RE: Confusedand sad......please help.

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (Full Version)

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canupleaseme -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 5:33:20 AM)
I have to agree with everyone else. Beauty is only skin deep and look how ugly he turned out to be inside. Its awful when you think you have met someone special who seems to tick all the right boxes only to be very disapointed by them. I guess the question now is what else has he lied about and is this something that you can get past? Its meant to be a happy exciting time getting to know someone and progressing to real time or whatever and this has been marred for you by a simple thing already. If it was me I would be questioning everything now and would see no point in continuing. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe because your so disapointed its just giving you a bit of an emotional kick about and your seeing yourself as in the wrong. I wouldn't accept any picture he sent to me now at all and only accept seeing him on webcam to veryfy who he really is. If he can't do that then theres something very wrong.

HandSolo -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 5:35:15 AM)
You've met someone who would lie remorselessly about the simplest possible fact: his identity. I may have awarde partial credit, had his very first message started, "that photo is not me, but it does bear some resemblance, I'm uncomfortable posting images of myself on the Net, and I know a lot of people only browse profiles with photos." He did not, he butressed the lie. This is active, premeditated deception, a con. I wouldn't loan such a person a five-spot, let alone want to be bound and gagged in a room with a bag of implements of pain and him. Block him, but not before you tell him off. Or maybe wait until he tries to scam money out of you, and report him, CM will delete the fraud. Come to think of it, a posting a photo that isn't you is impermissible, forward his message to CM, they'll yank his image.

WalterRego -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 5:42:51 AM)
Forget for a minute that he lied to you. He has shown that he has no confidence in himself. That he has to show a different picture of himself than he really is. That he lacks the confidence to come out directly with who he is until he has "hooked" you. Is this the type of Dominant you want? Could trust in the future? He has also started out by in effect stating that women/subs cannot see past surface, and so has presented a different surface. He has been hiding and posing. He has shown that he has two levels of "self", the one he showed you and the one he believes himself to be. Thre will always be two levels with him. You have exposed yourself and who you are to him from the beginning. He has not. Totally aside from the betrayal of trust - serious enough in and of itself in WIITWD - he is not someone who you should be comfortable with entrusting your self and feelings to.

happypervert -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 5:59:43 AM)
quote: He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. This is good! I wonder what line he'll feed you when you discover his "job" is living in momma's basement whispering sweet sounding lies to suckers on the internet?

mnottertail -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:01:30 AM)
What precisely, is wrong with that image? Coming live to you from Mom's basement, Ron

JustAVixen -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:06:08 AM)
Dear girl, The only one who should be feeling guilty is him. Emailing a picture that is not him or is not recent is a lie. Be aware that pictures do not always mean much. I have several poses of me when younger. Sure, I look about the same, but I'm 15 years older. I have had pictures sent where the man in person looks the same, except until he smiles, and you realize his teeth are seriously, seriously in need of dental work. So seriously in need that the thought of kissing him made me a little queasy. Or the man who showed up and I thought, that can NOT be him until I looked and saw that he was the person from the picture, just about 20-25 years older. It was a shock and had nothing to do with me being shallow. Yes, it is a tiny lie, but it's hard because you build up an image in your mind of what a person looks like. You are being Dommed on line you envision that face, or you dream of him at night. When you meet in person, you find that you are with a stranger and you could find yourself suddenly not comfortable. Walk away, there are people on this site who are not posers or fakes. Keep looking, you will find someone.

lally3 -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:18:20 AM)
what i would be wondering is how this guy could spend so much time getting to know you, building a bond, creating a friendship and a possible future relationship on a lie. what were his thought processes, did he worry about telling you or did he think that it was enough to project himself - but who is 'himself', id end up wondering if everything he had said thus far was all fantasy. a while ago i was 'chatting' to a Dom. he didnt send his pic because he was afraid it would put me off. but personality wise we hit it off totally and i ended up falling in love with his humour, his voice, everything. when he did send his pic, it was just - oh, so thats you, great, now i know. point being, youre guy could have handled the whole 'image' thing differently without the lie and without it interferring with the growing friendship. it might be that he isnt frankenstein atall and was genuinely hiding his identity, but the fact is he began a growing friendship/relationship on subtefuge and it is totally wrong of him to then sling it back at you and make you feel miserable. he should be apologising for screwing up and since he isnt it then brings up the possiblity of arrogance and the fact that he is using the Dom/sub dynamic to get away with it, which then brings up other issues......... for me it would change enough of my feelings towards him not to pursue. lally

CelticPrince -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:20:47 AM)
quote: He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...I did nothing wrong. I am not shallow....but attraction does mean something to me...is that wrong? grattitude, Some deception is not uncommon here and it occurs on both sides of the slash, but it notnally disipates as time goes on and the initial deception is explained ; then the couple proceed ot do not. Job protection is very inportant tomany and the manner of protection there is just not post a pic; such as I do not. A true and current pic can be sent later as trust and connection builds. This "D" chose a serious breach, and I would be extremely careful if you choose to continue. CP

subbygirly -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:21:47 AM)
Also regarding your lines "I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again)" learn not to get too much involved emotionally until you finally meet and when you are lucky then get to know each other further. Here are so many fakes on this page, as soon as I dare to mention to arrange a day to meet, some change their mind or are for whatever reason not able to arrange a meeting at that particular moment. Fine, but then don't expect me to be bothered to continue to chat. I offered to meet once, and it WON'T happen another time to the same guy, so if that guy would genuinly not be able to arrange at that moment (which can happen as I know by myself when I had sometimes to wait for my next work rota) then HE has to get back to this topic and ask to meet. I am not chasing anyone. Either he has enough brain to meet seriously, or not, and if not, then I am fairly sure, that I would not want to have him as MY Dom [:'(]. So if he does avoid to meet in a neutrally public place fairly soon, then I won't waste my time with chatting online with him for ages. Life is too important then to be wasted by fakes. There are some blokes online where you get attached due to chats and images, yes, but as long as it is online, it is only ON-(a)-line, and therefore to be treated carefully. Some people moan about my profile that it would by cynical or rude (as I say what I put up with and what not), I take it as a compliment for the ones who moan, as so I guess they won't waste my time with getting to know each other. Others like it as I say spot on what I am looking for. And only because I am a sub, does not mean I am happy to take the piss here from some wanna-be doms. So, just try to get less attached emotionally to your chats, until he has proofen to be worth it. Don't accept someone who is not really worth it to have you [:)]

mnottertail -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:26:14 AM)
well, there you have it, IM with him, write back and forth, you have your words, never meet him, then you both have no issue with the image, (his words more or less), and you both are all set. Ron

Level -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:26:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WithGratitude Would others of you see this as a lie....somethng that would make you not trust him again.....and impossible to go on with him as a Dom (me being a first time sub)....trust being broken and all? Yep. A lie.

Kana -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:37:33 AM)
quote: I really need help because I have been thrown into a situation which really has me undone. You have already received the answer here from many many people. Note not one has said keep the guy. Met a wonderful person on here. Been chatting online now for quite sometime. Beautiful growing connection...no other way to say it. Really hopeful......everything about him...more then I could ever ask. He is not wonderful, he is a liar and a scam artist using you and your feelings for his perverse little pleasure. There is not a whit of wonderful about that sort of manipulation. Come to learn the main profile picture he posted is not him....nor a picture that he sent to me directly in support of this picture. Now I am not one to judge ANYONE on what they look like....ever......but I did go into this whole process with this man thinking he looked one way....which I was very attracted to....and now I know that was just an illusion. Its not the picture that matters, its the trust underneath.And frankly he could have put up a picture such as yours, one that is truly him, but also keeps his identity safe. Would others of you see this as a lie....somethng that would make you not trust him again.....and impossible to go on with him as a Dom (me being a first time sub)....trust being broken and all? I would see it as a total breach of trust, period.I cannot tell you how many submissives I have heard who overlooked one thing, only to find another then another, they end up with broken hearts and deeply hurt. Run and cut your lossesd while they are still minimal. He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...I did nothing wrong. I am not shallow....but attraction does mean something to me...is that wrong? Nope, you did nothing at all wrong, he is an asshole, and now to top it off he is spinning it against you. Thats really not cool at all. I am confused but more then this I am SOOOO sad.....that this person disappointed me. I thought I knew him...I thought he would never deceive me.....I thought he held himself and me to a different standard. I know he did not do this on purpose to hurt me......and I want to believe that he did not do this to draw me in because he is ashamed of what he really looks like. I liked all that he was....in words and thoughts and feelings.....and physical looks.....now what do I do? Learn lesson number one of the net, don't trust anyone until you meet them face to face and then still be cautious. I pretty much believe everyone I talk to is a fraud until they prove otherwise.I also set up meets pretty quick so as to ascertain the truth. ts amazing how many people have relatives die on first meets. He has not sent another picture of himself yet........I am afraid to see it when/if he does...he promises he will. I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help You don't want to see his picture, you dont need to see his picture, and oh yeah, remember this super clear: HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! Friends don't do that, callous manipulative self seeking people do. All relationships worth spit are based on trust, he lied from the gate. Period. This is not negotiable. ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again) quote: ORIGINAL: WithGratitude Good, it means grow up, approach with care, as Reagan said, trust but verify. Dump the naivete.Count yourself lucky that you got off with just some hurt feelings.You ant to play in the sandbox, understand the unwritten rules and who you are playing with.

Kana -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:39:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark He has lied. No lie is justifiable. Using a fake picture is not only a lie, but is theft and fraud. Beauty is only skin deep, but he has shown ugliness that has nothing to do with what he looks like, but his disregard for others feelings and property show he is not worth taking the risk. Point him to this thread and let him have his say. Let him read what we all wrote and let him see how stupid he has acted and that this not only touches you, but the person who's image and persona he stole. the.dark. Dark I think I love your mind. You always see past the surface to another layer. Not only that, you put it very well

angelic -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:54:13 AM)
Ok... bad juju. He lied, then turned the tables to convince you YOU were the one to blame... sheesh... run like hell!!

subfever -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 7:09:08 AM)
I've never observed or even heard of a successful romantic relationship that was built upon a foundation of dishonesty. Consider yourself lucky that his deceit became obvious early in the game, and move on.

WithGratitude -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 7:22:37 AM)
To all here who have taken the time to reply...thank you so very, very much......It helped me get through another sleepness night to reach out and have others rally to help. All of your words have been taken to heart......and a made me put this into a much better perspective. ~WithGratitude

Sundowner -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 7:45:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbygirly Also regarding your lines "I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again)" learn not to get too much involved emotionally until you finally meet and when you are lucky then get to know each other further. .... It's not easy in that period when you're building a relationship here but before you've met - the wit turns to banter, the grins become smiles, the smiles become warm smiles, the joky sex comments become more intimate. And as it progresses your heart gets drawn in too. No matter how hard you try to stay objective and impersonal, you cannot help but be drawn emotionally. And so to think of losing all that is tough. I do sympathise. You're young, with great legs and you're in NY - you must be fighting them off! So find someone here you can cry with (maybe not, at this stage, SailingBum or domiguy - not sure you're ready for that yet) and move on. 1 good result out of 10 possibles is good here, so go carefully with the next 7. But then - wow - it can be so good.

subsnow -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:12:13 AM)
I haven't read any of the other responses yet but I thought I'd put in my two cents anyway. Personally, I wouldn't trust him. He lied to you. He might have put a false picture up for job anonymity which is fine but you have nothing to do with his job so why did he SEND you another false picture? Physical attraction, whether people want to believe it or not, is very important in a relationship. You have to WANT to be with him. If you're not attracted to him, I don't think that it would be a bad thing to tell him that the spark just isn't there and that you should just stay friends. Good luck!

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:17:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sundowner quote: ORIGINAL: subbygirly Also regarding your lines "I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again)" learn not to get too much involved emotionally until you finally meet and when you are lucky then get to know each other further. .... It's not easy in that period when you're building a relationship here but before you've met - the wit turns to banter, the grins become smiles, the smiles become warm smiles, the joky sex comments become more intimate. And as it progresses your heart gets drawn in too. No matter how hard you try to stay objective and impersonal, you cannot help but be drawn emotionally. And so to think of losing all that is tough. I do sympathise. You're young, with great legs and you're in NY - you must be fighting them off! So find someone here you can cry with (maybe not, at this stage, SailingBum or domiguy - not sure you're ready for that yet) and move on. 1 good result out of 10 possibles is good here, so go carefully with the next 7. But then - wow - it can be so good. Sundowner, You are so transparent , you are like cellophane. Yes, stay away from those bad guys...Domiguy and Sailingbum cause sundowner wants you to show him your legs and he's not like those other guys![8D] ha ha

Mercnbeth -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:24:33 AM)
*~ Fast Reply ~* Here's your problem quote: Been chatting online now for quite sometime this is the second time I have become close with a Dom.. These two thoughts are incongruous. "Chatting on-line" should only "become close" when you've had direct contact and know the person behind the character created in a profile. Hey, you can get to know someone, even have a relationship with the character; but becoming close and investing emotional energy should be tempered. Or else you have a very good chance of your situation or something similar occurring. Represented image, marital status, gender, age, weight; profiles should be treated like Sim game players. In WIITWD the risk runs deeper because requiring to know reality from a submissive's persona can be attacked as the ever to be avoided - 'Topping from Below'! Horrors! A sub shouldn't need to know! He/she should accept without questions what's represented by the Dominant. I've always thought that's why there are so many more 'dom' profiles - you have built in defense for deceit. The less experience, the more you'll buy into that BS I guess. Anyway, someone else said, don't worry about the picture consider the person behind the false representation. Well that's correct. Beauty IS only skin deep. Integrity however goes right down to the bone. Best to make sure that bone isn't cancerous. That integrity may look good, but as soon as you rely on it and put the weight of a relationship on it - its bound to break. Have fun on line-but don't invest anything beyond the cost of the electricity to run your computer unless you have confirmation of the fundamental facts represented by the profile.

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