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RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 9:21:02 AM

MistressDollys

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

First a little background is in order so everyone understands where i'm coming from with my answer. i was in a Dominant slave
relationship before i met my wife and while i wasn't collared by my Mistress our relationship was exclusive for me. She was a
professional Mistress in California and i was living in NJ at the time, which meant we would get together once in a while, maybe a
couple of times a year. She taught me a lot of things about myself and helped me to open up and be happy about myself. Because of Her i
was able to find a fantastic Woman whom i married. i introduced my wife to Mistress and at first my wife was not to happy with the idea
of me having a Mistress but after a while she came to understand the fact that i'm a person who likes to have a controlling Mistress in my
life as well as a wife whom i can adore. The three of us played a few times but unfortunately after ten plus years of being in the
relationship with Mistress it didn't work out and we stopped seeing each other. I'm now in a new and hopefully flourishing relationship with a fantastic Woman Mistress.

If i were in your situation with a new Mistress, i don't think it would matter too much if i was shared or not but if i went into the relationship and we both agreed about sharing i would have to have a conversation with Mistress after realizing that sharing wouldn't happen. my feelings
are that a relationship should be open, especially in the BDSM world, and it should be shared by both parties. This means time to talk
about where we're at and we're we want to go is in order. i think given the circumstances of the question i would try to salvage the
relationship as best as possible but if things weren't going to change i would try to gracefully end the relationship and try to find
a Mistress who shares a good part of my fetishes especially being shared. I wish you all the luck.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

humbled males

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 21

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 11:17:32 AM

aphrodite5

Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

Daddy does share me. It's his right to decline any particular partner, or to designate times when I am and am not allowed to play. That being said, at this point in our relationship, if he were to collar me and then change his mind about allowing that priviledge, I would have to ask for release. Then again, at this point in our relationship, I wouldn't accept the commitment that a collaring would imply to me. I'm not ready, he's not ready, etc. I digress.

What I mean to say is that, right now, it is very important to me to be able to have a variety of partners. The priorities may switch later, I don't know. I do know that I have made it very clear that having multiple partners is part of who I am and what makes me happy. (So clear that he has used the denial of my play as a punishment, when needed.) I can't imagine him loving me -- all of me, which includes this major part of me -- and then changing his mind later. And I have made it equally clear that if you want to change a big thing like that mid-stream... I may not be coming along.

I think that if he wanted me all to himself, that should be spelled out before I accepted the collar. If he changed his mind afterwards, we would have to have a huge long discussion about why, and what it would mean for us.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 22

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 3:32:07 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If you are asking about it , it is an issue at some level.
you have to ask yourself what is the issue? and then decide what is in your best interests to do.

(in reply to aphrodite5)

Post #: 23

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 5:44:27 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

I know there are some subs/slaves on here who are shared by their Master/Daddy.
I was wondering if you were one of those subs/slaves and you were collared by a Master who said he would share you (and you wanted to be shared), and after you accepted his collar he changed his mind and wanted you all for himself. Would you stay in the relationship or would you ask for release?

Matt's littleone

There is a good chance I would leave, but there would be no need to ask for release. I had accepted the collar under certain conditions that we had agreed on, would met our needs and would make us both happy. He changed them, therefore our agreement must be changed to meet my needs as well or I leave. It would be same as if Valyraen suddenly decided that any man or woman who cared to ask could use me sexually - those are not the terms I agreed to. Similiar to if a master decided that the slave is now in charge.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 24

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 8:45:06 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

I would have to bail. While not into poly, I truly have no desire for monogamy either. It would be a breach of trust and the foundation that the relationship is based on. Begging release would be the only option.

smooches
lee

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I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 25

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 9:02:50 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I read this sentence three times and still don't understand it. What do you mean?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leakylee

While not into poly, I truly have no desire for monogamy either.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 26

RE: Being Shared - 3/16/2008 10:32:36 PM

precious4Sir

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

His collar, His choice. Your choice was given up when it was placed on you.

Although sharing was discussed in the beginning, for some reason your Master has changed his mind. You have no idea if this will be a short or long term decision on the part of Him. If you ask for release now, you will never know! It sounds a little to me like you are only interested in pleasing your Master if it is pleases you in the process. Sometimes Master ask things of their slaves that are uncomfortable for us. Have you ever thought that maybe He sees that your interest is in yourself & not focused on Him where it should be?

And besides, what a HORRIBLE Master you must have, He wants you all to Himself. To be there for His pleasure. Isn't that why you took His collar in the first place???

_____________________________

Owned slave of AJT

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 27

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 10:13:32 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

OK just to makes things clear. It was a general question it has nothing to do with my relationship. I have the greatest Master in the whole world. I am not shared Master will not share me and i am glad because i have no desire to be shared, and would not accepted his collar if i was going to be shared. Thanks to all those who answered and realised this was just a gereral question.

Matts (very happy) littleone

(in reply to precious4Sir)

Post #: 28

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 10:55:23 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

You do realize that there are those that enjoy being shared and those that enjoy doing it? Just because you obviously abhor it doesn't make it wrong. Just because someone else's kink isn't like mine I don't judge so harshly. If it is consensual and within the parameters set in the relationship at the beginning then it isn't for me to judge. Sorry to be snippy but your comments seemed a bit judgemental.

What she said.
But with the snippy!

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 29

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 10:57:51 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I am totaly baffeled by the take on the issue and glad to be.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 30

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 11:49:16 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

What baffles you? That some like to exert authority in this way and that some enjoy this sort of submission? Or the fact that some are applying their standards of behavior in a judgmental way toward things they don't understand? Oh where oh where is the less judgmental; more group hug crowd?

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 31

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 11:57:07 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I read this sentence three times and still don't understand it. What do you mean?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leakylee

While not into poly, I truly have no desire for monogamy either.

I think I get it..but only because I feel the same way....

Poly to me is multiple loving relationship, monogamy is one, commited relationship with no outside sex. I only want one commited, loving relationship...but I also enjoy having casual sex with others...so...thats neither monogamy or polygamy....

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Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 32

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 11:58:34 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Oh where oh where is the less judgmental; more group hug crowd?

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 33

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 12:08:10 PM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I can certainly totaly understand wanting to exert my authority by having my sub with another man. Its something I have often thought about. This feeling as odd as it may seem comes from the pride I have in her. What I dont understand is why a woman would not go for it so to speak. I mean I could understand it more if the guy that was picked was distastefull in some way but on the whole if a woman is told that she can have her cake and eat it too... what the problem in that? I know its probably one of those difference in perspectives that men and woman have but still... Its not that I am intolerant of others viewpoints I just dont understand it.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 34

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 12:15:35 PM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Oh where oh where is the less judgmental; more group hug crowd?

Surely you jest

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Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 35

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 12:17:56 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Oh, I was not considering you intolerant, I hope I didn't give you that impression. I don't get the entire if he really loves me/cares for me he wouldn't want to share me thing. I was with a bf who talked about wanting to display (and possibly share) me with a close friend of his, I wasn't quite comfortable with it, but I certainly didn't think it meant that he thought less of me, if anything it showed me that he enjoyed our times together and wanted to show off for his friend. It never happened, but I found it uncomfortably intriquing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 36

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 12:24:22 PM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

You have to be really secure in your relationship with a woman to trust her that she wont go for the other guy (I know unlikely but still the fear is there) Trust that if the guy hits on her later (which he damn well better) that she will say no or ask for permition before thinking it. I know it as throwing my fears on the table and giving the woman the ability to chew it up and spit it out but instead you go through it and not only is there a greater feeling of security but you also get to show off your racecar... if any of that makes any sense...lol

It odly enough has allways built a sense of security in me.... a false sense.. but at least its some sense.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 37

RE: Being Shared - 3/18/2008 2:37:54 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

You have to be really secure in your relationship with a woman to trust her that she wont go for the other guy (I know unlikely but still the fear is there) Trust that if the guy hits on her later (which he damn well better) that she will say no or ask for permition before thinking it. I know it as throwing my fears on the table and giving the woman the ability to chew it up and spit it out but instead you go through it and not only is there a greater feeling of security but you also get to show off your racecar... if any of that makes any sense...lol

It odly enough has allways built a sense of security in me.... a false sense.. but at least its some sense.

Nice to see tht side of it.....well said, IMO....and the going through and coming out stronger on the other side is a big thing in it for me.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 38

RE: Being Shared - 3/19/2008 9:43:41 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

You have to be really secure in your relationship with a woman to trust her that she wont go for the other guy (I know unlikely but still the fear is there) Trust that if the guy hits on her later (which he damn well better) that she will say no or ask for permition before thinking it. I know it as throwing my fears on the table and giving the woman the ability to chew it up and spit it out but instead you go through it and not only is there a greater feeling of security but you also get to show off your racecar... if any of that makes any sense...lol

It odly enough has allways built a sense of security in me.... a false sense.. but at least its some sense.

This is a perfect example of our perception is our reality.

It is of course a common thought of men that there woman will go with who rocks her world the best sexually but I doubt the odds are anything but miniscule where a woman has given so much power over to a man to let him share her sexually that if the sex was better she would leave.

But that does not make it a valid concern and often is in fact why men do not share.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 39

RE: Being Shared - 3/19/2008 11:12:45 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

littleabbot she had to be wondering for a reason.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 40

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