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RE: Loving my Master - 3/3/2008 3:39:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Me? I fell in love before I submitted to him. But I needed that love relationship between us in order to submit.


That's where alot of problems originate from, and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's more of the fact that the needs, wants and solutions differ so much from person to person and situation to situation.  What might be ok with me may not be for the OP but, like many of us said, she has to be the one to make the decision...not Us....

~meticulous~


But that's a compatibility issue. And one that's a lot easier to work out in the negotiation stage, not six months or six years later. Which is why I recommend people should figure out before they start looking; figure out what they must have and what they cannot possibly put up with.

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(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Loving my Master - 3/3/2008 4:40:58 AM   
joy2u


Posts: 89
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.

You can't make someone love you.  It doesn't matter how submissive you are to him, even if you do everything he wants, plus some. 
 
quote:

He says that is not possible.

 If he tells you that it's not possible for him to love you.  You should believe him. 
 
quote:

i do not understand why as i love Him so.

Maybe you don't understand because you don't want to understand.  You aren't hearing what he's telling you, because he's not telling you what you want to hear. 
 
You can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love him.

quote:

Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

It could be unhealthy to continue a relationship with him, if you continue to refuse to accept what he's telling you and, you continue to think that he could love you, even though he tells you that he can't. 
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Loving my Master - 3/3/2008 4:59:39 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Unhealthy? No. Useless? Yes. Why would you want to put yourself through the agony of loving someone who doesn't love you? It is not something that will change, and it is perhaps a bit too vanilla, as well.

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Loving my Master - 3/3/2008 8:39:54 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Some people are okay with such a situation and in that case you will have no issues.  But he has called the spade by its name its up to you to accept it or not.  Some doms find it difficult to have a 'romantic' relationship yet still be able to maintain a d/s dynamic.  Go figure....but its all good...doesnt mean they are wrong in their way of thinking.  Figure out if you can be with him yet know and accept that he does not and may never return the same feelings.  If you can deal then yippeeee.  If you are looking for love , all the butteflies and I love you's accompanie with whips and chains etc....he ain't your guy.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Loving my Master - 3/4/2008 8:39:16 PM   
masterfixer


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		why make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Loving my Master - 3/4/2008 8:47:27 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am not sure the message here...


And the message is your his fuck buddy, furthermore talking to him about furthering the relationship won't change the fact that your his fuck friend...  Get the picture.

BadOne

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(in reply to luvm)
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RE: Loving my Master - 3/4/2008 11:05:04 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do... so in love.. and unreciprocated.. even though he says he cares about me alot.


Let's see. You've been with this man, happily, for more than a year now. He cares about you, and you love him like the dickens. But you don't know if it's healthy to go on, because he's not somebody else?

K.
 
 
 

< Message edited by Kirata -- 3/4/2008 11:09:20 PM >

(in reply to luvm)
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RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 2:46:44 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Unhealthy? No. Useless? Yes. Why would you want to put yourself through the agony of loving someone who doesn't love you? It is not something that will change, and it is perhaps a bit too vanilla, as well.


We don't change in the vanilla world as persons...when we are not having a BDSM day

quote:

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

It doesn't sound healthy for you..but at least He is honest about it. Which gives you the choice.


< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/5/2008 2:48:27 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 7:54:06 AM   
sensiia


Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Only you know if it is healthy for you or not, are you happy, are you remaining producitve in your life, are you continuing to care for yourself? I know of people who prefer this type of relationship it keeps them safe from commitment, dating someone who is emotionally void.

I could not be in a relationship with someone if they could not love me back. I would continue hoping for it only to let myself down.

May you make a healthy decision for yourself

S

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 9:52:26 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Im going to have to disagree with celeste. I don't think that it is a good ideal to look for someone while you are in a relationship now. Leave then do it.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 11:19:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Im going to have to disagree with celeste. I don't think that it is a good ideal to look for someone while you are in a relationship now. Leave then do it.


Actually, I didn't suggest that as the best option. Just as one of a myriad of choices. Personally I think it's better to leave and lick your wounds first, if you can. However, women who have extremely low self esteem frequently cannot do this, they need their self esteem raised through external validation in order to get the strength to move on. Which is why I said it is one of the options.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 11:24:10 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Every dynamic is different, not all Masters choose to love their property as they feel it can be a detriment to the power dynamic, other Master's feel it increases it.    Sounds like you have found a Master that falls more into the first category.  Only you can decide if that will ultimately be unhealty for you.   Not all slaves or submissives want love, others cannot imagine being owned without being loved.   There is no right or wrong in this, only what is right (or wrong)  for you personally.

Good luck luvm.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Loving my Master - 3/5/2008 11:30:06 AM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline 		I feel your pain because I was in your situation once. The reality is you can't make him love you, no matter how hard you try. Honestly from your post I think it sounds as if he is just useing you. I think it is time to cowgirl up and move on and get a real man who can love you and show you who's boss. Good luck to you.

                                                          

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Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Loving my Master - 3/7/2008 12:00:36 PM   
Lena7


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		i have been where you are now.  the truth is you can't change how a person feels.  i tried everything in the book to make my Sir love me and it did not work.  he told me that he could not love me, but only have love for me.  in the end the best thing was to walk away and find one who would love me the way i needed it to be.

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Loving my Master - 3/7/2008 1:12:56 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		greetings girl,

I would agree with most, only you can decide whether or not you are happy and whether or not it is healthy for you.
I own a slave, and while I do have love for her as a slave, I am not in love with her in the relationship sense. I can't predict the future so to say whether or not I will is not something I will speculate.

I do not know the exact dynamic of your relationship, but slavery is not so much about "love" as it is satisfying a need or a sense of how things are intended. You need to sit down and decide what is most important to you, a Man who loves you or one who quenches a deeper more primal thirst.

With Respects to your Owner.


< Message edited by LordShadow -- 3/7/2008 1:17:20 PM >

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Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Loving my Master - 3/7/2008 7:45:26 PM   
xsassykatx


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/11/2006
Status: offline 		girl ignored her primal thirst and focused on the love.  Losing her focus nearly cost her herself.  Now, her primal thirst is back with even a deeper thirst than before.  Love is over rated.  Finding a man, the right man to quench ones thirst and drowning in that is worth more and is more fulfilling than love could ever offer.

be well,
kat

(in reply to LordShadow)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Loving my Master - 3/7/2008 7:50:39 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Not everyone can reciprocate in the way we would best like.

Find another if you can't take what he can offer-people rarely change at thier cores. Something is either there,or it is not.
 
 Wishing, hounding, and nagging will not create something out of nothing.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Loving my Master - 3/8/2008 8:31:20 PM   
luvm


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		no need to make fun i have real feelings...

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Loving my Master - 3/8/2008 9:24:25 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		I would suggest that you think about what you want, need, and deserve and then compare that list of the things that you want, need and deserve against what this man gives you.

It is very freeing to be able to love someone, but understand that even though you love them that you love yourself even more. Once I got to the place where I love me best of all, it made me free to get the love from someone else that I very much deserve. I can love someone and still not settle for less than I deserve to have.

Now, for me, being in your situation would just end up pissing me off at that person, and what had at first been "love" would end up with me mentally finding every little flaw and imperfection that the man had so i wouldn't feel so bad that they thought me unworthy of their love. I tend to have the attitude, "if not you, then someone better". Sounds cold, but it is just the truth of it all.

~Sinergy's strumpet~

(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Loving my Master - 3/8/2008 11:23:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		No one is obligated to feel toward you the way you want them to feel. Just because you feel a certain way toward them does not dictate that they feel the same toward you.

You have two options: you can stay because you love him or you can leave because he doesn't love you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to luvm)
Profile   Post #: 40
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