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RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 4:08:38 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Peronsally, if you do not know me, the best way to address me would be by my screenname or my typical initials.
I am more impressed by something addressed to DV or DiurnalVampire than I am Goddess, Mistress or Your Highness. Those all strike me as trying ENTIRELY too hard from the getgo. If you are not sure what type of title (if any) a lady would prefer, simply ask what she would prefer to be addressed as in your future communications. For me, for instance, and I am sure there are others like this... Mistress is a bit of a flag. Its generic, and its the wasy way out of making somehting personal. I detest that title, and a first impression where it is used is not a good one. But until youve talked to me and made the efort to ask, you couldnt know that.
I am living in Nashville ad have taught Karate for several years prior to my move, so answering to Maam is rather second nature. Miss is manageable, though it makes me feel like a kid. I prefer names to titles.

My 2 sleepy ready for vacation cents
DV


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VampiresLair

(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 4:13:04 AM   
LadyJeelys


Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		I guess it's a regional thing---I don't mind Ma'am at all, but then I'm from the South and its just a polite form of address here.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 5:07:18 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		FR

Personally, I don't care for Mistress, Ma'am or any other honorific unless

1) we have that relationship and few have that with me
2) you are part of my leather family and we do that
3) your dominant insists (though I might have a word with them)

I understand using ma'am the first time you meet someone and then checking to see how I prefer to be addressed.... its a courtesy and I appreciate it.  Once I've asked to be called by my first name, then I want that to continue unless I say otherwise.

I am speaking to face to face meeting, not here. 

On the fun side, I have a friend who considers me a sort of mentor and her girl refers to her as Omo = Oh Masterful One.. and they refer to me as MoMO = More Oh Masterful One...

That's me... lots of people are different.. in the end, if you approach me, or refer to me politely and with manners.. I'm fine with whatever the first time.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/5/2008 5:11:25 AM >

(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 8:51:05 AM   
ObediantMan1


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I can attest to women who do NOT liked to be called maam.  I briefly served a Domme who liked to be called maam.  I got into the habit and then met a new woman who Hated to be called maam. 

I continually slipped and she put a clamp on my tongue until I learned.   That damn thing hurt like hell, and I did learn quickly but not before my mouth was in pain.

To her maam, denoted a much older woman.

Consider yourself advised:)

scott

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 10:02:22 AM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		In a public social setting, I'll use Ma'am. It's my go to thing from ettiquete taught by my grandmother. You call women older or in positions of authority (not necessarily direct authority over you, but with some modicum, like a police officer, a teacher...or a Domme) "Ma'am", and a woman your age or younger "Miss". If I'm told "Oh, I don't like to be called Ma'am", then it's a simple matter of asking what they would prefer.

Once I've gotten to know somebody a bit, and they prefer a title of respect, I'll usually go with "Ms. [name]".

In writing (letters, not chat) I'll usally go with their screen-name unless I know them from some place else.

Two words I really avoid are "Mistress" and "Goddess", as those imply a level of intimacy and familiarity I and most others, I've noticed, aren't comfortable with.

At the end of the day though, I've found it's best to use normal polite address (they name they give you, Ma'am, Miss), and if that rubs them the wrong way most folks will at least appreciate an attempt at politeness and won't mind you asking what you should call them.


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(in reply to ObediantMan1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 11:37:24 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Why not just ask her how she wishes to be addressed if you are uncertain?

Note: If you are a submissive in service to someone, you address another dominant how your M's protocols specify you address them.  If you don't understand or are not clear, ask your M/top before getting into a social situation where you might be called upon to address a D-type who is unfamiliar to you.

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Ms World Leather 2004
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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 2:14:49 PM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		I have to agree with a previous post..." most divine goddess holder of all that is great, wonderful, mysterious and unattainable by the likes of my lowly self who rules supreme to all those beneath Her shining grace and goodness." Something along those lines.

;)


Or just ask...I think Mistress should be reserved for the one that owns you...



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Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name


Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 3/5/2008 6:28:01 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirren

I have to agree with a previous post..." most divine goddess holder of all that is great, wonderful, mysterious and unattainable by the likes of my lowly self who rules supreme to all those beneath Her shining grace and goodness." Something along those lines.


How about Grand High Poohbah Exalted Lady Divine Goddess-Empress Ruler of the Known Universe Except For That Drab Little Suburb of Poughkeepsie That Nobody Wants Anyway?

quote:

Or just ask...I think Mistress should be reserved for the one that owns you...


Naah, asking is way too much trouble.  We're looking for a one-size-fits-all title here that will make every single dominant in the world happy.  I'm sure that will work. 

(in reply to Kirren)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/22/2008 10:28:33 AM   
droopy


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline 		If she is a cop i might say "yes Ma'am", laughs

Be polite often works and if she wish to be addressed in a certain way she probably would make a remark on that, it's possible that she expect a certain protocol beforehand but she can't really blame you for not using it if you never met before.

/droopy

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/22/2008 4:16:37 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB269

Just don't call me ma'am, I hate that..


Diane


Now that's just a darn shame.  I suppose I like 'Ma'am' because I'm from the south and it always indicates a polite respect.  Or at least it did so while I was growing up and beyond.

TexasMaam

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(in reply to DianeB269)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/22/2008 4:18:04 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the best way is to say " Oi ! You in the leather "  That way they chase me about and spank me for hours. Failing that i try and be polite and use Ma`am unless told other wise.

(in reply to droopy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 1:15:16 AM   
LexiTempest


Posts: 59
Joined: 5/20/2008
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I'm going to throw My 2 cents in, since I appear to be the odd one out :P

  ...Btw, am I the only Pro Domme in this discussion? Just curious.. I ask because that's pretty much the reason for my take on this..

  I have no problem being addressed as "Mistress Lexi," (also my other screenname, which I can't log into right now...) or "Mistress Lexi Tempest," as "Mistress" is My title. I would address a doctor as "Dr. Whatever-the-hell-their-name-is," even if they're not *My* doctor. However, I completely understand that there is a different dynamic between lifestyle Dommes and subs.
A sub did write me (to mistresslexi) a few weeks ago, calling me "Goddess".. and besides creeping Me right the %$@# out, I had to set him straight because there IS a Goddess Lexi in MD, and I don't want to get confused with Her. So, a title that was NOT mentioned by the Dom/me is generally a bad idea.
  
  If someone were to address Me ONLY as "Mistress," I would be suspect, moreso because that screams "template letter" since it is so generic.

[Side note to subs, and really anyone on the internet: Don't send generic template messages/emails to people. It is so obvious. Especially when you send them twice. ]

  As for "Ma'am" and "Miss"- to be honest, I'm not a fan of either one!  "Ma'am" doesn't really bother Me personally, but I agree with aidan (and others- can't remember who all mentioned it) that it is generally used to address an elder, and therefore can be pretty insulting to some Dommes (and understandably so).
On the other hand, I never liked "Miss" because I felt it was somewhat condescending. It really bothered me when people My age (or younger) would address Me as "Miss,"- it made me feel like a child. My parents also did that whole "You're in trouble, missy!" thing too, so that could have had an effect on my position...

Realizing that the vast majority of people here said "Mistress" is a no-no for first contact, and also given some peoples' dislike of "Ma'am" and/or "Miss," I think that either:

1) The person's screenname  OR
2) Ms. So-and-so

...would be the best options. I don't think anyone would have a problem with "Ms." It makes young Dommes feel more mature without making older Dommes feel old [I'm not calling anyone old! No matter how I word it, it seems it could be taken that way]. And, as it has been said before, their screenname is the name THEY chose themselves, so it stands to reason that they wouldn't mind being addressed as such.

Cheers,
Mistress Lexi Tempest






(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 7:12:25 PM   
MsRosemarie1369


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		I dislike being called "Ma'am".  I usually politely tell the person that is not a title I enjoy the first time.  After that, well, depends on what tool is in my hand or close by!   I really did like it when one called me "Sadistic Mistress Bitch".

(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 7:26:01 PM   
plushiecat


Posts: 109
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just can't help but want to laugh at the arrogance of the use of the term 'Goddess' for any human.  I've often wondered why that has become nigh prevalent, and yet (thankfully) you don't tend to hear of males being referred to as 'God'.  

(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 8:04:32 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		As a previous Pagan, I get mucho annoyed at submissives who equate being a Goddess with being the prop for their wank "dominant" fantasies.

As a woman, I am an embodiment of the Goddess -- whether I am dominant, submissive, or otherwise.  Divinity has nothing to do with their cheap, boring ideas (and it seems to be the hushed-voiced, pie in the sky types who want to use that address).   Of course, this means that the embodiment of the God may be slutting around and loving it.  Yum!

Politeness, and Ma'am, is never inappropriate.

Mss

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"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to plushiecat)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 8:17:22 PM   
plushiecat


Posts: 109
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't buy the whole 'embodiment of the Goddess' bit.  We're human.  Simple as that.  We may come from the divine, but, no, I would no more call a male God than I would a female Goddess.  >.<

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 8:22:57 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I see divinity as both immanent (me ... you ... everyone) and transcendent (a sense that "it" is out there and bigger than us).  To see myself as an embodiment of the Goddess isn't putting on airs or being stuck on myself.  It's an acknowledgement of something.

But we don't have to agree.  That's fine.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to plushiecat)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 8:27:20 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: need2bused6

What is the proper way to address a Domme the normal respectful manor aside? 



If he's mine, I like "Ma'am".

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m y s p a c e


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 8:53:19 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		Guess I'm another odd one.  In the very beginning I started out as a submissive and when I became a dominant, it seemed like everyone around me was going by either "Goddess" or "Mistress".  I hated Goddess - waaaay over the top for my taste. That left Mistress, which is what I used as both a lifestyle domme (and still do) as well as a pro domme.  When I meet someone in person, I always introduce myself simply as Scarlet.  If I'm in a session, I prefer Mistress.  People online that  have been clients in the past sometimes address me simply as Mistress.  I don't feel that having someone call me Mistress online gives me any special priveleges towards a submissive/slave.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
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(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Proper way to Address a Mistress - 6/23/2008 10:18:58 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You can gain a lot of understanding of what name she prefers from her screen name, usually. Guess which honorifics I prefer. Not so hard. For others, you might have to actually read their profile...we often say something about proper address there. Otherwise, just ask.

Master Fire


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(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 40
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