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RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 2:14:18 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

But here's my dilemma. I'm the one taking all the risks here, giving out my number first, being pressured to cam (face only, he says) when he doesn't even have a cam. Sure I understand that maybe he's been jerked around by other people, but this really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it?

I hope you gave him your cell phone number and not your home number. Otherwise, you might as well give him your address and directions to your home. There's a little thing called reverse look-up. By typing in your home phone number, he is given your home address. From there, he can type your address into yahoo directions or mapquest and obtain a map and step by step directions to your home.

Before I had a cell phone, I had lots of guys want to talk on the phone. I would get their cell phone #'s and block my home number when I called (*67). If they insisted on having my number, I would tell them no because I'm a woman and my safety is important to me. If they couldn't understand that, they weren't anyone I needed to be talking to anyway and they were deleted and blocked from my messenger.

Just an FYI, you can get the same with a cell phone......... if you know how and many do.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 21

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 2:21:02 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

When I saw you had posted in a " go both ways" thread..My heart skipped a beat!

Jeff

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 22

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 2:24:54 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Don't forget to take your nitroglycerin tablets Ward.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 23

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 2:25:10 PM

tinkerbelle3

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

He asks me to turn my cam on, which I am not inclined to do at the moment, mainly because I'd have to go find it, hook it up and get the lighting right. Just a hassle. So I don't. (Of course, he doesn't even *have* a cam--too risky, he says, in his conservative line of business.)

We continue to chat for a bit and then he asks to talk by phone. Again, I try to beg off. It's getting late, I have stuff to do, etc. Another time.

Has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it?

Just a thought, instead of 'trying to beg off' how about stating that you're not feeling comfortable with the current level of communication. How about telling him that normally you would like to get to know a little about someone prior to talking on the the phone. It might just be me, but when I expect honesty I give it first.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 24

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 2:49:33 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3
Just a thought, instead of 'trying to beg off' how about stating that you're not feeling comfortable with the current level of communication. How about telling him that normally you would like to get to know a little about someone prior to talking on the the phone. It might just be me, but when I expect honesty I give it first.

I've done that. Sometimes I get a polite, but final message, sometimes I get no reply at all, and sometimes I get a reply indicating that in his opinion I'm not real. I look at myself in the mirror, see that I am real, and chalk it up to his loss.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
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(in reply to tinkerbelle3)

Post #: 25

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 3:26:01 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just an FYI, you can get the same with a cell phone......... if you know how and many do.

Maybe if they have a friend in law enforcement. I've seen websites claim they can trace addresses to cell phone numbers, but I've tried typing my own number in and nothing ever comes up. Last summer, I worked as an information operator. Many customers called in and asked me for names and/or addresses from cell phone numbers. Nothing ever came up. I'm pretty confident that people can't be tracked down through wireless numbers.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 26

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 3:30:14 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Okayyyyyyy, if it makes you feel better to believe that.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:25:27 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just an FYI, you can get the same with a cell phone......... if you know how and many do.

Maybe if they have a friend in law enforcement. I've seen websites claim they can trace addresses to cell phone numbers, but I've tried typing my own number in and nothing ever comes up. Last summer, I worked as an information operator. Many customers called in and asked me for names and/or addresses from cell phone numbers. Nothing ever came up. I'm pretty confident that people can't be tracked down through wireless numbers.

Don't need to work in law enforcement. In most cases, if you don't mind paying $5-$15 dollars, you can have name and address sent to you. In my case, I have a friend who is an AT&T rep. About a year ago I was getting middle of the night calls from some woman whose boyfriend had me on his cell phone contact list. She thought the same as you, until I called her back, addressing her by first name and last, telling her she ought not to wake me up anymore...it makes me grumpy.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 28

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:32:28 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

guys that try to bully you into doing things that you really aren't comfortable doing are not worth your time or attention,, you are young and cute...move on (a bit more carefully) and forget that wanker

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 29

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:35:54 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

it does happen to guys to:)

I feel like I got suckered into this one:

after playing with a new toy and having fun with my g/f co-topping a bunch of play things(they were all excited about the toys. I had a woman ask if she could give me her phone number because she had some questions. I was all in teacher mode b/c I was helping people work the toy and such. long story short: a couple times a month I get phone calls from this woman crying and needing a shoulder to lean on... Honestly I don't know where to start with her and I don't have any emotional involvment and her problems are seriously way to big for me to even begin to deal with... so now I'm gunshy to give out my phone number...not good when I'm in a very networking type position and the more people who have it, the better for me:) ...

so yeah it does work boths ways... at least in terms of Gender;)

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to Paulsgirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:37:46 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I don't think that asking for some reciprocity is unreasonable on your part. I can't understand why you gave into him so easily.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 31

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:45:42 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000

a couple times a month I get phone calls from this woman crying and needing a shoulder to lean on... Honestly I don't know where to start with her and I don't

Skully you promised you wouldn't tell. And it's only once a month. I swear. Okay sometimes twice a month. But only in months with more than 28 days. I swear.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Skully7000)

Post #: 32

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 4:57:25 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
Has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it?

Yes and she stalked me for two years. I found out she was married. She flew to my hometown and showed up at my work. She flew to engagement sites (at time, I was a consultant) and somehow showed up at my hotel. I'd send her home to her husband and her mother. She was lovely but very unstable. So now, I'm careful, maybe too careful. But I don't want to be stalked again, nor do I want to mess someone up looking for some fantasty. Be very careful.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 33

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 5:03:34 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000

a couple times a month I get phone calls from this woman crying and needing a shoulder to lean on... Honestly I don't know where to start with her and I don't

Skully you promised you wouldn't tell. And it's only once a month. I swear. Okay sometimes twice a month. But only in months with more than 28 days. I swear.

Cali

hey you outed your self.. I left your name out and twisted it so everyone would thing it happened on the east coast... gee's the things I do for you;P

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 34

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 5:55:03 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I have yet to have anyone ask for my number in a first or even second email (hey! what the heck am I doing wrong???),

I just checked your account... it's not that old. I would have guess that you were getting those all the time. Lord knows I do.

Even when it's someone that I've been messaging from some time, if they get pushy about wanting a Yahoo Chatt or phone number, I put them on ignore for at least a week. When I was asked "Why did you do that?" I simply answered "Because I'm the Domme and I don't take orders from you. Do I have to ignore you again?"

So far, I have given my home number to TWO people... both of whom took the time to follow my rules and message me, they did NOT ask for personal information... etc. Those two men gained my trust simply by giving more than they asked for and staying in constant, polite contact for several weeks. We established a 'relationship' before anyone got pushy.

Men who push for personal information or more and more pics are nothing but Horny Net Geeks looking for a nut. They are a dime a dozen and they are EVERYWHERE! They do not want a relationship with a woman, D/s or otherwise... they just want you to provide free porn via pic, phone calls or cam. Remember, most Pay Per View sites charge BIG MONEY for personal contact with a female. DO NOT give it up for free or you will be used and tossed like kleenex. Then the shit head will come back to you with a different screen name and do it all over again.

I've been doing 'Adult' internet sites for over 15 years. I've seen thousands of these nutless wonders. They prey on the newbies and - sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings - but the less attractive women might as well have targets painted on thier avatars. HNG's will lay on the compiments to manipulate the vonerable people into doing exactly what they want. DO NOT FALL PREY! Every human being is worthy of respect and should not let themselves be used this way.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 35

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 6:15:49 PM

organicgirl

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

When I saw you had posted in a " go both ways" thread..My heart skipped a beat!

Jeff

Jeff you always make me crack up.

To the OP, I've had this happen to me, and I think its completely unfair. I've also found it hard to not let those situations get resentful easily. Maybe just try and cool things off until he sends you more pictures, or better yet, go for a coffee. If he's not willing to put himself on the line too, then is he really worth it?

< Message edited by organicgirl -- 3/3/2008 6:16:07 PM >

_____________________________

Don't get mad at me for telling you the truth, get mad at yourself for not wanting to hear it.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 36

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 6:32:40 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

There is quite a few here that use the line they want to make sure you are really a female inorder to have you exposure yourself to them so they have something to wank off to. Any male that uses that line gets an instant rejection from me. I sure as heck would not expect or allow someone in a public setting to tell me to undress so they can view my bits to prove my gender to them ..so I am sure as hell am not going to do it on cam for some stranger, they either accept my word or can bugger off and find some other fool willing to expose themselves

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to organicgirl)

Post #: 37

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 7:04:28 PM

fangedwolf

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the others in that the guy sure might have a position in life that he does not wish to be threatened with hints of a scandal if newspapers catch it etc, but on the other hand it is extremely likely that he is just out for all he can get without wanting to take any risk himself. It is extremely dangerous to give out any personal details, phone numbers etc to anyone you do not know and implicitly trust. If in any doubt what-so-ever, dont do it!

quote:

I sure as heck would not expect or allow someone in a public setting to tell me to undress so they can view my bits to prove my gender to them

Very true! However, I would also like to point out that bits don't necissarilly indicate gender either, as there are many people with less than typical genitalia. Also self-expression can play a large part. But that is going far beyond the realms of this post so ill stop heh.

All in all I think that he should reciprocate in the ammount of information etc because if there is a relationship between two people, whether it is a 'normal' one, or one between a Top/Dom(me)/Master/Mistress and the sub/slave etc there needs to be trust there that goes both ways. He is not allowing that, and any relationship founded without trust is not safe or sane to get involved with in my opinion.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 38

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 7:15:05 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

So I get a one line email from someone with a totally blank profile, and no photo. A compliment. I answer briefly, just a thank you and a request for a photo, which he sends, a very attractive one. Then I respond and ask to know more about him since his profile is blank and he gives me his yahoo id and requests that we talk there.

Normally I would exchange a few meaty emails with someone and be fairly certain that we have a fair amount in common before we move to chatting online. But I took a chance and messaged him and we had a nice conversation. Exchange a few more pics (actually, he sent one, a total of two, and I sent probably a dozen to add to the half dozen on my profile).

He asks me to turn my cam on, which I am not inclined to do at the moment, mainly because I'd have to go find it, hook it up and get the lighting right. Just a hassle. So I don't. (Of course, he doesn't even *have* a cam--too risky, he says, in his conservative line of business.)

We continue to chat for a bit and then he asks to talk by phone. Again, I try to beg off. It's getting late, I have stuff to do, etc. Another time.

I bought his gig up to this point. I'm known...I'd prefer (as a male sub in a very dominant industry) not to be known...if I meet you...in person...I'm all good...but, seriously...a female sub...you're seen as a sex machine...a female Domme...you're seen as a sex machine...

Me...I'm seen as a wimp...or worse.

Worse, when I have to make public conversations in front of a microphone.

I can relate to this guy who may be "known" and doesn't want the world to interfere.

I don't have a cam...I actually don't know how that works...but nevertheless...I don't have one.

This is when he tells me that he doubts that I am for real, that I might be a man with a fake profile and pictures. I'm more than a little offended, but I take the bait and agree to call him. Only he doesn't want to give his number. It's a work phone, he says, and he doesn't give it out until he knows someone well. So eventually I cave, give him my number and he calls.

Problem...I've deciphered this post, and while I use my cell phone for everything (as many do)....thanks to my travel schedule...my cell is the best place to find me...anyone that can't give you their number (cell or otherwise) in 11 nanoseconds....

(That's a married doood).

But here's my dilemma. I'm the one taking all the risks here, giving out my number first, being pressured to cam (face only, he says) when he doesn't even have a cam. Sure I understand that maybe he's been jerked around by other people, but this really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it?

Here's how I'd handle it:

"See ya".

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 39

RE: Shouldn't it go both ways? - 3/3/2008 7:45:58 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

So I get a one line email from someone with a totally blank profile, and no photo. A compliment. I answer briefly, just a thank you and a request for a photo, which he sends, a very attractive one. Then I respond and ask to know more about him since his profile is blank and he gives me his yahoo id and requests that we talk there.

Normally I would exchange a few meaty emails with someone and be fairly certain that we have a fair amount in common before we move to chatting online. But I took a chance and messaged him and we had a nice conversation. Exchange a few more pics (actually, he sent one, a total of two, and I sent probably a dozen to add to the half dozen on my profile).

He asks me to turn my cam on, which I am not inclined to do at the moment, mainly because I'd have to go find it, hook it up and get the lighting right. Just a hassle. So I don't. (Of course, he doesn't even *have* a cam--too risky, he says, in his conservative line of business.)

We continue to chat for a bit and then he asks to talk by phone. Again, I try to beg off. It's getting late, I have stuff to do, etc. Another time.

This is when he tells me that he doubts that I am for real, that I might be a man with a fake profile and pictures. I'm more than a little offended, but I take the bait and agree to call him. Only he doesn't want to give his number. It's a work phone, he says, and he doesn't give it out until he knows someone well. So eventually I cave, give him my number and he calls.

But here's my dilemma. I'm the one taking all the risks here, giving out my number first, being pressured to cam (face only, he says) when he doesn't even have a cam. Sure I understand that maybe he's been jerked around by other people, but this really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it?

What's really important is that you learn from this experience, and the next one that leaves a bad taste in your mouth...and the one after that, and so on. i am the type of person that believes sometimes we can throw caution to the wind (to a certain extent) But it's also after i get a vibe. i use my instincts. Blank profile...bad sign...Wants my yahoo or AIM before chatting or emailing on CM...no thanks! Calls me slave in first email...not bloody likely. At the same time, had i not made a few mistakes earlier on, i might not know what i know now about online players. It won't always go both ways. That's an unfair expectation 100% of the time. Some are naturally shy, some are battle-weary from former internet crazies(see MidMichCowboy's post, for example) and may be reticent when sharing personal info. i guess everyone needs a sort of "security system" for internet hookups.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 40

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