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stella41b -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/13/2008 10:00:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ProfessorStakes
First - I'm a Hetero Male Dom, (that's for anyone who thinks I'm a lesbian in disguise), and I've had over 25 years (more like 30) Hands On experience in the real life "Lifestyle", I'm a real life Master - I've trained and played with dozens of lovely real straight and bi women in real time play and have kept and collared only two women in the past, though I could have collared more if they had been seeking that exclusive a relationship. My profile here details my interests for those who want to read it, and I have plenty of real life play person references to back up my statements, my experience shared with others here, and I've also been a member of several long term online communities in the Lifestyle so I can speak from that side as well.
Now, I happen to agree with the Op who started this discussion. I have seen what online only ppl claim to be, and what happens when they go to "real life" play thinking it's the same as online. It isn't the same. Online is fantasy. Yes, you may get hot and turned on by it, yes you may be great at your verbal and finger-typed Dominance, Mastery, slavery or submission, but it isn't the same as playing in real life. Online is more closely related to how you want to be seen, but not actually as you are. Online you can claim to be taller or shorter than you are, sexually way over-experienced, claim to have "years" of bdsm experience, and do everything you want to do and be - because it's all just so much "talk". There's no proof, so you can be "all that you can be" but may not be ... in reality.
I know that some of you will say that it's your "only" way to play because you are (choose one) happily married to a vanilla guy/girl who wouldn't understand, in the military, in some job that would be terribly changed if you got caught, living with your parents, living with college roomates, or more likely ..because you don't want to do it in real life, and think that fantasy is the same as reality. Do you also believe that the characters on Stargate Atl are also real and living on distant planet in another galaxy? Of course not. That's fantasy. The same goes for you who choose to roleplay (just like those actors and actresses are role playing) ... online. It's not real. The actor gets shot, the actress gets "tortured" , but when the camera's stop rolling (just like when your computer screen goes off) - the actor and actress go back to reality, just like you do when the computer is off.
I know lots of real people - with real vanilla families, real vanilla friends, vanilla jobs and even in the military who play for real. They meet and play every weekend, some even every night. We got to Munches at real vanilla resturants and we talk about all kinds of stuff - just to get to know one another as people - before we meet together either privately or perhaps in parties - to play. We learn about each other, we chat by phone and learn that everyone has weaknesses, everyone wants to have someone special/Special in their lives, but we do it based on reality.
Yes, there's risk - the risk of real injury, real responsibility, real physical sex and love and real compassion. There's the reality of having to live with yourself because you played this weekend with someone real, and you (or they) were hurt -- willingly hurt - in the process. It's a big responsibility, a big acceptance of being the who or Who you really are. Not online, online doesn't hold a candle to Reality.
So...New to the Lifestyle - or just ...online? Online isn't real. It may seem real because your fingers feel the tactile sensations of keyboarding, your eyes may see the screen and interreact with someone who claims to be what you are seeking at that moment, but if you never take that to reality, and see the real person - play with the real person - then you aren't real either, you're just and actor or actresses playing a part. It may be a part you like so much you've gotten "good" at it, but it's just a role, just a part with lines you type instead of speak.
My opinion is backed up by many years of experience - but your mileage may vary.
Professor Stakes
Think what you like of my experience but I write here from experience.
Yes, I've played, and I've played with 'lifestylers' who play every weekend and at every available opportunity, and yes they go out and meet people and make contacts and attend parties and munches and so on and so forth.
And do you know? I've seen people among these 'lifestylers' go on about their knowledge of floggers, of crops, of bondage techniques and so on. I've seen some of them boast and brag of their experience and techniques when all in reality all they're doing is doing the very same ropework and very same techniques with the floggers but with different people. Some have been doing it for years.
And do you know? I'm there and I watch them, and I cringe to see them making elementary mistakes.
Also curious you draw the analogy of the actor in performance, but are you aware of the actual process of developing a film or stage play? The hours of introspection, character development, development of roles, the performances are just the tip of the iceberg. Hours of rehearsals, days, weeks, months, even years in some cases. I know, I make my living and my reputation is based in the theatre. This isn't 'just' a role play, it's a profession, a fiercely competitive profession of which only the top 10% ever make it to true success.
And just like the actor needs to spend time in development and rehearsal, as does the musician, the clown, the stand up comedian, and quite a few others who entertain us so too people interested in BDSM may wish to spend time online, learning, interacting with others, researching, finding out about themselves.
Play is only just a small part of BDSM.
Horses for courses so they say, each to their own. I wish you luck with your 'real time' experience and wish you many more scenes.
Personally I much rather favour quality and intensity of experience over mileage, quantity and hours and weekends of playing. Not everyone online is a fantasist.
And trust me, when I do play it is for real.
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