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iammachine -> RE: So i must now defend myself... (3/7/2008 9:02:03 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: domahpet
if the B.C. is an issue, there is such thing as a NON hormonal IUD
look into it, its fantabulous.
*poof* no more moontime excuses
Speaking from experience, after being on depo, it is possible that it will take just as long as she was on it to get back to a normal cycle. As for the IUD, also speaking from experience, if she has never been pregnant, the first couple days of moontime can be debilitatingly painful as the girly bits contract on this foreign object that fits all too snuggly. Or at least, such has been the case with me, but I've only had it for a little more than a month. :)
As for the OP:
"It just makes me feel as if i am lacking and as an overachiever/type-A personality, i cant stand personal failure. When i am on the rag, He avoids me, which i think feeds into His need to release Himself. So i carry the guilt. i am sure most folks think i am a total tard to think/feel this way, but i cant help it."
Okay, first thing is first, if you're partner wants to wank it, it's not a failure on your part, and you are not lacking. Just because you feel that way, doesn't mean that's how it really is. Learn the difference between what you feel (not always rational) and what is the reality of the situation (hello logic). Additionally, sexual gratification is not quite so black and white as "if I were doing it for him, then he wouldn't want or need to masturbate". Here's an analogy for you. At times, I have a sweet tooth. I like pie, it's good. I also like cake, it is also good. Sometimes, when I feel like having something sweet, I'll have cake... but that does not mean that I do not also enjoy pie, or vice versa. Sure, they both sate my desire for sugar, but they are quite simply different, and sometimes I'm in the mood for a different method of addressing that desire for sweet stuff. :) I am sure that your partner has plenty of desire for you, whether he beats his meat or no. You do not have to see his hand as competition.
Now, as for feeling guilty about it, being a type-A or any number of excuses that you can come up with, I say, quit making excuses, and start taking responsibility for your own emotions. I know, I know, you're hormonally screwed right now, and therefore I think should be classified as legally not quite sane (I say this as I am giving my partner the "go get me chocolate now or die" look, so I know where you're coming from), but it still isn't a license to allow your emotions to cloud your judgement. You can help it, it's simply a matter of whether or not you are willing to. For example, yesterday my partner wasn't feeling well, sitting in front of the idiot box, and was not paying nearly enough attention to me in my hormonally needy and wishing for gender reassignment to get away from the pain in my reproductive system self. I felt lonely and insecure, and I even told him that I felt lonely and insecure, but the thing is, I didn't go off and try to make him feel guilty or blame the fact that he was watching TV for something that I knew was a matter of my own perspective. He got it, we cuddled, I had some tea and life was good.
If you're feeling insecure, then tell your partner straight up, you're feeling insecure. If you feel like he's "avoiding" you during your moontime (or depo-induced "most of the time" and exactly why I stay far away from contraceptive with hormones), own it and tell him how you feel, don't blame it on his masturbation. He might "own" you, but you are the master of your own headspace, so take ownership of your emotions.
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