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RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 8:46:07 AM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		I have apparently been picked out only once in public, by a girl here at my school. It seems my bumbling attempt to hold the door open for her and a sheepish smile are what set off the alarms. Unfortunately we don't seem to get along too well in any other respect. Ah-so.

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RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 9:38:52 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patrick007

Have you ever had the experience of seeing someone walking down the street, or meeting a guy in a vanilla situation, and saying to yourself "Uh huh, I bet HE loves to...". Is there the equivalent of "gaydar" for Dominant women? Do you ever just know. Is it something you can describe, or is it just a feeling? Have you ever acted on that feeling? Have you met a guy in a vanilla situation, had the feeling, and then started pushing his buttons a little?


3 words: chivalric and obsequious tendencies

What woman wouldn't love that? :)



< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 3/7/2008 9:39:31 AM >

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RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 9:55:54 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patrick007

Have you ever had the experience of seeing someone walking down the street, or meeting a guy in a vanilla situation, and saying to yourself "Uh huh, I bet HE loves to...". Is there the equivalent of "gaydar" for Dominant women? Do you ever just know. Is it something you can describe, or is it just a feeling? Have you ever acted on that feeling? Have you met a guy in a vanilla situation, had the feeling, and then started pushing his buttons a little?


I'm sure there are some women out there who can peg certain submissive people, but I know I've never been pegged for submissive in a vanilla situation.  I am very submissive at heart, but my demeanor is far from it.  I am very assertive and aggressive.  In fact, I've been mistaken for a dom before...lol.  For me, it's like if I'm in a vanilla situation, my submissive side is hidden.  People who know of my submissive side still have a hard time believing I'm a submissive.  My everyday personality doesn't exactly portray my true side.

I may respond to strangers questions with a "Yes, sir/no sir" or a "Yes, ma'am/no ma'm", hold a door open for someone, or help a stranger load something heavy into their vehicle, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm being subby...my parents raised me to be polite.  To those who don't appreciate my polite side, feel free to suck my fuzzy chipmunk balls!  LOL

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RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 9:57:32 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How do you hold your eyes to show that your a submissive. Im also soft spoken so does that make me submissive. I always hold doors open for people. I may have to rethink my orientation.

People who are submissive usually will not look you in the eye or if they do they look away quickly.  Looking someone in the eye can be seen as trying to establish dominance or as a challenge.

~Lashra


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 10:30:18 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		The difference that i have seen is who will let the door drop, or hold it only long enough for the next person to grab the handle.  pehaps it is just age or upbringing.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 10:35:49 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How do you hold your eyes to show that your a submissive. Im also soft spoken so does that make me submissive. I always hold doors open for people. I may have to rethink my orientation.


haven't You heard?  submissives hold their eyes in their left hand, Dominants hold them in their right hand, and a slave holds one in each hand.

Having been well trained, i meet a Woman's gaze eye to eye, and check out the rest of Her when She looks elsewhere.  i have been told that it is rude to talk to a Woman's chest, and to not look at someone that O/one is talking to. 

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live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 10:37:34 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmm I sort of have a bad habit of looking away from most people when I talk with them. I think some take it as being submissive until they start getting overly aggresive. I do think that the way you look at someone may influence their thinking. But as the saying goes Don't Judge a book by it's cover.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 11:44:05 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Even if I thought I could tell, I would be extremely wary of wishful thinking when playing "Spot the Sub".  I prefer to meet men and women who already know what they want and what they're looking for in a self-aware BDSM context.  Or get to know someone very carefully over time and have it unveiled in the course of getting to know them.  I would never presume on someone's nature; BDSM is too scary for people who aren't into it.

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(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 5:13:32 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		If you are at a BDSM event and see a man wearing a harness and thong, a collar, and wrist cuffs, there is a good chance this man is submissive.

;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress
I will often catch a man checking out my stilettos, and I can then make eye contact, and then obviously look at the shoes as well and smile.


This is a good approach.

I don't think general submissive behaviors (avoiding eye contact, opening doors, etc) are necessarily indicators of being a submissive from a BDSM perspective. By the latter I mean someone who considers submission part of their sexuality or relationship expression. Lowering eyes or avoiding eye contact can come from lack of social confidence--I make eye contact and do so to establish a social connection. Opening doors can simply be a nice gesture.

I use flagging--in some social environments I wear rings on my right hand only.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 6:29:37 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		ooohhhh.... one of my long time favorites was VERY easy to spot that he was kinky.  *sigh* The memory makes me all warm and wet...*  We had hooked up in a very vanilla manner the night before... but he was following me and my group of friends like a puppy dog the next night.  We were at a SciFi con and my group was getting dressed up in costumes to do a mass 'freak the mundanes' dinner party at the Hard Rock Cafe.  My costume included a flogger hanging from the belt.  The new boy said something ... I don't remember what ... and I told him to "Shut it" and flipped him in the leg with the flogger without taking it off my belt.  The look that crossed his face was positively feral.  I knew I had a live one.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 6:53:47 PM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		Being married man I don't have a lot of degrees of freedom but I do like to flirt.

It would seem to require a great deal of self confidence to move around on boots and to my good fortune many women like to wear them. 

I try to "out" dominant women by looking at their boots. :-P In social and business situations I will let my gaze take in a womans boots for a little too long and then look away a little embarased or distracted and take in their reaction peripherally.  Its fun to see different reactions, quizical looks, asontishment, small smirks. :-)

I'm probably making a collosal ass of myself but in my own mind it's a fun game.

TnC

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 9:44:40 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Recently when I was training a class, one of the participants seemed to stay close to me and I honestly didn't think too much about it UNTIL...  I asked him to do something for me since he was right there.  He did so but before he did what I asked him to he said, "Yes Ma'am, anything to serve you."  I looked straight at him at that and when I did he lowered his eyes and went to do what I asked.  For the rest of the day, I'd get him to do little menial tasks and he did so readily.

He took a HUGE chance because 1.  The trainer(me) is the supervisor during training   2.  He's a supervisor.

No one knew what was going on but the two of us.  After the class I asked him how he "knew" and he said he could tell that I was a dominate woman.  If he had not responded the way he did when I asked him to do something I would not have even thought he was submissive.

There are some men I have a pretty good idea about but there are times when seemingly vanilla men will say something to indicate otherwise and it never fails to shock me.

Faye

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/7/2008 11:53:23 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		Multitude of phrases I could use to indicate my subservience, that would not reveal it to a non dominant, but I am sure would to a dominant. Well at least if they were interested.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 2:45:55 AM   
edgepassion


Posts: 67
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Politesub53 :

"And here is me thinking i did this out of politeness"
 
Yep, me too, Polite

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 10:10:00 AM   
saret


Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ha!
Well, its funny, long before I was seriously into bdsm (bah-dism as my friend calls it) I've always been a pretty stubborn and strong person. Because of my gothy and corset-wearing tendancies, in sexual situations, people would usually just assume that I was a domme, and try to give me control, even if I didnt know what to do with it.

Someone has to run the sex, otherwise you just sit there staring at each other.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 10:10:15 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I always hold doors open for people. I may have to rethink my orientation.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar


Me too!  I'm just polite that way - don't want to step through and let the door slam on them!



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RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 10:23:04 AM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
People who are submissive usually will not look you in the eye or if they do they look away quickly.  Looking someone in the eye can be seen as trying to establish dominance or as a challenge.

~Lashra


Sounds like shyness to me not submissiveness

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 5:32:24 PM   
AllforFun


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

People who are submissive usually will not look you in the eye or if they do they look away quickly.  Looking someone in the eye can be seen as trying to establish dominance or as a challenge.

~Lashra



Well, I usually will look a woman directly in the eye to show that I respect her and consider her an equal (as I do all people). For me, I give hints in the things I say and and my actions.

I have noticed that domianant women can sniff out a sub or vice versa. It is truly  a fascinating phenomenon strictly from a sociological/pshychological stand point.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/8/2008 5:48:54 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		My all-time favourite was going on vacation to Hawai'i with a male gay friend.  There was a nice-looking blond on the other side of the beach, and my friend noticed him moving his towel nearer and nearer to ours as the day went on.  My narcissist friend was sure the blond was 'into him', I just smiled. 
The next time I went in the water, I held the gaze of the blond and he followed me in. 
As the sun went down, the blond Brit carried my things back to the hotel, and 'happened' to mention although an architect by day, he made 'chain and leather goods' at night, begged to create a costume for me, and wished he'd brought his own hand-crafted saddle so I could ride him.
Later that night, ;-) I didn't need the saddle!  Have strap-on, will travel:  roughrider condoms + sub Brit ass = Boo ya!

The blond knew who am I, I knew what the blond was, and my gay friend has no BDSM-dar.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can Women recognize a submissive male by sight? - 3/9/2008 7:08:20 AM   
LadyJeelys


Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		Used to be, I'd say no......but recently I was shopping (Walmart) and a cute little guy was looking at videos, and it was just obvious. So I just said, "I bet you're adorable all tied up." He blinked, blushed, gave a little nod and grinned.

Soooooo, now, I think with some guys you can tell. Plus, I think more guys are submissive than we realize.

(in reply to patrick007)
Profile   Post #: 40
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