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I can think of times in the past when I was much newer to things and wanted to be sexual with a submissive, but told myself that I could not do that because it would be giving up too much power or I'd be looked down on.  I'm reformed my thinking somewhat, but what do you guys think?

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ORIGINAL: khem

I have a question for the other female tops.  I have noticed (but correct me if I'm wrong) that most female tops tend to withhold sexual contact or sex itself with partners (both in the beginning of relationships and throughout).  I can understand this from a power perspective and I've certainly used it myself.  Yet, when I consider the majority of male tops, there's almost always sex of some sort and it's usually early.  Do you use the differences self control (with regard to sex) as a power play?  Do you ever feel pressure from the community to not be sexual, simply because you are a female dominant? 

In my relationship, Mistress will do as She pleases.  She is very sexual and a self-admitted nympho with severe urges to fuck me stupid, but if She decides to withhold sex as a form of power play, She can do that because She is the domme.  She doesn't care what other people think of Her style of dominance.  She does what She feels is best for Her and I.  If She catches the urge to wake me at 3 a.m. for a quicky for Her satisfaction, She is going to.  She not only dances to the beat of a different drum, but She also has Her own parade!

It seems to me (although I know I'm making huge generalizations and of course there are exceptions) that it's generally acceptable for bottoms (male and female) to be wanton sluts (meaning that they express desire for sexual activities enthusiastically).  Also, for a male top to be a horny little bastard, it's also kind of expected and accepted.  However, when it comes to female tops, it seems like those who act very sexual or engage in sex play with subs are looked down on.  It almost seems like the top women are expected to control everything - even their own desire, to a much greater extent than the others.  Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed this?  Also, have you at any point felt pressure to limit your play (especially with new subs) so that it does not include sexual aspects that yo would otherwise mutually want? 

A great many dommes don't have sex with their subs because it is seen as a loss of power on their side.  It is believed that once a male sub gets laid by her, he instantly becomes less submissive.  While it is true on many occasions, it isn't true for all.  Sex, for me, is a further connection with Mistress.  I must love my dominant before I will ever serve her, therefore sex is an expression of my love for her.  Once again, Mistress will do what She wants with me, whenever She wants, wherever She wants.  I am Her property and She will do what She wants to Her property regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I can think of times in the past when I was much newer to things and wanted to be sexual with a submissive, but told myself that I could not do that because it would be giving up too much power or I'd be looked down on.  I'm reformed my thinking somewhat, but what do you guys think?

As I stated above, some males are after just kinky sex with a domme.  My advice would be just to be extremely selective with who you have sex with.  If a sub is worth his weight in gold, he won't be after just kinky sex.  You can have sex with whoever you want, but if you are concerned about giving up power in the process, then give it to the one(s) who have earned it, so to speak.  I don't look down at Mistress or any other domme who chooses to have sex with their sub.  Dommes are women with desires, too.  Last I checked, they are the ones in charge, and therefore can do what they please.

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I have noticed (but correct me if I'm wrong) that most female tops tend to withhold sexual contact or sex itself with partners (both in the beginning of relationships and throughout).

(snip)

I can think of times in the past when I was much newer to things and wanted to be sexual with a submissive, but told myself that I could not do that because it would be giving up too much power or I'd be looked down on.  I'm reformed my thinking somewhat, but what do you guys think?

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For me, sex and romance are things that I do with those on an "equal" level, and I don't view my submissives that way.  I'm willing to change my mind if a submissive that has the right qualities comes along.

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Well, I'm going to assume here that the word "top" is supposed to be all inclusive -- top, dom, owner, sadist in one word. Is that correct, khem?

If it is then I can say that I'm very selective about my sexual partners. Several reasons why but the number one reason is that I frankly have not interest in risking a pregnancy. I don't personally find the low risk when using birth control methods to be low enough -- low enough for me would be zero.

Therefore only someone I form a lifetime Ds dynamic with is going to be a potential sexual partner. However even then what we do sexual will probably not resemble traditional vaginal-penile sex because of the offspring risk.

When I do have a sexual relationship with a slave (that's my lifetime Ds dynamic) I don't use sex as a means of ongoing control though I have denied all sexual release as a punishment once -- once was all that was required -- when coming without permission was an issue early in ownership.

For me, and I know I'm a selfish, sexual pleasure is for me first and foremost in a Ds dynamic. Since I like sex, I'm going to have it when I want and how I want. Regardless then the "power" and authority is firmly in my hands.

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ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

LadyHibiscus

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For me, sex and romance are things that I do with those on an "equal" level, and I don't view my submissives that way.  I'm willing to change my mind if a submissive that has the right qualities comes along.

Here are the reasons why my dominant partners and I have sex.  In terms of equality, I am the equal of my Domina in many respects and in some, more than her equal.  Likewise, she is my equal and more than my equal in many areas.  She leads because that is one of her strengths and we both feel the relationship well served under her control.  Leadership, however, is only one kind of strength.  My attention to detail, obedience, and follow-through are another kind of strength.  We engage intimately, when she decides for us to, because we have an equal amount of affection for one another and because we both like sex.  It is true that she makes the decision, but my reactions and the choice I make to give all my affection in return are entirely my own.  And absolutely, in case there is any doubt, I seduce my Domina as much as she seduces me - because communicating to my partner that she is an attractive, desirable, sexy woman is one of the many ways I show affection.

Elan.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I'm glad this works for you.  For me, fucking a submissive goes utterly against the chain of command.  Letting a submissive give me an orgasm?  Unthinkable. 

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I'm glad this works for you.  For me, fucking a submissive goes utterly against the chain of command.  Letting a submissive give me an orgasm?  Unthinkable. 

Lol...I think some of us think of it more as "taking" the orgasm.

I'm just sayin'.

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I'm glad this works for you.  For me, fucking a submissive goes utterly against the chain of command.  Letting a submissive give me an orgasm?  Unthinkable. 

Lol...I think some of us think of it more as "taking" the orgasm.

I'm just sayin'.