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Terminology. - 3/6/2008 4:10:25 AM

Tavian

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Joined: 3/4/2008
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I am a little bit confused by some of the terminology used here. "Topping from the botton", "Subbing from the top", etc.

Can we open up a little dialogue about some of this terminology? What is meant by the above two phases? I have an idea but I would like clarification as well as some other verbage which might be commonly used in the bdsm community.

I understand what it's like to speak in such a way as to not be understood by the general public. Being in the military, I know that we use a lot of jargon which would not be understood by most non-military types. Stuff like "I'm heading to the dfac to talk to my E-7 about a lost DR-8 and a couple of ANCDs"!

Thanks for your help.

Tavian

Post #: 1

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 4:17:48 AM

Foititis

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It's quite simple really if you take 'topping from the bottom' as = x and 'bottoming from the top' as = y and F(x) = y, where x is all R/{0}, given that F(x) = 1/x and the limit as x ->0 is infinity....

But seriously, Topping from the bottom is the sub telling the dom how/ when to do stuff and bottoming from the top is when the dom tell the sub to do things to them that are oft' thought of as sexually submissive [one could argue that that is really just social perceptions an no act is in itself innately submissive (i.e. penetration) but that's a story for another day].

< Message edited by Foititis -- 3/6/2008 4:23:44 AM >

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Post #: 2

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 4:36:29 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavian

I am a little bit confused by some of the terminology used here. "Topping from the botton", "Subbing from the top", etc.

Can we open up a little dialogue about some of this terminology? What is meant by the above two phases? I have an idea but I would like clarification as well as some other verbage which might be commonly used in the bdsm community.

I understand what it's like to speak in such a way as to not be understood by the general public. Being in the military, I know that we use a lot of jargon which would not be understood by most non-military types. Stuff like "I'm heading to the dfac to talk to my E-7 about a lost DR-8 and a couple of ANCDs"!

Can you say section 8? topping from the bottom means "The bitch <in my case> is trying to control my life" The dom <me> says "It ain't happening" Get the picture? Welcome to the boards.

BadOne

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 4:51:22 AM

RCdc

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Depends Tavian - you get insecure people or those obsessed with controling everyones relationships proclaiming this procedure and using it in a negative tone or you get the positive version - what one do you want?
The name is much more approachable btw (personal opinion obviously)

the.dark.

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:04:34 AM

Tavian

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Joined: 3/4/2008
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quote:

Depends Tavian - you get insecure people or those obsessed with controling everyones relationships proclaiming this procedure and using it in a negative tone or you get the positive version - what one do you want?
The name is much more approachable btw (personal opinion obviously)

I would prefer the positive version, thank you. I took some good advice and dropped the "lord"

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Post #: 5

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:19:01 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
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From: Chicago, IL
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"topping from the bottom" - that would be like me taking control away from Daddy

"subbing from the Top" - that would be like my pet (who is listed as Dominant here) giving up control and submitting to me

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:39:17 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Foititis

It's quite simple really if you take 'topping from the bottom' as = x and 'bottoming from the top' as = y and F(x) = y, where x is all R/{0}, given that F(x) = 1/x and the limit as x ->0 is infinity....

Blech. Again with the math!! There's no math in bdsm.

See how ineffectual and meaningless it is? Words baby!

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Post #: 7

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:41:29 AM

Dnomyar

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speaking of math. subtee could you turn around so I can see your bottom so I can top it.

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Post #: 8

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:42:41 AM

subtee

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Before or after DQ? It's important.

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 7:49:43 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Topping from the bottom can be seen in many ways

* telling your Dom what to do
* telling your Dom what you like
* being a brat
* imposing 'too many' limits

Basically anything that you do to try and get something that you want as a submissive from your Dominant. I hate the term I think its just a way to alianate people and make them feel like their relationship isnt following the "one twue way" bad little kinky person, CONFORM DAMMIT

Bottoming from the top is the reverse

basically, but i think that when the term is used as it so often is as a negative thing that it should be called either but be called "HEY YOU AINT DOING IT RIGHT"

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 8:47:40 AM

DesFIP

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Tftb means the bottom is trying to run the scene. What it really means is there's some basic incompatibility there. Look, if you go to a public dungeon and someone sees you swing a mean flogger, somebody else may come up and say "Hey, if you're not too tired, could you do me? But not my left arm please, I've got a problem with it". To me that falls under information and negotiation. No big deal. But if the top was highly insecure, he might rant about this uppity sub who demanded her arm be untouched and how she was topping from the bottom.

If they were partners and at home, and she starts moaning "harder please, oh god that feels so good", well if it were me then The Man would probably chuckle at how responsive I was and oblige, because he likes that. But some other tops here would stop a scene dead because their subs aren't allowed to ask for anything or give any feedback. To one of them it would be the dreaded tftb, but not in my relationship.

Like beauty, it's in the eyes of the beholder.

Now bottoming from the top, the way it's been tossed about lately means a new or nervous top who needs a lot of feedback. Which if you had negotiated for an experienced top giving you a hard, edgy scene would be a turnoff. But it you liked the guy, and knew he was new to this, and that he needed some help getting comfortable, wouldn't be a great time for the sub physically, but would make you feel that you had done a good thing, and that after a couple more heavy feedback sessions he would be good to go and you would then get your payoff. It's all about the compatibility.

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:18:07 AM

Dnomyar

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I will take you to DQ before if I really have to bribe you.

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Post #: 12

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:33:26 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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engaging in behavior generally attributed to the opposite side of the slash (Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive) than one's self-professed orientation.

it's often used here at CM as a passive-agressive insult, in reference to someone else's behavior.

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Post #: 13

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:37:31 AM

Daddyslilpookie

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From: OC, California
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That sums it up right there.

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:44:15 AM

RedMagic1

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It all makes sense now.... Wait...... If you're not a true sub, you're not really on the bottom. So you can't really be topping from the bottom if you're not even there in the first place. But maybe you're a true sub in a relatonship with a not-true Dom. Then nobody's on top. So neither one of you can bottom from the top........ Damn. Math is sooooo much easier.

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:46:43 AM

colouredin

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LOl owchy you made my head hurt Red :P

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RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 9:53:08 AM

Tavian

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Thanks for the information. Any other terminology that I may run across here that you can think of?

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Post #: 17

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 10:22:40 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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WIITWD; What it is that we do. Means BDSM.

YMMV, your mileage may vary. I'm sharing my view/experience, don't bitch at me if your's is different.

YKINMK, your kink is not my kink. Pretty self explanatory, but used frequently when somebody is posting about a really weird thing. Like if you wanted to be pinned to a white board and have eggs thrown at you. Definitely a time for this. It isn't dangerous, it's just weird and I wouldn't ever do it, but hey, your fantasy - have fun.

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Post #: 18

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 10:54:58 AM

colouredin

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IMHO - In my honest opinion
IMO - without the honest
Vanilla - Not into BDSM
Flaming - to like not agree witha post and have lots of responses saying so
UM - unmentionables - minors
RACK -risk aware consentual kink
SCC -safe sane consentual

also try www.informedconsent.co.uk for the dictionary section (you do have to become a member but its worth it)
or good old www.wikipedia.com

< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/6/2008 11:00:26 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Terminology. - 3/6/2008 12:28:56 PM

SubbieOnWheels

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24/7 can mean at least two different things:
* the roles each partner has assumed are played out constantly
* the partners share living quarters

Gorean - the lifestyle patterned on the Gor science fiction books (dang I can't remember the author's name)

Don't get people started on the differences between sub, slave, and bottom. There are whole threads in the archives here that just go around in circles, ending with the concensus that each word means what you think it means.

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