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RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 2:35:26 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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Fast Reply

I would have you call it what it is, A Social Gathering and NOTHING more. Explain to ALL parties the other activities that will be going on and the rules should always be

1. Be Respectful of ALL individuals Kinky, Lifestyle, Vanilla Whatever.
2. Remember Not all Kinks MIX so ASK before you ACT!
3. No Contact unless invited. Unless someone says it is okay to touch it probably isn't
4. If Ever confused Find the HOST and HOSTESS and they will explain.

Finally you may wish to have a Pow-Wow Pre Party sit down where you explain the different activities that YOU are allowing to happen in YOUR home and explain that if anyone is uncomfortable then they should simply leave and you will all have coffee some other day.

Also you may wish to remember that in a party such as this you will always need to be aware of possible poor pairing such as the High SM crowd and the Swinger Crowd they tend to at times clash Protocol wise. Also the M/s and the Vanilla Kink-Curious types may have some issues so keep close tabs on all of them you don't need to say anything specific but watch for friction.

You may also wish to Nip the Protocol concept in the Bud and call it a Come as you are and Behave as you will, this way no one feels they need to behave differently to fit in.

YOU set the ground rules NOT them make sure this is understood because as a Former swinger myself I know that if a rule is NOT in place I assume there is no rule and so an anything goes kind a venue can sometimes get awkward.

I have done quite a few of these as I am into all sorts of different things and sometimes which is hard to do you have to know which frinds you can have around and which friends you just can't. It is a truth no one likes to admit some kinks just don't get along with other kinks. (No I am not saying which ones, but we all know there are sub groups we handle well and others we don't)

Hope some of that helps

Steel

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Post #: 21

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 2:37:39 PM

CalifChick

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From: California
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I guess I'm not understanding the reason why the OP wants to mix this group of people anyway.

Cali

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Post #: 22

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 2:50:00 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I guess I'm not understanding the reason why the OP wants to mix this group of people anyway.

Cali

Yea go figure. I for one went to a "party" and ppl started showing up in leather, and whips then more ppl showed up half naked with video equipment. Id stick around just to see what's gonna happen next... However I'd never go to another one of their parties. I don't care how good the dope is.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/7/2008 2:52:03 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 2:56:11 PM

LadyPact

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I think My own personal suggestion is back in the prior page.

Set yourself up with a list of 'house rules' for the evening of the party. Make them available through email to those you are inviting. Have written copies for the guests available at the door, so everyone understands that there are guidelines for the evening.

I very much like the idea of you having separate areas for social space and play space. That way, the 'nillas don't have to be exposed to anything that don't want to, and the players can have an area for their activities. I'm hoping that your three types of friends are courteous enough of the other groups to give them their respected space.

Have fun, and I hope everyone enjoys the party.

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Post #: 24

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 3:02:23 PM

lytehaze

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I like the OP’s idea of separate space. I think multiple rooms would be an appropriate and easy to implement option. Certainly let everyone know the general rules which apply to all rooms/common areas (safe words, not touching what's not yours, no interrupting, etc) before hand. And then discuss the various rules that are room specific (food in the kitchen , kink but no sex in study, living room for socializing only, kink free sex in master bedroom, do what you feel in guest bedroom, etc). Or post it on the doors.

And I don't think people would have any problem with that. For those who would like to explore they simply move from room to room, those not wanting to see something they're not ready for circulate where they're comfortable. I personally like the environment like dance clubs with theme rooms. If you don't like what's going on in one room go next door. And the vanilla kink-curious can always close the door and move on if gets overwhelming. I know most vanilla would be a bit taken aback if the party erupted in watersports but if they know before hand if you’re into it or just curious about it see the guest bathroom etc.

Why not mix friends? The kink-curious vanillas are probably wanting some kind of mixer, and the line between kink and sex is permeable even at a party. So as long as everyones up for it...
I say have yourself a party.

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Obligatory disclaimer: Of course the above views are my own, as I can only speak for myself. Should others identify or disagree with my thoughts, that is their right. I in no way meant to offend, by malice or negligence any person or group.

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Post #: 25

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 3:02:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
I guess 'm not understanding the reason why the OP wants to mix this group of people anyway.

Cali

Well it's not necessary to know the answer, but a reasonable guess would be that she has friends from all those social arenas and is hoping to get everyone to get together and enjoy a fun evening in her house.

Have you ever heard of Dark Odyssey? That is only one example of conventions specially meant to bring people of all alternative lifestyles together to celebrate, learn, expand, embrace and share in what the other has to offer. It can be a great experience.

But I understand some people just want to stay in their own separate corner of the sandbox and that's fine also.

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Post #: 26

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 3:03:59 PM

lytehaze

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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Whoops posted before refreshing. I agree with LadyPact, well said.

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Obligatory disclaimer: Of course the above views are my own, as I can only speak for myself. Should others identify or disagree with my thoughts, that is their right. I in no way meant to offend, by malice or negligence any person or group.

(in reply to lytehaze)

Post #: 27

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 6:09:53 PM

aladybug

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Joined: 3/7/2008
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this is the list I am putting together - but I am seriously thinking that the sex part will be AFTER HOURS

play party rules
don't touch anyone unless they say they want to be touched - by you.
no means no.
no drugs.
no alcohol.
anyone exhibiting out of control behavior will be asked to leave.
the party room is for mixing, mingling, light play and demonstrations.
the bedroom is where you must go if you want to be intimate. Intimate means anything that involves direct sexual stimulation, regardless of the end result of that stimulation.
please respect the privacy of those already in the bedroom.
do not go into the bedroom unless it is unoccupied or if you have been invited.
be safe
be sane
be consensual
respect others' privacy
respect others' space
there will be an assigned dungeon master or mistress if you have any questions.

thanks everyyone for your GREAT feedback

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 28

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/7/2008 7:16:22 PM

cjan

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Joined: 2/21/2008
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Posted house rules are great. Just remember that you can't make a contract for any "illegal" activity. Sadly, in a lot of states, especially in the south,that means anything other than vanilla ( and that only among married couples, "fornication" being illegal). . Maybe you should think twice about inviting cops, prosecutors, and peeps with axes to grind.

Otherwise, I hope y'all have fun and a great party ! And draw the goddamn shades !

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Post #: 29

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/8/2008 12:26:51 AM

Muttling

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Joined: 9/30/2007
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I think it sounds great and like a LOT of fun. As suggested, have certain rooms designated for certain activities and let the guests stroll about.

I would, however, highly recommend one thing. You need to have one or two designated "Dungeon Masters" to keep an eye on all of the activity rooms. The shouldn't be active participants and they should wear something that makes it obvious who they are. If they see something they consider unsafe or inappropriate they, have authority to stop it immediately (even if other parties are consenting to it.) Make certain everyone knows that and agrees to letting those guys keep things within reason.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 3/8/2008 12:27:44 AM >

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Post #: 30

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/8/2008 3:11:47 AM

MissMenagerie

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Perosnally, I've had parties that just got...well, out of hand? Into hand? Either way, as soon as it became apparent that people were pairing off, I would stand up and annouce that it was about time things were going to get rough. "It's 2 AM, and this is about to become a free-for-all, so if you aren't free for all, I love you and goodnight!"

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Post #: 31

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 9:17:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aladybug
the bedroom is where you must go if you want to be intimate. Intimate means anything that involves direct sexual stimulation, regardless of the end result of that stimulation.

Here's where things get sticky-

Do you mean no kissing anywhere? No touching of breasts or nipples on males or females? No genital touching? No anal touching? Can a foot fetishist touch feet?

"Sexual" stimulation takes on a very different perspective when you're talking about open alternative sexualities.

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Post #: 32

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 9:49:22 AM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

be safe
be sane

while LA mentioned the sexual thing...i am gonna have to bring up that people that practice BDSM on a regular basis often don't agree on what is safe and sane, so, i feel that throwing those words out there to vanilla people would be very confusing...

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Post #: 33

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 12:15:05 PM

aladybug

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Joined: 3/7/2008
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Two things strike me, that are a bit off-tangent:

1. Meeting a nice swinger gentleman, and trying to explain to him how I like being tied up and spanked more than having sex, and getting a blank stare. At the same time, I remember being baffled how he could be so excited about a roomful of people getting naked together. I realized what an enormous gulf of understanding with each others' sexual desires. To me, without the power factor, there is little point to any sexual activity. At the least, there has to be the power factor in that "Daddy requested it."

2. Going to a D/s club and being trailed by a pack of men masturbating for my just being there, as a woman, with a guy. I would have liked to tell the owners to fuck off and die for allowing that, and vowed to never create a situation where people would feel that uncomfortable. I was also shocked it was happening in a D/s club. It felt invasive, I felt that they should have asked permission, even to look, let alone stare and jerk off, let WAY alone trying to grab me. It seemed like the factor of vanillas wanting to be spectators but not participants, and thinking that any behavior was acceptable because it was a "kinky" club.

LA and chellekitty, you are both right about those semantics. Eek, this is tuff.

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Post #: 34

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 12:17:28 PM

aladybug

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Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I guess I'm not understanding the reason why the OP wants to mix this group of people anyway.

Cali

Erm... because Daddy requested it.

Nuff said.

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Post #: 35

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 12:24:40 PM

RedMagic1

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In that case, couldn't you make it a nonsexual "dress-up" event -- Halloween in Spring! People can come dressed as fetishy as they want, but there's no intimate contact permitted beyond what would be the norm in a vanilla setting -- holding hands, kissing with (no?) tongue.

I don't see a need for "rules" anymore. Your kinkster friends know how to live in the world without scaring the vanillas.

Then it's on you to ensure there are plenty of fun things to do so your guests are neither bored nor blown away. Whether that's Trivial Pursuit or Limbo depends on your group.

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Post #: 36

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 2:24:43 PM

Muttling

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I've been to parties where there were the swingers, the kink curious, and the serious kinksters with no problems. Just make sure everyone knows ths will be on the wild side and how things will be managed BEFORE they show up. I would also suggest some non-play socialization time for the first couple of hours so those who aren't comfortable with it can show up then leave before the action starts.

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Post #: 37

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 4:24:01 PM

Paulsgirl

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aladybug

I am planning a play party for Daddy... if that is what it can be called.

Here is the issue... and after all these years I feel silly not understanding the subtleties or the protocol of what can happen where.

There are going to be a few basic groups of people who are our friends whom he wants there.

1. BDSM "lifestylers"
2. People who are kink-friendly but not D/s or SM but active in the adult entertainment industry and who like group sex.
3. Vanilla friends who are kink-curious.

OK - I went back to edit.

The lifestyle folks I hang with have play parties that are almost wholesome - hardcore bondage, no sexual gratification, etc. Plenty of bondage, floggers, etc. but no sex, per se.

The adult industry people are more into anywhere anyplace anytime sex, open and uninhibited.

The vanilla friends might get bugged out if either group pulls out all the stops.

Question is: what kind of party do I call this, then, if group 1 expects kind of a PG-13 flogger scene, group 2 expects everyone getting naked and gettng it on and group 3 likely end up as spectators. I don't want to misrepresent any of them, or alienate any of them.

Maybe I am being unrealistic in having all of these people there?

Maybe there needs to be divisions in time or space as to what happens where?

Maybe I need to have 2 or 3 different parties on different nights?

Perhaps there are regional or group differences because I have heard about BDSM parties in California that end up being kind of free love fests, too.

help!

Call it a Sexuality and Intimacy Workshop and charge for tickets. The exhibitonists can go flog, the sexual voyeurs get their rocks off whilst watching and the vanillas can organise the drinks, coffee, pens, note books, tables, chairs, video conferencing and dissemination of mobile phone numbers, after-care sholder rubs and full body hugs

Host another in three months time (referrals half price and previous party goers get in free, newbies pay full whack) when the lifestylers will say its passe, the sex participants will have learned to use the equipment and the vanillas will be swinging.
Always good for building a strong sense of community.

Alternatively get a different Daddy.

< Message edited by Paulsgirl -- 3/9/2008 4:25:26 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 8:07:08 PM

LadyLolly

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Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

No booze? What kind of party is that?
I can understand it if heavy play was expected but generally those that intend to do so know that - perhaps another rule...? Don't want people getting snockered and thier judgement and manners going south either. But still, many are gonna want a little snort.

Trying to consider how I'd feel at such a party. If I wasn't going just to be social I'd be concerned about freaking out the swingers and curious nillas if I enjoyed myself too much playing. I really don't much care to get groped, leared at, or intruded on by the swingers or voyers either. I do know that if I felt in anyway uncomfortable I would not stay long and once would be enough.

You know how each of these three groups of friends are, so does he. If you think the social room "specialty" areas and rules will smooth the way enough go for it. Might consider color coded name tags to help orient everyone also. Primary colors Red for BDSM tops (Green for bottoms) , Blue for Swingers, Yellow for curious 'nillas, Purple for BDSM/Swingers, Black for anything goes, White for just social, something like that.

Would it be easier to have split parties? Absolutely. Discuss and share with him the issues and concerns. Confrontations can cause more harm than the happy time he may be wanting.
Good luck!

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Post #: 39

RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol - 3/9/2008 8:18:12 PM

chellekitty

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ah yes, the name tag thing...there was one group that used to hold parties regularly around here that had dots (like you use for garage sales) for the name tags that meant things - red=bottom, blue=top, yellow=switch, green=just watching...and you put whatever dot you wanted on your name tag, or as many as you wanted, like a yellow with a blue dot on top if you were a switch who prefered to top, or all of them if you were a free for all...lol...more colors, more options...

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Post #: 40

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