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vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 12:05:53 PM

Tavane

Posts: 131
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

I'm new to this, and frankly don't have any kinks, in terms of humiliation, pain, etc. I've always been a small, feminine male, who would simply love to have the very traditional female role with a mistress, where she owns all the income, and I am her slave, doing all housework, laundry, ironing, cooking, and would wash,dry and curl her hair, and then dress her for work, and after dinner she would enjoy a manicure, pedicure, perhaps having her hair washed and set again, and then have her feet massaged with warm lotion while she watched TV or relaxed. She would never lift a finger at home, except to get my attention, and there would be almost no "bossing", since I would know my role and would naturally do everything, and would never leave the house without her permission, not have any money except what she gave to me for grocery shopping or other errands, or for lunch money. Being transgendered, it would also be wonderful if I was required to wear dresses, aprons, nylons, etc, all the time, while she relaxed in slacks and casual clothes. I wondered if dominant women exist who would enjoy that, or if it was more common to expect to be punished or restrained as a natural part of a relationship. I woild never disobey her, but understand that if she enjoyed punishment, her enjoyment itself is all that is necessary for her to do that. My desires are pretty boring, I suppose.

Post #: 1

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 12:33:02 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Sounds like a TPE to me.
But vanilla? NO WAY!!
What the phuck is vanilla submission?
At least one who is conscious of their submission.
A vanilla submissive, to me, would represent more of an abused half of a relationship. Someone submissive in nature, but not concious of it enough to realize the difference between abuse and responsible Domination.
Vanilla submission?...*raising eyebrows*

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 2

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 12:37:10 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, there's nothing vanilla about what you want. At all.

DV's Fox

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 3

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 1:23:18 PM

bobipanti

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

Tavane,
I am in your same position and desire many of the same things living with a Domme, but I would not consider this vanilla submission. It is much more serious than that!

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 4

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 2:20:34 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I think, and other people can jump on me and correct me if I'm wrong here, that if you must label yourself you can call yourself a "service submissive," with an emphasis on domestic service. I'll second that these are not vanilla desires. You don't have to like pain to be part of this club :)

(in reply to bobipanti)

Post #: 5

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 2:32:30 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

and other people can jump on me and correct me

Now you sound like a SAM. And, an open invitation, as well. *eg*
Quit flirting!!
How was that?

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 3/12/2008 2:33:08 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 6

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 2:43:39 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like feminization, financial domination, some micro-management, a complete power exchange, and service submission, even body worship?

Gee, I'll have to go tell vanilla's they should be into alla that!

Not everyone is into S&M and heavy bondage. Having kinks outside the pain and bondage format is usually expected.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 7

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:05:02 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

and other people can jump on me and correct me

Now you sound like a SAM. And, an open invitation, as well. *eg*
Quit flirting!!
How was that?

MistressVnus, only you alone can read between the lines of my posts to see my true nature. We are obviously soulmates and meant to be together. I await your correction.

:P

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 8

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:11:57 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i'm just wondering about the part where you went to work and did your part to help support the relationship. Most single income households can't pay the bills these days. It really is possible for you to get off of your ass and work (yes, i know household duties are work; but few of us get paid for it) and still have dinner ready when she steps in the door, women do it all the time. It's even possible for you to have an income and she still control all the money.

What happens when you have a falling out and you have to get out of her house and start all over on your own, without a job? It's not easy, and most jobs aren't on-demand; just waiting for you to fill the position.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 9

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:20:11 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i submit to vanilla ice cream and vanilla yogurt...........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 10

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:22:10 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

We are obviously soulmates and meant to be together.

I knew it!! I knew it!!
I'm so glad you admitted it. I was hoping you'd see it my way. *sigh*
*wink*

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 11

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:28:19 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i'm just wondering about the part where you went to work and did your part to help support the relationship. Most single income households can't pay the bills these days. It really is possible for you to get off of your ass and work (yes, i know household duties are work; but few of us get paid for it) and still have dinner ready when she steps in the door, women do it all the time. It's even possible for you to have an income and she still control all the money.

What happens when you have a falling out and you have to get out of her house and start all over on your own, without a job? It's not easy, and most jobs aren't on-demand; just waiting for you to fill the position.

My ex-wife and I had a great division of labor. She brought in most of the income (which was a lot) and I contributed the cap gains (mostly) by buying houses, fixing them up, and leasing them out (which was a small component of household income). I took care of the cars, shopping, cooking (ex-restaurateur), landscape maintenance, and so on. We had maid service, an accountant, a lawyer on retainer (personal friend, too), and so on. Worked very well.

As a couple, it is more important to analyze what your respective strengths, shortcomings, interests, and abilities are, and organize your lives to maximize those qualities, rather than try and force themselves into some preconceived role. IMHO, of course.

Balance is paramount. Once a partner begins losing sight of the goal of succeeding as a couple, and focuses instead on his or her career,
or post-grad education (for examples), it's the beginning of the end, also IMHO.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 12

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 3:56:41 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Well said darchChylde.
Not everyone is as fortunate as you and your ex Hippiekinkster.
I see it as the dominants choice as the whether a submissive partner works outside the home.
TPE does work for some vanilla couples.
Lets face it a lot of traditional marriages worked pretty much on the principal of the wife being a slave some still do and some on the husband being a slave. They might not be consensual though. But then how often do we hear of BDSM D/s relationships that aren't completely consensual? Getting out of a long term relationship that isn't all that it should be is difficult and some people settle for less than they would really like.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 13

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 4:33:39 PM

Tavane

Posts: 131
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

Thannks for the replies. I only used 'vanilla' since 75 years ago, this would have been vanilla for most women, except for the hair/nails/massage type of stuff. That's the life they had, whether they worked or not. I'd work, but would turn my paycheck over to the woman, unless she didn't want me to work. Without children, I would think both parties would work full time, but I do like the idea of dependency, where I'd have no bank accounts, credit cards, or money, except what she gave to me. It would be great to work where she worked, so she'd drive me everywhere and I'd have no driver's licence, from a dependency point of view, but that would entail more time/work for the woman. I think most would prefer a male who can drive, with her permission. If you have a really good relationship, I'd find legally binding obedience to be very pleasurable, where you sign an agreement which states that she loaned you $20,000 which she just won at a casino, (and you lost it all that night), but the debt will be forgiven if you obey her for a year, or two years. do her housework, etc.. Then you can't afford not to. The idea of being legally obligated to obey a woman would have an additional pleasure, for me, so long as I really knew and trusted her. It wouldn't change anything except the subjective perception of the submission/relationship, since you are legally her slave at that point, unless you want to file bankruptcy. In our society, you are helpless without money, so I do regard total financial control as very appealing, from a submissive point of view, and the idea that you have to ask for money, or for her to buy you something, and personally I'd get submissive pleasure when she bought things for herself with money I had worked for, instead of things for me. Even the clothes I wore would belong to her, since she'd buy them, and choose them, and would always pay for everything when we were out together, since I had no money. If the woman orders the food, and picks out your clothes, and is the person who deals with the waitresses/waiters and salespeople, they will tend to ignore you, like they would a child. I find that quite appealing. I don't know how others perceive it. I'd also enjoy holding her purse while she was looking at clothes, shoes, and other things, so she had her hands free and didn't have to bother with it, and to carry the packages when she bought things. I regard all of that as the natural role for the type of submission I really enjoy. I'm very submissive. I have never thought about the pain and humilation type of stuff, but would enjoy the idea that she could do it if she wished. She could not only have me carry her purse for her, but if there was a line, she could tell me to meet her in another store and leave, and I'd stand there in line with her purse and pay for the stuff. That would be pretty humiliating. I suppose there are lots of things people do.

Tavane

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 14

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 5:04:10 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Well, you wouldn't have to work at the same place, you could take public transportation.

In any case, there are those that work relationships like you are describing, and those of us that are looking for good service submissives.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 15

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 5:11:05 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i'm just wondering about the part where you went to work and did your part to help support the relationship. Most single income households can't pay the bills these days. It really is possible for you to get off of your ass and work (yes, i know household duties are work; but few of us get paid for it) and still have dinner ready when she steps in the door, women do it all the time. It's even possible for you to have an income and she still control all the money.

Why are all the 'Good Ones' taken?

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 16

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 5:23:13 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i've never found it necessary for there to be any legal or binding reason to be obedient to Ma'am; it makes Her happy and it makes me happy, so i do it. Also, i've never been ignored at a resturaunt; nomatter who is paying.

What i've read here is an unrealistic, but not impossible, fantasy that's won't be as appealing to most dominant women as you seem to think it would be. i would recommend trying to find someone who will give you a little of what you want, instead of the whole package. Being new to the lifestyle, even so far as to not really realize how many "vanilla" lines you crossed in your description; i think you will likely find that this type of a situation is not as appealing as in action as it is in your head.

i personally could not give up that much to my Dominant, doing so would only make me struggle and strain for my own sense of freedom and a life of my own. We have spoken of something along these lines, if finances allowed She could hire me as a live-in housekeeper (not that i'd necessarily take the job). i would have to have my own money and my own time, i don't think this makes me less submissive; it's just the way that i am.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
Why are all the 'Good Ones' taken?

Maybe because we're the 'Good Ones'. LoL

i thank you, kindly

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 3/12/2008 5:24:46 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 17

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 5:51:34 PM

Tavane

Posts: 131
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

Yes, this is fantasy type of stuff, but infinite types of people exist, and it wouldn't surprise me if some such relationships exist. I would certainly love to try it, and wish I had done so when I was younger. You have nothing to lose but time, and would really learn about yourself. I always fought my submissive desires, and thought I was the only person on the planet who had such desires. I had two long term vanilla relationships, but do love submission so much. I'm a self-employed professional, and only licensed in my state for my profession, but if I met and fell in love with a woman in another state, and we really clicked, I honestly think I'd consider moving, and getting whatever job I could find, even as a secretary, and have a career as a homemaker, with my job as secondary; with the woman's job the important one. That would take lots of visits and communication, since I would be pretty dependent on her once I made that decision, though I'd have the money from the sale of my home, and income from my new job, if things didnt' work out in the long term. It tally takes courage to make such choices, and also lots of time to insure that you really know the person and want the same things. I don't see why a relationship can't work simply because it's so unusual and female dominated, if the people are honest with each other. I don't see it as that much additional work. I do all the housework, cooking, and laundry for myself. It would just be double the laundry, and probably more ironing than I do. I only iron dress shirt collars. Cooking for two isn't much more difficult than for one, and you can try lots of stuff which you wouldn't bother to cook for yourself. The extra "work" would be doing her hair, nails, and massages, and I don't regard that as work, but rather incredible pleasure. I had a female friend who died of cancer, but she'd let me be submissive to her now and then, doing her nails and massaging her feet, and doing her laundry, and I absolutely loved it. I could do it every night. Dressing/undressing a woman, and getting her drinks/snacks, etc. takes no time at all. I really think I'd love such a life, if I loved the woman, and she loved me, and loved that lifestyle totally. . My girlfriends weren't interested in my submissive desires, so I ignored the desires and had vanilla relationships. It really would be a good life for a woman, if she enjoyed that kind of relationship, and I'd be incredibly happy. People who can't understand it simply need to try to imagine a pleasure so infinite and constant that you would love to live that kind of life to experience it. It's irresistible, though I've not lived it full time, and you never know for sure until you actually do it. If you never try it however, you will never know.

Tavane

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 18

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 6:15:12 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Never claimed it wasn't possible, my friend; but merely saying that there's a good chance that it might not be as easy to do as you seem to think. Most of us are not completely dominant or one-hundred percent submissive and would tire quickly of living such a totally one-sided life.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 19

RE: vanilla submission - 3/12/2008 6:36:55 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavane (quotes pulled by LaMistressa)

It would be great to work where she worked, so she'd drive me everywhere and I'd have no driver's licence, from a dependency point of view, but that would entail more time/work for the woman...If you have a really good relationship, I'd find legally binding obedience to be very pleasurable, where you sign an agreement which states that she loaned you $20,000 which she just won at a casino, (and you lost it all that night), but the debt will be forgiven if you obey her for a year, or two years. do her housework, etc... I do regard total financial control as very appealing, from a submissive point of view, and the idea that you have to ask for money, or for her to buy you something....Even the clothes I wore would belong to her, since she'd buy them, and choose them, and would always pay for everything when we were out together, since I had no money. If the woman orders the food, and picks out your clothes, and is the person who deals with the waitresses/waiters and salespeople, they will tend to ignore you, like they would a child....

I know this is a fantasy of yours (and fantasies are usually larger than life), but you should keep in mind that you want this dream Domme of yours to do a hell of a lot of work: driving you to work, picking out and buying your clothes, giving you money when you need it, etc. Also, the contract wouldn't be legally binding.

You probably might have a better chance at finding a partner interested in a lifestyle like this (or something close to it) if you focus on her priorities, her needs, and not your fantasy.

(in reply to Tavane)

Post #: 20

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