RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 11:21:38 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So My question is this: Am I too paranoid? Do any of You feel the same need for discretion online? I do have pics and I do share them after we talk a little bit, but am I being overly cautious?

Hello There,
I feel I live my life wide open to the fact I'm kinky. I personally don't care who sees me in here. I'm comfortable with my photo on the web now, but it took a few months to get over being shy about it.
On the other hand I don't think you're paranoid. I did see your photo posted in your profile until about two weeks ago & I wondered why you'd taken it out when I saw it was gone.

I think if a sub can't accept your photo isn't in your profile then that's their problem. If physical attributes are the only thing they are interested in right off the bat than they don't deserve someone who's looking for beauty that only comes from within.
I didn't see a photo of my Master till after we'd met. It wasn't a big deal to me. The words he had in his alt.com account were all I needed to see to reach out to him. Once we'd talked a few times I was ready to meet him.
If that girl had a real desire to meet you she'd of just ask if you had a photo to share. I guess you were lucky to have her show her true colors right away instead of wasting your time.
Sincerely,

sub suzanne

(in reply to RainGod)

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Post #: 61

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 11:34:51 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

You are not being overly cautious my Master however dose not let me post pictures up anymore for 2 reasons He dosent want other doms or Dommes or single man to see me second when my picture was up i kept on getting bogus emails from losers and Master made me take it down and i was glad too So dont be discouraged you are being cautious, not paranoid
Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

Hello There,
I'm confused, your photo is here in the forum and on your web site. Did you mean something else I missed?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Hallittlelolita)

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Post #: 62

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 11:51:36 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Frankly, people who don't understand other people's concerns about being outed are almost always people with little to lose. They are either quite young with no idea of the significance of social mores and nothing to lose and really have no idea how the world really works, or they are fully grown but living at the edge of society. By "edge" I mean bottom.

"So what if you lose your job." Well, sure a job doesn't mean much and is replacable if you are moderately competent, but a career is something worth protecting and I doubt any of the people denigrating caution have ever really had one.

Hello There,
This is a very ASSUMPTIVE statement to make. I choose to be out, I have things to lose just like everyone else. Just because I don't hide does not make me a bottom in society. I do have a career, children, pta, vanilla social groups I'm in & I'm a child advocate for abused & neglected kids in foster care.
I think our choices are personal and weather I choose to be a closet dweller or out in public about my life does not give you the right to consider I have nothing.
It's a personal choice made by many.
I regret people like you think photo in your profile is = to bottom dwelling.

I see you have a photo in your profile, did you consider that before you made such a rude remark about us who have a photo?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to WayHome)

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Post #: 63

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 12:11:15 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

quote:

I did see your photo posted in your profile until about two weeks ago & I wondered why you'd taken it out when I saw it was gone.

Hi Plantlady,

Just to clarify... the pic that was up in My avatar here in the forum was not Me, but rather one of My favorite pictures of Frank Zappa. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused, and did not mean to mislead anyone by posting it.

Someone wrote to Me and brought to My attention it did kinda make Me look like somewhat of a fake, so I removed it.

Since this OP I made... some things have occured to Me. I have lived My whole life to My own rules... with little or no regard to whom may disagree. Why start now? My job is secure... My career also... My girls know what I do (obviously)... why should I care about john q. citizen and what he thinks.

After having said all that, I am proud to announce, I have "came out of the D/s closet" and have posted some "G"-rated pics of Me on My profile. :)

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to plantlady64)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 12:16:18 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Just to clarify... the pic that was up in My avatar here in the forum was not Me, but rather one of My favorite pictures of Frank Zappa. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused, and did not mean to mislead anyone by posting it.

Hi RainGod,
WOW lol, you have a photo of Frank Zappa picking his nose! Who'd have ever thought. I honestly thought it was you. I'm glad you don't put up photos of you picking your nose, you just seemed to civil to do that in public like that.
I do like your own photo's much better than the avitar.
Good luck to you and your girls on your new venture.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

< Message edited by plantlady64 -- 10/10/2005 12:18:31 PM >

(in reply to RainGod)

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Post #: 65

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 12:43:22 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

Just to clarify... the pic that was up in My avatar here in the forum was not Me, but rather one of My favorite pictures of Frank Zappa. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused, and did not mean to mislead anyone by posting it.

Someone wrote to Me and brought to My attention it did kinda make Me look like somewhat of a fake, so I removed it.

Hey, I'm old enough to remember Frank Zappa...and surely didn't think YOU were him, being he's dead. <rest his freaky soul>

I'd not worry what others think, Rain. I think there's a guy on here with Britney Spears showing, and I NEVER thought it was really HIS photo. :) But then again......

K

(in reply to RainGod)

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Post #: 66

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 1:01:19 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

Lol... thanks, girls.... Yeah old Zappa was a witty fart, and thats why I used his pic. I try to be witty, entertaining, and in some small way, helpful to others in the forum.

I just didnt want to offend anyone or appear to be a fake. Smiles

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

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Post #: 67

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 4:55:43 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

My profile on collarme doesn't have a picture. This isn't because I am ugly, or ashamed of My looks. It is more because I am afraid someone in the small town I live in might see it, and I would suffer severe problems due to My lifestyle. It could result in a loss of employment and God only knows what else.

So, anyway, I was asked in an email why I didn't have a pic on My profile and I explained this to the slave who mailed Me. she replied with this, and I quote from the email:

quote:

WTF?? youre fucking paranoid! if I see the Gestapo i think I will report you! Do the world a favor and grow up!

So My question is this: Am I too paranoid? Do any of You feel the same need for discretion online? I do have pics and I do share them after we talk a little bit, but am I being overly cautious?

Ok, first off, what do you care what this 'sub' thinks? She could be an ugly hairy guy for all you know. Blow it off.

Secondly, you are well within your rights not to display your picture. I too, have chosen not to for a variety of reasons, much the same ones that you have. It's my right, and I'm comfortable with that.

However, it may jeopardize your chances of finding someone on-line. A fair amount of people skip profiles without a picture. Hopefully you are investigating the scene near you, are going to munches and such in order to enhance your chances of finding someone compatible.

Good luck,

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to RainGod)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/10/2005 7:06:10 PM

WayHome

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I regret people like you think photo in your profile is = to bottom dwelling.

You should read what I wrote a lot more carefully.

Leto

(in reply to plantlady64)

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Post #: 69

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/12/2005 12:20:15 PM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
You mean you guys don't lead a slave on a leash when you're shopping?????? Sheesh, I used to get jumped on by groups of radical religious folks untill they saw me leading a slave on a leash..

You know it's funny - but whenever the "leash in public" issue comes up I think to the times I have seen it done. The vast majority of the 'nilla world really don't care. They may roll their eyes or get annoyed but it is the "do gooders" inside the community who really get upset.

(in reply to IronBear)

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Post #: 70

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/12/2005 4:25:12 PM

MasterCook

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

For what its worth - No you are not being paranoid. Its understandable the risk you would be taking iro your local community and job. Whoever sent you the mail is the one who should grow up.

(in reply to PerhapsitsFate)

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Post #: 71

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/13/2005 4:27:54 AM

ppaddleman

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

No topic folks. I'm just testing the fonts.
If one of the site owners is reading this I can post to half the pages but not the other half.
Widerd!

(in reply to RainGod)

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Post #: 72

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 10/13/2005 4:31:43 AM

ppaddleman

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

It depends on what the rest of your world is like. And the rest of the world can often be a mighty petty place. I don't think that the CIA takes gay staff even in this day and age. If you are working in any numberof positions of trust such as doctors, nurses, etc they can be a mite cranky if your sex life is a mite wierd evenif you leave your sex life at home.

And this has happened to me in the past too so I don't blame anyone who opts to keep themselves private.

(in reply to plantlady64)

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Post #: 73