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ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

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ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut
So there are three of you living together and you are responsible for 2/3 of the household chores, by choice, of course, but still 2/3.

I am not trying to be glib here, really, I'm not. You are quite young, and I do admire your desire to "do" everything. Some day, you two might have children, and then you will have even more things that need to be done. No one is superwoman and can do everything. Certainly, I don't know what you do for a living, but the level of responsibility you have at your job comes into play. Sometimes, since you are working full time, laundry may take several days to complete. You sort things one night, throw a load in, then in the morning, throw that in the dryer and the next in the wash. There is, after all, only so many hours in a day, you can't change that. If you are working full time, then that accounts for 8-10 of those hours. If we make you really low maintenance, 30 minutes of the day goes to showering and getting ready for work. Making and eating dinner accounts for about another hour (not including cleanup). Half your day is already gone and you have to sleep some of it too.

Why would it feel wrong for him to do "chores" that he likes, doesn't mind, or is much better at (as in he is an exceptional cook)? Wanting to be useful, and wanting to run yourself into the ground in an effort to please are two different things. I never said that because you work, he shouldn't ask you to do the dishes or take out the trash. As a full time student, I'm sure he has studying that needs to get done as well, which could take up a lot of his time too. I'm saying that you shouldn't feel you HAVE to do everything and him nothing, and that there is a middle ground where you are still being very useful, but in the interest of time management. Perhaps he hates typing, and is not very good with spelling and grammar, and you are quite good at it. Wouldn't you be equally useful to type his school papers up for him, while he perhaps did rotated laundry or something?

Reality is what it is, and today, in order for most households to function, everyone has to take on some duty around the house. That is why I suggested listing the household chores and discussing which he truly loathed. Just like my comments about the two of you not living together. Certainly, he can realistically expect you to take care of his home, but when reality comes into play, somewhere something is bound to fall short, whether it be your job, your home, or his home. Unless of course, the time you spent together was all about you doing those household chores.

Again, taking things one room or one chore (except daily things like dishes) a day is very helpful in time management and allowing you to accomplish your goal. I'm a single parent who works full time, so there isn't someone that I can really share those chores with typically (my 12 year old has his chores, but they tend to get limited to the things that I won't have to redo because he did them poorly).



I have to say I disagree with this one too. Granted, I live with him so it's a moot point, but even if I didn't, if he wanted me to clean house, then it's my job to do it. Saying that he doesn't want to enforce it doesn't mean he doesn't want me to -do- it, just that he doesn't feel the desire to chase me around with a spray bottle for not vaccuuming. He wants to not have to think about these things. As someone who serves him, whether or not we live together, it'd be my job to get rid of the things he doesn't want to think about--at least in our dynamic.

Thank you very much for your detailed input and I'm sorry I was unclear about somet higns

(in reply to perverseangelic)