RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (Full Version)

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Justme696 -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 9:51:22 AM)

yes it is interesting for sure. But ..lol....you don't seem to like others opinions...the more posts..the more  "fucks" "wasting time" "bullshit" is used.
Not nice advertising for real life lifestyle ;)



Bound2One -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 9:54:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Finally my point comes around. I'm not saying there's a particular "lifestyle" I may have gotten the commonly used word mixed up with what I meant...community. And online doen't consitute community. It's far too fragile to hold any real bearing in that.

Like cali said...just cuz I read about how to do it or be it doesn't mean I actually know shit about it or have any experience in DOING it. No matter what IT is


I think you find this sort of thing in any kind of community, online, IRL, church, school, neighborhood, etc.  There's always going to to be those who jump in feet-first and are involved up to the yoo-yang and others who sit back, talk about it, but are either too afraid, lazy, uninterested, whatever, to actively participate. 

This is something that presents the challenge of finding a partner, both here online and IRL.  There has to be a clarity of experience, complete honesty about desires and where each person wishes to 'go' within the relationship in order for it to be successful - in other words, the dreaded word 'communication'.  lol  This may be where things go so wrong sometimes - someone says they've got experience with the flogger, but the more experienced sub knows immediately he doesn't... the sub claims to be a masochist, but can't handle the slightest pain and it becomes obvious the sub has no real-time experience. 

This leads to frustration a lot of times, I think. 



KyttynTheMynx -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 9:55:03 AM)

Why is what a group of people choose to do in their own home such a big concern?  If people wanna stick to this online, more power to them.  No one should really have a say on what "Bob and Sue" do in their home, at their computers unless you are paying their bills.  They arent causing harm, no one is dead, so leave the "onliners" alone.



colouredin -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 9:58:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Nope. It's just a really interesting discussion as far as I'm concerned. I had just happen to disagree with the side of the discussion that thinks fuckin around on the net for endless hrs matters for nything other than a waste of time.


Problem is that you arent really being very eloquant you are just dismissing it its not a discussion its no matter what anyone says you say "nah its fucking crap" well fine, you dont get off on it, that doesnt make it any more or less valid for anyone else.



RCdc -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 9:59:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Nope. It's just a really interesting discussion as far as I'm concerned. I had just happen to disagree with the side of the discussion that thinks fuckin around on the net for endless hrs matters for nything other than a waste of time.


And to some other people - fucking around with a rope for endless hrs is nothing other than a waste of time also.
 
the.dark.



crouchingtigress -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:07:57 AM)

I dont know what you are calling lifestyle, but from my experience when one plays on line they are not interacting with a computer screen, they are interacting with another person.

If you break down bdsm in to component parts bondage discipline sadism, masochism i think you will see that all aspects can be done in person, or over a phone or on cam. and i would LOVE to here your explanation of how it is not so.

I think that if you have to be controlled in person, IE: physically restrained ect...and that that is your requirement for it to be real in you heart and mind, either you are not a very good sub, or your dominant is not very skilled.



BoiJen -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:11:31 AM)

you're kidding right?...you can actively whip someone from the other side of a computer screen? I wanna see that trick cuz last time I checked you couldn't use a 3 foot singletail on yourself in effective manner.

Note: I am not the sole advertiser ofr doing this BDSM thing real world like...and I freely use curse words cuz I'ma boi and I like to be crude.



colouredin -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:17:50 AM)

Um, so people who dont get whipped arent doing it right either then? dammit never been whipped im a total fake "hands in true sub memmbership card and walks to the door"



chellekitty -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 10:18:24 AM)

quote:

softness:
That people would quit validating themselves ... by invalidating the choices of others.


you know...i think i kind of get boijen's point...i wish that people didn't think that online experience equalled real time experience, it would save a whole lot of hurt...the bottom that gets hit with something that actually hurts, the Top that hurts the bottom in a way that was unintended because they thought the bottom had a lot of experience...

but boijen, you've done a shitty job of expressing it...actually, the only way i have seen you express it is in a "it isn't like my experience, so it can't be real/true/valid"...so just fucking quit it...and btw, there is more to this lifestyle than whipping...there is a whole lot of this lifestyle that isn't in the least bit physical, not to mention the physical, non-impact things you can do to yourself...and if you can't get that, maybe YOU need to go back to BDSM 101...

chelle



BoiJen -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:19:31 AM)

please check the post prior to my last one...

If you break down bdsm in to component parts bondage discipline sadism, masochism i think you will see that all aspects can be done in person, or over a phone or on cam. and i would LOVE to here your explanation of how it is not so.
 
I'm just making my point




BoiJen -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 10:24:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

you know...i think i kind of get boijen's point...i wish that people didn't think that online experience equalled real time experience, it would save a whole lot of hurt...the bottom that gets hit with something that actually hurts, the Top that hurts the bottom in a way that was unintended because they thought the bottom had a lot of experience...

but boijen, you've done a shitty job of expressing it...actually, the only way i have seen you express it is in a "it isn't like my experience, so it can't be real/true/valid"...so just fucking quit it...and btw, there is more to this lifestyle than whipping...there is a whole lot of this lifestyle that isn't in the least bit physical, not to mention the physical, non-impact things you can do to yourself...and if you can't get that, maybe YOU need to go back to BDSM 101...

chelle



You're right there's a ton that's not physical...and without the physical back up of a REAL relationship with an indivudal and a REAL power dynamic then it's little more than the some level of make believe. How serious do you expect anyone in their right minds to take a "relationship" that's based solely off the internet with no intention of going anywhere else? Last time I checked even vanilla folk had to meet to be considered involved on that level.



crouchingtigress -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:27:13 AM)

i am glad you asked this question, it obvously weighed on your mind.

and i think maybe you are just fronting at this point because you have backed yourself into a corner, and have made yourself appear some what closed minded so now you are going to stay with that....most people in the world, myself included, have done exactly that, so you are not alone.

but i do hope seeds were sown....i really hope that through this thread you can learn that this thing we do is not about teathers and tresses...nor about tools and torture...its about the journey of the mind, the places of extasy and agony that push us farther into our own psyche and consiousness...and that as either a bottom or as a top, you dont need toys, you dont need trappings....all you need is two minds that say the words...."i am willing"







TracyTaken -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 10:43:25 AM)

quote:

you're kidding right?...you can actively whip someone from the other side of a computer screen? I wanna see that trick cuz last time I checked you couldn't use a 3 foot singletail on yourself in effective manner.


What bothers me is that "online" seems to be replacing "real time" relationships - in the vanilla world too.  It's like the  PC is the ultimate "co-dependent" for people with social anxiety disorders.  Elizabeth Barrett Browning is everywhere.  It's quick, easy, relatively risk-free, etc.  But if you get attached to someone "for real," and all those safety nets aren't there.  Online, you never really have to connect at all - as anyone who reads these forums sees in messages from people who wail about being devestated because they clued in that someone they never met doesn't care about them at all.

If "virtual" was real, then it wouldn't be "simulated."

Whether or not it's "lifestyle" or "community" is not relevant to me because I don't identify with either term.



Bound2One -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 10:47:18 AM)

FRSguy ... please, paragraphs!  It's very difficult to read without them.  [:)]



FRSguy -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 11:04:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

FRSguy ... please, paragraphs!  It's very difficult to read without them.  [:)]


Thanks for pointing that out, I just looked back at it.



Justme696 -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 11:22:22 AM)

quote:

and I freely use curse words cuz I'ma boi and I like to be crude.


honesty is a good thing

quote:

wish that people didn't think that online experience equalled real time experience, it would save a whole lot of hurt.

cheating, divorces etc in real life are pretty bad too, not?

quote:

What bothers me is that "online" seems to be replacing "real time" relationships - in the vanilla world too.


I think the people that dare to look for others in real life still do. Just others that couldn't...or were shy..or have no time...they now have a chance to have something online. Partly that is good, partly it is sad.



Missokyst -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 11:53:50 AM)

I would be straight, even if I never had sex in my life.  No part of me is even mildly curious about doing a female.  I would go so far as to say I am even gender phobic, regarding sexual play.
Gay or straight, even if you never do it, the call is there or it is not.
I do agree that for some people the idea of bdsm is hot, but not enough to make them exlore it.  I think for some people just the idea is enough to make them content.  Thankfully, I am not a virgin on either side.  But if I were, as a maso, I was much harder on myself than any partner has been.
I am both straight, and maso, even though right now I am once again a bdsm baby.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Just because you have gay fantasies doesn't make you gay. Intent does.



TracyTaken -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 12:26:07 PM)

quote:

I think the people that dare to look for others in real life still do. Just others that couldn't...or were shy..or have no time...they now have a chance to have something online. Partly that is good, partly it is sad.


Okay.  I'm going to see it as good for those who couldn't have it any other way, but sad that they couldn't have it for real.  Is that good?

Tracy, always wants good but gets all pissy when seemingly avoidable sad comes into play



sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 12:31:57 PM)

Reality is a funny thing- it's not quite as concrete as people would have us believe.  To some people it's an absolute reality that there is a heaven, a hell, and a Supreme Being of some sort.  To other people- the absolute reality is no such thing exists.  It all comes down to beliefs- because our realities are built on what we believe. 

BoiJen- you believe that physical sensation is necessary for the experience to be real- and so, for you, that IS a prerequisite.  That's fine and well.  But, why paint everyone with the same brush?  If somebody believes differently (and obviously some do)- why do you need to try invalidate their perception of reality?   Your reality is yours; theirs is theirs- and neither negates the other.

And...even your belief that intent is what makes someone gay is very much a personal belief and not everyone's reality.  My ex-husband is gay; and I know a lot of his friends- and many of them believe they were 'born gay'-  and intent, or acting upon those tendencies, in no way made it any more or less real.    



lytehaze -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just on line? (3/13/2008 12:38:54 PM)

The original post seems to simply be a gripe that needed to be vented while seeking others of a similar mind. I’ve no problem with that. I am, however, not sure I understand the OP’s central issue. Is what irks you, people who consider online dealings as equal to r-t dealings, or people who make excuses for not “progressing” to r-t, or people who don’t use physicality in their lifestyle?

What some people seem to take exception to, is that the OP appears to suggest a difference in value that makes the online community inherently less significant (which of course many will disagree with). And they are just as valid in their disagreement as the OP is in affirming that their assessment of values is correct. Each is right... for them. 

People also seem to be in serious disagreement about the need to have physical parameters “imposed” upon a relationship that is not necessarily physical for them. Can the OP concede the concept of mental bondage, non physical punishment, or BDSM without qualifying tools etc?

I’m of a split mind. I certainly understand some of BoiJen’s ideas. I do see a need for some kind of physicality at some point in most relationships simply because humans are social and need those kinds of bonds to help define themselves/relationships. And I do believe there is a great difference between study and practice. But I certainly don’t agree that only r-t relationships are valid or that online dealings are bs or a waste of time.

*Also are we talking people who are studying terms/concepts online or people actively in online/ld/tele relationships?



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