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Paulsgirl -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 3:47:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
quote:
ORIGINAL: missturbation
Around 12 months ago i began speaking with a Dom and we got quite close. We spoke about meeting, taking things further etc and all was pretty sweet. That was until He mentioned that He wanted poly and that He had been speaking with a young newbie who He was thinking of taking on as a slave. Fair enough, but i really wanted nothing to do with poly at that time (bad break up) and told Him so.
I explained to Him about the bad break up and that i had no interest in mentoring this newbie in any shape or form, which was what He was asking me to do. We talked and talked things through and i eventually agreed to give it a go.
To cut a long story short i over night managed to turn into the worst slave in the world. My attitude stunk, my manners were appalling and i was so nowhere near as good as His new slave. Or so He said!
I took it for as long as i could, tried to be what He claimed He wanted but nothing was ever good enough and eventually i gave up. Bare in mind at this point we hadn't even met.
Now He has popped back into my life again and thinking things would be different we have been talking again. Things were pretty cool until He showed me His other two slaves. I have no problem with poly at this time at all, those of you who know me know i have been seeing my Sir for about 10 months now and we have a very open relationship.
Anyway He showed me His slaves, asked me what i thought and believing honesty was the best policy i told Him. They looked very nice, not my taste and a little too young. He didnt take it well and He basically called me jealous of their youth and beauty. As i told Him beauty is in the eye of the beholder and i just dont personally find them attractive.
All down hill from there lol. Nothing i say or do is right. One minute He wishes me to be a prospective slave of His, the next He is trying to show me good behaviour so i can find myself a good Master. He tells me to show Him my submission and desire to be His and yet when i ask Him for guidelines, expectations, i am speaking out of turn.
In short He claims i need breaking so He can build me up into an obedient pleasurable slave. Hes broken me alright but i dont think its in a good way at all! Ive given up, He wins. I told Him this and asked Him if He was now happy, he says no!! Apparently my attitude still stinks!
Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?
Accept that he is not a good match for you and walk away. Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself and the relationship and you'll find that your attitude improves incredibly. Happiness has a way of doing that. It's really very simple to do.
With acceptance of what you say Aileen:
Master does not always, sometimes, usuallt, ever (lol) make me feel happy or indeed bad about myself. But i have learned a very hard lesson very fast. And that is that feeling good or bad about myself is reactance: sometimes 'good' and sometimes'bad'. Since i entered into it all consensually the responsinility for how i feel lies with me. The agreement to enter into 'it' (which is not just a relarionship but a bdsm relationship), that agreement came first and then i had, have and probably will continue to have problems with the way 'He' males 'me' feel....but just like physical pain, whose qualties and dimensions, there seems to be a clearer shared consensus about, emotional pain is more deeply subjective, shows no scars and leaves no visible bruising.
IMPO the OPener seems to be allowing herself to feel those feelings before an agreement has been made or even a meeting.
i admit i have done this running order. It's an arse about apex emotion......
first things first.....meet, talk, coffee? scent him out? touch and meet the other so-called slaves etc etc and then feel.......and then by all means arse above apex......
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