RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (Full Version)

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domiguy -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:11:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: completenz

reread what Celticlord said and repeat it again and again.
This 'dom' sounds like a real loser and he doesnt deserve you. Block him from your life hon, he aint worth it
hugs
chrissie



Read it once and throw it fucking out. It's really bad advice...You are broken...Ron is right. There is something wrong with your decision making process. Repeating.. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” ...Doesn't make it so...You are a seemingly pretty groovy chick...Figure out what is wrong.. Fix it and then blow me.



brainiacsub -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:14:51 AM)

Personally, I don't see this as having anything to do with needing to be broken, and even less to do with slavery or any lifestyle choices. You would be facing some of these very same issues whether you had met someone on Match.com, eHarmony, at church, or the local nightclub. If you can't find happiness within yourself, and be at peace with who you are and the choices you've made in life, good and bad, then by god no relationship will ever be healthy for you, unless you miraculously find someone who is willing to assume all responsibility for your well-being, both physical and emotional.

No, you do not need to be broken as you are already in a horrible state of disrepair. Take some time, fix yourself, know what makes you happy, then be happy, and you'll find that you attract and are attracted to a whole different kind of partner.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:15:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I know you are right completenz but right now i just feel like a useless unworthy failure.


You break my heart, misst.  You sound exactly as I did prior to leaving my last dominant.  I am an advocate of building up, not breaking.  And I believe building something up can be achieved without breaking it, first.

Being true to yourself should feel joyful, not miserable.  Your spirit should be lifted, not crushed.  You know, in my last relationship, I left totally convinced that I could never be pleasing...that I could never succeed in submitting...that I had no value at all and that I was totally worthless.

I have been posting here from my current relationship for the last 2 years.  Do I come across as that kind of person to you?  The last time I saw you post, you were laughing and a bright energy that radiated across these fun little forums.  I am fully convinced it is not you who is the problem in this relationship, but that the one you are serving is not equipped to capitalize on the goodness and beauty within you.

If it helps, what I ultimately told my last dominant was to the effect of, "I am obviously not pleasing to you, and obviously not the right girl for you.  Since you can not decide whether to keep me or not, I will decide for you, and I am leaving.  I wish you well."

Please consider what you are being told in this thread.



Edited to add a quote I pulled from your profile, which you might want to read again when you think about the one criticizing you:
4/14/2006 7:36:03 AM: Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself - Harold Medina.



Aswad -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:16:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I know you are right completenz but right now i just feel like a useless unworthy failure.


In this particular case, some chocolate and/or ice cream may aid in a return to sanity. [;)]

We all have those moments. Then we either see a bad decision somewhere along the line and resolve not to repeat it, or we see that we did the right thing and that our feelings are not justified. In this case, if there is any fault on your part, then it lies in not kicking the guy's family jewels into orbit. If so, correct that mistake and move on, with or without something sweet to ease the pain for now.

As for the other two girls, you'll see them again, eventually... looking for a new Dom... or a Prozac refill. [8|]

Health,
al-Aswad.




junecleaver -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:33:07 AM)

If 'la fuente de mi serenidad es él' then maybe you can find comfort in your service to your Sir.

So you've made some piss poor choices.  But you can stop making them.  You can choose to ignore this person.  You can choose to find support and comfort in the people in your life willing to give it like friends, family, and your Sir.



domiguy -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:37:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

If 'la fuente de mi serenidad es él' then maybe you can find comfort in your service to your Sir.

So you've made some piss poor choices.  But you can stop making them.  You can choose to ignore this person.  You can choose to find support and comfort in the people in your life willing to give it like friends, family, and your Sir.



June has some of the "best eyes" on CM...I hope this helps the op get through her time of tribulation.



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:43:00 AM)

I offer the following saying of the day:

If it isn't broken then don't try to fix it especially if it was made in china because those people have ways of making electronic devices where all the bits fly out at you if you try to pry them open with a screw driver.[8|]



honeygirl -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:51:55 AM)

~fast reply~

I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed.

I'm a bit confused by all the references to what appears to be multiple doms.  On the face of it, the issue seems to boil down to your getting involved with a man (or two) with whom you knew you were incompatible. 

I think you should look at the reason you chose to do that so you can figure out how to never do that again.  The times when I have gone against my gut instincts and regretted it, this is what I have done to get myself back to being happy.  It goes without saying that you should extricate yourself from any person/situation that causes you to be this unhappy.





Justme696 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 12:04:39 PM)

Sounds more like that guy has some broken brain cells. What word didn't he understand in "not interested in poly"?




domiguy -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 12:10:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Sounds more like that guy has some broken brain cells. What word didn't he understand in "not interested in poly"?





Hmmmmm....I have never been able to understand when a woman has informed me that she is not bisexual. I just look at her, pat her on the head and take some solace in the fact that she is wrong.



honeygirl -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 12:11:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Sounds more like that guy has some broken brain cells. What word didn't he understand in "not interested in poly"?




I'm curious about what you would feel is missturbation's responsibility in this?  It really does look like she still got involved with him and his slaves.  She chose that, yes?   "Not interested" seemed to be "yes, bring it on" in this case, it seems to me.



DesFIP -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 12:18:12 PM)

You need to learn better choices. This isn't a confidence issue. It's something deeper.

You need to learn why, when you walk into a crowded room, you automatically pick the person who is the worst for you.

You're not alone in doing this. It's remarkable how many of us will not get off the merry go round. Basically we try to replicate a young relationship, only this time it should come out right. So if you come from a home with an absent father or just one who was emotionally distant, you will pick men who remind you of that, believing that if you do it all right this time, he suddenly will love you.

What happens is that you aren't fixing your family of origin issues and the emotionally distant man you pick this time isn't suddenly going to change. Some poly men are in it because they truly can love more than one. Most are drawn to it as a way of staying safe emotionally. If you spread your emotional intimacy around they believe, then no one will ever be able to hurt them. Of course the corollary is that no one will be close enough to really love him either because he doesn't let them get that close. And since he isn't willing to recognize his own issues, he blames the new woman for not loving him right, not being right.

Whereas, the truth is, neither of you are ready for healthy relationships at this time. Try ACOA meetings until you can work on this one to one.



Smoothicen -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 12:51:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?



Questioning on account of what? Some jackass that has no clear idea about what he wants?

A big part of being a dom is knowing yourself and knowing what you want. How else can you guide, be responsible for and protect a sub?

In this case, the two of your are simply not compatible as dominant and submissive. He should've understood that early on and saved you both significant headache.

Since you got to this stage though, I would suspect you may compatible as friends but for that to happen, he has to be mature enough to accept that fact that you didn't work out as playmates and be willing to accept you as a friend.

You're not the problem and your judgement is accurate. Things simply didn't work out. Move on to finding another that suits you better and best of luck with that search [;)]



Justme696 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:05:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Sounds more like that guy has some broken brain cells. What word didn't he understand in "not interested in poly"?





Hmmmmm....I have never been able to understand when a woman has informed me that she is not bisexual. I just look at her, pat her on the head and take some solace in the fact that she is wrong.


hahaha
kittens need petting :P



Justme696 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:07:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Sounds more like that guy has some broken brain cells. What word didn't he understand in "not interested in poly"?




I'm curious about what you would feel is missturbation's responsibility in this? 



oh she changed thoughts?
sorry didn't get that.
IF she continued..afther first saying no...well then...it is up to herself




IrishMist -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:17:13 PM)

ahem

Misst....ya know I love you girl....BUT.......

right now, I could fucking break you myself for saying this
quote:

  Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?



The only thing that seems to be broke right now hun, is your ability to think rationally....
//nods

Yep...you definitly need me to bust your head a couple times till you get back on track

[8D]



HouseDV8 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:20:11 PM)

I really do try not to be judgemental, but it baffles me that there are two pages of answers to this. This is not even a real problem. The OP even said she never met this person. One reply even said that there was nothing wrong with her, but with him...i beg to differ. i don't know about "wrong", but there is something unhealthy with being this heart broken and upset over someone you never even met and who is probably showing you completely fake pictures of these supposed slaves. WHO CARES??? Get out of your box. If you want to feel badly because someone you never met does not think you are good enough you probably just convinced a whole bunch of people with this post. Now you can feel really terrible.







Paulsgirl -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:21:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Around 12 months ago i began speaking with a Dom and we got quite close. We spoke about meeting, taking things further etc and all was pretty sweet. That was until He mentioned that He wanted poly and that He had been speaking with a young newbie who He was thinking of taking on as a slave. Fair enough, but i really wanted nothing to do with poly at that time (bad break up) and told Him so.
I explained to Him about the bad break up and that i had no interest in mentoring this newbie in any shape or form, which was what He was asking me to do. We talked and talked things through and i eventually agreed to give it a go.
To cut a long story short i over night managed to turn into the worst slave in the world. My attitude stunk, my manners were appalling and i was so nowhere near as good as His new slave. Or so He said!
I took it for as long as i could, tried to be what He claimed He wanted but nothing was ever good enough and eventually i gave up. Bare in mind at this point we hadn't even met.
Now He has popped back into my life again and thinking things would be different we have been talking again. Things were pretty cool until He showed me His other two slaves. I have no problem with poly at this time at all, those of you who know me know i have been seeing my Sir for about 10 months now and we have a very open relationship.
Anyway He showed me His slaves, asked me what i thought and believing honesty was the best policy i told Him. They looked very nice, not my taste and a little too young. He didnt take it well and He basically called me jealous of their youth and beauty. As i told Him beauty is in the eye of the beholder and i just dont personally find them attractive.
All down hill from there lol. Nothing i say or do is right. One minute He wishes me to be a prospective slave of His, the next He is trying to show me good behaviour so i can find myself a good Master. He tells me to show Him my submission and desire to be His and yet when i ask Him for guidelines, expectations, i am speaking out of turn.
In short He claims i need breaking so He can build me up into an obedient pleasurable slave. Hes broken me alright but i dont think its in a good way at all! Ive given up, He wins. I told Him this and asked Him if He was now happy, he says no!! Apparently my attitude still stinks!
Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?
 

My dearest missturbation:
i have read your post through and through and i can find nothing in it that is more than the Doms use of a double bind...psychological double bind that is.
In other words if you agree you agree to ALL his terms and there is no negotiable limits and therefore (in my humble opinion) there is no power exchange
OR
you do not agree in which case you are a trashy slave and need to go and get back to his total definition of you and are back at square on above.

Will send you mail.
(As to his interpretation of how you feel about his other slaves....it is pure projection on his part. )





Justme696 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:22:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HouseDV8

I really do try not to be judgemental, but it baffles me that there are two pages of answers to this. This is not even a real problem. The OP even said she never met this person. One reply even said that there was nothing wrong with her, but with him...i beg to differ. i don't know about "wrong", but there is something unhealthy with being this heart broken and upset over someone you never even met and who is probably showing you completely fake pictures of these supposed slaves. WHO CARES??? Get out of your box. If you want to feel badly because someone you never met does not think you are good enough you probably just convinced a whole bunch of people with this post. Now you can feel really terrible.







if you had the answers all the time....please answer as first poster next time.  lol




DRKSHYDO -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 2:27:20 PM)

I find this problem to be his. The type of relationship that would become would not be healthy for either of you. I would suggest a break in contact and a search for someone that is more compatible with you. I know this is probably a rehash of everything everyone has said, but this situation could become a serious psychological hurdle for both of you if you persist. You are not what he is looking for and from what you are telling us, he's not for you with either.


SHYDO



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