bipolarber
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Joined: 9/25/2004
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Hummm... let's see... stuff I find offensive, or fucked up about the Bible...
1.) They get it wrong in the first lines. Genisis does not mirror what we know to be tru about the beginning of the universe. Sure, "Let there be light!" is as good a description of the big bang as you can have, but everything after that is screwed up, chronologically.
2.) Women are made the fall guy for God's entrapment scheme in the Garden. I mean honestly! What the hell was God thinking, putting that tree there, then telling the kids, "Whatever you do, don't touch that!" Any parent could tell you what the hell was gonna happen.
3.) God commits mass murder. Drowns nearly everyone. Promises not to do it again.
4.) God gambles with the Devil, to see if Job would remain faithful is God turned against him. Kinda like shooting your dog to see if he'll remain loyal, or take a bite out of yu the next chance he gets.
5.) Tests Abraham by telling him to off his kid. (This is a God of love and understanding?) God pulls the punch at the last second. (Why do I have the feeling this one was rewritten for a happier ending?)
6.) God figures we're getitng to smart for our own good, and curses us with different languages. (Gotta make sure the humans can't get anything important done... no, sir!)
7.) Moses, the first superhero, proves his magic is better than the high priests of egypt. Moses gets booked to play the palace for months afterward.
8.) God kills off all of Egypt's first born. (serial killing #2)
9.) God, for no particular reason, decides that Moses doesn't get to see his people prosper. (That's the thanks you get for leading a bunch of whiners through the desert for years and years.)
AT THIS POINT, GOD GETS AN RX FOR PROZAC
10.) God knocks up a little jewish girl, without asking, (not unlike Zeus, who was into golden showers) and decides to see what conditions are like on Earth by the ultimate in method acting.
11.) thirty three years missing. (Erased much the same way Nixon accidentally erased several minutes of tape.)
12.) Jesus, capable of miracles, decides to go ahead and be tortured to death by the GOP... er... Romans, (sorry, I get those confused these days) even though he could have easily turned the nails into nerf.
(Okay, this part of the Bible, I actually quite like. As a submissive male, I can get behind a guy who suffers for the love of his fellows, understands and forgives criminals, and is willing to selflessly give himself up in order to make everyone else's life a little better. The thing is, I think they got one of the details wrong. It should have been that, instead of being the son of God, Jesus should have been an average guy. He could still have said all the same things, and gone through all the same experiences. It's just, in the end, God comes down and claims him as his son, saying, "You shitheads persecuted this poor bastard because he had some good ideas, was different from you, and you thought you could get away with it because he was a nobody. Well, just to prove what assholes you've been, I'm adopting him, and he's gonna be my favorite, because he actually cared about others. Maybe you all should think about doing the same.")
13.) The apostles cheapen the act of sacrifice by turning the whole thing into a business. They market the idea to the rest of the world, but the message gets twisted, and the focus pretty much lost.
14.) Tribal elders, and a few kings, decide to do a bit of rewriting along the way, adding some stuff that is just plain mean. Stuff against gays, stuff against other religions, stuff about how we all either think the same way, or we should be killed by fire, or stoning, or any number of other nasty ways. (They were quite creative.)
15. People start taking the Bible v8.3 as holy writ, and begin using it as a club to split open the heads of anyone who disagrees with their own limited interpretation of it.
That's a quick overview... I left out all the anti-sex stuff they crammed in, just for brevitiy's sake. Let's face it, our ancestors didn't really have much of a clue what sex was really all about. (They didn't even realize that sperm and eggs had to come together to begin the process... fertility was a total mystery to them.) So they came up with all these crappy "marriage as property" edicts, just to make sure the lines of succession and taxes came out right. In the meantime, everyone else's sex lives got wadded up and thrown into a waste basket, in terms of natural satisfaction and happiness for all.
(All I can say is, I'm glad I'm Taoist.)
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RE: What if anything in the Bible do you find offensive? - 
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