RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

Evility -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:25:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WithGratitude
Come to learn the main profile picture he posted is not him.... nor a picture that he sent to me directly in support of this picture. Would others of you see this as a lie. He says he posted this pic for job anonymity. He has not sent another picture of himself yet. I am afraid to see it when/if he does...he promises he will.


I can understand the privacy issue of not having a pic on your profile. I do the same (but then I am not here looking so the point is moot). But I have no pic - not a pic of Fabio. And I have a brief note in my profile stating why I don't have a pic posted.

Then he sends a second fake pic. Then he finally cops to the fact that the pics are fakes. How long did he let this facade go on before he came clean? You say you have been chatting for quite some time.

He has not been up front about his appearance. What makes you think he has been up front about anything else he has told you?

I don't mean to sound harsh... but I'm not sure which amazes me more - someone who posts/sends fake pics knowing they'll have to come clean eventually or a forty-something adult who really does not know what to do after someone has done this to them.







krikket -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:29:53 AM)

For years I didn't post a picture of myself because of a possible child custody case.  Many don't because of jobs, friends, etc., and it's certainly their choice.  This isn't a site that "demands" a picture, but most who don't say they'll send one out to someone their corresponding with. 

I'm with the group that a lie is a lie, and if since he's already lied with his picture why shouldn't you believe that he'd lie with his words as well.

A number of years ago I was writing to a man who said he lived one place (fairly close by to where I lived at the time), when he actually lived across the country.  His "reason" was that his old sub was bugging him and he was tired of dealing with her and he thought the different location would throw her off.  In this case it wasn't just the lie (although I considered that important), but the fact that he didn't want to deal with his own problems.  It gave me pause, wondering how he'd deal with any problems that might turn up during "our" relationship, if one had developed.  I chose to break it off, quickly and honestly, and guess what?  He was one who was difficult to shake off...lol. 

I wish you luck, because ultimately the only one who can make a decision on this is you.

Warm regards,
jimini



RedHotAndSoSexy -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:31:14 AM)

OP, I hope you are feeling better now and realizing that you can never trust anyone you chat with online..until you meet.

Even then, I don't believe a thing anyone tells me; I only believe in actions. Remember, in life there are silver tongued devils lurking everywhere, it is your job to discern the ones made of tin. No one else can do that for you.

As for photos, spare me any guy who sends or posts a fake photo. Kick him to the curb, he is not even worthwhile as a friend.



DrkJourney -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:38:36 AM)

In my opinion, he lied.  And in this lifestyle trust is everything.  The "because of my job" is crap.  He didn't have to make a public posting, all he had to do was send it to "one" person, who I supposed he claimed he had feelings for.  

Yes do pay attention to his words....he's words were, that the pic was of him.  If he's lying about this, no telling what else he has hidden.  Forget talking about a relationship, but I don't think just a friendship should start with a lie.

I mean if he sent you a fake pic, really pretty much says he had no intention whatsoever of following through on any relationship.  I mean if he did, you would know right away it wasn't him.  Wonders how many of his "word" were truth and how many were fiction.

Just my experience talking....all I have to go on.  I wish you luck with all this.



GreedyTop -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 8:43:09 AM)

all I can do is echo what everyone else said.
*hugs*



verysweet -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 9:45:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
all I can do is echo what everyone else said.
*hugs*


Agreed.

And more proof positive that it takes a long time to build trust but only seconds to destroy it.




Tantriqu -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 10:12:53 AM)

THis is what a trust-worthy person does:  posts a picture of themselves below their neck and writes in their profile 'head shot not posted for job privacy, can send when suitable'.

This is what a liar/schemer/manipulator does:  posts someone else's pic and only admits it when caught in the lie.

Dump 'im and forget 'im.  Move on, don't waste your energy, don't be a victim and don't let it poison your attitude.  There are a lot of lovely [on the inside] men out there.   Good luck. 




mzbehavin -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 10:14:39 AM)

If he sent you fake pics, personally. Run dont walk. This is just the begining of his game. Theres nothing shallow about wanting honesty.



Bound2One -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 10:59:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

If you're supposed to like the words and not the image, why did he send you a photo at all?

He's a wanker and has lied about the most basic of things. Ditch him off. And no, that isn't shallow.


Agreed.  It's in your best interests to dump him - especially since he has you thinking you've done something wrong in questioning his lies. 



HalfShyHalfWild -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 11:31:05 AM)

You're not being shallow at all. This happened to me too last time I had my last profile up. Of course I also started catching other lies in there as well which was the nail in the coffin. He misrepresented himself, end of story. And frankly, I think it's a pretty big misrepresentation. 



atursvcMaam -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 11:43:08 AM)

To add to anyone/everyone else...no pic with an explanation might be explicable, although it should raise a bit of a warning flag.  i can not think of a reasonable explanation for a fake pic.  The pic was old, and i have gained or lost a lot of weight might be acceptable, but any follow up needs to be handled with care and skepticism.  in this case, the first lie was to a community, and the second was to you specifically.  There should not be an opportunity for a third.



domiguy -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 12:07:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WithGratitude

To all here who have taken the time to reply...thank you so very, very much......It helped me get through another sleepness night to reach out and have others rally to help.
 
All of your words have been taken to heart......and a made me put this into a much better perspective.
 
~WithGratitude
 
 
 



First off, most of the people out here are morons. I am a dead black rapper as far as you know. It's amazing how many women have wanted to fuck me until they became illuminated to the fact that I am alive, white and unable to keep a beat.

But then I remind them of "the words" and the connection that we shared....and slowly they begin to smile and start blowing me.

It's amazing how shallow people are today.

I can recall a relationship that I had with a women who after several conversations sent me some beautiful and stunning pictures that she said were of herself......It turned out that it was a lie. Was I disappointed? Sure I was, but I have to admit that our conversations felt so effortless and natural...It just seemed like that we already knew each other..There was such a solid connection that it never bothered me when I had to lift up here stomach to see her pussy. But I'm not a shallow fuck like the majority of you.

I take my time...I never even noticed the op's avatar....The only reason I responded was because after I read her profile and the start of this thread I thought to myself, "Domiguy, this is a woman that could use some guidance as well as your help."

I now understand that you seek a man that is honest and open...I am confident that we could develop a lasting bond and a relationship that is built on trust and understanding...If we ever got together the first thing I would do is force you to go hunting for some humiliation.

Call me.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 12:37:13 PM)

You're allowed to feel angry and hurt at being deceived. Whether or not that deception crosses a boundary with you can only be your decision. You originally chose him based on his picture, right? So, physical appearance was important to you...why should it not be now? You're allowed to pick your partners in any manner you choose. You're also allowed to change your mind and meet him face to face in a public place to judge for yourself...but don't go without a real picture for a safe call. If he won't give you one, don't go, just as a matter of safety.

Master Fire



Focus50 -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 1:19:44 PM)

quote:

I really need help because I have been thrown into a situation which really has me undone.

Met a wonderful person on here. Been chatting online now for quite sometime. Beautiful growing connection...no other way to say it. Really hopeful......everything about him...more then I could ever ask.

Come to learn the main profile picture he posted is not him....nor a picture that he sent to me directly in support of this picture.
 
I take main profile pics with a grain of salt; same with avatars of apparently real people.  But the pic he sent you directly is a lie?  That is lying to me *personally* - deal-breaker!

quote:

Now I am not one to judge ANYONE on what they look like....ever......but I did go into this whole process with this man thinking he looked one way....which I was very attracted to....and now I know that was just an illusion.

Hmmm, I guess I'm not so noble; I definitely judge on looks - esp someone I'm considering getting involved with personally.  Of course she doesn't hafta be a swim-suit model but there does need to be mutual attraction, which means "looks" are a major part of the overall "package".

quote:

Would others of you see this as a lie....somethng that would make you not trust him again.....and impossible to go on with him as a Dom (me being a first time sub)....trust being broken and all?
 
First impressions are important.  Personally sending me a pic designed to mislead is "Game Over" so, yes, that amounts to my not trusting that person again.

quote:

He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...I did nothing wrong. I am not shallow....but attraction does mean something to me...is that wrong?

I'll accept "anonymity" as a valid reason for posting a dodgy profile pic.  My issue is with the one he sent you personally.  And be it words or pics, I decide what I like and what I don't, not some stranger - or even my best friend!  I guess I  AM "shallow" for the very reason that attraction means EVERYTHING to me.  Being lied to is not an attractive quality....

quote:

I am confused but more then this I am SOOOO sad.....that this person disappointed me. I thought I knew him...I thought he would never deceive me.....I thought he held himself and me to a different standard. I know he did not do this on purpose to hurt me......and I want to believe that he did not do this to draw me in because he is ashamed of what he really looks like. I liked all that he was....in words and thoughts and feelings.....and physical looks.....now what do I do?

Welcome to the Net...!  You're taking this way too personally considering this is a person you don't know personally at all - and vice versa.  So this is where your skin layers thicken to an appropriate and realistic level.  And this is also *exactly* why you can't rely on his words anymore than the pic - you don't invest with anyone until you know them REAL LIFE.

quote:

He has not sent another picture of himself yet........I am afraid to see it when/if he does...he promises he will. I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help
 
The fact is, you're being naive and immature here!  The pic is no longer an issue; it's a lie.  Yet here's you all afraid of the truth (assuming it is a real pic) because.... why?...., that it probably won't measure up to your own preconceived notions of words matching r/l?  You're afraid your own fantasy bubble will burst?
 
He's a r/l toad masquerading as your ideal frog prince.  You need him out of your life and yourself to grow up a tad.  Harsh; I know....  Technically you have done something wrong; you've let your own fantasies and imagination do your thinking for you at the expense of what's real enough to see, touch and talk to face to face....
 
Focus.



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 4:23:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WithGratitude

I really need help because I have been thrown into a situation which really has me undone.


been there, done that. Turned out he was in Africa.

Someone who would lie about his appearance - twice - is not to be trusted. And now that you know he doesn't look like the pics, he hasn't sent you another? Big red flag in my book. He may be a lovely-sounding man, and he may appear to be everything you're looking for, but that worm of a lie is in him, and how can you tell if it won't grow into a serpent?

Never feel guilty for wanting honesty in your relationship. And don't let him manipulate you into feeling that your instincts are insignificant.



PanthersMom -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:22:29 PM)

you say "everything about him...more then I could ever ask."  i am reminded of a very old saying, if it's too good to be true, it probably is.  so the guy is a good listener, a smooth talker and manipulative as all hell so now he has you feeling bad for wanting honesty?  wake up honey, the dream is all over now and it's time to go to work.  sounds to me like you're putting too much stock in people you don't really know.  not a good idea.
PM




TheEvilBstardsMo -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/8/2008 6:56:17 PM)

You are torn with what you want and hoped for and what actually is. Bottom line is that he lied. 



Evility -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/9/2008 8:49:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
You're also allowed to change your mind and meet him face to face in a public place to judge for yourself...but don't go without a real picture for a safe call. If he won't give you one, don't go, just as a matter of safety.


He posted a fake picture. He sent a second fake picture. At this point she pretty much has to meet him face to face to confirm that any subsequent picture he sends is the real thing.

Unless his favorite flick is "Roxanne" with Steve Martin. Then all bets are off.





OsideGirl -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/9/2008 12:31:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WithGratitude

 
Would others of you see this as a lie....somethng that would make you not trust him again.....and impossible to go on with him as a Dom (me being a first time sub)....trust being broken and all?
Yes, I'd see that as a lie, and that would be it for me. If he'd lie over something as petty as his appearance....imagine what he'll do when the rubber meets the road. I'm expected to put my life into that hands of a person that lies to me?
 
quote:

He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. 
He had the option of not posting any picture. He could have shared his true photo with you after he got to know you. He chose to lie instead. It's not the image....it's actions that speak louder than any words. His actions are dishonest...especially when he had opportunities to be honest.



quote:

I know he did not do this on purpose to hurt me
He did it without care for your feelings. He did it to save his own ass. So, yes, he did do it on purpose. He had opportunities to be truthful and didn't use them.
quote:

and I want to believe that he did not do this to draw me in because he is ashamed of what he really looks like.
 Ummm...yes, he did. He could have posted no picture and instead chose to post a picture of someone else. There is no hoenst reason to do that.
 
quote:

 I liked all that he was....in words and thoughts and feelings.....and physical looks.....now what do I do?
You decide whether you can trust someof the most important decisions in your life to someone that can't be honest about his own picture.
 
quote:

I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me.
I don't know about you, but I choose not to be friends with people that lie to me.  
quote:

ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again)
Not to sound harsh.....but that means that you need to change how you go about doing this. Figure out why you keep making decisions that lead to being hurt. 



FullofShadows -> RE: Confusedand sad......please help. (3/9/2008 6:16:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

If you're supposed to like the words and not the image, why did he send you a photo at all?

He's a wanker and has lied about the most basic of things. Ditch him off. And no, that isn't shallow.


Agreed.  It's in your best interests to dump him - especially since he has you thinking you've done something wrong in questioning his lies. 


Honesty and Trust are VERY important in any relationship.

Has he been honest with you? No
Should you trust him? IMO, Again No.

Good Luck and Be Safe.

Shadows



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125