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OUT HERE ON MY OWN - 9/20/2005 11:33:46 PM

subbella

Posts: 237
Status: offline

Out Here On My Own

I wake up each day
with a renewed hope
that someday
I will find
what it is I am
truly searching for.

It is hard sometimes
not feeling that sense
of belonging
to someone
and feeling
so totally alone.

He wants me
to open up
to him and tell him
what I wants
from him.
When I tell him
he doesn't understand.

It hurts
to know
that my true
desires
are not being met
in this new
relationship
and I wonder
how long I can sustain.

I care for him
and I am trying
so hard
to embrace
this vanilla life
but my heart
is closed to him
and he knows it.

He can see it
in my eyes
and sense it
in what I do not say.
For I feel
as if I am
living a lie.
Denying
what I truly am.

I am no longer
known as "bella"
and I miss
that so much.
I wonder
will I ever
be anyones
"bella"
again?

_____________________________

Music, Magic, and Mystery are the muses that inspire her artwork and her life.

SUBMISSION . . . it isn't her pasttime, it's her calling.

subbella

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RE: OUT HERE ON MY OWN - 9/27/2005 5:13:50 PM

booh

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline

ohhhh bella ...... ive been following your writing for quite a while but i have not been on collarme for sometime now ........ i really like your writing but tonight when i came here for the first time in a long time i felt sad reading your writing ....... it can imagine it being hard but i wish you all the best ....... and i really hope you will be known as bella again soon ........ keep up your writing because you truly have a talent x x

(in reply to subbella)

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RE: OUT HERE ON MY OWN - 9/27/2005 10:03:08 PM

subbella

Posts: 237
Status: offline

Thank you, booh

Yes, life threw me a curveball. It was unexpected and very hard. Walking away from the Master I loved so much was painful and sad, but it has turned out to be a wise and healthy decision. My new relationship is extemely vanilla, but it is true and real. Soon we will be cohabitating, and I hope that it continues to be good between us. Time will only tell.

bella

_____________________________

Music, Magic, and Mystery are the muses that inspire her artwork and her life.

SUBMISSION . . . it isn't her pasttime, it's her calling.

subbella

(in reply to booh)

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