Ask a Misterious

Ask a Misterious (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

hairslave -> Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 6:09:57 AM)
i'm still learning here. In reading many profiles and threads, I see a lot of dominate woman are not intreset in what the submail is intreseted or, into. I know that it's all about Her here,... and not about him, I understand that,... I just think it would be to her avantage to know what he ( the sub ) would be into doing for Her, and what his interested in. That being said, She can indulge for her self from he's intresets as She sees fit, adding Her wishes, wile denieing it of him as She sees fit. from all of what I take fromTotal Power Exchange is, he is making himself avalable to be Her's to use as She pleases right? Any interest on his part is for her to mold, shape and or,... use only how ever, She choses? right!? Sex and fantises, now,... that is a nother subejict

thetammyjo -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 8:41:26 AM)
Desires, needs, limits, all of those things should be discussed in detail by both parties when they negotiate. What seems to bother many women (and men too I'm sure) who are dominant is seeing long lists of interests from subs/bottoms. That sends a signal that the person thinks it is all about them or/and all about only activities. Now if that is correct, great continue with lists, but if it not correct then wait for negotiation and conversation to discuss all those details.

GoodgirlFind -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 8:50:19 AM)
do male doms get a "these are what my fetish and kinks are" from female subs. im not to sure. I know female doms are suppose to cater to male subs fetishes becoz male subs are in it not to serve them but to have their fetishs met. I guess male doms expect sex alot though so it evens out maybe?

MzticStormz -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 8:56:41 AM)
A respectful note from a sub male that reads something like, "My strengths that I have to offer as service are..... " is something I prefer over "Here are the kinks I want you to do to me...." but only after he has opened the conversation with things about him that he would share with any stranger in a bar or such. After all, you don't walk up to a real person in a real place and say, "Hey I want a strap-on used on me" Mz Stormz "Oh shit! is not a safeword."

pixelslave -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 10:58:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hairslave i'm still learning here. In reading many profiles and threads, I see a lot of dominate woman are not intreset in what the submail is intreseted or, into. I know that it's all about Her here,... and not about him, I understand that,... While some women have a fantasy that it's all about *her, that's not* reality based. If it is all about her and your needs are never met, eventually your tank is going to run dry and you'll have nothing left to give her. Women who talk like that, often are without quality subs or have gone through a number of them in short periods of time. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] quote: I just think it would be to her avantage to know what he ( the sub ) would be into doing for Her, and what his interested in. That being said, She can indulge for her self from he's intresets as She sees fit, adding Her wishes, wile denieing it of him as She sees fit. from all of what I take fromTotal Power Exchange is, he is making himself avalable to be Her's to use as She pleases right? Any interest on his part is for her to mold, shape and or,... use only how ever, She choses? right!? Sex and fantises, now,... that is a nother subejict It's to both the woman and the sub's advantage to get to know each other as people first. It's understood from the beginning that you're both here because you seek a D/s relationship. Focus your energies on getting to know the woman first and her getting to know you as well. If she shows no interest in getting to know you, how can she possibly learn your "buttons" to know how to dominate you? Similarly, she's not going be a woman who's going to care about you as a person. When you see that happening, I suggest you look elsewhere. [X(] You're right that it is a power exchange. Since it's an exchange, it means that I give you something, and you give me something in return. That's negotiable and because it's negotiable, every relationship is unique and different. It's entirely up to the two of you what that will look like. Unless you consider yourself a "slave", you'll want to avoid a woman who isn't willing to negotiate with you what your relationship will look like. The ability to negotiate with you also shows me she's flexible and not rigid in her ways. In my experience, as you're getting to that point, that's when you begin sharing your desires for the types of play you enjoy and vice-versa. A power exchange is a two-way street. If both of you aren't getting your needs met, it's simply not going to work for long. No domme really wants an unhappy sub that isn't going to serve them with enthusiasm. You'll also find that although there may be something which isn't exactly their kink, they may choose to reward you with it for especially good service and because they want you to be happy as well by having your desires met. That's part of taking care of your partner and desiring to meet their needs. Thus, I'll repeat, it may appear as though it's all about her and some may try to live that fantasy, but the reality of life is that it's going to be about the "us" that the two of you are going to create. [&:] How you choose to have a relationship with a dominant woman is yours. I suggest you wait for one that's compatible with what you seek and you'll eventually find her. Remember, you don't have to serve any woman that will take you on just because you have a deep desire to serve. That's a recipe that will only set yourself up to be abused and taken advantage of. There are many loving Mistresses out there who seek submissive partners to share their lives with. They're real women with real needs and desires. Many wish to share their lives and the love within them with a man who'll serve them in an equitable power exchange. They're not the stereotypes so frequently seen in the media which you likely wouldn't want to experience for very long. Hope this helps and I'm confident you'll receive different opinions on the subject. [:)] - pixel

LadyHathor -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 11:08:37 AM)
*pixel, you are way better than I am, I tried to respond and could not get past the spelling--* *I am so human sometimes--[:o]*

ShaktiSama -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 12:10:33 PM)
shrug These semantic debates and precription formulas for the "right" D/S dynamic are useless. Every sub who steps forward and says "I need my dominant to take my needs and feelings into account" is going to be confronted by another who says "I need to be controlled and humiliated completely". Every dominant who steps forward to say "I want absolute TRUE submission" is going to get the gears from some other dominant who says "I can't stand a doormat". When it feels right, it feels right. There isn't one answer that we can all memorize and have done with thinking and feeling for ourselves. There are many, many subs who veer away from me as a domme because I ask them too many questions about themselves, for example--I've gotten outright nasty notes from men who accuse me of "playing games" because I want to have some idea who they are as people before I break out the chains. Regardless, looking at the OP's profile I can see that he has all sorts of expectations and needs that he wants his domme to fulfill, from behavior to appearance--and in the meantime he doesn't have a single picture of himself on offer (yes, he claims he'll post one--promises, promises), he has a long list of "hard limits" that includes a lot of common toys and games, and there's a lot of negativity about others on display in his description paragraphs, which is quite homophobic--to a very unnecessary degree. Yeah. Cannot imagine why "sweet, petite, height/weight proportionate, respectful, caring, trusting, dependable" dommes with "long straight shiny hair" are not just lining up around the block to get into an exclusive, not-terribly-kinky romantic relationship with a newbie submissive over 50 who starts off right off the bat complaining about money and hates even to be spanked. What are they thinking? Clearly they should be more considerate of his needs.

pixelslave -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 1:30:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor *pixel, you are way better than I am,* A sub better than a domme? Surely you jest! [;)] quote: *I tried to respond and could not get past the spelling--* Details, details... I'm trying to lose some of my perfectionist tendencies and not get caught up in so many of the finer details. [:D] quote: *I am so human sometimes--[:o]* Only sometimes? I think I'm human all the time, unless I turn into something else when I sleep. I don't really know because I'm never awake when it happens. [;)] Regardless, the being human thing is something we definitely have in common Lady Hathor! [sm=lol.gif] - pixel

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 2:04:31 PM)
i "need" to hug you~

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 2:19:47 PM)
I was hoping the misspelling was "ask a mysterious", which sounds kind of cool! I want my subs to be happy that they are serving Me---but they have to be motivated to please ME first. I am a caretaker by nature, and I like the good reactions from a playmate who is enjoying him or herself, but when it comes down to it, I come first. Not the list of fetishes, even if they are fetishes that I share.

SweetDommes -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/1/2008 7:35:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I was hoping the misspelling was "ask a mysterious", which sounds kind of cool! I want my subs to be happy that they are serving Me---but they have to be motivated to please ME first. I am a caretaker by nature, and I like the good reactions from a playmate who is enjoying him or herself, but when it comes down to it, I come first. Not the list of fetishes, even if they are fetishes that I share. I was hoping that too, Hibiscus LOL I agree about wanting them to be happy as they serve. If they aren't happy, what's the point? But someone who has a laundry list of what they want, what they require, etc - not what we're looking for. We want boys who have kinks compatable with us - but we want someone who wants to please us because he wants to please us, not because he thinks it will get him tied up and spanked (or whatever). And Hathor - I didn't reply when I first saw it because of the spelling too ... my first thought was "oh my god, is this a joke?" lol

PsyVamp -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 6:31:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I was hoping the misspelling was "ask a mysterious", which sounds kind of cool! I want my subs to be happy that they are serving Me---but they have to be motivated to please ME first. I am a caretaker by nature, and I like the good reactions from a playmate who is enjoying him or herself, but when it comes down to it, I come first. Not the list of fetishes, even if they are fetishes that I share. Well, I could have put that whole statement in bold because those words are such a part of my mindset. My submissive's first thought should be serving me, and if this is good for them, if they are serving me, meeting my wants and needs, then I am free to see that they are also getting what they need from me. OP: A "do me" list does nothing for me.. a list of fetishes? That's why Pro-Dommes are in business, hand them over the money and you may get something you want in return. I say "may" because even if you are paying cash, it is still the dominant's decision to "grant" you your fetish. If all you have to offer is a "do me" list, if all you want is the kink, then be open and honest about it. At that point, you aren't looking for a Domme, you are looking for a kinky top. Lady Jag

hairslave -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 7:13:32 AM)
I apolagious for my poor spelling but,... do thank evreyone for their imput. Selling has never been a strong point for me. Spell Ckeck helps but,... it doesn't let me know if I have the wrong spelling of the word being used. I have tried the spell check on here but, it just wants me to down load something to my copter. I am just learning to use the computer so i am turely sorry for any wrongs here. I to am a profictionous in my trade. i get very adgertated when i see things that people do wrong but,... I am leaning to realize it was the best they know how to do. i hope to inprove as time goes by. i don't claim to be perfict here by any means.

pixelslave -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 10:13:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama Regardless, looking at the OP's profile I can see that he has all sorts of expectations and needs that he wants his domme to fulfill, from behavior to appearance--and in the meantime he doesn't have a single picture of himself on offer (yes, he claims he'll post one--promises, promises), he has a long list of "hard limits" that includes a lot of common toys and games, and there's a lot of negativity about others on display in his description paragraphs, which is quite homophobic--to a very unnecessary degree. Yeah. Cannot imagine why "sweet, petite, height/weight proportionate, respectful, caring, trusting, dependable" dommes with "long straight shiny hair" are not just lining up around the block to get into an exclusive, not-terribly-kinky romantic relationship with a newbie submissive over 50 who starts off right off the bat complaining about money and hates even to be spanked. What are they thinking? Clearly they should be more considerate of his needs. Shakti, I didn't look at the OP's profile until after reading your post. I still didn't read it nearly as "do me" as you seem to have. In fact it seemed rather balanced for someone who admits to being new to the lifestyle. In being new to the lifestyle, someone who dislikes (not hates) being spanked may later discover they enjoy it (perhaps when introduced to it in a sensuous manner) as they grow and learn. Ditto for other limits the OP may have at this juncture in his journey. [8\|] I do agree however with your comments about being so specific regarding the physcial characteristics he seeks in a domme. I view that as being rather superficial, not expecially realistic, and sending the message that he's not especially interested in the woman inside the body who's going to dominate him; taking him to the places he'd like to go. [&:] A number of his limits are some which I share. Perhaps the problem you had is the way in which they were stated and that many were implicit in terms of the type of relationships he stated he was looking for? When viewed in that context, it seemed to me that many were not even necessary to include in the text of his profile. If doing a profile review, I'd have suggested he start with what he had to offer before getting into what he didn't want in a relationship or his limits (focusing more on the positive as oposed to the negative). But that's just my take on it since you brought the subject up; particularly because I think you were rather harsh in your take on his profile. That may have been in part because he's clearly not what I think you'd be looking for. Yet he may be exactly what someone else might find a delightful sub to own. [:D] - pixel

pixelslave -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 10:32:35 AM)
hairslave, If you have WORD, you might try composing your posts off-line and using the grammar check before you copy and paste them into the dialogue boxes here on CM. You may find that of some use to you. It seems to me that you're trying very hard, despite some of the feedback you're receiving here. You might consider taking an adult education course in english writing at your local high school to help you to better yourself in the use of the english language, making yourself more attractive to the ladies here on CM or anyplace else you might encounter a dominant woman you're attracted too. It also might help you in your job in dealing with others by being able to give clearer instructions. A dictionary might also be a good thing to try using as well to check the meaning of words in your messages before you post them here on CM. I hope you'll find these tips of help. Don't let yourself be discouraged by what you've heard. I sincerely hope you'll hang in there until you find a woman who'll understand that you have the desire to learn and want to serve. If you need some help with rewriting your profile, feel free to write me on the other side (click on my name to the left of this post which will take you to my profile where you can message me using CM's internal mail system). - pixel

ShaktiSama -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 4:35:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave I didn't look at the OP's profile until after reading your post. I still didn't read it nearly as "do me" as you seem to have. I didn't see it as "do me" (if anything "don't do me" is a stronger message). However, I do see it as demanding and demeaning. And I have never been impressed with men who assert their "submissive" nature by telling a woman what she has to look like in order to be "good enough" to be dominant. I can certainly see why you would want to defend the OP, given your recent posts to the "Extra Pounds" thread, where you so helplfully chimed in to reinforce the traditional stereotypes of plus-sized men and women as weak, lazy, and unhealthy. Clearly you are yet another male sub with strong views on who a woman has to be, in order to be worthy of his submission. Personally, my only response to profiles and posts like this, however--regardless of what other qualities a sub may seem to have--is to be repulsed. I don't find homophobia a turn-on, for one thing, even in straight men. And I am never impressed by men who think that dominance can be judged, measured, or even established solely by someone's outward appearance. Attitudes like this say far more about your worth than anyone else's. But since you insist that other women are going to find this "delightful", I will take your word for it and spare any further expressions of my opinion on tyhe subject. I can content myself with a hearty, completely idiosyncratic [:'(]

SweetDommes -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 8:00:59 PM)
While I do think that pixel is being a bit overly protective of the OP, I totally did not get the same thing that you did from his posting in the "few pounds extra" thread. My take on it was that even if she is overweight that she will need to have the discipline to take care of herself the best that she can ... that doesn't mean that she has to be skinny, slender, or any such thing - simply that she does the best that she can. I took that to mean that if she has a medical condition that she takes care of it, and that she does at least watch her diet (rather than eating the shit that way too many people eat these days) and do at least some form of exercise. I didn't see it as perpetuating or reinforcing any stereotypes

bleusparkles -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 8:05:53 PM)
I've only ever had one relationship with a submissive guy but I gotta say, it was never ALL about me. It was ALL about US ... We had so much fun together just trying new things. Yes, he had a long list of interests but that was good in my eyes because it gave me a huge variety of things to choose from. Just because someone is interested in something doesn't mean you have to try it but it sure is nice to know that your partner isn't afraid to try new things.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 8:13:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes I didn't see it as perpetuating or reinforcing any stereotypes Really? Didn't he haul out that old chestnut about how "A woman can't discipline me if she can't discipline herself"? Given the context, that statement seems pretty laden with negative judgment to me. And man, I have heard that line of bull so many times...ugh. [:'(]

SweetDommes -> RE: Ask a Misterious (3/2/2008 8:17:04 PM)
Ah, but he never specified that she had to be thin to have self discipline ... never once in his post did he say that. I explained what I still think he meant by what he said - which has nothing to do with the size of the person in question, and everything to do with the attempt to be healthy.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875