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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 1:05:51 PM

kyraofMists

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Motivation is what will define an act as submissive or not for me. Am I motivated to do his will or my own? If I act out of a motivation to do his will, then I am submitting to him. Within our relationship, even when I do something that is my own will to do, it is still submission to him since he determines when I am allowed to act upon my own will and when I am not. There is very little that I do now that is not rooted in my submission to him.

The one time that I co-topped with him and Alandra, she and I were submitting. We were not submitting to the bottom, but to him. His will directed our actions. His will does not direct our enjoyment of those actions, but it does direct what we do. In the experience, I enjoyed the act for the sake of causing someone else pain and discomfort. Alandra enjoyed it for different reasons.

When I bottom to him, I am definitely submitting to him. His will determines what will happen within the play. If I were to bottom to someone else, most likely it would be motivated out of submission to my Lord. I would not be submitting to the other person, but to him.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 1:13:05 PM

Missokyst

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As he is very new I am not sure. He has never been in a relationship where he has been submissive to his partner. But I do know that in our chats he speaks of submission in sexual terms. "It makes me hard" "Will you beat me? I know that will make me submissive. I was busy playing with mysel all night thinking about that."
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The only problem I see is if he's asked to serve first to earn the reward of play. Can he be submissive and do it ahead of time or does he need the play first? Because many dommes want to first see the submissive behavior, before they will top. It isn't as much of a problem for female subs as it is for male.

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 1:51:49 PM

Tigrita

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Hm, this question made me think, I like that. Upon pondering, I've come up with instances where I've enjoyed BDSM in a purely sensory way and not felt any mental/emotional submission (though I think the dom in that instance thought differently, and acted accordingly, making it an awkward situation later); and instances where the BDSM activities reflected and deepened my mental/emotional submission. On a purely objective level, it is submitting to be bound and hurt by someone. You are at their whim and mercy if they decide to turn on you and ignore safewords or whatever trust had been established. But mentaly, for me, submission can be separated from the acts of S&M or BDSM.

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 2:46:23 PM

daddyncherry

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For me it is submitting, since i am not a masochist and up to now he hasn't had any desire to try to get me to goto subspace to endure what he dishes out is submitting entirely.

If i did find enjoyement in it, it could still be submission though because he would say when, where, how long and what implements and he would decide if i was allowed to enjoy it or suffer through it.

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 3:51:59 PM

glycerine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For you bottoms, is bondage, play, flogging, ect, submitting?

No

quote:

Whats makes submission, submission in your eyes?

Submission and dominance require some power and/ or authority transfer. If you transfer authority from yourself to another, you are submitting.

Enjoying impact play and the s/m part of bdsm has really nothing to do with d/s or authority transfer unless you decide it to be so.
What bottoming means to me is just in which end of the flogger I like to be. It has nothing to do with whether I'm a submissive or a dominant personality and for me it has nothing to do with who controls the scene, since we both control it 50/50

I find myself identifying with Viridana. I like to bottom in sexual situations; I like flogging, painful stimuli and being treated as His slut. That doesn't make me feel submissive however (well, except maybe when His hands are around my throat, that does it a bit). What makes me feel submissive is that I want to please Him and make Him the priority in what we do. Unfortunately the amount of submissiveness for me is dependent on the day and extenuating circumstances, although He usually can put me in my place with a few well chosen words (the ass pinching doesn't work real well though, Sir! Yeah I know, I'll probably get 10 for this one!

)

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 5:11:29 PM

junecleaver

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Submission is when he tells me to do something and then I do it.

How pleasant that is for me varies greatly, but the simplicity of doing what I'm told remains.

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 7:26:17 PM

Leatherist

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I have a sadistic streak. How much, varies by how it is reacted to. If it is reacted to with pleasure-I will tend to find a very weak reaction on my part.

If with a degree of suffering-but from a devoted point of view-it will fire me up.

That's what submission is to me, and what makes the difference between servant and a bottom.

I'm a Sadist, not a service top.

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 11:15:28 PM

Masochist444

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I think that especially for masochists, there is a vast difference between submission and submitting. I have always said that submissives feed an internal need when they are submissive towards their top. A masochist will frequently submit, but its more of a service act than an act of submission.

Actually, its gets so complicated that its probably an individual thing for everyone. If it feels right to you, then it is right for you. I would probably not spend too much time picking it apart and just enjoy doing it!

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/2/2008 11:15:44 PM

MaamJay

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Submission to me is about motivation ... if i am doing it to please Him, it is submission, whether it is something i would prefer to do or not. And yes, some of the hardest things to submit to are the everyday things, not play LOL! What I think the OP's friend was meaning though, is that the activity puts him into a "submissive headspace" ... ie a fresh realisation of the fact that he is submissive and that the Other is in control. That's a subtle differentiation that one could forgive a newbie for not expressing.

As a Domme, I have explained to new would-be subs that submission isn't only about what they like or want to do. I really don't want a "do-me sub". Which is why I have a problem with those who claim to "want to be forced" ... surely an oxymoron! If you want it ... it's not force! A sub must be prepared to do what they would prefer not to do ... and, preferably, to find their joy in doing it in pleasing Me. So to the poster who said, what if i enjoy everything because i'm doing it for You ... great! Though I wouldn't want you to be in denial of your personal preferences or feelings, I would want to know about them, even though I may call upon you on occasion to put those aside in obedience.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/3/2008 7:38:25 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

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quote:

For you bottoms, is bondage, play, flogging, ect, submitting?
For tops, when you beat someone you know loves it, are they submitting?
Whats makes submission, submission in your eyes?
Kyst

There was a time last summer when I seriously questioned whether I wanted to ever submit in a relationship again. I thought about bottoming, but the dynamics of a D/s relationship were not something I thought I could engage in again. Masochism is a separate entity from my submission. I do not consider it the same thing no more than I consider washing dishes to be an innately submissive act. Now if I am washing dishes because he told me to, or taking a hard whipping because he wants to do that... well that is submitting.

I do not know if that makes sense

~Sinergy's strumpet~

< Message edited by SinergyNstrumpet -- 3/3/2008 7:39:00 AM >

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RE: ..who is submitting? - 3/3/2008 9:11:27 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

Whats makes submission, submission in your eyes?

it isn't a feeling, or an emotion, or a specific set of acts, for this slave. it is the way she reacts to the world around her, in her relationship with the divine, in intimate, familial or fileal relationships, as well as her preferred sexual orientation.

currently, this slave submits to ONE mortal. her submission to Him translates as follows:

she follows His orders, concentrates on His desires and focuses on His pleasure.

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