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RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 9:32:08 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

Nah....just means that I like her honesty and agree that there's no reason to drag out a chat either online or on phone. 

  

I was not responding to your post

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 9:32:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I see no need to draw online or phone out either. I just do not expect anyone to "putout" on the first meeting. If it happens great, if not......no problemo.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 9:33:03 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
 
Do you spend the few days until you actually meet being nervous? Excited?
 
No more excited about meeting any other stranger.  I don't meet a dominant, I meet a man.  In fact, I meet lots of people from online.  Dom, sub, doesn't matter.  They are all just people.

quote:

 
What mental or physical preparations do you make?
 
Shooooooootttt!  I better stop what I am doing and get to my appointment with him/her.


quote:

 
Do you keep in steady contact? Either by email or telephone.
 
Not particularly.  I do try to find out if they are coming, or if I am able to pass on the meeting and do other things because they had other things to do. 

quote:
Or do you prefer the suspense of limited or no contact?
 
There is no suspense.  Only irritation if they don't show when I worked my life around a meeting they requested.

quote:


Would you be unsure about the meeting if you did not receive daily contact?
 
 Well.. I would be unsure if I recieved no contact.  This last weekend I was supposed to meet a dom from central cali who wanted to meet with me because he would be in town.  I didn't hear much from him beyond 2-3 emails, then they weekend came and went with no meeting.  If I had passed on life plans for this meeting I might have been irritated. 

quote:


Would you still go to agreed upon rendezvous if you did not receive an absolute confirmation to be there the day prior to the scheduled date? 

Yes, I have done so many times.  I am no longer surprised when people chicken out.  Personally I don't think bdsm or ds is for everyone.  Lots of people may think it is hot, but should just keep it in their daydreams.  This is not for everyone.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 9:36:32 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Heh.. I give them 10 mins, or  however long it takes for me to pick up my take out order.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: jenf

SFD makes about as much sense as showing up 15 minutes late for a first meeting!!!!

(in reply to jenf)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 10:37:57 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I personally try not to overthing things to much.   Basically, I prepare for the worse and hope for the best.   I generally have a fall back plan or activitity to do, if it goes bad or need to cut it short.   Yes, Will pack my parachute and be prepared to bail if the need arises.   If I'm not feeling a two way click, things are not happening. 

I'm not quick to jump and bail though unless it's really bad.  Am I nervous, in a sense I am.   There's a whole rush of encountering the unexpected.  Wondering if the person to person chemistry is just as good as the online and over the phone.

I don't think much about the level of communication going on at the time.  Generally, the excietment and interests are two way and communication is not an awkward thing anyways.   If somebody was calling me 10-30 times a day, I would probally see this as a red flag.   A couple of phone calls not a big deal.   Basically, long as everything seems and appears to be normal.



(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 6:36:57 PM   
pup


Posts: 69
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Anaheim, CA, US
Status: offline 		I just met someone new recently. Talk about adrenaline rush of the unknown.

I have to qualify this a little to set the stage..  I am not a masochist in that I cant't really process pain into pleasure. Or at least semi large doses outside of my ass area lol

So I met a chinese Mistress on collarme and we set up a time to have lunch. So we already have a level of communication stripped away, bdsm is hard enough to communicate with native tongues let alone translation. (and yes I realize the communication barrier can be hot; but thats because its so freakin dangerous)

BDSM outside of a few major cities like Beijing, HongKong, Shanghai, is illegal, the police will arrest you for displays and immoral conduct etc. It is much more underground for obvious reasons. And a lot of the people into bdsm that are visible are scam artists looking for money, visa's, or extortion. Extortion of foreigners(hell even locals) is a pretty good trade, I have seen a few people get taken for 10,000 yuan and their ID cards etc .. from being followed to work and threatening to expose them at work for lacivious conduct etc.

So add an already nervous and super cautious sketchy overtone to the idea of meeting someone.

We set up a time to meet at a nearby hotel lobby cafe, and I went 20 minutes early, because as a submissive, I am not going to be the one who is late..
And I always approach it as if I was going to be stood up, so I go somewhere with the intent of having a few drinks and relaxing for an hour, so if someone doesn't show no big deal, I had a nice break in the day, whatever..

This Mistress claimed to be strict, sadistic, and loves singletail etc .. (cant really take singletails, scare the crap out of me)
strict and sadist in chinese literally mean, Im a dominant top, so I dont know what level of sadism she enjoys or how she enjoys playing or what kind of submissive she is looking for or how we communicate any of this..

So after 15 minutes waiting at the cafe.. (btw I was in the marines and this shit still scares the hell out of me) .. I was fighting with my limbs to stop shaking in the chair, and telling my heart that it does not belong in the back of my mouth..

Then time went slow, I still had 5 minutes to wait, and wound up waiting 20 more.. in this time, I lost my ID, my elevator card and key to my apartment ( I did not know I had lost them at this point )

She showed up finally and did not say much except where would you like to go eat. She put the choice on me.. a sub, no better yet a foreigner -_- .. my brain blew a fuse..
So I eventually navigated us to one of our favorite places and we talked about relationships and the lifestyle and what we seek.. and by the end of lunch we went shopping together (vanilla clothing store) .. and had a wonderful day..

By the time we parted ways I was happy and comforted in knowing she was a lifestyle player and not just looking for a boy to use and beat the hell out (notice the just part). We didnt ask each other about where we worked, and only gave general terms for where each other lived, which was an excellent sign. At the end of the day she told me where she worked and what she did for a living and all about her plans for the future which added a lot of trust to our conversation.

As I walk back to my hotel I turn white as a ghost realizing the things I lost...  I went back to the hotel and out of the weirdest incidents, a bellboy recognized from my ID and gave me it back, I asked the concierge if anyone had found my card or key and he said no.. then just as I was tunring around to leave, a desk clerk broguht the elevator card to the desk saying someone had lost this .. (ding ding lucky #2) .. then as I was letting them copy my ID so they would give my elevator card, another person walked up with my physical room key (Super Awesome Day)

So I head back to my apartment drunk with happiness over the day and the good meeting. We have been talking on the phone and yahoo all week, and we are going out again this weekend.


So yeah, first meeting is scary as hell, treat it like a normal time, going out .. be there just for a drink, not cause your being eyeballed by someone new.. and you will get along just fine. XD

< Message edited by pup -- 3/6/2008 6:48:31 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 10:09:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
First Meeting Behavior.
 
If you are a submissive or a slave, a Dom or Domme what types of thoughts go running through your mind prior to a first meeting?
 
Do you spend the few days until you actually meet being nervous? Excited?
 
What mental or physical preparations do you make?
 
Do you keep in steady contact? Either by email or telephone.
 
Or do you prefer the suspense of limited or no contact?
 
Would you be unsure about the meeting if you did not receive daily contact?
 
Would you still go to agreed upon rendezvous if you did not receive an absolute confirmation to be there the day prior to the scheduled date? 

It depends on if we're talking about "Hey I'm gonna be at this party, can't wait to see you there!" or "Hey I just booked the hotel for a week, I'm flying out to see you for a vacation alone" situation.



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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 10:26:52 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Nice story Pup
Funny as hell.

I am stickler for promptness, especially from submisssives
And seeing how I tend to believe that dominants should practice what they preach I am always on time, usually 5 minutes early.
There was a time I got nervous, its been ages since that happened.
I dress decently but well, a blazer, casual shirt, maybe a tie, maybe not, depends on my mood.
I always meet for coffee, that way either party can depart easily if they are not enjoying the meet.
And I stopped doing any mental or physical bullshit years ago, either they like me for who I am or they don't. No pretentiousness, no airs, just me.
Thats all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 10:31:44 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		(fr)

*beep beep beep*

"What's that cell-phone? Oh look a message from Google Calendar. I have a date in an hour. Good thing I'm wearing pants."

I rarely know what's going on unless my calendar tells me. Saves me a lot of anxiety.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/6/2008 11:17:08 PM   
pup


Posts: 69
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Anaheim, CA, US
Status: offline 		Kana, love that, I am straight forward and normal too when I meet people. Probably a little thick at recognizing flirting.

I have been a slave for a long time, so if someone doesnt order me to like them I usually miss the subtle hints and enjoy my coffee obliviously .. lol


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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 12:43:25 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I don't see a reason for people to be late and not inform you. Most people have a cell phone.
In a few weeks I meet my girl.....and I get stuck in a trafficjam..I phone her......and she propably hears in my voice I am as nervous as her...lol

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 8:59:38 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It depends on if we're talking about "Hey I'm gonna be at this party, can't wait to see you there!" or "Hey I just booked the hotel for a week, I'm flying out to see you for a vacation alone" situation.


I was referring to the second type of scenario. Or even just a first time dinner date in your home tow.
 
So LA, are you missing all the East Coast snow?

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 9:13:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
So LA, are you missing all the East Coast snow?


There was snow and ice in Texas yesterday :)  I miss people who can handle it, they whine like mules here when we get just one or two "really cold" days.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 9:17:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
If you are a submissive or a slave, a Dom or Domme what types of thoughts go running through your mind prior to a first meeting?

Will there be chemistry unfold?  What habits will he have?  Will the play go as expected?
 
quote:
Do you spend the few days until you actually meet being nervous? Excited?

The anxiousness grows over time.
 
quote:
What mental or physical preparations do you make?

If I'm the one doing the traveling, more prep on packing and logistic stuff.  If they are traveling to me, preparing the space, the schedule, seeing what there is to do.
 
quote:
Do you keep in steady contact? Either by email or telephone.

Yes, it is what I would expect.
 
quote:


Or do you prefer the suspense of limited or no contact?

Limited in terms of "I'm busy but can call for a minute or two just to update and keep in track" is fine, otherwise not cool.
 
quote:
Would you be unsure about the meeting if you did not receive daily contact?

Absolutely.
 
quote:


Would you still go to agreed upon rendezvous if you did not receive an absolute confirmation to be there the day prior to the scheduled date? 

Depends on the exact travel issues and what else was going on, but if I was flying to see someone just for them and just to spend that time together and had not gotten a final confirmation to go the day before, I probably wouldn't go.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 10:06:48 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Typically I was late for class... I never said I made sense...How long have you had this promptness issue???

Shrink BadOne 


oh, you are one badassed dude, bum, how long have you had a respect issue?

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 10:43:10 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Typically I was late for class... I never said I made sense...How long have you had this promptness issue???

Shrink BadOne 


oh, you are one badassed dude, bum, how long have you had a respect issue?


LOL I've missed quite a few flights before for a variaty of reasons.  Respect has nothing to do with it.  Typically I am going to be late.  Get over it.  My grandfather passed away over in ireland.  The tradition was to take the casket around to the various bars where they hung out and hoist one.  The next morning when it came time to bury gramps... you guessed it no gramps.  He shows up a couple hours later with his hung over friends in tow.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 11:09:55 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		LOL I've told my Master he'll be late to his own funeral.  He's always late.  He'll often call me on the way to somewhere and exclaim, "I'm late."  I'll just laugh - now there's a surprise.  It used to bug me, now I just know it's part of who he is.

I, on the other hand, am not allowed that luxury, lol.

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 2:37:06 PM   
madshysoul


Posts: 105
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		I won't meet anyone singly like that. I'm part of the local BDSM community. Want to met me? Show up at a munch. 

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 8:46:46 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
First Meeting Behavior.
 
If you are a submissive or a slave, a Dom or Domme what types of thoughts go running through your mind prior to a first meeting?
I'm running through what I already know about him/her in My head, making sure I have the facts straight so I can get the conversation going. I consider that My job as they are likely to be even more nervous than Me! And of course I'm doing the girly thing of getting dressed etc though usually that's not too much of an issue. I do wear something that shows a bit of cleavage though ... may as well display the assets a bit  although never tarty if meeting in vanilla-world.
 
Do you spend the few days until you actually meet being nervous? Excited?
More excited than nervous, the nerves kick in just as I am entering the area of the meeting but dissipate quickly, just as they do when I am performing musically somewhere.
 
What mental or physical preparations do you make? 
 Besides having a shower, wearing fresh clothes? Often I will wear thigh highs because I always feel sexy in them and I am sure that shows on My face.

Do you keep in steady contact? Either by email or telephone. 
 Reasonably steady contact, generally by email. However, I make sure that W/we both have each other's phone numbers so contact is possible if arrangements have to be altered. I give specific information as to how to best contact Me eg when to use the landline and then roughly what time I will be leaving home to get to the meeting, in which case try the mobile. Unfortunately My mobile doesn't work at My house, except to receive an sms when it is in a good mood LOL!

Or do you prefer the suspense of limited or no contact? 
No, I can't see the point of this.

Would you be unsure about the meeting if you did not receive daily contact? 
Depends on what the arrangement was. If W/we mutually agreed on daily contact and then it didn't eventuate, then yes, I would be unsure. However, if it was agreed that one or both was going to be uncontactable for the next 3 days but see you on Sat at 1pm at (venue) then it wouldn't phase Me.

Would you still go to agreed upon rendezvous if you did not receive an absolute confirmation to be there the day prior to the scheduled date? 
Yes because I don't necessarily arrange to confirm then. I'm not wanting to support the phone companies that much LOL! My arrangement is more "phone if you have a problem" rather than phone to confirm.
 
I also like to be on time and try to leave home in sufficient time to ensure that. However, there have been times in the big city where I have arrived in the vicinity with 5-10 mins to spare, only to drive round and round looking for a parking spot! In which case I wave out the window as I drive by and indicate the problem ... or ph them on their mobile and explain the difficulty ... they wave at Me next time I do the block LOL! I became much cannier at suggesting public places that weren't quite as popular and where there was plenty of parking, but which were still easy for a nervous subby to find. I generally ask them to wait outside the coffee shop ... again, I try to think of places where it is easy to wait outside, or there is a general public seat. It's easier to spot someone outside ... I'm not too fond of bowling into a coffee shop and scanning all the tables, so I get pissed off if they have gone inside. Plus then they have taken the choice of table away from Me, and I usually have some preferred tables which are sufficiently far from other tables and counter staff to be suitable for a discreet chat. I don't mind if I get there first, and the countdown doesn't start till the actual time of the meeting. I warn people I will wait 10 minutes and no more unless I hear from them by phone (in practice I might stretch that to 15 but that's IT!). If they don't show, I go off and do shopping etc and don't consider the trip a total waste.
 
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: First Meeting Behavior. - 3/7/2008 11:45:00 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		I heard that if people are chronically late it is because they think they are so important.

I would be so excited to meet someone in real life. I love the whole thing of 'getting ready'. Putting on the cute outfit, doing my hair, all that, so much fun. Ideally I would meet for coffee with no expectations beyond that, in case there was no connection like I may have thought there was.

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I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 80
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