Confused - Questions about play party protocol (Full Version)

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aladybug -> Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 8:45:53 AM)

I am planning a play party for Daddy... if that is what it can be called.

Here is the issue... and after all these years I feel silly not understanding the subtleties or the protocol of what can happen where.

There are going to be a few basic groups of people who are our friends whom he wants there.

1. BDSM "lifestylers"
2. People who are kink-friendly but not D/s or SM but active in the adult entertainment industry and who like group sex.
3. Vanilla friends who are kink-curious.

OK - I went back to edit.

The lifestyle folks I hang with have play parties that are almost wholesome - hardcore bondage, no sexual gratification, etc. Plenty of bondage, floggers, etc. but no sex, per se. 

The adult industry people are more into anywhere anyplace anytime sex, open and uninhibited.

The vanilla friends might get bugged out if either group pulls out all the stops.

Question is: what kind of party do I call this, then, if group 1 expects kind of a PG-13 flogger scene, group 2 expects everyone getting naked and gettng it on and group 3 likely end up as spectators.  I don't want to misrepresent any of them, or alienate any of them.

Maybe I am being unrealistic in having all of these people there? 

Maybe there needs to be divisions in time or space as to what happens where?

Maybe I need to have 2 or 3 different parties on different nights?

Perhaps there are regional or group differences because I have heard about BDSM parties in California that end up being kind of free love fests, too.

help!



Justme696 -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 8:47:50 AM)

well you are friends, so you already get along.
people will mingle. just let it happen
(don't forget to make pictures and mail us)



BoiJen -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 8:49:17 AM)

Basic rules...

Ask before you touch...anything or anyone
Don't interupt someone in the middle of something
Basic respect

That's it



DesFIP -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 8:53:25 AM)

Social room and play room. Post rules on a board so everyone knows the house rules. No alcohol/drugs and play. Your insurance company would have a fit. You may want to send the curious types some more info, like not talking to someone after they play if they're just lying down. They may not know about the need to recover at one's own rate.



Justme696 -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 8:57:16 AM)

somehow all those rules..make it sound like school ...
Never beem to such a party (not attracted to it) but is sounds so ...mm..cold.... Don't people just talk there first..and then it just happens?



AtlantaMistress -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:01:36 AM)

Actually, I attended a play party where they had the rules typed up and everyone had to sign. This protected them as well as was a good way to inform everyone what was and was not acceptable. They also added some humorous rules in- to make it seem less formal. I thought it was a great idea, and intend to ask the host/hostest for a copy to use at a party we are planning.



Justme696 -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:03:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress

Actually, I attended a play party where they had the rules typed up and everyone had to sign. This protected them as well as was a good way to inform everyone what was and was not acceptable. They also added some humorous rules in- to make it seem less formal. I thought it was a great idea, and intend to ask the host/hostest for a copy to use at a party we are planning.


For what kind of rules did you sign?
(thank you for explaining...btw there seems to be a lott of contracts going around in the USA for everything you do))



chellekitty -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:08:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Social room and play room. Post rules on a board so everyone knows the house rules. No alcohol/drugs and play. Your insurance company would have a fit. You may want to send the curious types some more info, like not talking to someone after they play if they're just lying down. They may not know about the need to recover at one's own rate.


pretty much everything she said...i am going on the assumption that it is being held in a private home ...have a large room - like a living room, that is just for socialization, no playing, so people have a place to chill and relax and not be intimidated by playing....i am also guessing that you will be allowing play in the bed rooms...it is up to you whether you want sex or no sex, but make sure everyone knows what the rules are - it is different at all parties (some people don't want others having sex on their beds, others don't care as long as you put towels or something down)....
as for the alcohol and drugs, well the drugs is a big duh! they are illegal....but as for alcohol...it is up to you and do you want to have to be put in the situation of having to throw someone out if they do drink too much...i don't know about insurance companies, but i am guessing they don't want you throwing play parties either...
if you do send rules or play party ettiquitte out, send it to everyone...it's just rude to assume that certain people know how to behave and certain people don't and you know who does and who doesn't...so, cover your ass and send it to everyone if you feel the need to send it to anyone...suggestion - if it is a paper invitation print invitation on one side, rules on the other...if it is electronic, just include it in the same file...and put an "if you have any qestions, contact me" at the end....

good luck
chelle



RedMagic1 -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:09:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
somehow all those rules..make it sound like school ...

Common sense isn't always common.  99% of the people laugh about how stupid the rules are, and they should, because "everyone" knows not to touch someone without asking first.  But look at some of the thread starters here -- or your lady friend's cmail inbox[;)] -- and I think you can see that sometimes people attend these events who do not have a strong sense of boundaries.



chellekitty -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:15:50 AM)

quote:

For what kind of rules did you sign?
(thank you for explaining...btw there seems to be a lott of contracts going around in the USA for everything you do))


in texas here's the usual play party rules -
no sex, that means no tab a in slot a, b or c
no death
no guns
clean up blood and wax (both very messy)
don't touch what's not yours (animate or inanimate)
respect other people's play space (both physically and verbally - don't get to close and don't stand there and play commentator and distract the people playing)
no camera's (includes camera phones, phones are pretty much regulated to outside use only now...)
if you are intoxicated or otherwise disruptive you will be removed
(usually more drawn out and wordy)

and these are not contracts per se, because they are not legally enforceable, and often, locally anyway, you can get away with signing them with an X or an alias...they just want you to make a mark as you walk in the door, noting that you have read the rules and say that you will abide by them...or be escorted out...

chelle



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:23:27 AM)

My advice would be to realize their kink orientation is absolutely meaningless to you until you decide to get into a relationship with them.  So stop making it an issue at all.  Unless you are prejudiced and  unable to get to know people unless they are of a particular kink persuasion?

I'd also recommend a social only room, some play rooms and an open sex room.  Most kinky people aren't comfy with mixing kink and sex in public, but since you'll have definitely sex friendly and active people there, it will be good to give them a room to enjoy so everyone gets something.

Mostly just lay out that everyone is to respect everyone, ask first, and no means no on the first time you're asked.



chellekitty -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 9:26:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My advice would be to realize their kink orientation is absolutely meaningless to you until you decide to get into a relationship with them.  So stop making it an issue at all.  Unless you are prejudiced and  unable to get to know people unless they are of a particular kink persuasion?


do what?  can you please tell me what this in reference to or if you used fast reply.....



Justme696 -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 10:15:48 AM)

my god..and people actually still go for fun to such party?
I understand rules...but....the party atmosphere is gone :(




aladybug -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 10:53:05 AM)

I meant to type NO hardcore bondage, above. lol.



aladybug -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 11:11:26 AM)

I do know, also, it is foolish to try and pigeonhole anyone into "groups by proclivity" yet at the same time, I need to generalize to present the issue. I am not so concerned with what any given person's kink is, but I have realized from going to parties of both parties that they are coming from very different places with very different assumptions. A cultural difference, if you will.



DesFIP -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 1:26:33 PM)

Actually I was thinking no drink and play for fear of a whip wildly swung knocking over a candle and setting the drapes on fire. Or hitting the person behind him and doing damage. Unfortunately, wiitwd isn't as safe as a game of Monopoly, and alcohol raises the chance of making mistakes.

Oh yeah, appoint a couple of big strong types as DM and give them buttons to wear or something so a guest who is being hassled knows who to go to if you're on the cross at the moment.

Are you watching the gender line? Lots of single males tend to make the women feel uncomfortable, try to keep things balanced.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 1:29:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Oh yeah, appoint a couple of big strong types as DM and give them buttons to wear or something so a guest who is being hassled knows who to go to if you're on the cross at the moment.

That's generally the hosts responsibility at a private party, but delegating isn't a bad idea as long as you can really trust them to be well trained and responsible.



tsatske -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 1:29:48 PM)

When I have hosted parties, I have sent the rules to all invited before hand, with invitations or shortly after RSVPs. And, Justme, yes, usually, everyone talks and chats and eats first. I have been at parties where no one ever got around to playing, and that is just fine.
Common rules include some metioned here: no drinking or drugs, because there will be play. Touch no one without their permision. Do not interfere with a scene or talk to a sub who has just scened unless they talk to you first. keep noise to a min in the play room, use the social room for conversation.
Also, the 'house' safe words. Red and green are most common. Blue means, I love what you are doing, but I need some details changed ( please don't hit me on this spot right here where I have a nerve problem), or maybe, GGP! - it's a communication code. Green, which I would NEVER personally use in a private scene, I consider indispensable at a party. The reason is that there is more peoples safety to be concerned for - you must also think of the emotional safety of spectators. If an established M/s couple are playing together, and she safewords, and he checks on her - he knows her, perhaps he knows that when she safewords, she needs a check on, a kiss on the cheek and a 2 second break. But to that newbie watching the scene, it looks like a sub got her safeword ignored. 'Green' must be stated anytime a sub 'Red', before play can resume. This keeps newbie spectators feeling safer.
Do let the BDSM crowd know if sex will be allowed, or the swing or adult entertainment community know if it won't, becuase, either way, you will otherwise have confused guests. Provide lots of condoms, and clorox wipes. The rules should state not



CalifChick -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 1:44:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aladybug

The vanilla friends might get bugged out if either group pulls out all the stops.

Maybe I am being unrealistic in having all of these people there? 

Maybe I need to have 2 or 3 different parties on different nights?



Yes and Yes.

Cali



SailingBum -> RE: Confused - Questions about play party protocol (3/7/2008 2:04:19 PM)

This sounds like the parties I attended when I was a kid.  We didnt call them "play parties"  A bunch of us would get together and party like we always did nothing special.  We would be partying ppl would wander off.  Every once in a while you would hear someone call out.  We need more guys cuz none of us can get it up anymore.  Man I miss those days.

BadOne



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