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How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:33:50 AM

BigBaby

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Joined: 3/26/2004
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I live in a somewhat small community in North Dakota (about 70,000 people), I just broke up with someone I really liked and cared for. This was partially due to my Brother dying a few months back and partially due to me being afraid to tell her about fetishes.......I am an adult baby/sissy/slave. I actually was afraid to invite her over to my house for fear of her finding my toys etc. which in part was a contributing factor to us breaking up I believe? My ? is has anyone else from a small "gossipy" town like I live in ever shared kinky secrets with a partner/lover? If so how did you approach the matter and did it have any negative cosequences? Is there any techniques that anyone has utilized to break the ice? I wander if I am being too paranoid about the whole thing but yet am just really scared of being found out by friends and family, I am also very tired of being alone because of it!
Jerry

Post #: 1

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 3:08:04 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Yeah I come from a tiny town where everyone knows everything about everyone all the time. Ive been here all my life which means that some people can remember that when i was 11 i had a phobia of kissing boys. I have told people but I am just very careful about who I tell.Most people now are aware of some element of kinkyness that I have because I tend to make a joke out of it, most of them are just intrigued. But when it comes to my specific realtionship i am far more careful. For my family the D/s thing isnt a big deal they dont really care what I do as long as i am safe. The fact that i am now with a girl is where the issue comes in. This is because my mother left my father for a woman 5 years ago and dad would find it very hard to cope if he knew. Though he has been privy to a lot of infomation he will often dismiss it. I felt I needed to tell someone and spent half an hour doing so with my sister. I was actually shocked by her reaction, i was prepared for lots of "ewww gross" and "your sick" but i didnt get that I just got "yeah i kinda figured, we have been worried about you cos you seem so sad here I wish you were with them more often"

I think it depends who you are telling, and why and how much. With my sis i gave her a lot of time to ask questions because I wanted her to know as much as possible so I have someone to talk to. With some mates Ill just mention bits as though they are not a big deal "well yeah that reminds me of when i was at the fetish fair" I have found most people are a lot more open minded than we like to think. I have only really been treated badly by one person who found out. I lived with him and we had been close. He knew about it because He had seen me with some pvc and I had sort of explained and i was washing up the convo went like this.

me- oh there is a new fetish club opening here
him- thats sick
me- what do you mean?
him- people like that a freaks I dont want them in my town
me- um ok, well im a freak then
him- id shoot them all
me- yeah i would say thats ironic coming froma gay bloke who deals with that crap all the time, but eh you judge if you like
him- oh um yeah i was just joking

He was a bit of a tosser to me for the rest of the time i lived with him, but to be honest i dont want people like that in my life anyways. It may partly have been my fault for not talking to him enough about it so he just had the prejudice but i dont really care after being spoken to like that i didnt really want to speak to him again.

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Post #: 2

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 4:25:44 AM

Dnomyar

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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70,000 people is not a small town. Mine is 3000 people. There are a lot of kinky people in the area. There probably is in yours also. Look on here and some of the other sites to find who is near you.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 4:41:57 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I live in a very small rural town. We have one stop light and about 3500 people. I don't feel the need to share my personal life with them. To the outside world we look like a plain , vanilla couple. My sister found some things once and I told her. She didn't understand so I gave her the book "When Someone You Love is Kinky" , she supports me but doesn't totally get it. Toys are kept in a locked area in my closet, so anyone going in there better be invited to do so.

There are only two very close family members that know and some friends, otherwise I don't feel the need for the town to know my business. If you want them to know then expect alot of whispering and stares. Some people cannot understand these things. If you don't want to share it just be yourself and act like a person.

Find some groups in your area and get to know others, you are not alone. In rural areas like ours the nearest group is online. I pick and choose carefully who I tell my personal business too. To most people though it is none of their business.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 3/7/2008 4:58:45 AM >

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 4:44:34 AM

leakylee

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Joined: 7/2/2004
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I can identify. I came out to my Mom a few years ago. She found out about the lifestyle, about my being bi, and about my domme/ girlfriend all at the same time. Luckily, while she stills struggles to understand, she loves me. She and my Daddy support me. We dont discuss the lifestyle overly much, expect when she has fears of my activites.

My extended family didnt take it so well. I am 'one of those people now. A black sheep thinking of starting my own flock..hehe.. I personally am more comfortable being out. Being able to be myself to some degree. It has had its cost, but in the end I think you value the relationships that remain that much more.

It is a fine line, and once crossed not easy to return.

I wish you the best of luck

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:11:45 AM

colouredin

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

70,000 people is not a small town. Mine is 3000 people. There are a lot of kinky people in the area. There probably is in yours also. Look on here and some of the other sites to find who is near you.

gosh i didnt even look at the number of people, (must re read op's) yeah that isnt a small town at all mine is all inter connecting villages and stuff it is small

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:20:37 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I live in a town that is mostly all Amish. They know about me...and ya know what...they don't care one way or another.

The best advice I can give you is just be honest. They are either going to try and understand/accept you as you are; or they won't. It's up to you to decide how YOU want to handle their reaction.

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:28:19 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Most of my friends know im Kinky and could give crap really. I live in a pretty big town now, but growing up I dident. My old highschool friends I dont really talk to aside from a few. My best friend of 16 years is also a kinkster so, thats nice. My mom actually found some pictures of me during my first ever scene, all I got was "I dident appreciate finding these, please put them somewhere I wont find them again." My twin sister...is a Domme (figure that out...ahaha). 90% of the friends I have now are kinksters one way or the other, the people I know at work, well one or two of them grin at my pride pin i wear on my lapel, the rest only ask me what it is and I tell them "Its a symbol that has alot of meaning to me" and they generally take that as it is, usually to the extent of if I want to talk about it I will. And my bellydance group...some of them are HIGHLY unaccepting of my lifestyle...and they can piss off and stay out of it.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:30:22 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

OP, it sounds as though your kinks are way too big a deal for you, and way too shameful for you. Unless you believe yourself that you're not a total fuckup, you can't really expect your neighbors or love interests to take you seriously. Feel free to use the following affirmation I produced just now:

My kink is OK as long as I don't have a bunch of bodies in my trunk.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:33:09 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BigBaby

I live in a somewhat small community in North Dakota (about 70,000 people), I just broke up with someone I really liked and cared for. This was partially due to my Brother dying a few months back and partially due to me being afraid to tell her about fetishes.......I am an adult baby/sissy/slave. I actually was afraid to invite her over to my house for fear of her finding my toys etc. which in part was a contributing factor to us breaking up I believe? My ? is has anyone else from a small "gossipy" town like I live in ever shared kinky secrets with a partner/lover? If so how did you approach the matter and did it have any negative cosequences? Is there any techniques that anyone has utilized to break the ice? I wander if I am being too paranoid about the whole thing but yet am just really scared of being found out by friends and family, I am also very tired of being alone because of it!
Jerry

Minnesota here, small towns. If you can't afford to be out, don't be. Everyone is at least a little kinky , but Mandan at 70k is a fucking futurama metropolis compared to Richville (about 200 people).

www.drkdesyre.com

see if there is a munch around you.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BigBaby)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:38:06 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

I also come from a small town and novody knows about me with the exception of my ex-wife and the folks here.As for the OP..hey pal..you have to do whatever makes you happy.Chances are the girl you liked probably would ahve kicked you to the corner anyways.Just be hones..you have nothing to lose and everything to gain..might even find one that you love and the love is returned...sorry about your brother..be well.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:39:00 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If you can't afford to be out, don't be.

I agree. I don't think it's a sign you're ashamed of your "kink" that you don't want to advertise it. Not all of us like to be passive subjects of conversation in the mouths of mealy-mouthed smalltown gossips.

Enjoy who you are, go to munches and other specialised gatherings, enjoy yourself and be as private as you wish to be. I don't agree that we have to be "out there" in order to be honest. We all need a patch of private garden.

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Post #: 12

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 5:47:10 AM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
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IMHO, try looking at it this way...what part of your kink is essential, and what part simply enhances your enjoyment? i realize that is kind of vague, but here goes...
   i must ..... in order to be aroused =essential
   My SO is wonderful, but i would really like it if She/she He/he would .........me or if my SO enjoyed......as much as i do.
   it has occasionally had a bit of a struggle to introduce things that appeal to me, and had other occasions where my particular kinks were welcomed and became a part of the relationship. That i am as kinky as i am caused a great deal of difficulty in my marriage, as my ex never quite understood my desires, but i worked for a number of years to not make that be a deal breaker.
     in terms of what the outside world thought, i have never given that much thought. i always believed that what happened in the bedroom (living room, kitchen, home, back seat of the car or whatever) was each person's choice, and had no effect on me unless i was invited to join in, at which point it could become an issue. i realize that this is not the world's point of view, but, i will point this out to anyone who might question me.
just some stray thoughts, i hope they might have helped.

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live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 6:49:46 AM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

70,000? id take a bet and say heres probably as muny weekly munches as aa meetings lol.
i came from a town of 2700, 3 meetings, 0 munches haha

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Post #: 14

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:29:04 PM

phoenixinchains

Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline

be yourself and don't volunteer information until you feel the time is right. it will probly never be right for most people in your area, but lucky is the day you meet the right people at the right time

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:32:50 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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you just chat up to the apple of your eye and as you're talking, she will say something that could be double entendred and with real big saucer eyes and with a real excited voice lean forward in your chair, give a little line dryed clean linen sheets shiver, and look absolutely like just you saw the face of god and say, 'Do you SPANK?'.

Watch her reactions closely.

Plausible Denial.
The man who killed Kennedy.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 3/7/2008 12:36:24 PM >

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:36:26 PM

BigBaby

Posts: 60
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline

Nice to hear about how others have dealt with this issue. Sad thing is I have never heard of any munches up here in ND? This state is so square we just got the lottery about 2 years ago. I work as a blackjack dealer and that kinda puts me in the public spotlight and makes it a little more of a delicate issue for me I think? I would probly just up and move somewhere more kinky friendly but my Mom is here alone and just can't do that. I think that my next gf I have I am going to tell and that is really what brought me to writing this post, I think that what I am going to do is maybe just ask what the kinkiest thing she has ever done is? Maybe bring up the subject of spankings and move slowly forward with the rest of it? Maybe make her just as involved in it as me so I have some recourse if she decides to tell the whole world? I would really like to hear more from anyone about how they approached their bf/gf with their kinks and what the end results were?

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:39:41 PM

BigBaby

Posts: 60
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline

P.S. does anyone know how to get rid of the vanilla Ice cream cone? I am more like a skittles blizzard lol

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RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:40:54 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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click on the gold in my sigline

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 19

RE: How do you tell someone you r kinky? - 3/7/2008 12:43:15 PM

phoenixinchains

Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline

well, my Mate and i have this board game called, "Who's the biggest pervert?" and it's like truth or dare, with out the dare, and all the questions are about sex. we play this game with the most normal of our neighbors, and you wouldn't believe the stuff that comes out! folks want to feel that they aren't the weirdest person in the room... hmm, maybe try finding this game,,, it has strange powers.

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OWNED BY CHAOSFORGE.
purrfectly happy slave of Chaosforge.

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Post #: 20

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