thread of steel" in them that allows them the perspective to say no, even if their whole past life and training is screaming at them to say yes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 2/29/2008 7:14:14 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		One word:

Paragraphs.

(in reply to born4serving)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 3/1/2008 4:12:40 AM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline 		What you're doing in itself is not wrong, but who you are doing it with isn't so good.  I would suggest that you go find a nice, cruel, and understanding Domme, and take the family element out and put a good dose of healthy BDSM in.  If your family has been done wrong by other family members, then that is a different story, but there's no need to put your slave/humiliation tendencies to waste on them!  Get into the lifestyle...you'll be happy and will not risk the loss of family members on BOTH sides for what is going on right now.  Please think about that before you do it again...there are really good women out there that would gladly give you such loving hell without that problem of family and perhaps public attack.  

(in reply to Griswold)
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RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 3/1/2008 10:22:53 AM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What you're doing in itself is not wrong, but who you are doing it with isn't so good. ORIGINAL: CNJDom



Actually, what he is doing is wrong.  Since he admits that his aunt (or whomever) has no idea he is temporarily stealing her underwear and wearing them, those particular actions are wrong and he should stop immediately.  And he knows it is not right or he wouldn't be asking if it is bad for him to do this, I think.

born4serving -- you need to get out and find a non-relative woman who will engage in consensual BDSM with you.  I think we all want to help you avoid time in prison or a seriously unkinky beat-down when your aunt and uncle catch you.  You're a cute guy who, at a minimum seems willing to hand-launder lingerie so you've got that going for you.  Have you gone to some of the clubs or munches in London?   I'm certain there are plenty of femdommes who would love to have you cross-dress.







(in reply to CNJDom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 3/1/2008 10:57:52 AM   
born4serving


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		i know it is bad to steal but i used to return the knickers, its only that my family does not go round there no more that i still have 2 of her knickers left round mine. i sort of like it because it is cross-dressing but i think the crux of it is that i am wearing someones knickers who my family hates. its like a more deeper side of submission.

i think because becomming to submissive against people my family do not get along with is bad and perhaps that is why i would like to engage in such activity.

(in reply to honeygirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dealing with submissive feelings against Woman my f... - 3/1/2008 10:22:34 PM   
sskitten


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		You are describing yourself as submissive and telling us that you have been providing a service to your aunt.  But it strikes me that you are not actually behaving in a submissive manner or providing a service to anyone but yourself.  Instead, it seems that you have been acting in a quietly defiant manner, a passive-aggressive manner.  You are getting your kink met this way.  You are not meeting anyone else's needs.  When your family speaks against your aunt and you go put on her soiled panties, you are thumbing your nose at your family as well as at your aunt.  This is not worshipping the ground the woman walks on.  All you are doing is revelling in privately humiliating yourself.  It's not "good" or "bad," though I guess I agree with those who say it's not right that you are doing these things without your aunt's consent.  It seems that part of the thrill for you is that you are getting away with something slightly daring and quite disrespectful.

I'm sure it's no accident that you are most intrigued with the undergarments of the same aunt who used to offer you her leggings to sleep in.  Probably you got a slight thrill out the mild humiliation and intimacy involved in that act of dubious kindness, and now as time goes on, you keep upping the ante to feel that same slight thrill again along with a hint of revenge.

The dreams you describe (eating the contaminated sandwich, etc.) do not mean you worship these women or want to serve them.  It just means you take the thrill of degradation to a deeper level in your fantasy life.

Probably you have quite a lot of anger against the female relatives and your own immediate family but you do not feel comfortable expressing this anger directly.  If you enjoy exploring ideas privately, you might toy with that idea.  Instead of indulging in elaborate fantasies of how you would debase yourself, maybe sometimes you could think about what you might say to these women or to your relatives if you dared to defend your family's honor and your own.  It doesn't hurt to explore thoughts on both ends of the passive-aggressive continuum, since you are dabbling on both ends already.

(in reply to born4serving)
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