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Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 11:43:33 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

just in my-own, tiny lil world, ...i personally view this subject as;

Doms are more toward what THEY expect from Their girls and Dommes are more toward what Their boys want....

now if this is against YOUR personal observations..please ring out for me here.

because "I" am curious if MY observations are off base.
i JUST finished....slave craft with guy baldwin m.s.-----and i find it regards male doms as demanding........
and in MY world "I" see dommes as expecting to find and use male slave fantasies ideas urges against them vs what male doms use their own ideas against their girls.

anyone? everyone?

thanks

wolfie..waiting to hear from you or You.....
sits up, one paw up to shake, ears up listening.....

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

Post #: 1

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:09:14 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I personally see the term "domme" as unnecessary and silly.

I'm a dominant sadist who also happens to be female. I don't feel the need to make my biological sex (not my gender by the way) a big issue and those who do, well, not my style.

I personally haven't found much of difference between biological sex and styles of being dominant. But then my personal philosophy is that I do this for me, me, me, and oh, yeah, for me!

Therefore I don't think of using my partner's fantasies or ideas or desire against or for him/her but for me!

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 2

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:09:44 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think gender stereotypes should always be treated delicately and with great care and never ever used to apply to a particular person/situation.

But generally, no I haven't seen any gender difference in male doms expecting and female doms giving.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 3

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:16:33 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

wolfie normally I agree with you. this time however, I don't think so.

I personally like knowing what my boys like as it helps me to understand their drives & desires. I would however be failing them & myself if this was what lead the relationship.

I look at it kind of like I do with my dogs...if liver treats get them to do whatever I desire & peanut butter makes them go on the rug...wild guess what I will use for motivation. Though the rolled up newspaper has come in handy more than once for dogs & boys.

As for the idea of using fantasies & urges against one...I guess that's a personal thing missing some details. I find that using urges as a drive is more motivating. Complete x,y, & z & you can have reward a.
As far as what Dom's do...no idea I have seen ones that run the gamut.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 9/22/2005 12:33:13 PM >

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 4

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:21:35 PM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps?

Doms are from Mars,

Dommes are from Venus?

Sartoris

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 5

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:23:13 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I "think" I understand what you're saying. What I observe is in regards to het sexual encounters (for non-het, think "male energy" vs "female energy"):

Men, on average, want to get laid and pursue this to no end. Women, on average, just want the men to stop pestering them. These two things are pounded into us from childhood (boys keep score, girls should remain virginal). Submissive men and women are quite happy to go against what society dictated that they should want and are more than willing have the Dominant Male or Female use thier sexuality to control them.

So, what does this mean? It means that the Dominant gets what they want: control of the sex. It just comes in different forms. Male Dominants are much more apt to make their submissive into be a slut (good word, not bad) by GIVING permission for this behavior. Female Dominants are much more apt to make their subs into sluts...by TAKING permission away!

So, while the methods are different, the end result is the same. I feel you are viewing one method (male vs female) as better or more valid than another. That's not true.

Fire

< Message edited by MistressFire70 -- 9/22/2005 12:24:12 PM >

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 6

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 12:42:00 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I feel you are viewing one method (male vs female) as better or more valid than another. That's not true.

=========================

no no. not my intention to say one is better or less than... the other.......
just as "I" see it.....male doms in MY eyes are more for themselves and their kicks and female dommes are more for what turns on the boy and how to make him behave...

male doms do it by convincing the girls that their needs come first and the female dommes say that if a certain behavior makes the boy change they go with THAT........as is the newspaper rolled up idea........

change behavior for female dommes and urges and needs for male doms.........in MY view of how "I" have seen them act.
"I" have YET to find 1 single male dom take a girl sub JUST for domestics like female dommes take boys to do it........male doms are out for themselves.....

just MY feelings only.....

anyone else wanna chime in here?
i'd sure appreciate it.

thanks
wolfie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 7

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 2:18:37 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

"I" have YET to find 1 single male dom take a girl sub JUST for domestics like female dommes take boys to do it........male doms are out for themselves.....

No, see, I would take a female JUST for domestics too.... lmao... I do get your point though. And maybe it's because we are poly, I can't say for sure, but my husband would also accept a female for just domestic as well... ok, domestic with some perks.

I think one of the main things I've noticed though really doesn't have anything at all to do with the gender, it's the expectations. Not many submissive/slaves are willing to accept a position as a domestic... no matter how you word it.

Face it wolf, when they made you they broke the mold.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 8

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 2:25:35 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

"I" have YET to find 1 single male dom take a girl sub JUST for domestics like female dommes take boys to do it........male doms are out for themselves.....

[]No, see, I would take a female JUST for domestics too.... lmao... I do get your point though. And maybe it's because we are poly, I can't say for sure, but my husband would also accept a female for just domestic as well... ok, domestic with some perks.

Back when Libby and I had the big house in Boston we spent quite a bit of time looking for a house slave. Almost without exception, the women wanted sex (at least "Janet Hardy" and some "Clinton")

Note: the big problem with the guys was they wanted Libby to always be dressed in fetish and ordering them around. We found it easier to clear ourselves.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 9

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 2:29:13 PM

MasterJay28

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm.........
I'm not sure If I'm understanding you correctly..but, here goes

Doms/Masters: teach/traing Their slaves/subs to be whatever they can be..then expect them to do what they are trained (at the same time respecting their limits)

Now Dommes, I prefer the term Dominatrix, Are practically the same thing...except female..........

_____________________________

MasterJay28

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 10

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 2:48:10 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Back when Libby and I had the big house in Boston we spent quite a bit of time looking for a house slave. Almost without exception, the women wanted sex (at least "Janet Hardy" and some "Clinton")

Note: the big problem with the guys was they wanted Libby to always be dressed in fetish and ordering them around. We found it easier to clear ourselves.

I can completely understand that... and since I am a stay at home wife I have no problem doing the housework as well as some of the construction that has to be done (we are remodeling)... and if I want kink... well, we belong to a large support group and I do have volunteers. I'm just saying it would be nice to find that one person... ok, I'm an optimist....

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 11

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 3:11:25 PM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

I feel you are viewing one method (male vs female) as better or more valid than another. That's not true.

=========================

no no. not my intention to say one is better or less than... the other.......
just as "I" see it.....male doms in MY eyes are more for themselves and their kicks and female dommes are more for what turns on the boy and how to make him behave...

male doms do it by convincing the girls that their needs come first and the female dommes say that if a certain behavior makes the boy change they go with THAT........as is the newspaper rolled up idea........

change behavior for female dommes and urges and needs for male doms.........in MY view of how "I" have seen them act.
"I" have YET to find 1 single male dom take a girl sub JUST for domestics like female dommes take boys to do it........male doms are out for themselves.....

just MY feelings only.....

anyone else wanna chime in here?
i'd sure appreciate it.

thanks
wolfie

I disagree totally for I love nothing better than making my slave fantasies come true and I know a number of Doms that feel the same.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 12

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 3:15:22 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05
in MY world "I" see dommes as expecting to find and use male slave fantasies ideas urges against them vs what male doms use their own ideas against their girls.

hmmm

Men & their ideas...
& the women who use "them" (the men)

Understanding how a person's mind works & what triggers them is important. Women are very good at this regardless of their role of dom or sub.

Wouldn't you agree that the submissive woman is also getting what she wants from her male partner?

MP

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 13

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 3:23:14 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

In my experience, I have met both doms and dommes that cater, however forcefully to their submissives' needs. I have also met tops of both genders that are in the lifestyle solely for their own pleasure. While you may have met more of one kind in a specific gender, it has been my experience that gender has nothing to do with it. People are who they are, regardless of what type of sex organs they possess.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 14

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 3:31:27 PM

MissChicane

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

i've always looked at it as a gender differential. Dom = Male... Domme = Female. And as for their expectations, wants, desires... everyone varies.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 15

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 3:45:37 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

just in my-own, tiny lil world, ...i personally view this subject as;

Doms are more toward what THEY expect from Their girls and Dommes are more toward what Their boys want....

now if this is against YOUR personal observations..please ring out for me here.

because "I" am curious if MY observations are off base.
i JUST finished....slave craft with guy baldwin m.s.-----and i find it regards male doms as demanding........
and in MY world "I" see dommes as expecting to find and use male slave fantasies ideas urges against them vs what male doms use their own ideas against their girls.

anyone? everyone?

thanks

wolfie..waiting to hear from you or You.....
sits up, one paw up to shake, ears up listening.....

What if you just expanded your theory to say simply: men are motivated by sex.

The male dominants use their submissive partners as a way to satisfy their sexual fantasies.
Dominant women use the male submissive's sex drive/fantasies to get what she wants out of him.

Regardless, I don't agree this is universal. My dominance comes from a desire to see a man submit for my sexual and sensual pleasure. I have a lust of my own that needs to be satisfied and it does not cater to a submissive's fetishes or fantasies, although in many cases they overlap, and in other cases I may really enjoy using his fetishes as a tool to move him toward the actual submission that I seek.

I think a new breed of femdom is emerging (I may be wrong) that does cater more toward submissive fantasies and desires. I think women are finding that the concept of having a submissive partner is attractive based on the ideals she may have -- that a submissive is obedient, is not selfish, is loyal, and chivalrous. To attain this kind of "submissive ideal" mate she studies and adopts femdom attitudes, styles and skills to attract and keep him. I'm not saying she does not sincerely enjoy her dominance -- but I tend to think she approaches it from a different mindset than a femdom that has a kink of her own she's trying to satisfy.

As an example, I personally have dominated every man I had a physical/romantic relationship with -- on some level. It's the way I express my sensuality and sexuality. So I've dominated men that were submissive and chivalrous, I've dominated men who were somewhat accommodating to me and I've dominated men that turned out to be selfish assholes. I've dominated men who were very take-charge in our courting and dominated men who never courted at all, and I did all the chasing. The need/desire to express that side of me exists regardless of the type of partner I'm trying to attract.

There's never been a time that I've felt I need to put on a "femdom hat" to attract and land a partner or keep him interested, so the "accommodating femdom" just isn't me. It's actually the opposite. Whether I like it or not, the "femdom hat" just is on sometimes, and I'm not taking it off until I scratch that itch.

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 16

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 4:19:03 PM

HentaiGamerKitty

Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I think its fallacious to say that doms are into it for purely their own selfish pleasure. Yes, they are trying to meet their sexual needs (and many of them are sadists who truly enjoy doing painful, disgusting things to their subs/slaves) but I also believe that the *good* doms are very much in it for making the fantasies of the submissive come true.

Most doms are highly empathic and the enjoy what those "painful, disgusting things" BECAUSE the female sub enjoys it so much. If she wasn't enjoying it on some physical or psychological level, he wouldn't enjoy it. Thats not to say that he never punishes her in ways she does not enjoy..but he does so not for his own pleasure but rather because he's striving to make her the best girl she can be. My Master has told me that during serious punishments (as opposed to "play" punishments), that he never gets an erection and takes no pleasure out of what he's doing it. He's doing it to make me a better person, just as a parent punishes a child for the childs own good.

The best doms care very deeply for their slaves/subs and strongly take her desires/fantasies into account.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 4:27:32 PM

frenchpet

Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sartoris32801

Perhaps?

Doms are from Mars,

Dommes are from Venus?

Sartoris

Soon to be published : Why Doms don't listen and Dommes can't read maps.

(in reply to Sartoris32801)

Post #: 18

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 4:35:56 PM

MissChicane

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

the man I have submitted to (going on 7 yrs now) is all about taking care of me... my needs, wants, desires... and in return I do the same for him. He's not even about sex... we could go on without it for who knows how long (i cant handle a day without it) but he doesn't dom me for sex. There is so much more to D/s that the masses out there don't seem to understand. It's a power-exchange... and in relationships... it goes far beyond sex.

(in reply to frenchpet)

Post #: 19

RE: Doms vs Dommes - 9/22/2005 7:46:17 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

AAkasha

My dominance comes from a desire to see a man submit for my sexual and sensual pleasure. I have a lust of my own that needs to be satisfied and it does not cater to a submissive's fetishes or fantasies, although in many cases they overlap, and in other cases I may really enjoy using his fetishes as a tool to move him toward the actual submission that I seek.

==================

now let me understand this?.. You SAY Your subby boy is for sex for YOU..?? what does Your hubby say about all this? doesn't HE care about all this?

just trying to understand You.

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 20

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