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And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 4:25:49 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		someone else. I started a thread like this a few years ago, and yet the topic is still relevant and I am sure will always be---when the Dominant chooses someone else. or for that matter the submissive says the D is not suitable.
 
I hope to see writings from everyone--though most of My experience is of course from the males---there seems to be this reaction of hmmm disbelief if someone is not selected, immediately collared and taken off the market---I for one cannot see wasting time if there are things that appear as red flags---I know My life, I know what will and won't work and what I am and am not willing to "compromise" about ( ok don't start in on this, there is a whole thread devoted to that one)--I simply cannnot see dragging things out if I see warnings--now given that, I work very hard to keep emotions in check on both sides, slowing down this talks and trying to steer to reality away from fantasy ( a thing many don't want to do), as again it seems the guys go nutso way too fast with the feelings---it seems that there is, even after all the writings we do--a prevailing feeling that  i'm an s you are a D---we match." 
 
Thoughts?
 
 

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:20:00 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		See I tend to get very head over heels with my emotions for people, I block out most of the negatives for a long time and get swept up in it all and suddenly the realities and the negatives come crashing down and Im like, oh my gosh run away run away now. I think often because the number of people involved in D/s in the uk is so small everyone tries everyone on for size a lot of my friends have all been with each other. Though I have got caught up in things I wouldnt want to be in a D/s r'ship purely to say that I was, I have stopped myself getting carried away before it got to that stage. But everyone has a honeymoon period dont they

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:22:12 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

But everyone has a honeymoon period dont they


I think this is because at the beginning of a relationship people tend to put their best foot forward.  It sometimes takes a while for the cracks to show. 


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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:23:56 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

But everyone has a honeymoon period dont they


I think this is because at the beginning of a relationship people tend to put their best foot forward.  It sometimes takes a while for the cracks to show. 



Understatement.

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:26:45 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		march 14, it will be a year since Daddy accepted me as his own.  he formally collared me in august.  yep, it was pretty quick.  but i am happy about it, other than we dont get to see each other enough.  there have been a few bumpy moments, but he believes in talking those through.  and he's patient with me when i'm a bit nuts. 

kitten

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:44:10 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

But everyone has a honeymoon period dont they


I think this is because at the beginning of a relationship people tend to put their best foot forward.  It sometimes takes a while for the cracks to show. 




Funny that, I was thinking the same thing the other day. I am sometimes too honest t the start of relationships about my flaws and stuff and i have had many experiances where this is not true, people inform you of huge things ages after meeting and its like well I feel that if i had that infomation before hand i could have made a better judgement about entering the relationship. It reminds me of a quote from a corny cinderella remake "we hide all our flaws until after the wedding"


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 5:49:02 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

someone else. I started a thread like this a few years ago, and yet the topic is still relevant and I am sure will always be---when the Dominant chooses someone else. or for that matter the submissive says the D is not suitable.
 
I hope to see writings from everyone--though most of My experience is of course from the males---there seems to be this reaction of hmmm disbelief if someone is not selected, immediately collared and taken off the market---I for one cannot see wasting time if there are things that appear as red flags---I know My life, I know what will and won't work and what I am and am not willing to "compromise" about ( ok don't start in on this, there is a whole thread devoted to that one)--I simply cannnot see dragging things out if I see warnings--now given that, I work very hard to keep emotions in check on both sides, slowing down this talks and trying to steer to reality away from fantasy ( a thing many don't want to do), as again it seems the guys go nutso way too fast with the feelings---it seems that there is, even after all the writings we do--a prevailing feeling that  i'm an s you are a D---we match." 
 
Thoughts?
 
 


This was initially funny to me. Usually its women who are more emotional and in a rush. But I guess you can equate it to the emotions of a sub. Desire and yearning to be owned and the emotions it brings. I have got especially emotional quickly over many a Dom after play. I guess it is due to the psycho-sexual drama of it. Spank me , slap me, my emotions think,"I love you". I have often wondered why? Maybe it is because I am taken to a primal state where I am all emotion? Maybe its because I become a little girl being punished by my parents? After all they are doing whats best for me? Maybe it's the trust factor and trusting you and upholding that trust makes me emotional? The passion thats elicited and subspace can evoke powerful emotions. At first I didn't understand why I would be so obsessive about a Dominant. It was like a spell was cast on me. Now that I am more aware that the emotion is evoked but not necessarily real, I take the time to analyze my feelings to hold myself back a little. I am lucky that I have a caring Master who helps me slow down and keep my feet on the ground, feeling real feelings that are based in reality and not fantasy . Real emotions and genuine feelings are way more satisfying.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 6:15:36 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I simply cannnot see dragging things out if I see warnings 



I'm with you there.  If it's becoming clear that things aren't going to work out, why prolong the agony?  I think that most of the time, that has been a good decision.  There was one time when it was a dreadful decision. 

My hubby first contacted me on alt.  He was too far away, so I told him I wasn't interested.  He didn't see this as an impediment.  We talked for a while and I agreed to meet him.  We had a fabulous first date, but as I pondered our second I decided that I wasn't really interested.  I broke it off.  We both started dating other people, but we kept in touch.  When those didn't work out, he asked if I'd give him another shot.  I did.  Three months later I knew this was the guy for me and was kicking myself for not seeing that and thanking the gods of dating for bringing him back. 

Next month we'll be celebrating our 7th anniversary.

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 6:34:42 AM   
AS11


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		After a long absence (for reasons I will not go into) I have started discussing options and opportunities with others (male and female) but I will not squander or waste their or my time or energy. I live a challenging and rewarding active life, have more friends then I can be a friend too and far more acquaintances then I care to know. So, I say what I mean and mean what I say, therein brutal honesty is either accepted or rejected and serves as a qualifier or eliminator for both of us.

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 6:36:51 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

  it seems that there is, even after all the writings we do--a prevailing feeling that  i'm an s you are a D---we match."  
That seems to be pretty frequent on both sides.  i will admit to mis-reading a D-type or two(or eight)...but i am always amazed at how many Doms want to throw a collar on you after the first handshake...hell, after the preliminary email.  i don't flatter myself by thinking it's my particularly special twue submissiveness,wit, charm, face, or amazing rack...these guys just want a neck in that collar.  They spent 40 bucks at Frederick's and dammit...they want something for that investment!

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 8:53:56 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I tend not to consider myself in love until I see the cracks and find they don't matter to me.  Before that point everything is negotiable, fun, exciting and/or annoying enough for me to continue or exit.  Or I recognise that our connection is just a minor amusement meant to last a short time and then move on.  Love for me does not enter into things for at least 2 yrs.  Those warnings that things are not going to work in the long term are great in my view.  I want to know the good, the bad and the boring so I can let things grow or cull them back into a pleasant interlude.
With the exception of my ex husband I have never had a connection with a man which did not end in some sort of friendship.  Even when I left someone broken hearted, or as with my last one, he left me with one.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 9:09:51 AM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		As as LadyH stated, my thoughts were:   "I am sub you are Dom, we will be great together.  So not true. " 

[/quote]

This was initially funny to me. Usually its women who are more emotional and in a rush. But I guess you can equate it to the emotions of a sub. Desire and yearning to be owned and the emotions it brings. I have got especially emotional quickly over many a Dom after play. I guess it is due to the psycho-sexual drama of it. Spank me , slap me, my emotions think,"I love you". I have often wondered why? Maybe it is because I am taken to a primal state where I am all emotion? Maybe its because I become a little girl being punished by my parents? After all they are doing whats best for me? Maybe it's the trust factor and trusting you and upholding that trust makes me emotional? The passion thats elicited and subspace can evoke powerful emotions. At first I didn't understand why I would be so obsessive about a Dominant. It was like a spell was cast on me. Now that I am more aware that the emotion is evoked but not necessarily real, I take the time to analyze my feelings to hold myself back a little. I am lucky that I have a caring Master who helps me slow down and keep my feet on the ground, feeling real feelings that are based in reality and not fantasy . Real emotions and genuine feelings are way more satisfying.
[/quote]

What she said ( LL19).   The majority of my D/s life was played out online and when I experienced real-time play, sub frenzy to the worse degree.  Thank goodness I was "rescued" by my Dom as I probably would have numerous velcro collars by now (no offense to those using velcro as I'm not yet collared).  We are planning a collaring ceremony within the next couple months)

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 9:12:02 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

But everyone has a honeymoon period dont they


I wouldn't say everyone!.... but most do seem to have one.....

what I can't understand... is why does it have to end!..... Alandra's been in life for over 20 years... Kyra is fast approach 3 years... Things are wonderful... After 20 years with Alandra I am still madly in love with the slut... still learning about her because she keeps growing as a person.  We keep growing... we keep learning..... life is sweet.

One of the biggest reasons my life is so good is because the three of us are well suited to each other.  Our character, our interests, our needs, our wants, our dislikes, our strenghts, our weaknesses, our passions, our hopes, our dreams, etc etc...  compliment each other in a very significant and appropriate way.  Emotions can be rather powerful when it comes to relationships... and sometimes we don't consider carefully enough the person  that we going to enter into a relationship with.

Just because we don't enter a relationship with someone doesn't mean that their is something wrong with them or that their is something wrong with oneself.  About 8 years ago, I met a wonderful and beautiful woman.  We both fell in love with each other.  BUT, as much as we loved each other... you can't reconcil differences in who we are that are not compatiable.  Sometimes our differences are just to great... and NO... LOVE does not conquer all.  I still have feelings for this woman... but I loved her enough not to try to force a square peg into a round hole. 

I don't believe in trying to change another person to fit in my life or change myself to fit in their life.  I believe that when we fit.. we fit... and the relationship dynamics will cause changes very naturally.  I do however, look to change myself to be a better me.  I establish the standards .. and work to those standards... they are not standards for someone else approval... something that I think is rather empty way to live.  If I am not suited for another... we DUH... of course I am not going to be suited!.. in fact.. I think is rather difficult to find someone suited to ourselves.. it takes effort and time.  It also takes alot honesty to oneself and others.  

You would think of the positive experience of 8 years ago.. that I would be smart enough on who I bring into my life.  Fact is about 5 years ago.... I brought someone into my life that was wrong for me.. and I was wrong for her.  It was a very difficult and humbling experience for me in many ways.  You can't change to be right for another and they can't change for you!  This negative learning experience was very important to me.  It has had a very positive effect on who I brought into my most inner life and those that I chose not to bring their.  It was never about who was good enough and who wasn't good enough... it was really about could the relationship be good enough for US!  

I want the very best from my intimate relationships.  I have had the very best for alot of years with Alandra.... I made mistakes.. but in the end.. I want a relationship that is good enough for me.  I know what that is.. and I know what happens when I don't build the foundation to have that relationship.   It is much easier to take the time and effort to find the right person(s) to have that relationship with.... and it is worth it!!!!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 9:17:15 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Thoughts?

It happens, people sometimes feel they are "entitled" to things that they aren't.  That they didn't know me well enough to see my choice coming only shows further how unsuitable they were.

Ah well, like I care... to paraphrase Pat Benetar,"I'm a heartbreaker, love taker... don'tcha mess around with me!"

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 9:29:33 AM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree ... with two concepts here.  There seems to be an overriding  'play with me ~I don't care if we like each other! You're a D and I'm an S ... here's my naked body ~ do what you will!' attitude.  The idea of having some kind of connection that would make the actual play oh so much better seems completely lost on some.  I see this with both tops and bottoms. Some tops have the attitude of 'I'm D, you're not, strip and do what I say because ... well.. I'm the D!'   The other attitude that I see is the one that you mention of too many emotions too fast.  I've experienced this whether just talking about sex or about BDSM.   Just the idea of what can be done seems to trigger deep emotions ~ fast.  And just as above, it doesn't matter if we like each other. The attitude of .. 'you talked about it with me .. therefore you want to do it with me .. so let's do it already!!!!!!' overrides any sense of intelligence in some.  A crush is a crush; an infatuation is an infatuation.  Those are cute and even fun.  However, where's the substance to make a satsifactory lasting relationship?


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RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 9:54:21 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AS11

After a long absence (for reasons I will not go into) I have started discussing options and opportunities with others (male and female) but I will not squander or waste their or my time or energy. I live a challenging and rewarding active life, have more friends then I can be a friend too and far more acquaintances then I care to know. So, I say what I mean and mean what I say, therein brutal honesty is either accepted or rejected and serves as a qualifier or eliminator for both of us.


This is precisely where I am in My life, I tell people-- I want, I do not need--My seeking is driven by no more than My desire to achieve this. However, if I do not, I will not shrivel in to a ball and wither away---My life is far too full for that---it will simply be one of the few things on My list I did not complete.




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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 10:01:06 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I want, I do not need

And there I think is probably the crux of much.  For some, all these sundry things are wants... they would enhance our life, bring us pleasure, but they are ultimately a luxury we afford ourselves, not a necessity.  Others treat it as some burning need they must have fulfilled, as though it were as necessary to their existence as the air they breath, the food they eat.

When one does not get something you wanted, it is a small thing.
When one does not get something they feel they need, it is a large thing.
How we react tells much about which we are.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 10:26:46 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Complete nonsense....You have a twat I have a beautiful Domidong...Things should be rosy.

I hate archealogy you hate archealogy. We must be n' sync.




People are silly.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 10:35:20 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

  it seems that there is, even after all the writings we do--a prevailing feeling that  i'm an s you are a D---we match."  
That seems to be pretty frequent on both sides.  i will admit to mis-reading a D-type or two(or eight)...but i am always amazed at how many Doms want to throw a collar on you after the first handshake...hell, after the preliminary email.  i don't flatter myself by thinking it's my particularly special twue submissiveness,wit, charm, face, or amazing rack...these guys just want a neck in that collar.  They spent 40 bucks at Frederick's and dammit...they want something for that investment!


*chokes on her coffee*

Now that was funny....

Yeah that seems to be it... and then you get the Dommes who think all males should grovel before them and hand over thier bank accounts because they are the proud owner of a pussy and a whip they bought at Party City durring halloween.

Technicaly we kinda do make the rules because we do own the pussy but damn it you dont have to tell them. *chuckles and winks* thats just crass.

Gwyn,
Who's girl knows what POP stands for.

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: And the one selected is-- - 3/1/2008 10:37:54 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Complete nonsense....You have a twat I have a beautiful Domidong...Things should be rosy.

I hate archealogy you hate archealogy. We must be n' sync.




People are silly.
Umm... What is the tendency to be in love with one's own cock??? Peniscism? Dickfatuaton?  Cockpremacy?Would You have domidongiscism??  This is quite disconcerting...

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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