quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

BSB- I know I'm sensitive to people who use it as an excuse for misbehavior or not following through with their commitments.  But I think it's pretty easy to tell when someone is using it as a crutch vs someone who understands it as part of who they are and works to have it NOT be noticeable or cause a difference in their behavior.  I really respect that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You all have been very helpful.
Bsb...you made me cry. That is how I feel. You described perfectly, the conversations, and the total forgetting of those conversations in moments, (especially when I have just woke up.
I *also* have a high tolerance to stimulants, and sedatives...oh hell...any kind of drug.
If  *only* I had known about it before...how different my life would be.
Ah well...I hope to be able to get the help for this I need soon.
It does help a bit to know that others struggle with it...and not only 'others' but, people I really look up to and enjoy reading posts from.
I guess there may be help and hope after all.
If anyone else can contribute to this thread, please know that I consider every contribution so far to be a precious gift, and I do thank all of you.

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ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

It's all well and good if a sub has ADD/ADHD and the Dom is able to help her through it with the structure and discipline.  What happens when it's the Dom that has it and the sub doesn't?  Structure, control, linear thinking...all goes out the window and the sub is left feeling un-led, un-guided, rudderless almost.  The argument seems to go that the sub can help the Dom with scheduling, reminders, etc...all those little subbie/slavey things that make his life easier and more manageable.  But when she starts feeling like the mom, or the one in charge, she can start to question just who the hell's in charge here?  The ever-changing nature of ADHD'ers can lead to a pretty wishy-washy Dominance in my eyes. 

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Does anyone else find the structure within this type of relationship helpful to them, or is it harder for you? As a
Dom(me), if you find yourself with someone with special challenges (Gawd I can't believe I just said that), how do you work with their strengths to help them become all it is they can be? Any suggestions that would help me be less scattered is welcome as well. I *do* have a very hard time sticking to a schedule, so, telling me to do something every day at 2:00 would probably not be helpful. Tyia!!

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ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

It's all well and good if a sub has ADD/ADHD and the Dom is able to help her through it with the structure and discipline.  What happens when it's the Dom that has it and the sub doesn't?  Structure, control, linear thinking...all goes out the window and the sub is left feeling un-led, un-guided, rudderless almost.  The argument seems to go that the sub can help the Dom with scheduling, reminders, etc...all those little subbie/slavey things that make his life easier and more manageable.  But when she starts feeling like the mom, or the one in charge, she can start to question just who the hell's in charge here?  The ever-changing nature of ADHD'ers can lead to a pretty wishy-washy Dominance in my eyes. 

Which is why effective communication is so important..  A relationship like this one couldn't work for you apparently because you crave structure and linear thinking (to what degree you did not mention).  However, for many others (mine included, even though you weren't referring to a double adhd couple) relationships where the Dom has ADD work fine.

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ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I have a lot of baggage related to my ADHD, so anyone trying to micromanage me is going to run into that. Any kind of disappointment or punishment as a result of me failing to do the shit someone thinks I should be able to do simply makes me cry, and resent that person. 
... Most people just run everything through their own experience and make judgments about what should be possible from there.

So for me, the best way to handle my ADHD is to never ever criticize me ever. Even joking about it hurts but I won't say so. I work hard to make sure it doesn't make me an irresponsible or unreliable person, so I am very sensitive about those areas of weakness that still exist.

I guess there are people out there who just let their life explode and take no responsibility, but most of us with ADHD try very very hard every day to keep our shit together. We don't always succeed, but it would be nice every once in a while if other people would recognize how goddamn hard it is just to function instead of saying ignorant shit like "Oh I lose my keys all the time, so I know exactly how you feel!"

It's hard, it's really really hard. I am glad the structure provided by this lifestyle helps some people cope. It doesn't help me. In my weaker moments I am very insecure about all the things I can't accomplish because I spend at least half of my mental energy on mitigating my ADHD. I have yet to find the person who understands that well enough to allow them to even try to manage my life better than I already do. It's also near impossible to find someone who appreciates how much work I have already done to help myself cope. If they all had any fucking clue what I was like when I was 13. . .

So yes, the best way for anyone with me to deal with my ADHD is to keep their distance from all the ADHD stuff. If they try to micromanage or get in the middle of me and what works for me, I get really upset and pissed off. I've spent almost a decade building this system, and it mostly works. I'm not going to change it just because someone thinks they know better than I do what is good for me.

This thread is depressing. People have been way too shitty to me because of my ADHD for me to be fair and balanced. I'm actually extremely together for an ADHD person, but I'm pretty emotionally damaged because of the way people have treated me in the past. For the longest time I thought things like "Maybe people will like/love me if I can figure out how to do all the things normal people can do." It just. . .gah. Ow.

Well, I've mostly figured out how to do those things, and people still criticize me for the occasional lapse and my bizarre lifestyle choices (which are very much related to ways I figured out to cope with my ADHD).

So again, it is good to hear that so many find help for their ADHD in a power exchange relationship, but I would not recommend it as a good path for all.