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RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 9:12:36 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/26/2005 4:16:21 PM >

(in reply to RandBcouple)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 9:24:30 PM   
RandBcouple


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		there seems to be a lack of communication or a misunderstanding, judging by your Masters post and version of what happened that night, and your version. Anyhow, i'm sorry you are so confused and distressed about what occurred, it seems your Master is just as upset about the whole thing. As others have suggested, express yourself to Her, communication really is essential to a healthy relationship, no matter if its D/s or vanilla.

Best of luck

~Babygirl




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(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 9:39:40 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, but I am with Emerald on this one. While if the assumptions made by all were accurate, then the advice that follows makes sense.

But what I see is that there is obviously such a lack of communication going on in the relationship, and it is being played out in the post. Obviously, it is not that unusual for two people to view a situation differently. We have certainly seen a lot more of nonuts4honey's side now than Rascalyrabbit's.

So my question is this? If nonuts4honey was indeed, just being reflective, yet Rascalyrabbit took it as pouting, is nonuts not permitted to reflect on her past? She might not have even been aware of how different her life was until that moment. It seems as though everyone is saying that she should not have been affected by the change in her life, including her happiness about that change.

So if "master" misreads "slave's" behavior (i.e. pouting vs. thoughtful), why is "slave" automatically at fault? Is it not remotely possible that sometimes, especially in "newer" relationships that a "master" could not properly read the slave's behavior?

And I still stand by the fact that there is a definate communication issue involved here. As for talking to the person outside the club, perhaps Rascalyrabbit shouldn't focus so much on how that embarrassed her, but rather why it was not possible for nonuts4honey to speak to her. It would seem apparent that nonuts4honey was not comfortable expressing those feelings to Rascalyrabbit. Isn't that the problem that these two should be focusing on? Call me crazy, but if you don't want a behavior (that may or may not have been misinterpreted) to occur again, you first need to understand the actual reason it happened the first time.

(in reply to RandBcouple)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 9:44:15 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: girl4you2

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

The thing I admire in a submissive or a slave most is when one would rather endure any punishment whatsoever, but to cause Me disappointment hurts them worse than anything.


I concur


from my (submissive) perspective, the most agonizing thing that i can imagine, or have been through, is the devastating knowledge that i have in some way (no matter how small) disappointed my dominant/master. i understand the concept of the punishment as helping to make this better, but i punish myself far more than he could. thankfully it's not something i've had to go through very often.


But of course, that is why corner time with absolutely no contact with me is the strictest punishment in my book other than banishment. I am most likely to say nothing for a while except to order to her to her room and give me space to evaluate the situation and even calm down (never punish when angry). even if I do nothing else when she is sumonsed my voice is gentle as I explain my dissapointment in her. Mind you on the other side of the coin. A trik in my collar screws up the ultimate responsibility is mine. I must ascertain how much of her misdeads are my fauly in her training. perhaps she had not fully understood my requirements. If that is the case, I can not punish her for an oversight on my part, however I may have her write an essay about asking questions to ensure she understands what I have told her.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to girl4you2)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 10:46:19 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut If nonuts4honey was indeed, just being reflective, yet Rascalyrabbit took it as pouting, is nonuts not permitted to reflect on her past? She might not have even been aware of how different her life was until that moment. It seems as though everyone is saying that she should not have been affected by the change in her life, including her happiness about that change.

This falls under time and place. Someone else's birthday party, at a social nuetral ground is NOT the time or place to get those feelings out or start a long session of introspection.

Have all the feelings you want, just have the self-control to take care of those feelings in an appropriate way at the appropriate time and place.
quote:


So if "master" misreads "slave's" behavior (i.e. pouting vs. thoughtful), why is "slave" automatically at fault?

Because the slave accepts the masters authority and judgement as final.

quote:

Is it not remotely possible that sometimes, especially in "newer" relationships that a "master" could not properly read the slave's behavior

Absolutely. This is why my first post said that the master absolutely needed to understand what was going on before doing anything else.

quote:

Rascalyrabbit shouldn't focus so much on how that embarrassed her, but rather why it was not possible for nonuts4honey to speak to her. It would seem apparent that nonuts4honey was not comfortable expressing those feelings to Rascalyrabbit. Isn't that the problem that these two should be focusing on? Call me crazy, but if you don't want a behavior (that may or may not have been misinterpreted) to occur again, you first need to understand the actual reason it happened the first time.

That's pretty much exactly what I said in my first post.

BUT one can't overlook public misbehavior. I wish I could say all subs and doms were above that, but I'm sure we can all conjure one or two incidents in our history where we've seen pretty immature stuff going on. It can't go untouched.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 11:19:05 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		If you noticed, I was essentially agreeing with you. Perhaps using a more clear cut example would be easier to understand my point.

For whatever reason a master sees his slave crying and believes that she is crying from sadness. The slave however is actually shedding tears of joy. Certainly yours and my concept of communication would resolve this misinterpretation immediately, however, my point is why is the sub supposed to apologize for something that her master misinterpreted?

If we are to believe the slave in this instance, her quiet reflection did not interrupt anyone's time except for her master who misinterpreted her feelings and seems to have spoken to nearly everyone except for her slave about what was going on.

Certainly, my opinion is based on believing the slave's version of events, and the point is that this is obviously not only a new relationship, but apparently at least one of the people involved is also new to the lifestyle. Sometimes the strongest feelings will hit a person "out of the blue" (which it seems to some extent happened here). Blaming a slave for a master's inabillity to sense her feelings as well as the master's misinterpretation is much similar to blaming the USS Arizona for the bombing at Pearl Harbor.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/23/2005 11:46:24 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think you two need to discuss this in private. Having it out in public like this is counterproductive. No one else's opinion should matter.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/24/2005 10:42:57 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney

i'm still very confused by this. i guess i will just have to deal with whatever comes my way. If She feels i did something wrong then i must have.



That is the point. She most certainly does think you did something wrong, per her post. You see the events differently. I hope this has all been resolved this morning.

(p.s. Happy Birthday SirFire4Her)

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/24/2005 1:12:22 PM   
SirFire4Her


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thankyou Misstoyou

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/24/2005 3:09:15 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Nonuts4thishoney
..i'm sorry this happened for you i can tell you are really upset by this, to me an outsider looking in, iit seems like your being ganged up on a little, not only on the forums but by your Master and her friend, you are a submissive yes, but your also a person and hense you are bound to have times when you feel sad and sometimes, things just suddenly hit us, just slap us upside the face and we fall hard, sounds like you were hit hard with how your life had changed, and i can only imagine what a stressfull and exciting time yoru having with the idea of trying to conceive, that alone would make you stree a little, yes EmeraldSlave2 is correct, there is a time and place for everything, and a bitrthday party isnt the best place to have life smack you on the cheek, but it did, and it sounds to me like you delt with it, in a grown up way...it's unfortunate your Master sees this as pouting and and you will most likely have to accept a punishemnt, but if your anything like me, your already suffering through your punishement just knowing how upset your master is...i've read your other posts and i think its safe to say your master means the world to you, I'm wishingyou luck and im sorry this happened for you


my'lee

(in reply to SirFire4Her)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 1:17:43 PM   
barefootprincess


Posts: 66
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So, now I'm scared that my slave might do something like this again, and I'm wondering if a punishment is in store, or if I should just sit down and talk to her about this. If there is one thing I dislike, its a pouting slave, and it seems that the last week or so thats all she does is pout about things. Any advise?



Personally, i think a slave should show well. In public, a Master/Mistress can be embaraessed as easily as anyone else. So if the slave in question doesnt show well in public, maybe then it is time for her to just become a house servant or something less tramatic for her. People leave their childern home for reasons less than distrubing a whole party.
But then again, it is good to go to those types of parties where a slave acts like that, it lets other slaves know they are not the worst one in the bunch..*s*
humbly submitted

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 1:46:34 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		.




< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/26/2005 4:16:45 PM >

(in reply to barefootprincess)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 1:52:47 PM   
SirFire4Her


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		WOW STAND BACK ::: WATCHING FOR FLYING OBJECTS:::::::

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 1:54:51 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well I won't get into the obvious irony ingrained into your post, I will say that none of us were saying you were right and she was wrong or vice versa. We were saying that your dominant obviously thought you did wrong and if you've got issue with that, you need to communicate this stuff out together.

You say you are uncollared now so that puts an entirely new perspective, both on the incident and on your situation now.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:06:42 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/26/2005 4:17:07 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:12:41 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		And shouldn't that be the end of this story? Even if she was wrong, it's not classy to be bashing a former domme in the forums.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:22:16 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		.



< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/26/2005 4:17:24 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:23:17 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
[
quote:

EVERYONE IS SO QUICK TO BELIEVE A DOM AS IF THE SLAVE OR SUBMISSIVE IS STUPID AND CANT COMPREHEND ANYTHING. I SAID I WASN'T POUTING, BUT THE DOM SAYS I WAS SO IT MUST BE TRUE. SCREW THAT!! THE DOM IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. YOU CAN BELEIVE YOU ARE RIGHT ALL YOU WANT, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO BELIEVE YOUR SUB OR SLAVE FOR ONCE AND NOT TYREAT HER AS A 2 YEAR OLD INCAPABLE OF COMPREHENDING WHAT GOES ON AROUND THEM.


Stop typing and move away from the computer slowly.....It's O.K. hon, I'm not taking sides and know how often I am wrong, so don't be so defensive. You spoke from your heart and people responded. I hope in the end you are satisfied with your own opinions and answers, not ours.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:27:37 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/26/2005 4:17:46 PM >

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What to do with a pouting slave? - 9/26/2005 2:28:42 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Of course not. But that's kind of like saying it's OK to call someone a yutz because she called you a catawampus first. Take the high road.

And remember that she didn't identify you when she started this thread. You came out and made the thread personal. I think that makes a difference.

I agree with fastlane. You're obviously hurting, and that's understandable. But step away from the computer while you're upset.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney

But its okay to bash a current slave or submissive on the boards?????


(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 60
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